Chapter Five: Don't Think of Me
By Seishuku Skuld (skuldsai@magicgirl.com)
Series: X/TB
Pairing: Seishirou + Subaru (eventually…heh…^^;;)
Warnings: more angst! It just keeps on coming. ^_^ And trippiness.
O_o;;
This chapter is dedicated to: Destra! My favorite yaoi buddy
in arms. ^_~
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Seishirou wakes with a horrible emptiness in his stomach. He sits up in his bed, his thin bedsheets falling to the floor. Around him is a still, oppressive silence. Seishirou searches the room with his senses, but finds no presence. Then, he looks about the room with his magic, and finds something that makes his stomach roll off the bed.
He can't use his magic. He gropes in his mind for his center, his link to the sakura tree. He finds the bond in his mind, a solid cord of power joining him with….nothing.
{Oh my god.}
And in his panic and confusion, Seishirou's mind flies to the only one who has the power to do something to him: Sumeragi Subaru.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Subaru sighs, falling tiredly onto his bed. He comes back from another late-night job, hungry and exhausted, too fatigued to get up and get some food. Life has been fairly good to him these past few months, since saying goodbye to Seishirou in his dream. He hasn't seen trace nor shadow of the man, as if Seishirou is deliberately avoiding him. As if Seishirou has just completely disappeared, and if it weren't for the pentacles carved into the backs of his hands, Subaru would wonder whether the last few years had just been one feverish dream.
The radio is still on, droning on quietly, a sea awash with softly rich
tones, wrapping him in a blanket of quietness.
I want happiness…I only want your happiness, knowing I can't become
yours.
And in the stillness of his room, Subaru's sleep-fogged mind ponders the meaning of happiness, and the emptiness of the dream that comes upon him.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Seishirou takes a long drag on his cigarette, drawing the smoke into his lungs. He enjoys the slight burn, and the nicotine rush he gets. It relaxes him and relieves him. He stands near the tree, one hand protectively on its smooth bark, ignoring the fact that it is also there to support him.
He had nearly panicked when his magic had cut out on him. The first thing he'd done was get himself out to Ueno Park, and to the tree. By then, his magic had returned, and the link within his mind to the sakura was now as solid as it had ever been.
Seishirou closes his eyes, enjoying the peacefulness of the empty park. A few cars drive by, but he ignores their sounds and pushes them to the back of his mind. Why, he wonders to himself, did his magic temporarily disappear? It was a strange thing, lost and floundered without the tree as a guide.
Seishirou considered himself a fairly skilled onmyouji, capable of more sophisticated and intricate work than the Sumeragi head, although his own power was barely half of Subaru's without the tree. He was proud of his work and how did it.
{Sumeragi Subaru-kun.}
Unable to find any answers to his questions, Seishirou begins his trek home, still deeply unnerved. He had checked the tree for any signs of magic, and there were none save for his own. No one had tampered with the tree, there were no residual magical energies. For all he knew, he could have imagined that his magic had just died on him. But he knew that wasn't true either.
{Sumeragi Subaru. You have something to do with this, don't you?}
Seishirou walks back his apartment, flicking his cigarette butt onto the pavement and crushing it with the heel of his shoe. He wants to convince himself that the Sumeragi has nothing to do with it, but a feeling at the bottom of his stomach tells him contrary.
{I've left you alone Subaru-kun, what more do you want?}
And far off, a car rushes by with a popular pop song blaring from its speakers.
When my not minding the lonliness
Was only ignorance of my bliss with you
When my pain of lonliness
Was but my learning to fear of losing you
Seishirou closes his eyes as the vehicle and its infernal noise recedes into the distance. Something twists inside him as he walks past a small café, silhouetted shadows of two figures intertwined in the lonely light of the dark street.
For a small moment, Seishirou wonders if Kouru can come back haunt him, if his brief loss of magic can mean souls escaping from the sakura. Then he pauses and snorts, taking out a new lighter. Of course not, such things were silly. No one marked for death ever escaped his tree.
{Subaru-kun.}
Reaching the door to his apartment, Seishirou dismisses that thought from his mind. The Sumeragi Subaru he had known, had spent a year with, was already dead. He'd killed him the day the bet came to a close. As far as he knows, the new Subaru is beyond the boundaries of the rules of his little bet.
{Does it bother you?}
No. Seishirou firmly tells himself. It's better this way.
Seishirou slips out of his shoes, hanging his dark trench coat on his coat rack. He steps into the bathroom, fills up the sink, and washes his face. A little attempt to refresh himself and clear his mind.
He lifts his face up, water dripping from his temples, droplets falling down his face in large, carved rivulets. His eyes grow wider.
Kouru stares back at him, silver tears traveling down his cheeks like fresh spring rain.
Don't think of me, Seishirou-san.
