A.n.-And we have another chappie^_^I'm happy you all liked the last chappie, and yes.... I was sad when I typed the part about Ryou-chan hating Bakura-chan too...and WOW! 90 REVIEWS?! Hehe, ty everyone!!^_^_^_^
also, arigatou Cayenne for the idea...but I think I remember reading a fic a while back where that happened and also.... I doona know if I have the heart to do that to Ryou-chan....and thanks Draggy for the song idea...I'll hafta remember that one^_^
Disclaimer-I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or this song "Alone" by Heart.
Dedication-Miya-Miya, Cayenne, Draggy, Bronze Eagle, Lunatic Lisa (LL, CrystalDragon98, Spirt Gaurdian, Freydra, Kako, AnimeQueen, Moosenogger, Vampire Huntress D, Renee The Rabid Squirrel, Moshi, Tohru, --NC--, Ilay, Physco Mime, Asian Angel 12, Taito-Kisses, Katya, and No Name. Domo arigatou minna!!!^_^_^_^_^_^
~I hear the ticking of the clock
I'm laying here the room's pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone~
~And night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won't end though
Alone~
The velvet blanket of stars above me seemed to gleam mockingly down at me. I was currently laying on the rooftop of the house, trying to get away from everyone and everything. I closed my eyes as the memory of my Hikari's words of hatred rung clear in my mind. Frozen tears invaded my eyes as I ruthlessly rubbed them away.
No pain devised by Ra himself could equel the soul burning agony currently poisoning my very essence. My hand stung like fire, the feel of Ryou's satin skin slapping against it still ringing hard and true. I closed my eyes against the brilliance of the night sky and aloud the tears I'd tried to hold back run harshly down.
I never asked for this.
I never asked to love my silver haired Hikari. All I wanted long ago was simply power, then I meet him and that all changed. He stumbled into my existence and the harsh edges of the world that had been so prominent to me before softened. Everything I thought I knew was turned upside-down.
I hurt him, yes, but then again I was afraid of the changes he brought. And now, after all this time, when he's become so important to me I find myself regressing back to the animal I was to him before? It appears I really haven't changed as much as I thought. My old defense systems are up and running as always.
I hate this. I hate this feeling inside of me. I hate this...weakness festering through out me. I loathe this utter feeling of pathetic helplessness that rivets through my soul. I've always made my way through the world on my own, not giving a damn who I killed or stepped on to get what I wanted.
Emotion was a fatal weakness I never allowed myself to grasp 'till I meet him. And everything changed. Everything. He ripped my world to a thousand pieces with but a glance, and I'd broken him down to keep him away. Then Yami Malik showed me I didn't have to fear him, didn't have to hide my feelings because he would never hurt me.
Lies.
Such bitter lies I embraced. Fool hardy thing I'd held so dear.
{"I-I-I Hah-hate yah-you!!"}
So clear the remembrance. His voice so very cruel, not the soft almost halting way of speaking I knew so very well. In an instant the Ryou I've known for these long years were gone. Replaced with a careless rage filed being that had only belonged to...well, me in the past. I'd used anger and bitter hatred as my shield then.
Used it to ward of all my pain and every emotion. It was a high really, that power. But at such a price...Regret seeped from the words said after ward. Though usually a stop at the local Domino bar had helped me with that. But my Hikari wasn't a drinker. Never had been, most likely would never be one either. He's too innocent for that...
I sighed closing my eyes tightly. I'd let my emotions get the better of me during the confrontation though. But...I couldn't take it. Couldn't take hearing those words and the blind, naive rage in his eyes. I'd waited for so long to tell him how I felt and he was acting like a jackass. My anger had lead me to take the first defense it saw against the overwhelming emotion threaten to drown me.
I'd lashed out.
The feel of his skin hitting my hand again, the way his eyes had paled from that burning fury and those tears.... those silver tears that had slipped down his face....
He looked so tragically beautiful. A true fallen angel. So flawed and so flawless. Being so close to him...I'd finally given into temptation and crushed my lips against his. Tasting for a minute the paradise that was him.
