Title: A Walk on the Weird Side
Author(s): Shinigami, Dark Kamen, Tekkaman Deadblade, Shin Seiryuu, Nodachi, Dark Lord Link, Zero Shinigami, and, for one time only, the Resurrected DSSJ4 Vegetto!
Rating: Who knows? Who cares? So long as Kirk's hairpiece doesn't attack you, you should be alright.
Genre: I'd say humor, but, then again, nobody really thinks that we(me, myself, and I) are funny, so, I'll let you decide.
Credits: Well, lessee here… Star Wars, all characters, character likenesses, similarities in story, names, and all merchandise belong to George Lucas and 20th Century Fox, mainly because if we claim anything from Star Wars, Lucas will be on our asses in a brief second with thousands on thousands of lawyers. Gundam belongs to Sotsu Corporation, Sunrise Entertainment, and Bandai. DragonBall/Z belongs to Akira Toriyama, Bird Studios, and FUNimation. Tekkaman Blade belongs to Bandai and Urban Vision. Legend of Zelda belongs to the one and only genius, Shigeru Miyamoto. Rockman/X/Zero belong to Capcom. Sailor Moon… well, I've lost track of who owns the rights to it now. Fushigi Yûgi belongs to Pioneer Entertainment. All the authors belong to me, Shinigami, and Nodachi. Basically, 'cuz they are all technically me. ^_^ I used to be schizo, but we're all better now. Any other characters that are added later on will have their owners recognized when it is convenient.
Note: Normally the opening is rather funny, but, I'm trying to be serious for now, because randomness is the spice of life. Also, beware of parrots who have nails in their feet. Oh… dear lord! Look out behind you! That man has a banana!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Another Note: Shinigami is the first of us to be taken to the mental institution. Who will be next? Watch out next time as the rest decide who to vote, oh, wait, screw that! They're coming to take us away, ha ha, they're coming to take us away!
Chapter I:
Stealing the Characters
Vegeta had just finished training with Trunks a few days before, and now he was facing off against an extremely weak Cell.
"Wh… What the hell is going on here?" Cell said as Vegeta's power rose beyond even his. However, he was not going to admit that this Saiya-jin might be stronger.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" Vegeta continued to scream as his power rose even higher. Vegeta's body grew larger and larger, his muscle mass becoming obscene in size. Veins were popping up everywhere on his body. Suddenly, a vein in his neck burst and blood sprayed out in all directions as he collapsed to the ground.
"CUT!!!" cried the director. "Dear God, not again… MEDIC!!!" Several men in white came out and picked Vegeta's body up off of the ground. Removing his leg and arm extenders, they picked him up and carried him off of the set.
"Dammit, that's it!" Cell cried out in a Brooklyn accent. "This sucka is such a piece of shit, G! I ain't shittin you, homes, if he's gonna be playin this part, he's gotsta calm hisself down…"
"Look, Cell, I can't help it, but he's the only one who can play Vegeta…"
"Lookit," Goku called out from off-set, "if he can't handle it, I quit! I'm gonna get myself a drink, anyway…" Goku got up from his chair and began to walk out when Chrono walked into the room and bumped into him.
"Konichiwa!" Chrono said in a very cheerful voice as he smiled up at the Saiya-jin.
"Fuck off," Goku said as he grabbed Chrono and tossed him into the air. "I need a new agent!!!"
Meanwhile, in another studio…
"I'm not done with you yet!!!" cried Sigma as he powered up a large plasma salvo.
"You're dead… oh, God! Who the hell writes these lines?! They're so fucking cheesy man!" Zero shouted in response as he began to fall over from laughter.
"Oh, God, why am I stuck with such morons?!" the director cried out while smacking his head. "Let's try this again, shall we?"
Take 2… thousand…
"I'm not done with you… hack hack, cough cough… oh, shit, hairball… blech…"
"WHY!!??"
Take 3… billion dollars down the drain…
"I'm not done with you yet!!!"
"You're dead, Sigma!" Zero responded as he charged up his plasma cannon. A midget wanders onto the set, but, due to his small stature, is not picked up on the camera. He makes his way quickly over to Zero and suddenly chops him in the crotch.
"Oh, shit…" he says as he falls over in pain.
