Chapter 11
"Hi Mick!" I shot a look at Matt who scratched the back of his neck & looked at the floor! I felt so ashamed, as if Mick was actually there watching! "Yeah I'm fine!" I coughed & rubbed my head again! I suddenly realised it was dark outside! How long had I slept today?! "Oh nothing much! You?.............That's good then!...........No seriously Mick I'm ok! I just caught the flu or something, I have a headache!.......yeah that's where I've been most of the day actually!.............No no, you didn't disturb me, I was erm....awake!" God how can I do this? I thought to myself. I loved this guy didn't I? I felt like crying! I wasn't really listening to Mick. I'd lost my train of thought again & I felt light headed & sick to my stomach! Then I thought I heard him say something which brought me back to earth with a jolt!
"What did you just say?.................You're WHAT?!.............No no I mean that's great! WOW! What a surprise!................When?...............So soon?..........No it's not a problem!.............that's cool!.........yes I'm erm missing you too!" (No I'm not!) I looked up at Matt & he reached for his shirt & put it back on then put his hands in his pockets & leaned his back on my bathroom door!
"Yeah I'm erm..looking forward to it too!" (No I'm not!) "Ok! Yeah......bye then!.....Oh erm..err..I errr....My battery is dead! I'll call you!" I hung up the phone & stared at the 5 bars of battery power displayed on the screen! I'd lied because he'd wanted me to tell him I loved him & I couldn't do it! I'd told him 100 times before & it had been so easy, but not now!
"He's comming over isn't he?!" Matt asked & I nodded, not taking my eyes from my phone! "When?"
"Day after tomorrow! He got a last minute deal on a flight!"
"Oh." He shuffled his feet, hands still in the pocketsof his jeans, and looked at the floor.
"I...I'm totally off the fuckin' planet right now! I don't know what to do....and...and maybe this shouldn't be happening between us!"
"Hmmm...it's up to you! No preassure or anything ok?!"
I looked up at him standing there, he looked sad...but he looked gorgeous! I figured maybe that was it! This was nothing more than a stupid crush, a sexual attraction, lust! It certainly wasn't the same feeling I had when I looked at Mick! Mick was comfortable, realiable, normal.....always there (Until I came to America!) Habit maybe!? And here was this guy standing in my room who was the exact opposite! Sexy, exciting, unpredictable...and anything but normal!!
"I just can't get my head straight right now! Too much has happened & I feel ill! Then there's Mick..."
"Ahh...Mick!" Matt smiled sarcastically, "..that's his name is it?!"
"Yeah why?!"
"It's just I didn't really know his name before....guess he seems more real now I know he has a name!" He laughed harshly & shook his head!
"It's just....god my head is throbbing!" I paused, "I've never done anything like this before! My life was all planned out! I Can't get my head around what's happening...I loved the guy!"
"Loved?!"
"Yeah...now I don't know how I feel any more!" I felt sick! I felt dizzy!
'Then along came Matt hardy & screwed up your life right?!"
"No Matt! This isn't your fault!! I just can't think straight! I don't feel good!"
"Maybe I should leave? You need to get some rest!"
"But I don't want you to leave!"
He came over to me & took hold of my hand. "Look, Bec...if you loved Mick yesterday then you must still love him today! It's...I'm..." he sighed, "...I can't give you all of that!! I can't promise you a happy ever after!"
"I don't know if that's what I want any more!"
He sighed again, "What I'm trying to say is...if you want to leave Mick...then don't do it because of me! I won't let you throw your life away for nothing! Do it because of how you feel in your heart! I'm not asking anything of you...and I don't want you to expect anything from me! I'm sorry if this sounds harsh!"
He was right of course! We hardly even knew each other! I had to concentrate on how I felt about Mick without Matt in the picture!
"I'll be away when he gets here! Just spend some time with him see how you feel yeah?"
"Yeah you're right! I can't concentrate on anything right now! I feel like shit!"
