Carry Your Reflection
Chapter Three: My Life
By Seishuku Skuld (skuldsai@magicgirl.com)
Series: Tokyo Babylon/X
Pairing: Seishirou + Subaru
Warnings: Angst. Don't read this fic if you can't take it. It only begins from here. ^_~
This chapter is dedicated to: Souma Crystal! ^_~ Because she never gets my yaoi jokes. ^_^ Don't worry Crystal, you will one day….I hope. ^^;;
*~*~*~*~*~
Sakura petals, and the scent of blood.
::Seishirou-san…:: a disembodied voice, floating in a void of crimson and pink.
A cold smile, an emotionless grin of death.
A feeling of betrayal, a falling shifuku stained with scarlet.
::Hokuto-chan…::
An endless emptiness.
Subaru wakes from his nightmare, sitting up and gasping for breath. There is a cold sheen of sweat covering his body, and the wind from his open window chills him to the bone. He shivers, trying to block out the voices from his dream, although they are already fading.
Subaru clutches the sheets to his body, his eyes wide open, staring at his bedroom, dimly lit by the dawning sun. He closes his eyes, centers his magic, and searches within himself for magical traces that the Sakurazukamori has been interfering with his dreams.
Nothing. No flaring of the inverted pentagrams on the backs of his hands. No lingering feeling of Seishirou's prescence. Subaru lets out a relieved sigh. It has been over a week since his little 'incident' with the assassin, and he is expecting at any moment for the man to reel him back into the game, wanting a pass at his favorite toy. It has happened almost every week since Hokuto's death, the Sakurazukamori toying with him somehow. Seishirou speaking to him in his dreams, manipulating his dreamscape, another one of the games he loves to play with 'his' Subaru-kun.
But there hasn't been anything yet, no residual magic from the man, no feeling of his presence. The Sakurazukamori has been silent. For over a week. Subaru frowns, wondering if this just another game. He nods. Probably. Nevertheless… he throws the covers from him, and gets dressed.
::This is my life. Seishirou has no right to interfere. I no longer belong to him.::
Subaru tries to say that with conviction, but he still finds some doubts within himself. He dresses quickly, eats a hasty, meagre breakfast and checks his fax machine. To his surprise, he finds nothing waiting for him. Apparently, his services and skills as an onmyouji are not needed today. Subaru heaves a small sigh of relief, it is a rare occasion for him to be able to enjoy a day of solitude uninteruppted by work. He has no doubts that another fax will come in later, but for now, Subaru decides to escape for a while.
He leaves the apartment, locking the door, and stepping out into the morning sunlight. Even at this time of morning, the city of Tokyo is rife with life, shops opening, people dot the sidewalks, making the morning commute to work.
Ueno Park is also beginning to fill with people at this time, a few young girls sit on the grass, chatting before school beings. So different from the park at night, the sakura that reside in the park stand tall and majestic in the morning sun.
Subaru is not there for Seishirou today. He goes to be close to his sister, and her place of rest. If he could define rest as being locked inside a belligerent sakura tree.
He walks up to the giant sakura, placing a hand upon its wide trunk. If he listens closely, he can hear the spirits inside calling to him, he can hear their keening whine, a call for him to join them. There is no way to differentiate the spirits, they are like one large pool, losing the memories of their lives; identities stripped away by the tree, slave to feeding its immense power.
His sister is there...in there somewhere. Subaru closes his eyes, but he cannot hear her. Her wail is just one among many, a drop in the oceanic cry of the trapped ghosts. He wonders if she even remembers him, if she, somehow, has remained herself. Though she had little onmyou powers, Subaru still hopes that maybe she remembers, that his prescence will comfort her. He comes to Ueno Park today, to be with his twin sister.
The day slowly passes, and people walk by, people sit on the grass, people admire the tree. They ignore the solitary figure sitting beneath the greatest of the sakura, his cheek pressed against its smooth trunk, dreaming again.
***
::Seishirou...san?::
Subaru blinks, the world coming into focus. He is standing beneath the great tree, its pink petals suspended in the air like a floating still-frame. He looks around, the vision before him shrouded in impenetrable darkness.