Desire still flared in my blood even now from that brief touch of his lips. So sweet. Just as sweet as I'd imagined for so long. And here I am. Sitting on top of the freakin' roof without him. Ra, this wasn't the way it was suppose to happen damnit! I growled angrily, whipping my tears away furiously as I sat up and lean my arms over my knees.
Perfect, blissful fury still colored my system vengefully. My hand itching to touch his face again. To make him see just how much I care about him. The fact that I really care is surprising enough in itself. Its been a long time since I've even *allowed* myself this sort of attachment to any other being.
He'd tossed me away now though, like a crushed rose.
Hurt and anger boiled through my mind. A uniquely blind clarity bursting through me. I want him; I love him...yet he hates me. Or does he really? The words were spoken in anger.... but that doesn't make them untrue. Often in the thrall of any intense emotion the truth shines harsh and true.
Did he hate me, truly?
~Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone~
Such a bitter irony. I've pined away for him for all these months, using Anzu as my shield as I waited for him. And now, here he is. Right before me. And yet, he hates me. Though I guess I can't really blame him for his anger. He did have to catch me in bed with the whore.... Speaking of her where is she? Hmp probably found some other poor soul to dig her poison claws into. Not that I care, as long as she stays the hell away from Ryou and me.
I'm sure a few of my Cards would *love* to make her acquaintance after all...
I sighed, shoving the thought away. As fun as it would be to feed her to the Man Eating Bug, I'd rather not waste my energy or risk Ryou ending up hating me any more. Though from the look that had been in his eyes I don't think that is possible. I closed my eyes briefly, before rising and stretching my sore muscles.
Dawn would be approaching soon. I'd nearly spent the whole night just...lying here...thinking on and on. Maybe it would be better for Ryou if *I* were to seal myself into the Ring or better yet keep my form outside of him and simply leave. Just...disappear.
Perhaps that would be best. Solve his problems and my own just like that. Why does my heart ache at such a decision? Maybe because I'll never see his sweet smile at me again, something I'll never see again no matter what so it doesn't matter. Maybe its that if I leave he'll never know how I feel...and I'll never know if he really meant he hated me or if...maybe...just maybe.... he feels about me how I feel for him.
Oh, who am I trying to fool? My Aibou hates me. The end.
And to think I was finaly going to tell him this very night too, of my feelings. Only to have the chance ripped away before the words had even left my lips. I laughed harshly into the night air. So this is how it all ends. Me without him, even when he's so close. And I've obtained the one thing no one ever thought possible: Ryou's hatred.
The thought was like being doused with freezing water and then being run through with a rusty blade why they were at it. Cold shock, blinding pain in each.
I've made it thousands of years alone. Why should a single, weakling boy's opinion matter to me? Why? Perhaps it has something to do with his being the other half of my soul. My Hikari. My Aibou. He's everything I've always wanted.... everything. What I feel for him by far transcends any emotion. Running deeper then even that.
Together we're balance, apart we're nothing. How can I bring myself to leave his side then? Risk leavening him bare to a malicious world that would try to strip him of his innocence.... No. No one touches what is mine ever. They so much as make a tear fill those glories chocolate brown eyes and they won't live to repeat the error.
I've a penchant for torture that they'll get to experience up-close and personal.
So protective, aren't I of him? Ironic that as well. He hates me, and I'd give anything to make sure he's happy. Such a bitter realization really. I clinched my hands into fists, anger flushing through my system suddenly. Anger has always been a loved emotion to me. For the briefest seconds it touches me I can forget everything else and simply...forget.
I slipped in through the window and slunk through the hallways until I found Ryou's room. I'd no desire to see Yami Malik or the Pharaoh at the moment. My mind is too scattered to even attempt to listen to one of their plans on how I should go about this dilemma. Dilemma. That's a funny word for this situation I've been thrust into.
I shut the door silently behind me, walking over to his bed. His silver hair was spread around his tear-marred face with a loving vale. His pale features seemed whiter then before, though no less beautiful. I reached out a hand and trailed it down his cheek. Surprisingly he smiled in his sleep and moved into my hand.
In an instant I snatched my hand away as though burned. Perhaps I was. Burnt by his careful touch. At the mere fact that he accepts me in his sleep but not when he was awake.