"Hnn…" is the midget's reply as he grabs a hold of Zero's helmet and rips it off, revealing that all that hair that is coming from his head is, in fact… a long piece of unwrapped rope tied to the helmet. If you don't understand, this means that Zero is B… A… L… D!!! BALD!!!(Note: If I were a girl, I'd be in love with Zero, but since I'm not, I'm just his biggest fan… We always hurt the ones we stalk…)
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! NO!!! GIVE ME BACK MY HAIR DAMMIT!!!!" Zero cried out as he chased after the midget trying to get his helmet back. Sigma and the director sweatdrop together.
"How 'bout we try the scene with X?"
"That might be a good idea…" Sigma replies.
"Hi guys, did someone mention little old me?" X asked as he walked in, all the blue of his armor replaced with pink and he is wearing a "Kiss the Cook" apron as well as carrying a baking sheet covered in cookies.
Take… oh, dear lord, Bill Gates had best cough up that money he promised us.
"I'm not done with you yet!!!"
"You bet your damn dildo self you aren't!" X cried out as he jumped at Sigma and began to lick his head.
"Dammit, that's it!" Sigma and the director cried out at the same time. "We quit!"
"NOOO!!!" X cried out. "You can't leave me here like this. Zero won't let me touch his orbs anymore, Vava still hasn't removed his helmet…"
"Yes, I have you twit," Vava said as he grabbed the sides of his helmet. "I guess, now, everyone will want to know what I look like…" Pulling up, Vava's helmet slides off to reveal… another helmet!
"I'm gonna get myself a stiff scotch…"
"Moonshine for me, baby," Sigma replies.
"Can I get a milk?" X says as he follows after the two.
In yet another studio…
Narrator: Within this beam of light, the savior of not just Hyrule, but all time, sleeps.
Enter the beam of light to see a young man dressed in green sleeping peacefully amidst all the chaos that is taking place around the temple. Suddenly, a very very very very very very very…. Etc. large man comes into the pillar of light and stares at the sleeping man.
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" laughs the large man as he pulls a pint of double pimento chocolate chip cookie dough rocky road ice cream from his large robes. "HAHA, Ganondork is too stupid to realize that I'm the one who's been stealing his food all along! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!" The young man begins to stir at the sound.
"Oh, shit…"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PERVERT!!!! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU FREAKISH OLD MAN!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Dammit…." hisses the director. "CUT!!! Get Link his medication…"
"That's it, I refuse to work with this wuss!" cries out the fairy that had been floating around Link in the beam as the special effects were cut off and the stage returned to normal with a bunch of cardboard cut outs on it.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" cries Link as he sees the fairy, Navi. "FAIRY!!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! GET THE FREAKIN THING AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!"
"You're one to talk, 'fairy boy'!" Navi screamed back at him. The little monster got an idea then….
"HEY!!! HEY!!! HEY!!! HEY!!! HEY!!! HEY!!! HEY!!!"
That snapped Link out of it.
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!! AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Link cried out as he ripped his sword from his scabbard and began to chase the little fairy around the room.
Ganon, who had been watching offstage began to laugh and fell out of his chair and broke his ass. He continued to laugh as paramedics dragged him from the stage. Or tried to, as Navi flew over Ganon's body and Link quickly followed suit, jumping on top of the laughing giant and crushing the rolling bed they were dragging him out in. Link jumped, his sword ready to slash the bloody fairy into a billion pieces, when, out of nowhere, a little redheaded kid crashed through the ceiling and landed on top of Link, causing him to fall to the ground with a nasty *GWAMP* sound. What is a GWAMP? I dunno, its just some random sound outta my archive of madness. Kinda like the midget, except not quite as violent. Anyway, back to the madness.
Link attempted to get up, but the kid who had fallen on him wouldn't move. Finally, he turned over and pushed the red head off of him.
"GODDAMMIT!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA WHAT THE HELL YOU JUST DID??!! YOU FUCKING DESTROYED ANY HOPE THE GAMING COMMUNITY HAD OF GETTING RID OF THAT GODDAMN FAIRY!!! I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF HER I'D LIKE TO JUST FUCKING BLOW HER SORRY BITCH HEAD OFF WITH A SNIPER RIFLE…BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH….ETC ETC ETC…"
Out of nowhere, another redheaded man walks into the studio and sees Link. He instantly would've fallen in love had it been a woman, but, since it was only fairy boy, he grabbed his fan and fireballed his ass.
"Quiet, fairy boy…" he said.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT HOMOPHOBE WOMAN HATER!!!"