"Yeah you don't look so good!" He put his hand on my forehead, "Want me to call a doctor? Or get you some pain killers ot something?"
"Pain killers sound like heaven!"
"Ok I'll see if Mary has any, if she'll even speak to me of course!" he laughed, "If not I'll go to the store.." he looked at his watch, "Ok maybe I won't go to the store at this time of night, but I'm sure Dad will have some at home if all else fails!" he kissed me on the cheek, "Won't be long ok?" I nodded. "Lie down 'til I get back!"
I lay on the bed & looked at the digital clock. "Nine pm?!" I said out loud! It had been 11am when I'd gone to bed earlier that day & I couldn't believe I'd slept so long!! I closed my eyes & took deep breaths. I felt like I was going to throw up again & tried to fight it! "what's happening to me?" I whispered.
About ten minutes later my cell phone rang & again it said 'witheld number'. I smiled, Matt must be at his house!
"Hi Matt!" I said sleepily!
"Knock knock Rebecca!" Said a voice.
"Matt?"
"Knock knock!"
"Matt this isn't funny! Stop messing around!"
"Are you going to play the game rebecca?" The voice was male, deep & rasping!
"Matt if that's you this is sick! I'm hanging up now!" I hung up the phone & bit on my lip! I wasn't even sure it had been Matt & if it was surely he'd have owned up when I got scared! It rang again.
"Matt this is getting..."
"knock knock nanny!"
"Who is this?"
"I said knock knock!"
"Who the hell are you?"
"That's not the right way to play little girl!"
"Play what? what do you want? Why are you calling me?"
"I say knock knock! And you say....what?"
"What?"
"You say whos there!"
"What?" I rubbed my head again.
"Now this is going to be no fun at all if you won't play nice!"
"please.." I whispered, "Leave me alone please!"
"Hahahahah! PLAY THE GAME BITCH!!" the voice shouted.
I jumped, "Alright OK! Who's there? WHO'S THERE??!" I started to cry.
"That's more like it!! Play with me...like I played with you last night!"
I froze. "What did you say? who is this?"
"Anna...."
"What?!"
"We're going to have a problem if you don't know how to play properly!"
"PLAY WHAT FUCKING PROPERLY!!!" I screamed down the phone.
"I say Anna & you say....." I rubbed my head & wiped the tears from my cheeks, "WHAT DO YOU FUCKING SAY!??"
Suddenly I realised what he meant! "Anna who? Anna who?"
"Now that wasn't too hard now was it?!"
"N....no!" I sobbed.
"I bet your little boyfriend was tho!!" I whimpered through my sobs. I felt like I ws going to puke! "Has Matt screwed you yet?!"
"Leave me alone!" I cried.
"HAS HE FUCKED YOU YET!?"
"NO!" I screamed, "GO AWAY!" I backed into the corner of my room & slid my back down the wall.
"HAHAHAH! Prissy little nanny girl hasn't gotten jiggy with the pretty boy wrestler!! I bet you're gagging for it....gagging for him! ooooh those muscles.." he cackled.
"Please stop this!" I sobbed, "I can't take any more, whoever you are please just stop!"
"Awww what's the matter? Too much to drink last night?"
"How do you know what I was doing last night?!"
"I know everyth..."
"YOU DONT KNOW SHIT!"
"DONT YOU FUCKING INTERRUPT ME AGAIN BITCH!!" There was a pause, I felt like my head was going to explode! "Mind your little wrestler boy....he's not all he's cracked up to be!"
"What??!"
"Think about it! Maybe it's the reason you're so ill today!!"
"What are you talking about? How do you know I'm ill!?"
"I told you, I know everything! I'm talking about the pretty boy...Hardy! He put drugs in your drink last night!"
"NO!"
"Wanted to get him some of that fine British ass!"
"NO! STOP IT! YOU'RE LYING!"
"And why would I lie to you Bec?! I saw him do it!! hahaha maybe you were too far gone that he just took some of that British booty & you never even knew!!"
NO!"
"HAHAH!"
