A.n.-^_^Mm, I hope ya'all like this chappie...one more to go 'till the end^_~....
Dissclaimer-I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or this song "No One Like You" by Scorpions.
Dedication-Yuki-chan, R Amythest, CrazyAce, Lunatic Lisa (LL, Noname, Moshi, Draggy, Renee The Rabid Squirrel, Tohru, Lady Eos, A.B, Anime_Fan, Yllyana, Asian Angel 12, Kako, Vampire Huntress D, and CrystalDraygon98. Arigatou all of you for your reviews n' support! I really means a lot to me to hear your comments!!^_^
~Its been a long time that we've been apart
Much too long for a man who needs love
I miss you since I've been away~
~Babe, it wasn't easy to leave you alone
It's getting harder each time that I go
If I had the choice, I would stay~
Darkness.
All around me was a blank darkness, my mind felt fruzzy and unresponding as I slowly trancended from the steps of sleep and into the wakeing world. Where was I? I was laying in a warm bed, a gentle breez darted over my exposed flesh uncovered by the light blankets over me. A blank twisted sadness seemed to cover me completely, though I didn't know why. Couldn't fathome why such an emotion would hover over me.
Abruptly memories flushed through my mind like a flood..
{"I-I ha-Hah-hate yah-you!!"}
Tears rushed down over my cheeks. What had I done? How could I tell him that? I blinked my eyes rapidly, a feirce determination of the new me that had seemed to rise from the secoud that rage had touched me sung through my veins. He desereved it...didn't he? Yes, of course he did. He had betrayed me--not the other way around.
I had waited so long for him, I had stood the shadows and sacrificed *everything* I had just to make him happy. And what had it brought me in the end? Still I'd been cast away for something better, a useless battered toy that was never to be retreived. I couldn't take this any more, I *wouldn't*....
I whiped my eyes with the back of my hand, trying to still the painful leaps of my heart as a sudden realization made my body freez upon myself. Franticly I grabed the Sennen Ring on my neck. Icy cold as death itself. I reached through my mind in a desperet attempt to find what I knew was gone. He wasn't there. Wasn't in his Soul Realm. Meaning...he wasn't with me...
Dread filled my every sense as I felt my breathing become labered. Tears dribbled down my cheaks in a salty wave. He'd left me. Left me all alone.
He was really gone.
Left me just as I'd demanded.
Funny how getting what you want is rarely such a sweet thing.
I leaned forward over my knees and wrapped my arms around my legs and began to sob. I didn't hate him...I didn't....but...now he was gone and I'd never be able to tell him that I'd lied...that I was just angry...and hurt--not a good combination for anyone...I should have been more patient with him...more understandng.
Instead I'd acted like a mere child and refused to listen to him. I'd refused to hope even for a secoud that maybe he wasn't...with her....
Now who am I trying to fool? I *saw* them. Not only that night but I'd seen the way she'd looked at him, felt my darker halves emotions singing through my blood at nearly every moment. He was *happy* with her. I know he was. And I'd ruined it more or less for him. I bet he ran off into her arms too!
I clinched my hands together, my sadness forgotten as that blessed anger seiged hold of me once more. Why that coniveing bastard. Standing over me when I woke up like he really *cared* when he was probably with her, damnation its not fair! Its not! Meh, I sould like a child--even to myself. A spoiled rotten child. Maybe thats what I am. He was never really mine to begin with...right? So what if he's the other half of my soul, Anzu wanted him and he wanted her--nothing can change that.
Even if I tried it wouldn't do a damn thing.
Abruptly I felt warm arms wrap gently around me, drawing me into a lean chest. Too startled to resist I looked up to see a wave of bleached blonde hair falling in a haze onto my own, deep lavender eyes of sharp jaded intensity stared down at me. A face of hardened lines of insane malice that rarely left his features even lightly stared down at me. Ishtal, the dark half of Malik's soul.
What was that emotion pressing in his eyes? What was that warm look that no one had ever really shown me in so long. A hunger I didn't understand seemed to fly through my body. A sudden want for that expression to grow further in his eyes, for his arms to hold me like this so comfertingly surged through me.
Leaning up I pressed my lips gently against his. The touch was electrifing in its own way, holding a fire of its very own. The taste of spices was on my tongue as I leaned in farther. Ishtal's body was stiff beneith my arms as he abruptly pushed my away. I felt my lips form a small pout, tears welling in my eyes as I realized that not even Isthal wanted anything to do with me in that way.
No one probably ever would.
Salty tears were falling down my cheaks. As tangy as the taste of Ishtal's lips on my own was it failed to whipe the slate of my Yami's kiss clean. It barely compared. No kiss would ever come close. My expereinces with such things were limited, yes, but even a ameture as I could tell that nothing could replace what he had givein me.
No other could touch me so possesively, so harshly yet gently at the same time. Make me feel for the breifest of moments as though he wanted me more then anything in the world. For a split secoud I entertained the thought that maybe it had meant something to my Yami. That maybe the kiss hadn't been a mere way of subdueing me...but showing me that he returned my feelings...maybe?
I squashed the thought instantly. Hope was dangerous. Hope destroied you, it didn't save you. It just set you up for a fall that you most likely won't rise from. I can't take this much longer, my sanity's frittered away and I'm standing on the ledge of falling into complete insanity. Any minute now I'll probably be more like...well, Ishtal on a murder streak...not a pleasent thought really.
Not fair of me really I suppose. Even if Ishtal *does* have a tendancy to make the worst of the clincly insane look sane. I looked back up into the harsh eyes of Ishtal to see that the deep lavender had softened again. He seemed at a lost of what to do as He ran a hand down my cheek and shook his head slightly.
