Chapter Seven: Here With Me
by Seishuku Skuld (skuldhotohori@yahoo.com)
Series: TB/X
Pairing: Seishirou + Subaru
Warning: Shounen-ai. ^_^ More angst. I just keep piling
it up. Sorry this is coming out so slowly, but it does take time.
^_^ **huggles everyone waiting** Just three more chapters, and then
the infernal waiting will stop.
Promise!
I wrote most of this on the plane to London, after watching Monsters Inc. and The Goonies. Not too much trippiness in this chapter, which is strange since I've just had a couple of glasses of wine, and I can feel it a little. ^_^
Subaru and Seishirou are slaves to CLAMP. They do CLAMP's whim, which unfortunately, involves a lot of angsting, bleeding, and death. I'm borrowing them for a short time, so I can be a little kinder than Evil-CLAMP. ^_^ They'll be returned in one piece, and CLAMP can continue their biseinen torture. ^_^ **sweatdrop**
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Seishirou sits in his living room inhaling the smoky fragrance of his
cigarette. He taps some ash onto the tray in front of him, and lifts
it back to his lips, staring out the window.
On this day in Tokyo, the sun is shining happily; draping its rays over the glass buildings of the city and drawing all its inhabitants into the streets. Seishirou hums a popular tune idly as he takes another drag. He stares at the little white lighter sitting on his coffee table. Its fluid has long ago been spent, and yet he wonders why he keeps the small thing.
{Because it's the only thing that-}
Seishirou quickly squishes the voice, stubbing his cigarette out on the ashtray with a savage, angry twist. He snorts. Such sentiments are for mindless romantics, certainly not for the Sakurazukamori. He stands up and stretches; his long limbs extend far from his body, dangerous and feline. Seishirou smiles, his lips twitching slightly to hide the cunning and guile behind his cat-like grace.
Seishirou glances out his window, seeing a bright blue sky brightly lit by the morning light. Today, the sun calls to him. The excursion is without purpose, but a Sakurazukamori can still enjoy the city, can he not?
Going to his closet, Seishirou selects a choice tie; one of a hue dark enough to balance the brightness of the sun. He pulls the thing around his neck, tying it in a sophisticated Windsor knot. The black tie lies against his chest, sitting in elegant contrast to his shirt. What better to complement with white than black?
{Balance is everything.}
Seishirou reaches out to the tree. It has now become an instinctive motion; always to make sure the link is still there. Not even that is the surety it once was. He finds that he often needs to reassure himself of his magical bond to the Tree. Its presence disappears from his mind frequently, and Seishirou has to constantly check that it is still there. This morning, he finds the great barrow's presence sitting in the back of his mind, still contenting itself with its previous night's meal.
It has been several months since the incident with the young gaijin waitress, and Seishirou has almost completely forgotten her. What he has not forgotten is the encounter with Subaru in his illusion. The Sumeragi's sudden appearance there still disturbs him, especially during his late night hunting hours.
Nevertheless, it has been several weeks, and the Sumeragi has failed to reappear. Seishirou wonders what demented game the young onmyouji is up to. After almost two months of stillness, Seishirou fancies if it is not himself that is the source of his own disquiet.
Seishirou opts to leave his suit-coat behind; his trench coat will be more than adequate should any warmth be desired. He puts his pack of cigarettes in his right coat pocket, and reaches to the table to grab his lighter.
It strikes him for a moment, the stillness of the picture: the little white lighter lying quietly, seemingly dwarfed by its dark reflection- Seishirou's black lighter sitting to it. The sun shining through the window casts a gloomy shadow over the smaller lighter, turning its pure white surface into a tarnished gray. It lies on the dark wood of the table, its alabaster plastic standing out almost painfully against the sea of sable surrounding it. Instinctively grabbing for his own lighter, Seishirou takes the black one in his hand and turns to go. He stops after taking a step, and looks back.
Subaru's lighter - alone on the table.
It seems almost too small, all of sudden; floundering against the darkness to which it is bound – abandoned, helpless, an insignificant, lonely thing without its dark twin beside it. It strikes him as oddly wrong to leave the lighter without its partner.