~You don't know how long I have wanted
To touch your lips and hold you tight, oh
You don't know how long I have waited~
~And I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
And my love for you is still unknown
Alone~
I swallowed hard, whispered a goodbye as I walked over to his window. With a quick motion I flipped it open and climbed out. For both our sakes I'd disappear. I can't stay here anymore. Can't live with the echoes of events I'm less then proud of and desire more then anything to forget or change. I'm not leavening him completely anyway. I'd keep a block up between our minds but not our souls, I'd watch over him from afar like the guardian I never measured up to being.
And if anyone, and I means anyone, tried to hurt him then they'd face my wrath.
For now though, he'd be fine. He had the Pharaoh and my old Tomb Raiding friend watching over him. One couldn't ask for a stronger protection then that. I turned and walked off, barely registering the shots of blood red and orange that shot through the sky like lightning as the sun rose into bloom.
A beginning of a new day; of new beginnings and the end to others. I've gotten by for a long time on my own. The future hasn't changed that much from the past. It's still a cutthroat survival of the strongest food chain. You fight you life, you don't you die. Simple as that. I'd get myself a place to live for the time being and then I'd just.... I don't know what I'll do really.
I need time to think. Time to be away. Time to sort this Ra-damned new beginning. Shaking my head slightly I walked on until I came to a run-down part of Domino. Several houses lined the area; mostly every window had a break in it somewhere. The stench of the olden world I'd lived in filled the air.
Relaxation seeped through me. I could handle this kind of place. It was like home to me anymore. My eyes became half-lidded as I headed toward one of the apartment buildings. Yami Malik and his Hikari used to live here when they first came to Domino on their quest for revenge. They'd moved out in the middle of Battle City though, around the time peace was made between all of us and the Pharaoh.
Yami Malik and his Aibou had moved in with Isis and had left the apartment vacant with a majority of their things inside. They said they hadn't felt like moving everything out and that they still had a lot of stuff at Isis's anyway. It was a perfect place for me to lay low for a while. They'd never guess I was staying there in the first place. I'd rarely visited it after all. I walked into the building with my eyes half-lidded, idly noticing a middle-aged man at the counter who shrunk back in his seat as I walked in. Spineless baka.
Ignoring him completely I walked over to the elevator and pushed the button for the top floor. My stomach lurched uncomfortably as the device toke off. I'd never felt safe riding in these modern day contraptions. But then again I didn't really feel like climbing those endless stairs either.
The doors reopened and I walked out into the empty hallway. I quickly found the door I needed and opened the door gently. I switched on the lights to find that the apartment hadn't changed in the slightest--aside from a little dust here and there it looked the same as when Yami Malik and his Hikari had lived here.
Despite that it was obvious that no one had entered here in a few months at best. The air was slightly stale, smelling faintly of the pine sol that Malik had used constantly to clean the apartment. The blonde Egyptian had the strangest little obsession with keeping everything perfectly clean...
I shook my head slightly and flopped down on the couch, idly shoving of my shoes as I lay there. My back ached, my eyes feeling like heavy metal slates.
~Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone~
~How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone~
I'm so tired. So tired of fighting, so tired of pretending, so friggin' tired of everything! I can't take this anymore. I really don't think I can. All this...pretending...all this fighting...all these games...meh, to think I used to *enjoy* mind games.... though none of them had ever been on this level.... and I really don't want to play any more.
Too much...this is so...frustrating shimatta! I can't.... I just....
I growled angrily, fiercely whipping away tears that were fast beginning to form. I won't cry. I won't. I've had enough sniveling weakness out of myself for one day. I don't need to add even more shame to myself. Rising from the couch I walked toward the bathroom and shrugged off my clothes.
Quickly I turned on the water and stepped in. Cold water splashed my face and my body. I jumped out of reflex, though my senses were to drain to really respond to it. Vacantly I turned the other knob to make the water a little warmer. Shinning down I sat down in the tub, pulling my knees to my chest and allowing the water to run over my back.
It felt good...so good...a liquid massage over my tense body.