I leaned into the touch, needing to feel some form of contact. Despretly needing to know that I was really here and that this wasn't some nightmare that had rudely pulled me in. The Yami before me frowned at me, tilting his head as he loward his hand.
"Don't use me to try and forget, Little One..."he said softly.
I felt shame wash through me vibrently. Thats what I was doing, wasn't it? Pushing my problems far away like the coward I was and trying to use Ishtal so I wouldn't have to see nor feel them anymore. That wasn't fair to him, nor I suppose for me. It wasn't Ishtal that my soul all but screamed for, it wasn't him whos hardened eyes I longed for.
I'd hoped that my anger had washed that feeling away. That maybe I'd hiden it some how, some way. And as much as my heart is breaking my doing it...I can't forget my Yami....I can't ever move on without him...I simply can't...willing or not, I'll always be here...waiting for him...The thought made my wince slightly. Always waiting for something that wouldn't come, that seemed to be my fate.
~There's no one like you
I can't wait for the nights with you
I imagine the things we'll do
I just wanna be loved by you~
~There's no one like you
I can't wait for the nights with you
I imagine the things we'll do
I just wanna be loved by you~
I guess it hadn't really sunk in before now. I bowed my head slightly.
"Gomen, Ishtal...gomen-nasai...I didn't mean to...I just..."
My throat closed up dryly on me...my voice cracking off whatever words might of spilled forth. It was finaly hiting me. Reality was chokeing up through me, tighting it's hold crushingly on me. The heart I'd fooled myself into beliveing I'd lost was breaking painfully in my chest. Pain beyound words was strikeing at me.
It hadn't fully come to me that my Yami was gone. The other half of my soul was *gone* and most likely would never return. Why would he want to return to some one as weak as I in the first place? How could I have fooled myself for a secoud that I could survive without him at my side?
I can't.
I won't make it out there.
I know it, and I'll bet he knows it as well.
Perhapes he's giveing me a lesson like the days when I first recieved the Ring. Though instead of him battering down my self-will and my physical body he's going to allow the world itself to do it for him. I felt my body begine to tremble. I felt naked suddenly without him. My every flaw, my every doubt bare to the world.
With him by me I always felt safe and conferted, no matter how deep the torment was that I could never have him. I love him, I do...no matter that the anger from before still boils deep within me I do care for him...more then anything in the world. But he's gone now. I'll bet he's with *Anzu* and not even giveing me a secoud thought.
I felt my hands clinch into small fists. I turned my face away, tears gathering higher as they fell down streams down my face. The bed seeped in slightly next to me and warm arms encircled me once more. I stayed rigid in the embrace. My body acheing defiently for anothers. A deep, primatoral feeling that I knew only one could satisfy.
Leaning forward I let out a ragged sob. It hurt...it hurt *so* much. Why did it have to be this way? Why did everything in my life have to fall apart like this? Why is that everything I touch turns to such a bitter end? My Mother died when she gave birth to me y'know. Thats why my Father, if one could call him that, was rarely ever home.
He pushed me off to nanies and such, sent me to privet schools for a little while simply so he wouldn't have to spend time with me. Oh, sure, he said he was doing "doing it for me". Whatever. I could read him like a book then, still can when he bothers to come every year or so. When he's "work" dosen't detain him that is.
The Sennen Ring was one of his "apology gifts" actually. He gave it to me after I finaly lost my temper and asked him why he never spent time with me at all. Why he acted like he didn't care. If he even loved me at all and why he couldn't even find it to spend time with his own son instead of constantly going off to a dig.
That earned me a sharp slap and a rememberence that it was often better to keep such thoughts to myself least I get another bruise on my cheak. I learned well. The Ring was given to me then as an i'm-sorry-for-not-being-able-to-spend-more-time-with-you-son sort of gift. I'd thought it a mere trinket really.
But something about it pulled me in, whispereing silently of an end to my lonelyness. An end to walking through the world with an acheing feeling inside. Who'd of belived that I'd lead me here. And alone without him. I don't know what hurts more the fact that he's gone and that I can't feel his soul intertwined so tight-nitch to mine or that he'll never love me.
I suppose the pain divides it's self equally more or less I don't know. Its hard to make sense of anything any more....I just...I can't...I can't *think* strait any more.
How could I have messed things up so badly? Why did I have to lose my temper like that damn it! People always say I've a lot of patience! Why didn't I try excerciseing it...
Meh, I can't delude myself with that. If I had the choice to go back in time and change that moment I know I wouldn't. If it hadn't happened then, then it would have happened later on. I know it would. And anger worsens the longer you hold it in. I caused this...so I have to fix it somehow...I..I have to find him...
But...What if I *do* find him and...and...he's *with* HER...
I can't see that again...I just...I can't...I WON'T....
Abruptly I became aware of harsh cries resonateing in the room that I recognized as my own, and a low voice humming a rather sootheing lulluby...strong arms rocked my gently...a perfect rhythm that was calming my rageing mind. Slowing the hyper-speed of what-if possiblities that were fast spinning out of control.
~There are really no words strong enough
To describe all my longing for love
I don't want my feelings restrained~
~Ooh, babe, I just need you like never before
I just imagine you'd come throough this door
You'd take all my sorrow away~
Suddenly I felt another precence enter the room. The aura was dark and powerful, calm yet dangerous at the same time. I stiffened in Ishtal's arms and wirled around. Fear was pounding through my veins for I could tell that the aura I felt wasn't my Yami miraculesly returning to me...But someone eles. Blindly I struggled to hope that maybe, just maybe, I was mistaken and it was him.