Seishirou snorts. What foolishness. Another needless romantic sentiment. No doubt the Bohemian poets were applauding. But this is not 19th century France, this is modern-day Tokyo. He is not a poor, tortured writer, he is a wealthy assassin…and if there is anything he doesn't need, it's poetry and romance.
Nevertheless, Seishirou picks up the Sumeragi's lighter, and puts it in his pocket, along with his black one.
{There's no harm in carrying it.}
Seishirou gives his coat pocket a reassuring pat; packet of cigarettes, and his lighters. Taking his keys and sunglasses from the counter, Seishirou closes his apartment door.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
::Where to today, Sumeragi Subaru-kun?::
His fax machine had sent him something, but the sun had summoned him with its promise of light and happiness, so Subaru had declined to work for the day, opting to spend a day outside. It was only every few weeks that he got a break, and Subaru felt that he deserved one on this wonderful day. Whatever the business was, it would just have to wait.
It is an uncharacteristic move for the assiduous Sumeragi, but the young onmyouji has been rather agitated of late. Subaru, decides to go on a cheerful walk in the city. He is about to step out the door, when he remembers something.
Striding back to his table, Subaru picks up his new portable CD player. Normally, he would never have lavishly spent money on himself like this, but with the frequent release of Isobel's songs, he finds that he is hard-pressed to leave the house without her soothing voice accompanying him.
::You're as bad as a teenage schoolgirl, Subaru.::
The Sumeragi smiles as he imagines his sister's voice chiding him.
::There's no harm in carrying it.::
Subaru shrugs, he needs his peace of mind. With the ear phones hanging around his neck and the CD player in his pocket, the Sumeragi leaves.
Subaru smiles as he steps into the sunlight. Althought there doesn't seem anything particularly notable about this day, the young onmyouji enjoys it nevertheless.
Subaru surrounds himself in the hum…in the unceasing bustle of the people of Tokyo in the streets. The murmur of voices envelops him; the press of bodies, the comforting aura of life. The people speak, walk, shop, and bustle about, caught up in life's routine. Subaru melts in once more, becoming a face in the crowd, just one among many; not particularly unique in any way, but knowing his place; where he fits in the puzzle of larger things.
He gets carried along with the torrent, following the moving mass before him. He cares not where he goes, but just that he is moving to some final destination. Perhaps a special place in his memories, or a person he longs to be with. To Subaru, it does not matter.
Subaru walks, his legs propelling himself mechanically forward. The young Sumeragi soon finds himself in Shinjuku, mired within a large cluster of people. More life, more smiling faces. Each girl, boy, man and woman that passes by him has a companion. A friend of sorts, a comrade, whether it be a schoolmate, a work colleague, or a lover. Subaru stops in mid-step and lets the crowd continue to flow about him. He watches the grins, laughs, and smiles carefully. Their happiness brings him an ache he does not understand, and he stands in the midst of the crush of bodies contemplating his sense of detachment, a feeling that somehow not all is right.
Subaru snaps out of his reverie, a bright poster in the window of a store nearby catching his attention. They advertise Isobel's new smash-hit single, "Rebirth," which was released a few days ago.
::Might as well.::
Subaru steps into the shop.
*~*~*~*~*~*
A small stop, for old times' sake, Seishirou supposes. Not that his old office has any particular significance to him now. The old veterinary hospital has been converted to a small music shop. How very…modern. Bright posters obscure the inside of the store, hawking all the latest artists, especially a young Japanese-American girl named Isobel. Her melancholy tunes are familiar even to the Sakurazuka, and that in itself is quite an accomplishment as far as the assassin is concerned.
Seishirou stares once more at the store, its large windows covered by the faces of smiling stars and rising divas.
Isobel returns his gaze with a quiet, mysterious upturning of her lips. She looks directly at Seishirou, a curious tilt to her head; her green eyes twinkle at him. She exudes a soft grace, a gentle politeness that so reminds him of another…
Seishirou blinks with start, putting the Sumeragi from his thoughts. The boy is the last thing he wants on his mind.
To be born again in your arms;
Your taking my hand and not shaking it off;
Our two paths merging to become one as blending minds;
To be born again for my sake.
Subaru's happy smile, his childish charm, now lost - buried in the depths of forgotten time. Lost because…
{Because you cried in your sleep, Subaru-kun. I was with you, and you cried.}
Shaking his head, Seishirou turns away. So much memory.