"Nice to see you too," Tasuki said as the flames ripped through Link's body. "Goddammit, you seriously need to work on your fucking language. You also need to fucking stop your shitty yelling. NO ONE FUCKING LISTENS TO YOU WHEN YOU YELL AND USE PROFANITY AT THEM YOU GODDAMN LITTLE FAIRY WHORE!!!! Anyway, would you like to get a drink? I hear some other guys are gonna be there…"
"Oh, is that sexy Tifa gonna be there?"
"LINK!!!" shouted Zelda, Ruto, Malon, and Saria all at once from the other side of the stage.
"Shit!" Link and Tasuki said as they ran out of the studio. At that point, the little red haired boy got up and dusted himself off. He looked over and saw the four angry women coming towards him, but, being very naïve, he just stared happily at them.
"Konichiwa!!" he cried out joyfully as they neared him. The blonde one, Zelda, suddenly grabbed him and whipped him around into Ruto, who immediately tail slapped him into Saria, who talked to him so much that he began to run and instantly was clotheslined by Malon. Then, they all grabbed him and tossed him up and through the ceiling, off to another set…
{Hey, why are you being so mean to Chrono?}
[He's a frickin wuss, that's why! I mean, seriously, how the hell is a hero supposed to be great if he frickin dies halfway through the game. Besides, Magus told me to do it…]
"Hey!!! I didn't do that! You're the authors, you shouldn't have to worry about us characters telling you what to do!" Magus cried out from the pages of fanfictdom.
#Will… not… kill… cool… wizard… GAH!!!! Send in the hamsters!!!!#
"WHAT!!!???"
(Music starts)Its Hamtaro time! HAMTARO! When we work together its much better ^my best friend^…
(If your sanity is failing like ours is, please feel free to kill the hamsters now…)
Magus goes on a rampage as the hamsters dance and sing and are generally being happy. "DARK MATTER!!!" he cries out as he casts his strongest spell, which instantly incinerates Bichu(or however you spell that).
"Hey!" cries out Boss, "You can't do that!"
"I did, and I will!" Magus answers as he stomps on the larger hamster.
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! GARGAMEL!!!" cries out a bunch of blue creatures as they witnessed the horror that was unfolding before them. They attempted to run, but out of nowhere, a yellow rat jumps in front of them, and looks at them stupidly for a second.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me…" says Papa Smurf.
"Pika…" was all the annoyingly cute creature said before it shocked them all and ate them. "MMMMM…. Tastes like pika-chicken. Pikachu!"
(Bless you)
[Dammit, you moron, kill him now!!! Kill him before he multiplies!!! GRRRRR!!!!]
(Alright)
A sudden
bolt of dark energy incinerates the little rat. And there was much rejoicing as
a banana floats across the scene of mass destruction and chaos.
To
the next set…
"The God of Death is back from HELL!!!!"
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"
"CUT!!!"
"What!? That was perfect!" Duo cried out.
"Of course you were perfect, but this dead soldier just can't seem to get the right feeling in his, 'AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!' line."
"Geez, this is the… what?… 90th take?" How many people do I have to kill to make you happy?!"
"Pika… I mean, pick a line and stick with it," the director said.
"Eh?"
"Errr…Nothing, just get back into Deathscythe and lets try it again."
"Don't I get to have a say in this thing?" Deathscythe asked pitifully.
"NO!!!!" the director and Duo shouted at him.
"I like pie," Deathscythe said sadly as Duo reentered him. Suddenly, there was a whizzing noise and a crash as a little red headed boy fell through the ceiling.
"Dammit all!!!" the director screamed. "That's it! I quit! You run your own goddamn show!!!"
"Looks like somebody needs a hug…" Heero said as he walked onto the set to kill the red head kid.
"I'll give it to him!!!" Quatre shouted out flamboyantly.
"Quatre, I meant that as a bit of sarcasm. So stay away from him if you value you tiny balls."
"Be careful, or I'll sic Trowa on you…"
"When did I get dragged into this?"
"Injustice!!!!"
"Omae o korosu!!!"
"What's going on now?"
"Konichiw--- ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"There goes the neighborhood," Duo said as he walked away. Suddenly, a very effeminate man with green hair walked into the studio. When he spotted Duo, he walked over began to talk to him.
"Director quit again?" he asked Duo.
"Yeah, Dead End, its really annoying how we always seem to get the nitpicking directors. Those guys over in the DragonBall set have the mellow ones…"
"Actually, they're just always drunk."
"Anyway, why're you here?"
"Well, we were working on one of the scenes of me and David in a fight, and, well, he broke another fingernail…"
"Its really sad when a guy is worried about a broken fingernail."