My heart slammed in my chest at the thought. I knew in an instant that if was him I'd throw myself into his arms and forget everything just to have him. I can't hide it from him. I can't keep hideing what I feel. I can't keep this mask I wear up anymore. Its killing me, truely it is....
What I saw made my heart plummet down, a tiny peice of resentment finding its way through me as my eyes locked upon Yugioh, the Ancient Pharaoh from five thousand years ago and the King of Games.
I've never completely forgivein him for his actions dureing the Duelist Kingdom. True, I hadn't been playing in my other halvs better intreste but Yugioh was the one who ripped him from me. Kami-sama...the pain...it had been so blinding. I'd cried myself asleep those nights, crawling away from the group as I curled into a ball of utter agony....
Shakeing my head slightly I tried to dispell the rememberence and vainly whiped my tears away and pulled myself from the firm embrace of Ishtal. His hands lingered on me for a secoud protectively before falling away. I lowered my head, allowing my snow white hair to fall around my face as I fought to figure out something, anything, to say.
Yugioh saved me the trouble though.
"Finaly returned chibi Hikari no Ryou?"
Not trusting my voice I nodded slightly, turning my face away from them. Not by choice, I hadn't returned by my own will. If I had it my way I'd still be curled up safely in the Ring without a worry. I'd of never seen my Yami and Anzu together....I ground my teeth together as my memory summoned up a perfect picture of them entwined together...Rage of the purest of fires flared up through me. Sung through my very blood.
"You shouldn't be angry with him, Hikari no Ryou."
I flinched slightly. Not just from his reading my obviouse emotions, but from the fact that he called me "Hikari". Such was a privlage reserved only for my Yami and no other. I glared up at him.
"You wanting to be a runner up as well, Yugioh?"I snapped, my voice suddenly hard and unyeilding.
I was suprised how quick anger healed over my wounds, or atleast hide them enough that I could barely feel them sliceing at my soul. I clung to the feeling of tempory relife. Unwilling to allow it to leave ever so soon. Yugioh's eyes narrowed slightly at me, the ruby color boreing through me.
"Stop treating us like enemies, Hikari no Ryou. We're trying to help you."he said firmly in a no-nonsence sort of tone.
I felt my lips curl up in disgust. Help me? *Help* me? Oh, well Kami-sama forbid that I should try to help myself. That I should take control of my own life. My chest heaved up and down suddenly. Anger sparked vibrently through me, flying through my eyes as I glared hard into those blood red orbs of Yugioh.
"Read my lips, Yugioh. I--don't--want--your--help."I growled out. Pronuceing each word with infenet clarity.
I could feel Isthal's gaze boreing through me with suprise. I'd never used such a harsh tone with anyone before...other then my Darker half the night before. But lately, my patience for others has drawn thin and if you want to put yourself in my path right now then you can damn well face the consequences.
The air in the room instantly seemed to drop several degrees. Yugioh's gaze was harsh and cold as he stared at me.
"Leave me alone with him, Ishtal, Yuugi."
Ishtal stiffened slightly, his eyes darting from me back to Yugioh as he tried to decide whether or not to defy the once Pharaoh or to stay at my side. Obviousely he choose the former as I he rose and walked out the door. Yuugi, who I hadn't noticed before, hung by the door. His youthful face was just as I remembered it. Wide, innocent amythist eyes glowed with concern. Those lovely orbs took a slightly glazed look that I knew from experience meant he was speaking telepathicly with Yugioh. He nodded slightly before walking out the door and closeing it behind him.
I shifted with sudden unease on the bed, crossing my arms infront of me in a defensive gesture as I glared over at Yugioh. His gaze on me didn't change in the slightest, his eyes followed my every motion. I rose from the bed and squared my shoulders to make myself stand tall. I stood a good few inches above Him, but he somehow made it seem like he was looking down on me and I was looking up. An uncomfertble feeling.
"This isn't you, Hikari no Ryou."He said softly at last, his ancient eyes holding a sudden sadness that I didn't understand.
I forced myself to stand my ground,"You know nothing about me, Yugioh."I responded coldly,"No one does."
He tilted his head slightly,"Not even that Tomb Robber?"
I flinched instantly at the mention of my Yami. Yugioh saw this as surely as a panther would sense a fatle weakness in their prey.
"He's gone now, he can't of known me that well. What are you dong here anyway, Yugjoh? Shouldn't you be out dueling Kaiba-san or something?"I changed the subject quickly, not willing to linger on the subject of my Yami least I finaly break down into tears again.
And I can't give the once Pharaoh my tears. I simply can't. I won't. Looks like my Yami's sense of undieing pride rubbed off on me.
Yugioh crossed the distance between us, his breath was warm on my face sending goosebumbs through my flesh,"We came to make sure your alright, and to help you. If you'd stop being so difficult you'd see that."
My mind screamed at my body to move back a few steps but I refused stubburnly. Loseing ground with Yugioh wasn't a thing to be reclaimed. Ever. He was in *my* space, not the other way around. If he thought he could intimdate me he was in for a suprise. Becouse he couldn't. My Yami was more frightening back when I first recieved the Ring then Yugioh could ever attempt to be.
"I'll stop being difficult when you get it through your spikey head that I don't want your help."I grounded out, keeping my voice soft yet laced with a torrent wave of naive anger that flooded through my very soul.
Crimson eyes flashed with impatience as he leaned closer into my space; his nose nearly touching my own.
"You have no idea do you?"he questioned, the question seemingly innocent.
Confuseion cut through me like a knife as I cocked my head to the side and blinked a few times. What was he talking about? Takeing my silence as his answer he steped away from me and I couldn't keep in the slight sigh of relife that he'd moved away. He walked across the room. He stood with his back to me for a moment before turning around, his ageless features tense as they lingered on me.