I rested my head on my knees, my thoughts scattered and divided between trying to be angry with Ryou for being difficult and brining me to this, for his simple existence which had brought me to my knees. And the other half which screamed for me to return, sit him down and lay it clean out that I loved him more the anything....
I sighed and hugged my knees closer to my chest. My eyes burned and the next thing I knew my tears were rolling down to mix with the water. Time passed, holding no real meaning to me. Eventually the water began to get cold again and I was forced to turn it off. I choked back any more tears that threatened to spill forth.
I shouldn't cry.
Not for this. I'm...still invulnerable like I was back then. I won't let this get to me. I won't let this bring me down damnit! I have...I have to be strong...its that simple really.
This...weakness isn't an option any more. All I have to do now is watch after Ryou and make sure no one tries to take advantage of him. That's my only purpose anymore. Such a bitter thing that. I can watch him all I like but can never touch. Never dare. He's mine, he is...but I can never have him.
A rude thought. Such a horrible one at that. In the past I've never hesitated to take what is mine and strike down whatever force dares to stand in my way. But this is different. So very different. I have to let him go, it'll be better that way for both of us...mostly me...since I can't live feeling this way.
I can't live each day knowing he hates me when I love him so much.... so very much.
I laughed suddenly, the manicle sound bounced off the walls, which only caused me to laugh harder. Another twist to add to this pathetic little thing...that he probably felt this way when I used to smack him around a bit. He probably felt just like this...without the loving part. I stood slowly, a hysterical grin on my face as I grabbed my clothes off the floor and re-dressed despite the fact I was just getting my clothes wet.
So this is Ra's punishment. Showing me just how much I had hurt him, showing me in every way and deeper how he had felt. The emotionality of it all cried out loudly to me as I stumbled back into the living room and collapsed on the couch. In an instant I drifted away from everything and into a dream where reality and gods didn't matter and my heart's desire was my own...........
~How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone~
~Alone, Alone~
A.n-^_^I hope ya'all liked it...I'd say this fic has about three chapters left....what d'ya all think......a happy ending.....or......a sad ending? Lemme know!^_^also, to Miya-Miya, ty for *not* flaming me:)
also, arigatou Cayenne for the idea...but I think I remember reading a fic a while back where that happened and also.... I doona know if I have the heart to do that to Ryou-chan....and thanks Draggy for the song idea...I'll hafta remember that one^_^
Disclaimer-I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or this song "Alone" by Heart.
Dedication-Miya-Miya, Cayenne, Draggy, Bronze Eagle, Lunatic Lisa (LL, CrystalDragon98, Spirt Gaurdian, Freydra, Kako, AnimeQueen, Moosenogger, Vampire Huntress D, Renee The Rabid Squirrel, Moshi, Tohru, --NC--, Ilay, Physco Mime, Asian Angel 12, Taito-Kisses, Katya, and No Name. Domo arigatou minna!!!^_^_^_^_^_^
~I hear the ticking of the clock
I'm laying here the room's pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone~
~And night goes by so very slow
Oh I hope that it won't end though
Alone~
The velvet blanket of stars above me seemed to gleam mockingly down at me. I was currently laying on the rooftop of the house, trying to get away from everyone and everything. I closed my eyes as the memory of my Hikari's words of hatred rung clear in my mind. Frozen tears invaded my eyes as I ruthlessly rubbed them away.
No pain devised by Ra himself could equel the soul burning agony currently poisoning my very essence. My hand stung like fire, the feel of Ryou's satin skin slapping against it still ringing hard and true. I closed my eyes against the brilliance of the night sky and aloud the tears I'd tried to hold back run harshly down.
I never asked for this.
I never asked to love my silver haired Hikari. All I wanted long ago was simply power, then I meet him and that all changed. He stumbled into my existence and the harsh edges of the world that had been so prominent to me before softened. Everything I thought I knew was turned upside-down.
I hurt him, yes, but then again I was afraid of the changes he brought. And now, after all this time, when he's become so important to me I find myself regressing back to the animal I was to him before? It appears I really haven't changed as much as I thought. My old defense systems are up and running as always.