"NO! NOT MATT!...NO!" I paused, "not Matt!" I whispered.
"No no! Not Matt! No!" he mocked in a high pitched voice! "How will you ever know?" he laughed, "Can you actually remember anything that happened last night?" I thought hard but he was right! I couldn't remember a damn thing!! "Hahaha! You can't can you?"
"You don't know a fucking thing you asshole!" I spat.
"Well maybe I saw it all Rebecca! Maybe your little boyfriend invited me to watch!!"
"You sick fuck!" I said under my breath.
" ......and maybe.....just maybe I was getting off while he was riding you like a pro-cowboy at a rodeo all night long! Then again.....you'll never know.........will you?" Click.
I stood up, the phone still in my hand, I was shaking! I looked around me for something, grabbed the first thing I saw, which happened to be my purse, and threw it at the door just as it opened!!
Matt ducked to avoid the contents of my purse flying past his head!! "WOAH!! SHIT!!" He gingerly stepped into the room & stared at the smashed up bits of makeup & glass that now littered my carpet! "You trying to take my head off or something?" I just stood there shaking & sobbing, the phone still in my hand. "What the hell's happened?!" He came towards me with his arms outstretched to hug me but I backed off quickly! "What's wrong? What's going on?"
He went to put his arms around me again & I jumped,. "Don't!"
"wha.."
"I don't feel so good! I think you should leave now!"
He nodded & handed me the painkillers - they were loose, no packet. "Ok but I can't leave you like this!"
"It's ok Mary is comming up to sit with me!" I looked at the white pills in my hand.
"You gonna take those?"
"I will in a minute!"
"Ok..I'll leave you to it!" He looked so confused & hurt but I felt so afraid I couldn't confront him with this incase the son of a bitch on the phone wasn't lying! He made his way to the door & then stopped & came back to me. "Come here!" He put his arms around me & I just stood there, rigid, terrified! I let him hold me for what might be the last time!
He left & I sat down on my bed. I looked again at the pills in my hand.......and started to cry! I threw them at the wall!!
"Hi Mick!" I shot a look at Matt who scratched the back of his neck & looked at the floor! I felt so ashamed, as if Mick was actually there watching! "Yeah I'm fine!" I coughed & rubbed my head again! I suddenly realised it was dark outside! How long had I slept today?! "Oh nothing much! You?.............That's good then!...........No seriously Mick I'm ok! I just caught the flu or something, I have a headache!.......yeah that's where I've been most of the day actually!.............No no, you didn't disturb me, I was erm....awake!" God how can I do this? I thought to myself. I loved this guy didn't I? I felt like crying! I wasn't really listening to Mick. I'd lost my train of thought again & I felt light headed & sick to my stomach! Then I thought I heard him say something which brought me back to earth with a jolt!
"What did you just say?.................You're WHAT?!.............No no I mean that's great! WOW! What a surprise!................When?...............So soon?..........No it's not a problem!.............that's cool!.........yes I'm erm missing you too!" (No I'm not!) I looked up at Matt & he reached for his shirt & put it back on then put his hands in his pockets & leaned his back on my bathroom door!
"Yeah I'm erm..looking forward to it too!" (No I'm not!) "Ok! Yeah......bye then!.....Oh erm..err..I errr....My battery is dead! I'll call you!" I hung up the phone & stared at the 5 bars of battery power displayed on the screen! I'd lied because he'd wanted me to tell him I loved him & I couldn't do it! I'd told him 100 times before & it had been so easy, but not now!
"He's comming over isn't he?!" Matt asked & I nodded, not taking my eyes from my phone! "When?"
"Day after tomorrow! He got a last minute deal on a flight!"
"Oh." He shuffled his feet, hands still in the pocketsof his jeans, and looked at the floor.
"I...I'm totally off the fuckin' planet right now! I don't know what to do....and...and maybe this shouldn't be happening between us!"
"Hmmm...it's up to you! No preassure or anything ok?!"