"You really don't see it do you, Hikari no Ryou?"
I narrowed my eyes, instantly going on the defensive,"Nani?"
He shook his head slightly and...laughed. The sound bounced off the wooden walls of my bedroom with a resounding intensity. Pride forgotten I backed away. An insane jolt of fear flying throug me at the look on Yugioh's face...and the Eye of Ra which glowed brightly on his forehead. I moved back a few more steps untill my back meet the wall. My breathing was comeing fast gasps now as I squeezed my eyes shut.
Its hard to explain what happened next. I could suddenly feel another...precence in my mind. A different one then that of my Yami....Anger shot through the fear as I threw up mental sheilds only to have them broken down a secoud later. I tried again, only to have the other precence I'd identified as Yugioh slam them down with impatience.
An eternity seemed to pass untill he left the barriors of my mind and I became aware that I kneeling down on my hands and knees with Yugioh crouching next to me, his forehead resting against my own. Ruby eyes snapped open and stared into my own chocolate brown.
"I see now."he said simply.
~There's no one like you
I can't wait for the nights with you
I imagine the things we'll do
I just wanna be loved by you~
~No one like you
I can't wait for the nights with you
I imagine the things we'll do
I just wanna be loved by you~
Crimson eyes closed for a moment before reopening,"You think He loves her, don't you Hikari no Ryou?"
"....He does...I know he does..."I had to choke out the words, my fear...my anxitey was riseing wholy in my throat. Salty tears poured down my cheeks in an unstopable wave.
He smirked slightly and shook his head, his skin was cold against my own,"No, Hikari no Ryou, he dosen't. He loves *you*."
The words were simple, spoken so carelessly. Thrown at my feet like gems to a poor man. Denial surged through me at the information givein to me.
"No...no, he-he-he can't la-lav-love me..."I whispered hoarsly.
"He does."Yugioh responded firmly.,"He's pined for you all these months, Hikari no Ryou. He's searched through many Ancient books and spells that Isis had at the museum in hopes of finding a way to get you out of the Ring. Anzu toke advantage of his weakness of your leaveing him. He never loved her, Hikari no Ryou."
"Your lieing...."I shook my head, unwilling to accept what the once Pharaoh said was true.
It couldn't be...It simply couldn't...Fairy Tales didn't come true for me. They never had before, there was no happy ending for me. There never will be...and for my Yami to love me...that would change everything too much..it simply couldn't be true. It just can't be!
Crimson eyes narrowed dangerously,"I. Do. NOT. Lie, Hikari no Ryou."he said firmly, pronuceing each word like a silver bullet aimed directly at me.
I felt naked, the truths I'd clinged so fervently too ripped from my hands to leave me bare to a reality I couldn't accept just yet. My heart was beating fast against my wishes though. Hope to bright to be forgotten flying through me. Was it true? Could it be true? My Yami in love with me? Was it possible? Dare I to even try for this? Could he ever forgive me?
I looked up at Yugioh wildly,"Where is he?"I demanded.
Yugioh's face turned sad,"I...Don't know...he left before sunrise...."
I jumped up and ran from my bedroom, Yugioh didn't bother to try and stop me. Probably knowing it was pointless. I ran past Ishtal and Malik, darting through the door just as Yugi jumped out of the way. I ran down the pavement side-walks as fast as I could. I didn't know where I was going, just that I had to find my Yami before it was too late.
I had to try and salvage what we had. I needed him more then anything in the world, and I would spend all of eternity makeing up what I had said to him if he'd just stay with me now. I had to hurry though. I couldn't wait any longer. I focused on my Yami's aura and followed it...I seemed to fly through the very air I was going so fast. Everything around me was a blur, it didn't matter in the slightest to me really. On He mattered. He was my world and I couldn't--no I wouldn't--lose him.
I looked around as I began to slow slightly, realizeing I was in a more run down part of Domino. A more dangerous side of it that I had avoided like the plauge before. Thats when I saw him. I was walking down the steps of an Apartment building I recognized to be where Malik and Ishtal with the rest of the G.H.O.U.L.S group had lived for a while in Battle City. Love bursted through me at the site of him and I felt tears drip down my face as I ran forward at him.
From far off I heard a honk expload through the air but I paid it no heed. I watched my Yami's expression go from happiness, to sorrow, to a blinding fear I didn't completly understand...
Agony shot through my suddenly as I felt something collide with me and send me sprawling to the hard pavement ground. My breatheing felt shallow, my body shakeing with pain. Blackness began to swallow me as the remindeing thought of earlier that I would never have a happy ending surfaced as obliveion exploaded through me and I knew no more......
~No one like you
I can't wait for the nights with you
I imagine the things we'll do
I just wanna be loved by you~
~No one like you
I can't wait for the nights with you
I imagine the things we'll do
I just wanna be loved by you~
~No one like you~
A.N.-I know, I know,...Cliffie...I'm evil ne? One more chapter left, I hope you enjoyed this one. Sorry if Ryou-chan seemed a lil' OOC but remember, he was hurting a lot right now and bein' in pain can change a persons personality radicly for a limited amount of time. I hope you did somewhat enjoy the chappie an one more to go.....a happy ending or a sad ending? Tick-tock-tick-tock.....review onegai^_~Also, sorry if the song didn't fit the fic that great...I looked around forever but this was the only one I thought fitted at least somewhat, it was hard to find one this time...Neways:)review onegai!:)
Also, I haven't used spell-cheak on this yet but I will soon, promise. No flames on it, onegai. I do go over it to try and fix them to the best of my abilty...