{Kouru.}
Subaru stares back at him accusingly, his emerald eyes blazing, crystalline flames creeping from long black lashes.
Don't think of me, Seishirou-san.
{Subaru.}
Seishirou gropes quickly for his towel, closing his eyes and bringing the thing in front of him, covering his vision as he wipes himself try. Only then does he dare look up, and all he sees is a disconcerted Sakurazukamori holding a red washcloth. Seishirou doesn't need to check to know his magic has cut out on him again.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Subaru wakes up, stretching his muscles in the morning and yawning. Today, he has another day off. Subaru gets dressed and shuffles off into his small kitchenette to scramble some eggs for his breakfast. He chews thoughtfully, wondering what he should do for the day. He shrugs, dumping the plate into the sink. He decides to go for a walk in Tokyo. Subaru slips on his boots, grabs his keys, and walks out of the apartment.
As a child, Subaru had always seemed rather a loner, preferring his own quiet solitude. Today, however, Subaru buries himself in the masses of people that crowd the streets of Tokyo. Everywhere there is the bustle of life about him, loud conversations, girls laughing, boys talking, the honk of cars in the street. Subaru smiles, and finds that he still remains satisfyingly alone in the mob of people. None take especial note of him (except for the occasional giggling schoolgirl who points him out to her friend). To them, he's just another passerby, another face among the millions that throng the city during the day. Subaru finds this quite comforting, locked in his own bubble, floating amidst the people.
His feet carry them where they will, and he will occasionally stop at a shop to idly browse, or walk into in a music store and buy a CD. Bright posters hawk the rising fame of a young Japanese-American pop diva, a spritely girl who went by the name, "Isobel." Subaru scans the dark tones of the CD, scanning the track list. He recognizes the title song as the one he heard on the radio last night. He shrugs, and takes it to the register. He figures he might as well spend the money he earns on something.
Subaru walks out of the shop, the CD tucked into the pocket of his coat. Before he knows it, he looks around and finds himself in Ikebukuro facing the towering Sunshine 60 building. Subaru sighs, the place bringing back memories, not at all unpleasant. With nothing else to do with his day, Subaru walks in and decides to pay a visit to the penguins.
"Hello, penguin-san," Subaru grins, leaning on the railing. A penguin stares back at him curiously, head cocked to the side. "Are you guys doing all right?"
The penguin looks at him with its beady black eyes, and caws a response.
Subaru laughs, almost as if he's sixteen years old again. "I'll take that as a yes, penguin-san." Subaru sighs, watching the penguin waddling off to join his mates. He remembers, from what seems such a short time ago, a hasty date with Seishirou here. He remembers rushing into the building, running up the stairs to the aquarium, accidentally bumping into people. He remembers seeing Seishirou's smiling face as he conversed with the penguins.
"Seishirou-san," Subaru murmurs, his face lighting up with the memory. Then he shakes his head and frowns.
::The Seishirou I knew is dead to me.::
Subaru shakes his head, and turns away to walk out of the building. The Sunshine 60 holds too many bittersweet memories for the Sumeragi. Today, in particular, Subaru wishes to forget some of the more painful ones. He puts Seishirou firmly from his mind.
Don't think of me, Subaru-kun.
It is getting late already, the sky is starting to darken, and the people of Tokyo are making their way home, still laughing, talking, and joking with each other. His stomach grumbles, reminding him he's hungry. Then Subaru grins like a teenager again, and begins heading home.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Seishirou sits on the edge of his bed, his eyes closed, his hands grasping the sheets. He attempts to stop the waves of panic that wash over him every time his link with the tree disappears.
{Subaru-kun, what have you done to me?}
The sweat of concentration covers his brow, and Seishirou twitches involuntarily a few times. He works restoring his breathing to a regular pace, he works on calming down his thumping heart. He tries valiantly not to think of what consequences this will have for him.
{Subaru-kun, what the hell did you do?}
No answer comes from the darkness. Seishirou opens his eyes and sees Subaru staring back at him in the mirror, his wide green eyes frightened.
Seishirou closes his eyes again, grimacing at the image he saw in the mirror opposite him.
{Now I'm seeing things.}
Seishirou opens his eyes tentatively, feeling his bond with tree lock into place again. But he doesn't know how long that's going to last.
The tree whines.
Seishirou sighs, and with a shrug, he gets up to satisfy his needs, hoping against hope that his powers won't abandon him during the kill. The thought of that sends his throat to the bottom of his stomach.
He walks into the bathroom, washing his hands and wiping the sweat from his face. Just as he is about to walk out, he turns around and looks at the small white lighter sitting forlornly atop the trash pile.
Seishirou reaches for it, taking it off the top of a paper towel. He stares at the small thing sitting in the palm his hand for a moment, and puts it into his pocket.
End Don't Think of Me