I looked up at him standing there, he looked sad...but he looked gorgeous! I figured maybe that was it! This was nothing more than a stupid crush, a sexual attraction, lust! It certainly wasn't the same feeling I had when I looked at Mick! Mick was comfortable, realiable, normal.....always there (Until I came to America!) Habit maybe!? And here was this guy standing in my room who was the exact opposite! Sexy, exciting, unpredictable...and anything but normal!!
"I just can't get my head straight right now! Too much has happened & I feel ill! Then there's Mick..."
"Ahh...Mick!" Matt smiled sarcastically, "..that's his name is it?!"
"Yeah why?!"
"It's just I didn't really know his name before....guess he seems more real now I know he has a name!" He laughed harshly & shook his head!
"It's just....god my head is throbbing!" I paused, "I've never done anything like this before! My life was all planned out! I Can't get my head around what's happening...I loved the guy!"
"Loved?!"
"Yeah...now I don't know how I feel any more!" I felt sick! I felt dizzy!
'Then along came Matt hardy & screwed up your life right?!"
"No Matt! This isn't your fault!! I just can't think straight! I don't feel good!"
"Maybe I should leave? You need to get some rest!"
"But I don't want you to leave!"
He came over to me & took hold of my hand. "Look, Bec...if you loved Mick yesterday then you must still love him today! It's...I'm..." he sighed, "...I can't give you all of that!! I can't promise you a happy ever after!"
"I don't know if that's what I want any more!"
He sighed again, "What I'm trying to say is...if you want to leave Mick...then don't do it because of me! I won't let you throw your life away for nothing! Do it because of how you feel in your heart! I'm not asking anything of you...and I don't want you to expect anything from me! I'm sorry if this sounds harsh!"
He was right of course! We hardly even knew each other! I had to concentrate on how I felt about Mick without Matt in the picture!
"I'll be away when he gets here! Just spend some time with him see how you feel yeah?"
"Yeah you're right! I can't concentrate on anything right now! I feel like shit!"
"Yeah you don't look so good!" He put his hand on my forehead, "Want me to call a doctor? Or get you some pain killers ot something?"
"Pain killers sound like heaven!"
"Ok I'll see if Mary has any, if she'll even speak to me of course!" he laughed, "If not I'll go to the store.." he looked at his watch, "Ok maybe I won't go to the store at this time of night, but I'm sure Dad will have some at home if all else fails!" he kissed me on the cheek, "Won't be long ok?" I nodded. "Lie down 'til I get back!"
I lay on the bed & looked at the digital clock. "Nine pm?!" I said out loud! It had been 11am when I'd gone to bed earlier that day & I couldn't believe I'd slept so long!! I closed my eyes & took deep breaths. I felt like I was going to throw up again & tried to fight it! "what's happening to me?" I whispered.
About ten minutes later my cell phone rang & again it said 'witheld number'. I smiled, Matt must be at his house!
"Hi Matt!" I said sleepily!
"Knock knock Rebecca!" Said a voice.
"Matt?"
"Knock knock!"
"Matt this isn't funny! Stop messing around!"
"Are you going to play the game rebecca?" The voice was male, deep & rasping!
"Matt if that's you this is sick! I'm hanging up now!" I hung up the phone & bit on my lip! I wasn't even sure it had been Matt & if it was surely he'd have owned up when I got scared! It rang again.
"Matt this is getting..."
"knock knock nanny!"
"Who is this?"
"I said knock knock!"
"Who the hell are you?"
"That's not the right way to play little girl!"
"Play what? what do you want? Why are you calling me?"
"I say knock knock! And you say....what?"
"What?"
"You say whos there!"
"What?" I rubbed my head again.
"Now this is going to be no fun at all if you won't play nice!"
"please.." I whispered, "Leave me alone please!"
"Hahahahah! PLAY THE GAME BITCH!!" the voice shouted.
I jumped, "Alright OK! Who's there? WHO'S THERE??!" I started to cry.
"That's more like it!! Play with me...like I played with you last night!"
I froze. "What did you say? who is this?"