Dissclaimer-I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or this song "No One Like You" by Scorpions.
Dedication-Yuki-chan, R Amythest, CrazyAce, Lunatic Lisa (LL, Noname, Moshi, Draggy, Renee The Rabid Squirrel, Tohru, Lady Eos, A.B, Anime_Fan, Yllyana, Asian Angel 12, Kako, Vampire Huntress D, and CrystalDraygon98. Arigatou all of you for your reviews n' support! I really means a lot to me to hear your comments!!^_^
~Its been a long time that we've been apart
Much too long for a man who needs love
I miss you since I've been away~
~Babe, it wasn't easy to leave you alone
It's getting harder each time that I go
If I had the choice, I would stay~
Darkness.
All around me was a blank darkness, my mind felt fruzzy and unresponding as I slowly trancended from the steps of sleep and into the wakeing world. Where was I? I was laying in a warm bed, a gentle breez darted over my exposed flesh uncovered by the light blankets over me. A blank twisted sadness seemed to cover me completely, though I didn't know why. Couldn't fathome why such an emotion would hover over me.
Abruptly memories flushed through my mind like a flood..
{"I-I ha-Hah-hate yah-you!!"}
Tears rushed down over my cheeks. What had I done? How could I tell him that? I blinked my eyes rapidly, a feirce determination of the new me that had seemed to rise from the secoud that rage had touched me sung through my veins. He desereved it...didn't he? Yes, of course he did. He had betrayed me--not the other way around.
I had waited so long for him, I had stood the shadows and sacrificed *everything* I had just to make him happy. And what had it brought me in the end? Still I'd been cast away for something better, a useless battered toy that was never to be retreived. I couldn't take this any more, I *wouldn't*....
I whiped my eyes with the back of my hand, trying to still the painful leaps of my heart as a sudden realization made my body freez upon myself. Franticly I grabed the Sennen Ring on my neck. Icy cold as death itself. I reached through my mind in a desperet attempt to find what I knew was gone. He wasn't there. Wasn't in his Soul Realm. Meaning...he wasn't with me...
Dread filled my every sense as I felt my breathing become labered. Tears dribbled down my cheaks in a salty wave. He'd left me. Left me all alone.
He was really gone.
Left me just as I'd demanded.
Funny how getting what you want is rarely such a sweet thing.
I leaned forward over my knees and wrapped my arms around my legs and began to sob. I didn't hate him...I didn't....but...now he was gone and I'd never be able to tell him that I'd lied...that I was just angry...and hurt--not a good combination for anyone...I should have been more patient with him...more understandng.
Instead I'd acted like a mere child and refused to listen to him. I'd refused to hope even for a secoud that maybe he wasn't...with her....
Now who am I trying to fool? I *saw* them. Not only that night but I'd seen the way she'd looked at him, felt my darker halves emotions singing through my blood at nearly every moment. He was *happy* with her. I know he was. And I'd ruined it more or less for him. I bet he ran off into her arms too!
I clinched my hands together, my sadness forgotten as that blessed anger seiged hold of me once more. Why that coniveing bastard. Standing over me when I woke up like he really *cared* when he was probably with her, damnation its not fair! Its not! Meh, I sould like a child--even to myself. A spoiled rotten child. Maybe thats what I am. He was never really mine to begin with...right? So what if he's the other half of my soul, Anzu wanted him and he wanted her--nothing can change that.
Even if I tried it wouldn't do a damn thing.
Abruptly I felt warm arms wrap gently around me, drawing me into a lean chest. Too startled to resist I looked up to see a wave of bleached blonde hair falling in a haze onto my own, deep lavender eyes of sharp jaded intensity stared down at me. A face of hardened lines of insane malice that rarely left his features even lightly stared down at me. Ishtal, the dark half of Malik's soul.
What was that emotion pressing in his eyes? What was that warm look that no one had ever really shown me in so long. A hunger I didn't understand seemed to fly through my body. A sudden want for that expression to grow further in his eyes, for his arms to hold me like this so comfertingly surged through me.
Leaning up I pressed my lips gently against his. The touch was electrifing in its own way, holding a fire of its very own. The taste of spices was on my tongue as I leaned in farther. Ishtal's body was stiff beneith my arms as he abruptly pushed my away. I felt my lips form a small pout, tears welling in my eyes as I realized that not even Isthal wanted anything to do with me in that way.
No one probably ever would.
Salty tears were falling down my cheaks. As tangy as the taste of Ishtal's lips on my own was it failed to whipe the slate of my Yami's kiss clean. It barely compared. No kiss would ever come close. My expereinces with such things were limited, yes, but even a ameture as I could tell that nothing could replace what he had givein me.
No other could touch me so possesively, so harshly yet gently at the same time. Make me feel for the breifest of moments as though he wanted me more then anything in the world. For a split secoud I entertained the thought that maybe it had meant something to my Yami. That maybe the kiss hadn't been a mere way of subdueing me...but showing me that he returned my feelings...maybe?
I squashed the thought instantly. Hope was dangerous. Hope destroied you, it didn't save you. It just set you up for a fall that you most likely won't rise from. I can't take this much longer, my sanity's frittered away and I'm standing on the ledge of falling into complete insanity. Any minute now I'll probably be more like...well, Ishtal on a murder streak...not a pleasent thought really.
Not fair of me really I suppose. Even if Ishtal *does* have a tendancy to make the worst of the clincly insane look sane. I looked back up into the harsh eyes of Ishtal to see that the deep lavender had softened again. He seemed at a lost of what to do as He ran a hand down my cheek and shook his head slightly.