"Anyway, me and some of the other guys are planning on going to the bar and getting seriously pissed. You wanna join us?"
"Dude, I'm under aged, that's seriously illegal to bring me into a bar…. But, since you asked, yeah, sure."
"Sweet… and, actually, first off, lets kill that director of yours… I have a very sneaky suspicion that he's not what he appears."
"Women's intuition?"
"This coming from a guy who braids his hair…"
"INJUSTICE!!!!"
"Mphmphmphmph… KONICHIWA!!!!"
On yet another set…
"Because of your evil, a lot of my friends have been hurt, and that is unacceptable. In the name of the moon, I will punish you!"
"Oh, shut up would you?! You've been practicing those lines over and over for hours! Would you just shut up for once in your goddamn life and keep your mouth closed for longer than five seconds!!!!!"
"Luna! That's really mean!! WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Sailor Moon cried at her cat's mean words.
"She's right, though, you whiny little brat!" Jupiter responded.
"Puhlease!" Sailor Mars said. "I could've said it a lot better than that meal over there."
"Err…" Luna hummed as she slowly made her way to the door. "Ummm… I'm going to just… ummm… use the litter box… yeah, that's right, use the litter box…"
"Why hasn't the director said 'cut' yet?" Sailor Mercury whispered to Venus.
"He's too busy watching Neptune and Uranus kiss over there," Venus answered.
"Great, not only do we have an incompetent leader, but also a talking fast food meal and a pervert for a director."
"Mars, please stop referring to Luna as food," Pluto said. "Only I will eat the cat."
"HEY!!! I'M A WHINY LITTLE BITCH!!!!" Moon cried.
"We know already!!!" ~Sploosh~(sploosh has been used due to the fact that "GWAMP" has already been used once in this chapter and "crash" is just overused. Thank you.)
You guessed it! Chrono crashed through the ceiling… again. This time he fell on top of Neptune and Uranus.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! PERVERT!!!!" cried Neptune and Uranus who were half naked when Chrono fell on top of them.
SLAP! ZAP! BOOM! POW! BANG! CRASH! KONICHIWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Hey, my food's getting away!" Mars cried in frustration as she chased Luna.
"THAT'S MY FOOD YOU LITTLE BITCH!!!" Pluto shouted at Mars as she gave chase.
"I'M A WHINY LITTLE BIATCH!!!" Moon cried out again, trying to take the attention away from Luna, Neptune, Uranus and that red-haired kid.
"Alright, that's it, I quit!" Chrono shouted after being bitch slapped by Neptune and Uranus several times. "Get yourself another fucking running gag!"
*Ahahah…Chrono, remember, you can't say anything except "Konichiwa!"*
"Fuck you! Hear me you damn bastard authors! FUCK YOU!!!"
Suddenly, a flash of light crashes through the ceiling of the studio and crushes Sailor Moon under the weight of two authors landing in the fan fiction.
"You think you can talk to us like that, you fucking mute piece of shit!!" Nodachi shouts at Chrono as he puts him into the one hold that not even the greatest martial artist can break… the ear hold! "I'm gonna take you home and wash your mouth out with soap you fucking potty mouth. Yeah, how bout this for a running gag? Fuck you! You see, now we're using foul fucking language and shouting! How do you like that, huh? Holy shit, see, this is our new running gag! How do you like that shithead? You see? Its our new running gag, we've done it before… think of it like the sequel to Austin Powers."
"Nodachi, remember, he's only a kid," the other author, Shinigami, said. "Let's feed him to DSSJ4 Vegetto."
"But, weren't you DSSJ4 Vegetto?"
"Yeah, but remember, I'm schizophrenic, so it doesn't really matter, we should still feed him to Vegetto."
"Dude, schizophrenia and multiple personality are totally different things. Ask Zartan about that."
Zartan enters.
"Yeah! I'll show you a schizophrenic. Yeah, me too!"
"Oh my GAWD!!! Its Shinigami and Nodachi!!!" Chad and Elliot shout from offstage. "Oh my GAWD!!! I can't believe it, you're really here! We love your site, dudes."
"Oh my GAWD I can't breath, I can't breath…" Chad says as he falls to the ground bleeding from his eyes and mouth.
"Dude, you'd better take him to the hospital or something, I don't think he's breathing," said Shinigami.
"Yeah," said Nodachi.
"Oh, he's alright, he's just in one of his asthma-induced seizures that you created for him."
"Dude, look, he's not moving at all."
"Oh my GAWD!!! You killed off another great random character from your archives!!!"