I hate this. I hate this feeling inside of me. I hate this...weakness festering through out me. I loathe this utter feeling of pathetic helplessness that rivets through my soul. I've always made my way through the world on my own, not giving a damn who I killed or stepped on to get what I wanted.
Emotion was a fatal weakness I never allowed myself to grasp 'till I meet him. And everything changed. Everything. He ripped my world to a thousand pieces with but a glance, and I'd broken him down to keep him away. Then Yami Malik showed me I didn't have to fear him, didn't have to hide my feelings because he would never hurt me.
Lies.
Such bitter lies I embraced. Fool hardy thing I'd held so dear.
{"I-I-I Hah-hate yah-you!!"}
So clear the remembrance. His voice so very cruel, not the soft almost halting way of speaking I knew so very well. In an instant the Ryou I've known for these long years were gone. Replaced with a careless rage filed being that had only belonged to...well, me in the past. I'd used anger and bitter hatred as my shield then.
Used it to ward of all my pain and every emotion. It was a high really, that power. But at such a price...Regret seeped from the words said after ward. Though usually a stop at the local Domino bar had helped me with that. But my Hikari wasn't a drinker. Never had been, most likely would never be one either. He's too innocent for that...
I sighed closing my eyes tightly. I'd let my emotions get the better of me during the confrontation though. But...I couldn't take it. Couldn't take hearing those words and the blind, naive rage in his eyes. I'd waited for so long to tell him how I felt and he was acting like a jackass. My anger had lead me to take the first defense it saw against the overwhelming emotion threaten to drown me.
I'd lashed out.
The feel of his skin hitting my hand again, the way his eyes had paled from that burning fury and those tears.... those silver tears that had slipped down his face....
He looked so tragically beautiful. A true fallen angel. So flawed and so flawless. Being so close to him...I'd finally given into temptation and crushed my lips against his. Tasting for a minute the paradise that was him.
Desire still flared in my blood even now from that brief touch of his lips. So sweet. Just as sweet as I'd imagined for so long. And here I am. Sitting on top of the freakin' roof without him. Ra, this wasn't the way it was suppose to happen damnit! I growled angrily, whipping my tears away furiously as I sat up and lean my arms over my knees.
Perfect, blissful fury still colored my system vengefully. My hand itching to touch his face again. To make him see just how much I care about him. The fact that I really care is surprising enough in itself. Its been a long time since I've even *allowed* myself this sort of attachment to any other being.
He'd tossed me away now though, like a crushed rose.
Hurt and anger boiled through my mind. A uniquely blind clarity bursting through me. I want him; I love him...yet he hates me. Or does he really? The words were spoken in anger.... but that doesn't make them untrue. Often in the thrall of any intense emotion the truth shines harsh and true.
Did he hate me, truly?
~Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone~
Such a bitter irony. I've pined away for him for all these months, using Anzu as my shield as I waited for him. And now, here he is. Right before me. And yet, he hates me. Though I guess I can't really blame him for his anger. He did have to catch me in bed with the whore.... Speaking of her where is she? Hmp probably found some other poor soul to dig her poison claws into. Not that I care, as long as she stays the hell away from Ryou and me.
I'm sure a few of my Cards would *love* to make her acquaintance after all...
I sighed, shoving the thought away. As fun as it would be to feed her to the Man Eating Bug, I'd rather not waste my energy or risk Ryou ending up hating me any more. Though from the look that had been in his eyes I don't think that is possible. I closed my eyes briefly, before rising and stretching my sore muscles.
Dawn would be approaching soon. I'd nearly spent the whole night just...lying here...thinking on and on. Maybe it would be better for Ryou if *I* were to seal myself into the Ring or better yet keep my form outside of him and simply leave. Just...disappear.
Perhaps that would be best. Solve his problems and my own just like that. Why does my heart ache at such a decision? Maybe because I'll never see his sweet smile at me again, something I'll never see again no matter what so it doesn't matter. Maybe its that if I leave he'll never know how I feel...and I'll never know if he really meant he hated me or if...maybe...just maybe.... he feels about me how I feel for him.
Oh, who am I trying to fool? My Aibou hates me. The end.