"Anna...."
"What?!"
"We're going to have a problem if you don't know how to play properly!"
"PLAY WHAT FUCKING PROPERLY!!!" I screamed down the phone.
"I say Anna & you say....." I rubbed my head & wiped the tears from my cheeks, "WHAT DO YOU FUCKING SAY!??"
Suddenly I realised what he meant! "Anna who? Anna who?"
"Now that wasn't too hard now was it?!"
"N....no!" I sobbed.
"I bet your little boyfriend was tho!!" I whimpered through my sobs. I felt like I ws going to puke! "Has Matt screwed you yet?!"
"Leave me alone!" I cried.
"HAS HE FUCKED YOU YET!?"
"NO!" I screamed, "GO AWAY!" I backed into the corner of my room & slid my back down the wall.
"HAHAHAH! Prissy little nanny girl hasn't gotten jiggy with the pretty boy wrestler!! I bet you're gagging for it....gagging for him! ooooh those muscles.." he cackled.
"Please stop this!" I sobbed, "I can't take any more, whoever you are please just stop!"
"Awww what's the matter? Too much to drink last night?"
"How do you know what I was doing last night?!"
"I know everyth..."
"YOU DONT KNOW SHIT!"
"DONT YOU FUCKING INTERRUPT ME AGAIN BITCH!!" There was a pause, I felt like my head was going to explode! "Mind your little wrestler boy....he's not all he's cracked up to be!"
"What??!"
"Think about it! Maybe it's the reason you're so ill today!!"
"What are you talking about? How do you know I'm ill!?"
"I told you, I know everything! I'm talking about the pretty boy...Hardy! He put drugs in your drink last night!"
"NO!"
"Wanted to get him some of that fine British ass!"
"NO! STOP IT! YOU'RE LYING!"
"And why would I lie to you Bec?! I saw him do it!! hahaha maybe you were too far gone that he just took some of that British booty & you never even knew!!"
NO!"
"HAHAH!"
"NO! NOT MATT!...NO!" I paused, "not Matt!" I whispered.
"No no! Not Matt! No!" he mocked in a high pitched voice! "How will you ever know?" he laughed, "Can you actually remember anything that happened last night?" I thought hard but he was right! I couldn't remember a damn thing!! "Hahaha! You can't can you?"
"You don't know a fucking thing you asshole!" I spat.
"Well maybe I saw it all Rebecca! Maybe your little boyfriend invited me to watch!!"
"You sick fuck!" I said under my breath.
" ......and maybe.....just maybe I was getting off while he was riding you like a pro-cowboy at a rodeo all night long! Then again.....you'll never know.........will you?" Click.
I stood up, the phone still in my hand, I was shaking! I looked around me for something, grabbed the first thing I saw, which happened to be my purse, and threw it at the door just as it opened!!
Matt ducked to avoid the contents of my purse flying past his head!! "WOAH!! SHIT!!" He gingerly stepped into the room & stared at the smashed up bits of makeup & glass that now littered my carpet! "You trying to take my head off or something?" I just stood there shaking & sobbing, the phone still in my hand. "What the hell's happened?!" He came towards me with his arms outstretched to hug me but I backed off quickly! "What's wrong? What's going on?"
He went to put his arms around me again & I jumped,. "Don't!"
"wha.."
"I don't feel so good! I think you should leave now!"
He nodded & handed me the painkillers - they were loose, no packet. "Ok but I can't leave you like this!"
"It's ok Mary is comming up to sit with me!" I looked at the white pills in my hand.
"You gonna take those?"
"I will in a minute!"
"Ok..I'll leave you to it!" He looked so confused & hurt but I felt so afraid I couldn't confront him with this incase the son of a bitch on the phone wasn't lying! He made his way to the door & then stopped & came back to me. "Come here!" He put his arms around me & I just stood there, rigid, terrified! I let him hold me for what might be the last time!
He left & I sat down on my bed. I looked again at the pills in my hand.......and started to cry! I threw them at the wall!!