I leaned into the touch, needing to feel some form of contact. Despretly needing to know that I was really here and that this wasn't some nightmare that had rudely pulled me in. The Yami before me frowned at me, tilting his head as he loward his hand.
"Don't use me to try and forget, Little One..."he said softly.
I felt shame wash through me vibrently. Thats what I was doing, wasn't it? Pushing my problems far away like the coward I was and trying to use Ishtal so I wouldn't have to see nor feel them anymore. That wasn't fair to him, nor I suppose for me. It wasn't Ishtal that my soul all but screamed for, it wasn't him whos hardened eyes I longed for.
I'd hoped that my anger had washed that feeling away. That maybe I'd hiden it some how, some way. And as much as my heart is breaking my doing it...I can't forget my Yami....I can't ever move on without him...I simply can't...willing or not, I'll always be here...waiting for him...The thought made my wince slightly. Always waiting for something that wouldn't come, that seemed to be my fate.
~There's no one like you
I can't wait for the nights with you
I imagine the things we'll do
I just wanna be loved by you~
~There's no one like you
I can't wait for the nights with you
I imagine the things we'll do
I just wanna be loved by you~
I guess it hadn't really sunk in before now. I bowed my head slightly.
"Gomen, Ishtal...gomen-nasai...I didn't mean to...I just..."
My throat closed up dryly on me...my voice cracking off whatever words might of spilled forth. It was finaly hiting me. Reality was chokeing up through me, tighting it's hold crushingly on me. The heart I'd fooled myself into beliveing I'd lost was breaking painfully in my chest. Pain beyound words was strikeing at me.
It hadn't fully come to me that my Yami was gone. The other half of my soul was *gone* and most likely would never return. Why would he want to return to some one as weak as I in the first place? How could I have fooled myself for a secoud that I could survive without him at my side?
I can't.
I won't make it out there.
I know it, and I'll bet he knows it as well.
Perhapes he's giveing me a lesson like the days when I first recieved the Ring. Though instead of him battering down my self-will and my physical body he's going to allow the world itself to do it for him. I felt my body begine to tremble. I felt naked suddenly without him. My every flaw, my every doubt bare to the world.
With him by me I always felt safe and conferted, no matter how deep the torment was that I could never have him. I love him, I do...no matter that the anger from before still boils deep within me I do care for him...more then anything in the world. But he's gone now. I'll bet he's with *Anzu* and not even giveing me a secoud thought.
I felt my hands clinch into small fists. I turned my face away, tears gathering higher as they fell down streams down my face. The bed seeped in slightly next to me and warm arms encircled me once more. I stayed rigid in the embrace. My body acheing defiently for anothers. A deep, primatoral feeling that I knew only one could satisfy.
Leaning forward I let out a ragged sob. It hurt...it hurt *so* much. Why did it have to be this way? Why did everything in my life have to fall apart like this? Why is that everything I touch turns to such a bitter end? My Mother died when she gave birth to me y'know. Thats why my Father, if one could call him that, was rarely ever home.
He pushed me off to nanies and such, sent me to privet schools for a little while simply so he wouldn't have to spend time with me. Oh, sure, he said he was doing "doing it for me". Whatever. I could read him like a book then, still can when he bothers to come every year or so. When he's "work" dosen't detain him that is.
The Sennen Ring was one of his "apology gifts" actually. He gave it to me after I finaly lost my temper and asked him why he never spent time with me at all. Why he acted like he didn't care. If he even loved me at all and why he couldn't even find it to spend time with his own son instead of constantly going off to a dig.
That earned me a sharp slap and a rememberence that it was often better to keep such thoughts to myself least I get another bruise on my cheak. I learned well. The Ring was given to me then as an i'm-sorry-for-not-being-able-to-spend-more-time-with-you-son sort of gift. I'd thought it a mere trinket really.
But something about it pulled me in, whispereing silently of an end to my lonelyness. An end to walking through the world with an acheing feeling inside. Who'd of belived that I'd lead me here. And alone without him. I don't know what hurts more the fact that he's gone and that I can't feel his soul intertwined so tight-nitch to mine or that he'll never love me.
I suppose the pain divides it's self equally more or less I don't know. Its hard to make sense of anything any more....I just...I can't...I can't *think* strait any more.
How could I have messed things up so badly? Why did I have to lose my temper like that damn it! People always say I've a lot of patience! Why didn't I try excerciseing it...
Meh, I can't delude myself with that. If I had the choice to go back in time and change that moment I know I wouldn't. If it hadn't happened then, then it would have happened later on. I know it would. And anger worsens the longer you hold it in. I caused this...so I have to fix it somehow...I..I have to find him...
But...What if I *do* find him and...and...he's *with* HER...
I can't see that again...I just...I can't...I WON'T....
Abruptly I became aware of harsh cries resonateing in the room that I recognized as my own, and a low voice humming a rather sootheing lulluby...strong arms rocked my gently...a perfect rhythm that was calming my rageing mind. Slowing the hyper-speed of what-if possiblities that were fast spinning out of control.
~There are really no words strong enough
To describe all my longing for love
I don't want my feelings restrained~
~Ooh, babe, I just need you like never before
I just imagine you'd come throough this door
You'd take all my sorrow away~
Suddenly I felt another precence enter the room. The aura was dark and powerful, calm yet dangerous at the same time. I stiffened in Ishtal's arms and wirled around. Fear was pounding through my veins for I could tell that the aura I felt wasn't my Yami miraculesly returning to me...But someone eles. Blindly I struggled to hope that maybe, just maybe, I was mistaken and it was him.