And to think I was finaly going to tell him this very night too, of my feelings. Only to have the chance ripped away before the words had even left my lips. I laughed harshly into the night air. So this is how it all ends. Me without him, even when he's so close. And I've obtained the one thing no one ever thought possible: Ryou's hatred.
The thought was like being doused with freezing water and then being run through with a rusty blade why they were at it. Cold shock, blinding pain in each.
I've made it thousands of years alone. Why should a single, weakling boy's opinion matter to me? Why? Perhaps it has something to do with his being the other half of my soul. My Hikari. My Aibou. He's everything I've always wanted.... everything. What I feel for him by far transcends any emotion. Running deeper then even that.
Together we're balance, apart we're nothing. How can I bring myself to leave his side then? Risk leavening him bare to a malicious world that would try to strip him of his innocence.... No. No one touches what is mine ever. They so much as make a tear fill those glories chocolate brown eyes and they won't live to repeat the error.
I've a penchant for torture that they'll get to experience up-close and personal.
So protective, aren't I of him? Ironic that as well. He hates me, and I'd give anything to make sure he's happy. Such a bitter realization really. I clinched my hands into fists, anger flushing through my system suddenly. Anger has always been a loved emotion to me. For the briefest seconds it touches me I can forget everything else and simply...forget.
I slipped in through the window and slunk through the hallways until I found Ryou's room. I'd no desire to see Yami Malik or the Pharaoh at the moment. My mind is too scattered to even attempt to listen to one of their plans on how I should go about this dilemma. Dilemma. That's a funny word for this situation I've been thrust into.
I shut the door silently behind me, walking over to his bed. His silver hair was spread around his tear-marred face with a loving vale. His pale features seemed whiter then before, though no less beautiful. I reached out a hand and trailed it down his cheek. Surprisingly he smiled in his sleep and moved into my hand.
In an instant I snatched my hand away as though burned. Perhaps I was. Burnt by his careful touch. At the mere fact that he accepts me in his sleep but not when he was awake.
~You don't know how long I have wanted
To touch your lips and hold you tight, oh
You don't know how long I have waited~
~And I was going to tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
And my love for you is still unknown
Alone~
I swallowed hard, whispered a goodbye as I walked over to his window. With a quick motion I flipped it open and climbed out. For both our sakes I'd disappear. I can't stay here anymore. Can't live with the echoes of events I'm less then proud of and desire more then anything to forget or change. I'm not leavening him completely anyway. I'd keep a block up between our minds but not our souls, I'd watch over him from afar like the guardian I never measured up to being.
And if anyone, and I means anyone, tried to hurt him then they'd face my wrath.
For now though, he'd be fine. He had the Pharaoh and my old Tomb Raiding friend watching over him. One couldn't ask for a stronger protection then that. I turned and walked off, barely registering the shots of blood red and orange that shot through the sky like lightning as the sun rose into bloom.
A beginning of a new day; of new beginnings and the end to others. I've gotten by for a long time on my own. The future hasn't changed that much from the past. It's still a cutthroat survival of the strongest food chain. You fight you life, you don't you die. Simple as that. I'd get myself a place to live for the time being and then I'd just.... I don't know what I'll do really.
I need time to think. Time to be away. Time to sort this Ra-damned new beginning. Shaking my head slightly I walked on until I came to a run-down part of Domino. Several houses lined the area; mostly every window had a break in it somewhere. The stench of the olden world I'd lived in filled the air.
Relaxation seeped through me. I could handle this kind of place. It was like home to me anymore. My eyes became half-lidded as I headed toward one of the apartment buildings. Yami Malik and his Hikari used to live here when they first came to Domino on their quest for revenge. They'd moved out in the middle of Battle City though, around the time peace was made between all of us and the Pharaoh.
Yami Malik and his Aibou had moved in with Isis and had left the apartment vacant with a majority of their things inside. They said they hadn't felt like moving everything out and that they still had a lot of stuff at Isis's anyway. It was a perfect place for me to lay low for a while. They'd never guess I was staying there in the first place. I'd rarely visited it after all. I walked into the building with my eyes half-lidded, idly noticing a middle-aged man at the counter who shrunk back in his seat as I walked in. Spineless baka.
