Dear Santa,
Please excuse the absence of correspondence concerning my Christmas wishes over the past decade. I've been very busy buying useless junk-stuffs to send to other stink-beasts, and cluttering the outside of my base with strings of colorful light bulbs. All perfectly normal human activities, you may be assured.
It has come to my attention that you are in the practice of sending out free merchandise to all who contact you and request it. In hopes of reaping the rewards of such foolish generosity, I have prepared a list of all the things I wish to receive this holiday season, thoughtfully categorized in order of necessity.
Item one - A full and detailed report of the command bases of all earth's leaders.
Item two - The Megadoomer Combat Stealth Mech II
Item three - A small, bio-nuclear, warhead, intended for last resort purposes only.
Item four - A manual for my somewhat defective SiR unit. And perhaps and x-ray machine, so I could find out what that odd clanging noise inside his head is.
Item five - A Red Ryder Deathray
Cooperation on your part in delivering these items is required.
Signed,
Invader Zim, future ruler of planet earth.
A/N: You know, this started as an innocent Christmas list. For me. Odd, eh?