"Oh, we're sorry, here you go, as a consolation gift, you know?" Nodachi said as he handed Elliot a package.
"What the…? An orange parka? Gee, thanks you guys," Elliot says as he puts the coat on. Suddenly, a flock of seagulls fly down and begin pecking away at Elliot, who is then attacked by rabid cats. As he runs, a pack of dogs from the Biohazard set attack him. Suddenly, the International Space Station falls on top of all of them, then comes Rauru's fat ass on top of that.
"Holy Shit!!!" cried the little blonde haired boy next to Shinigami and Nodachi.
"You guys are so cool," came one last cry from the death pile before Elliot died as well.
"Thank you, Kenny, you may leave our presence now."
"Dear God, that could've happened to me…" Kenny says as he leaves the fan fiction. However, before he reaches the portal of Fan Ficdom, Kenny is suddenly mauled by rabid fans who thought he was dead. Thus, Kenny died.
In the non-Fan Fiction world.
"Oh my God! They killed Kenny!"
"You bastards!!!"
Now back to the Fan Fiction.
"Did we really have to do that?" Shinigami asked Nodachi who was now beating on a fallen Chrono. How did he fall? Who knows? That banana peal just appeared out of nowhere I tell you! ^_^
"Of… course… we did," Nodachi answers in between blows. "Kenny just ain't Kenny if he's not dead!"
"I think the fans were right when they called us cruel after that incident with the Thundercats." (If you're curious as to what the hell we mean…"
That's it Shinigami and Nodachi! We are all fed up with your endless advertisements and stupidity!
"Ummm… Who's that???" Nodachi asked.
"Oh, they're the Author Gods of Fanficgard. Don't worry, they're just a bunch of whiny little bitches. They should shut up in a few minutes."
We heard that!
"Fuck you…"
We heard that too!
"Shinjimae! Hear that you dumb shits!?"
We verily heard that as well!
"How about this?" Shinigami shouted up at the Author Gods before mooning all of them. With a picture of the moon that is. ^_^
That's it! We gave you a chance after we trapped you in that other fan fiction where you tortured a lot of innocent characters. But this takes the cake! Not only do you interfere with the fiction constantly, but you do things that are even more random than random should be! We banish you to the pages of your own fan fiction for the rest of the story!!!
"See, I told you they'd shut up eventually."
"Dude! They've banished us to the pages of this fan fiction!!! How the hell is that a good thing??!! We've got more stories to write! I've got pictures to draw! Wait… we get out of school and can drink now… Maybe this isn't as bad as I thought it'd be." (Note: We do not encourage underage drinking at all ^gulp^ hic! We're perfectly shober high shchool shtudents who have nofin bether to do than to hic! Oh, shit, we're drunk, you happy now???)
(Another Note: We're not actually drunk, we're just really stupid. Maybe we should remove those gerbils from our heads now…)
On Mount Fanficgard, home of the Author Gods of Writergard:
#Methinks you were more than a bit hard on yonder Fan Fiction writers Shinigami and Nodachi# said Lokfan.
Those two had to be taught a lesson. Especially Shinigami/DSSJ4 Vegetto. Without their powers of writing, they must have the other authors finish the story for them. If not, they will be forever locked within the pages of their own creation.
^Lord Oddfan, dost thou not realize that you have doomed all of Fan Ficdom?? With the loss of Shinigami and Nodachi, the story is under the control of writers such as Tekkaman Deadblade and Dark Kamen. Dost thou remember what happened between those two??? They hast created anarchy where there was once only randomness! They have used bunnies to write the fiction!^ said Fanor.
Dost thou not realize that we have just sealed those two's fates by leaving the rest of the fiction up the other autho… Hack Hack, Cough, Cough… damn, hairballs…
Dear God! Does this mean the end of Shinigami and Nodachi??? Well, of course not silly! It just means that a few complete psychopaths have taken over control of the fan fiction and may possibly make this the worst fan fiction ever! Now! On to the next chapter!
Coming up:
All the anime characters and Shinigami and Nodachi get really drunk and do stupid stuff! Also, a look into the life of the most uninteresting anime character of all time… Frieza. Stay tuned! Also, we apologize for the warnings about Star Wars and that we did nothing with it. Believe me, that mistake will be rectified in the next chapter.
Yes, the time has come my furry little friends. All of Fan Ficdom shall know of the glory of Dark Kamen and his trained bunnies!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
As Dark Kamen laughs, apple weeds bounce off in the distance.