Ignoring him completely I walked over to the elevator and pushed the button for the top floor. My stomach lurched uncomfortably as the device toke off. I'd never felt safe riding in these modern day contraptions. But then again I didn't really feel like climbing those endless stairs either.
The doors reopened and I walked out into the empty hallway. I quickly found the door I needed and opened the door gently. I switched on the lights to find that the apartment hadn't changed in the slightest--aside from a little dust here and there it looked the same as when Yami Malik and his Hikari had lived here.
Despite that it was obvious that no one had entered here in a few months at best. The air was slightly stale, smelling faintly of the pine sol that Malik had used constantly to clean the apartment. The blonde Egyptian had the strangest little obsession with keeping everything perfectly clean...
I shook my head slightly and flopped down on the couch, idly shoving of my shoes as I lay there. My back ached, my eyes feeling like heavy metal slates.
~Till now I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone~
~How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone~
I'm so tired. So tired of fighting, so tired of pretending, so friggin' tired of everything! I can't take this anymore. I really don't think I can. All this...pretending...all this fighting...all these games...meh, to think I used to *enjoy* mind games.... though none of them had ever been on this level.... and I really don't want to play any more.
Too much...this is so...frustrating shimatta! I can't.... I just....
I growled angrily, fiercely whipping away tears that were fast beginning to form. I won't cry. I won't. I've had enough sniveling weakness out of myself for one day. I don't need to add even more shame to myself. Rising from the couch I walked toward the bathroom and shrugged off my clothes.
Quickly I turned on the water and stepped in. Cold water splashed my face and my body. I jumped out of reflex, though my senses were to drain to really respond to it. Vacantly I turned the other knob to make the water a little warmer. Shinning down I sat down in the tub, pulling my knees to my chest and allowing the water to run over my back.
It felt good...so good...a liquid massage over my tense body.
I rested my head on my knees, my thoughts scattered and divided between trying to be angry with Ryou for being difficult and brining me to this, for his simple existence which had brought me to my knees. And the other half which screamed for me to return, sit him down and lay it clean out that I loved him more the anything....
I sighed and hugged my knees closer to my chest. My eyes burned and the next thing I knew my tears were rolling down to mix with the water. Time passed, holding no real meaning to me. Eventually the water began to get cold again and I was forced to turn it off. I choked back any more tears that threatened to spill forth.
I shouldn't cry.
Not for this. I'm...still invulnerable like I was back then. I won't let this get to me. I won't let this bring me down damnit! I have...I have to be strong...its that simple really.
This...weakness isn't an option any more. All I have to do now is watch after Ryou and make sure no one tries to take advantage of him. That's my only purpose anymore. Such a bitter thing that. I can watch him all I like but can never touch. Never dare. He's mine, he is...but I can never have him.
A rude thought. Such a horrible one at that. In the past I've never hesitated to take what is mine and strike down whatever force dares to stand in my way. But this is different. So very different. I have to let him go, it'll be better that way for both of us...mostly me...since I can't live feeling this way.
I can't live each day knowing he hates me when I love him so much.... so very much.
I laughed suddenly, the manicle sound bounced off the walls, which only caused me to laugh harder. Another twist to add to this pathetic little thing...that he probably felt this way when I used to smack him around a bit. He probably felt just like this...without the loving part. I stood slowly, a hysterical grin on my face as I grabbed my clothes off the floor and re-dressed despite the fact I was just getting my clothes wet.
So this is Ra's punishment. Showing me just how much I had hurt him, showing me in every way and deeper how he had felt. The emotionality of it all cried out loudly to me as I stumbled back into the living room and collapsed on the couch. In an instant I drifted away from everything and into a dream where reality and gods didn't matter and my heart's desire was my own...........
~How do I get you alone
How do I get you alone~
~Alone, Alone~
A.n-^_^I hope ya'all liked it...I'd say this fic has about three chapters left....what d'ya all think......a happy ending.....or......a sad ending? Lemme know!^_^also, to Miya-Miya, ty for *not* flaming me:)