::Seishirou...san?::
Subaru whips around, confronting the figure behind. The assassin has a cold smile on his face, an icy gleam in the one eye, and a strange warmth emanating from the milky white one. Subaru frowns, hesistating for a moment, trying to decide if this Seishirou in his dream is real, or merely a figment of his crazed imagination.
Seishirou plucks a small sakura flower from the air, closing his fingers around it and removing it from the intricate tapestry of pink on black. "Subaru-kun," Seishirou smiles, placing the flower to his lips and kissing it.
Subaru frowns and reaches towards the assassin with his magical powers. The threads of energy reach past the assassin, going through his figure and disappearing into the inky blackness of a dream-night.
He isn't real. Another dream-induced illusion. But as real as Subaru wants him to be.
Seishirou ignores the spiritual powers that Subaru sent at him and walks slowly to the young onmyouji. Subaru feels his pulse quicken, although this Seishirou is as insubstantial as the air before him.
::You're just a dream.::
"Subaru-kun," Seishirou's honeyed voice glides over his skin like smooth silk, "you are mine." He puts his arms around the boy's shoulders, and Subaru feels himself stiffen involuntarily at the contact. Seishirou puts the sakura flower he kissed to Subaru's lips, and instructs him. "Drink."
Subaru blinks, uncomprehending, seeing nothing but a five-pointed flower in Seishirou's hands. Wordlessly, he opens his mouth a little, and a sweet, thick liquid pours in his mouth with a rush. Subaru chokes a bit, and pushes the sweet fragrance away. He sputters and coughs, clutching his throat.
"Do it slowly, Subaru-kun," the Sakurazukamori whispers in his ear. Subaru jerks away from him, his twin emerald eyes burning with hurt.
::Stop it!::
Subaru backs away from dream-Seishirou.
::I don't belong to you, anymore.::
"Oh, is that so, Subaru-kun?" Seishirou says, a coldly amused smile on his face.
::You are not the Seishirou I loved.::
"Sakurazuka Seishirou never existed," Seishirou laughs, and suddenly his eyes turn warm, a kind smile appearing.
Subaru shakes his head.
::Then you mean nothing to me.::
A wind begins to pick up, rustling the branches of the tree, pushing aside the pink flowers suspended in the air.
::I am no longer yours.::
Seishirou extends his arms as if aching for an embrace, and says sweetly, "Subaru-kun."
::No, this is my life.::
Subaru backs away again, panicked, calling for his body to wake up.
::This is my life! And you have no part in it!::
"But Subaru-kun...I love you..."
::No!::
Subaru cries out as the petals of the flowers in the air detach themselves from their intricate lattice and wrap around him.
::You're lying!::
The flowers form a fragrant vine, wrapping themselves around Subaru's waist, his arms...
::Let me go!::
Subaru struggles, his mind flying to his conscious body still sitting in slumber in Ueno Park.
::WAKE UP!::
"Subaru-kun...you can't leave me..." Seishirou has a pleading look on his face, a yearning in his eyes. For a moment, Subaru almost stays in his dreamscape.
::Sayonara, Seishirou-san.::
Subaru smiles a little, quietly. Not even the dream-Seishirou can keep him here.
::This is my life. Goodbye, Sakurazuka Seishirou-san.::
***
Back in Ueno Park, Subaru opens his eyes, drawing air into his lungs. He looks around, it is already dusk. He chides himself for sleeping for so long. Tomorrow, it is back to his daily routine. He stands up, brushing off his white coat, and bidding his sister's spirit farewell.
A small flower floats from the tree, and Subaru catches it in his hand, examining its delicately balanced star-like petals. He raises the flower gently to his lips, and kisses it. There is a sweet taste to the flower's soft skin, its pink glow winks up at him invitingly, but he declines what it has to offer him.
Subaru opens his palm, and the small thing flies off, carried out of sight by the wind.
::This is my life. Sayonara, Seishirou-san.::
End My Life