My heart slammed in my chest at the thought. I knew in an instant that if was him I'd throw myself into his arms and forget everything just to have him. I can't hide it from him. I can't keep hideing what I feel. I can't keep this mask I wear up anymore. Its killing me, truely it is....
What I saw made my heart plummet down, a tiny peice of resentment finding its way through me as my eyes locked upon Yugioh, the Ancient Pharaoh from five thousand years ago and the King of Games.
I've never completely forgivein him for his actions dureing the Duelist Kingdom. True, I hadn't been playing in my other halvs better intreste but Yugioh was the one who ripped him from me. Kami-sama...the pain...it had been so blinding. I'd cried myself asleep those nights, crawling away from the group as I curled into a ball of utter agony....
Shakeing my head slightly I tried to dispell the rememberence and vainly whiped my tears away and pulled myself from the firm embrace of Ishtal. His hands lingered on me for a secoud protectively before falling away. I lowered my head, allowing my snow white hair to fall around my face as I fought to figure out something, anything, to say.
Yugioh saved me the trouble though.
"Finaly returned chibi Hikari no Ryou?"
Not trusting my voice I nodded slightly, turning my face away from them. Not by choice, I hadn't returned by my own will. If I had it my way I'd still be curled up safely in the Ring without a worry. I'd of never seen my Yami and Anzu together....I ground my teeth together as my memory summoned up a perfect picture of them entwined together...Rage of the purest of fires flared up through me. Sung through my very blood.
"You shouldn't be angry with him, Hikari no Ryou."
I flinched slightly. Not just from his reading my obviouse emotions, but from the fact that he called me "Hikari". Such was a privlage reserved only for my Yami and no other. I glared up at him.
"You wanting to be a runner up as well, Yugioh?"I snapped, my voice suddenly hard and unyeilding.
I was suprised how quick anger healed over my wounds, or atleast hide them enough that I could barely feel them sliceing at my soul. I clung to the feeling of tempory relife. Unwilling to allow it to leave ever so soon. Yugioh's eyes narrowed slightly at me, the ruby color boreing through me.
"Stop treating us like enemies, Hikari no Ryou. We're trying to help you."he said firmly in a no-nonsence sort of tone.
I felt my lips curl up in disgust. Help me? *Help* me? Oh, well Kami-sama forbid that I should try to help myself. That I should take control of my own life. My chest heaved up and down suddenly. Anger sparked vibrently through me, flying through my eyes as I glared hard into those blood red orbs of Yugioh.
"Read my lips, Yugioh. I--don't--want--your--help."I growled out. Pronuceing each word with infenet clarity.
I could feel Isthal's gaze boreing through me with suprise. I'd never used such a harsh tone with anyone before...other then my Darker half the night before. But lately, my patience for others has drawn thin and if you want to put yourself in my path right now then you can damn well face the consequences.
The air in the room instantly seemed to drop several degrees. Yugioh's gaze was harsh and cold as he stared at me.
"Leave me alone with him, Ishtal, Yuugi."
Ishtal stiffened slightly, his eyes darting from me back to Yugioh as he tried to decide whether or not to defy the once Pharaoh or to stay at my side. Obviousely he choose the former as I he rose and walked out the door. Yuugi, who I hadn't noticed before, hung by the door. His youthful face was just as I remembered it. Wide, innocent amythist eyes glowed with concern. Those lovely orbs took a slightly glazed look that I knew from experience meant he was speaking telepathicly with Yugioh. He nodded slightly before walking out the door and closeing it behind him.
I shifted with sudden unease on the bed, crossing my arms infront of me in a defensive gesture as I glared over at Yugioh. His gaze on me didn't change in the slightest, his eyes followed my every motion. I rose from the bed and squared my shoulders to make myself stand tall. I stood a good few inches above Him, but he somehow made it seem like he was looking down on me and I was looking up. An uncomfertble feeling.
"This isn't you, Hikari no Ryou."He said softly at last, his ancient eyes holding a sudden sadness that I didn't understand.
I forced myself to stand my ground,"You know nothing about me, Yugioh."I responded coldly,"No one does."
He tilted his head slightly,"Not even that Tomb Robber?"
I flinched instantly at the mention of my Yami. Yugioh saw this as surely as a panther would sense a fatle weakness in their prey.
"He's gone now, he can't of known me that well. What are you dong here anyway, Yugjoh? Shouldn't you be out dueling Kaiba-san or something?"I changed the subject quickly, not willing to linger on the subject of my Yami least I finaly break down into tears again.
And I can't give the once Pharaoh my tears. I simply can't. I won't. Looks like my Yami's sense of undieing pride rubbed off on me.
Yugioh crossed the distance between us, his breath was warm on my face sending goosebumbs through my flesh,"We came to make sure your alright, and to help you. If you'd stop being so difficult you'd see that."
My mind screamed at my body to move back a few steps but I refused stubburnly. Loseing ground with Yugioh wasn't a thing to be reclaimed. Ever. He was in *my* space, not the other way around. If he thought he could intimdate me he was in for a suprise. Becouse he couldn't. My Yami was more frightening back when I first recieved the Ring then Yugioh could ever attempt to be.
"I'll stop being difficult when you get it through your spikey head that I don't want your help."I grounded out, keeping my voice soft yet laced with a torrent wave of naive anger that flooded through my very soul.
Crimson eyes flashed with impatience as he leaned closer into my space; his nose nearly touching my own.
"You have no idea do you?"he questioned, the question seemingly innocent.
Confuseion cut through me like a knife as I cocked my head to the side and blinked a few times. What was he talking about? Takeing my silence as his answer he steped away from me and I couldn't keep in the slight sigh of relife that he'd moved away. He walked across the room. He stood with his back to me for a moment before turning around, his ageless features tense as they lingered on me.
"You really don't see it do you, Hikari no Ryou?"
I narrowed my eyes, instantly going on the defensive,"Nani?"
He shook his head slightly and...laughed. The sound bounced off the wooden walls of my bedroom with a resounding intensity. Pride forgotten I backed away. An insane jolt of fear flying throug me at the look on Yugioh's face...and the Eye of Ra which glowed brightly on his forehead. I moved back a few more steps untill my back meet the wall. My breathing was comeing fast gasps now as I squeezed my eyes shut.
Its hard to explain what happened next. I could suddenly feel another...precence in my mind. A different one then that of my Yami....Anger shot through the fear as I threw up mental sheilds only to have them broken down a secoud later. I tried again, only to have the other precence I'd identified as Yugioh slam them down with impatience.
An eternity seemed to pass untill he left the barriors of my mind and I became aware that I kneeling down on my hands and knees with Yugioh crouching next to me, his forehead resting against my own. Ruby eyes snapped open and stared into my own chocolate brown.
"I see now."he said simply.
~There's no one like you
I can't wait for the nights with you
I imagine the things we'll do
I just wanna be loved by you~
~No one like you
I can't wait for the nights with you
I imagine the things we'll do
I just wanna be loved by you~
Crimson eyes closed for a moment before reopening,"You think He loves her, don't you Hikari no Ryou?"
"....He does...I know he does..."I had to choke out the words, my fear...my anxitey was riseing wholy in my throat. Salty tears poured down my cheeks in an unstopable wave.
He smirked slightly and shook his head, his skin was cold against my own,"No, Hikari no Ryou, he dosen't. He loves *you*."
The words were simple, spoken so carelessly. Thrown at my feet like gems to a poor man. Denial surged through me at the information givein to me.
"No...no, he-he-he can't la-lav-love me..."I whispered hoarsly.
"He does."Yugioh responded firmly.,"He's pined for you all these months, Hikari no Ryou. He's searched through many Ancient books and spells that Isis had at the museum in hopes of finding a way to get you out of the Ring. Anzu toke advantage of his weakness of your leaveing him. He never loved her, Hikari no Ryou."
"Your lieing...."I shook my head, unwilling to accept what the once Pharaoh said was true.
It couldn't be...It simply couldn't...Fairy Tales didn't come true for me. They never had before, there was no happy ending for me. There never will be...and for my Yami to love me...that would change everything too much..it simply couldn't be true. It just can't be!
Crimson eyes narrowed dangerously,"I. Do. NOT. Lie, Hikari no Ryou."he said firmly, pronuceing each word like a silver bullet aimed directly at me.
I felt naked, the truths I'd clinged so fervently too ripped from my hands to leave me bare to a reality I couldn't accept just yet. My heart was beating fast against my wishes though. Hope to bright to be forgotten flying through me. Was it true? Could it be true? My Yami in love with me? Was it possible? Dare I to even try for this? Could he ever forgive me?
I looked up at Yugioh wildly,"Where is he?"I demanded.
Yugioh's face turned sad,"I...Don't know...he left before sunrise...."
I jumped up and ran from my bedroom, Yugioh didn't bother to try and stop me. Probably knowing it was pointless. I ran past Ishtal and Malik, darting through the door just as Yugi jumped out of the way. I ran down the pavement side-walks as fast as I could. I didn't know where I was going, just that I had to find my Yami before it was too late.
I had to try and salvage what we had. I needed him more then anything in the world, and I would spend all of eternity makeing up what I had said to him if he'd just stay with me now. I had to hurry though. I couldn't wait any longer. I focused on my Yami's aura and followed it...I seemed to fly through the very air I was going so fast. Everything around me was a blur, it didn't matter in the slightest to me really. On He mattered. He was my world and I couldn't--no I wouldn't--lose him.
I looked around as I began to slow slightly, realizeing I was in a more run down part of Domino. A more dangerous side of it that I had avoided like the plauge before. Thats when I saw him. I was walking down the steps of an Apartment building I recognized to be where Malik and Ishtal with the rest of the G.H.O.U.L.S group had lived for a while in Battle City. Love bursted through me at the site of him and I felt tears drip down my face as I ran forward at him.
From far off I heard a honk expload through the air but I paid it no heed. I watched my Yami's expression go from happiness, to sorrow, to a blinding fear I didn't completly understand...
Agony shot through my suddenly as I felt something collide with me and send me sprawling to the hard pavement ground. My breatheing felt shallow, my body shakeing with pain. Blackness began to swallow me as the remindeing thought of earlier that I would never have a happy ending surfaced as obliveion exploaded through me and I knew no more......
~No one like you
I can't wait for the nights with you
I imagine the things we'll do
I just wanna be loved by you~
~No one like you
I can't wait for the nights with you
I imagine the things we'll do
I just wanna be loved by you~
~No one like you~
A.N.-I know, I know,...Cliffie...I'm evil ne? One more chapter left, I hope you enjoyed this one. Sorry if Ryou-chan seemed a lil' OOC but remember, he was hurting a lot right now and bein' in pain can change a persons personality radicly for a limited amount of time. I hope you did somewhat enjoy the chappie an one more to go.....a happy ending or a sad ending? Tick-tock-tick-tock.....review onegai^_~Also, sorry if the song didn't fit the fic that great...I looked around forever but this was the only one I thought fitted at least somewhat, it was hard to find one this time...Neways:)review onegai!:)
Also, I haven't used spell-cheak on this yet but I will soon, promise. No flames on it, onegai. I do go over it to try and fix them to the best of my abilty...