Isobel continues to smile.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Subaru steps out of the shop, the new single in his pocket. He pops the mini CD into his player.
To be born again in your arms;
Not averting your eyes, not letting go;
Embracing all the fortitude of will and the frailty of prayers;
To be born again in your arms.
Oddly enough, he finds the lyrics familiar, though he is sure he has never before heard them. How curious.
Subaru takes another look at the building, suddenly struck by recognition.
He had followed the flow of people, only stopping when Isobel drew him aside. He stares at the girl in amazement. She smiles cryptically back, conjuring memories of years ago when things were much happier…and he remembered how to smile.
::Seishirou-san…::
Subaru looks at the marks on his hand, the pentagrams almost indiscernible in the daylight.
::What were you always thinking? When you were here with me? Did I ever stand a chance against the Sakurazukamori?::
His question goes unanswered. The Sumeragi leaves, unsettled by the disquiet and turmoil in his heart that not even Isobel's soothing songs can quell.
Isobel continues to smile.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The Tower glares formidably at Seishirou as he gazes at its crimson-and-white heights. The pinnacle of Tokyo, the tower that stands for all the foundations of Japan itself…in more ways than most would think.
The last kekkai in the battle for the fate of the world…
But such things were not to happen for a few years yet, that much Seishirou knows. The time has not yet come for him to face his twin star in the apocalypse.
Seishirou shadows his eyes with a hand, the sun shining behind the point of the steel tower. He wonders how many people stand at the top, looking down. He wonders if they know that their time is limited. Until…
{Subaru-kun, the time will come when we will both have to face each other.}
Smiling his usual smile, Seishirou turns and leaves, melting back into the crowd. Leaving those at the observation decks of the tower to their fate.
*~*~*~*~*~*
::Do you remember our night here, Seishirou-san?::
Subaru stands from the highest observation deck of Tokyo Tower, staring down at the city. The movement below him looks like naught but an ever-moving ocean. A gentle breeze blows past, rustling the leaves of the flowering trees below him.
::Do you love Tokyo, Seishirou-san?::
Subaru smiles softly, recalling the night he had spent slumbering innocently in Seishirou's arms; safe and protected. Even then, he had felt a flushing of his cheeks and a faint arousing of his body. The naïve boy had ignored it, and put all his trust in the gentle arms encircling him.
::I didn't want to fall asleep, because you were here with me…but…::
Subaru pressed a hand against the windowpane, closing his eyes. The sun shines through the glass, bathing the Sumeragi's face in is restorative rays.
::And yes, Seishirou-san, you are.::
The gentle fall of sakura blossoms blow about the base of the tower, and Subaru is reminded of another place he wants to visit. He waits a for few more moments, in silent communion with the sun, the tower, and the city about him.
*~*~*~*~*~*
{It was here. So many years ago.}
Seishirou leans against the tree, its presence in the back of his mind fluctuating slightly. That makes Seishirou worry.
{It was here that I first touched your innocence, Subaru-kun. Here that you spilled your first tears for me.}
He remembers the Sumeragi's child face so clearly, the large emeraldine eyes glittering amongst the shower of rose-pink petals. He had pleaded even then, his wide-eyed innocence stained by the glimmer of large drops of tears. Even then, he had pitted himself against the dark cynicism of the Sakurazukamori. So it was the assassin had taken a second a look at the boy, remarkable in his naïveté and purity.
The corpses…do they suffer? Aren't they sad?
Subaru's eyes had reflected their suffering, showing the pain of their tortured voices as if he already had belonged to the tree. He remembers seeing the pink sakura dancing about the boy's frail frame, the Sumeragi's eyes reflecting his own dark image.
{What do you say now, Subaru-kun? Has your light been dimmed? What will I see in your eyes now?}
Seishirou closes his eyes, remembering an event of a few weeks past: the Sumeragi with his hands folded over his heart. A helpless creature, subject entirely to Seishirou's decision, submissive even as the assassin's hand plunged toward him. He relied on Seishirou to stop the final blow that would be the end.
And Seishirou had nearly cried out at the reality of that vision, at the reality that he might kill Subaru.
{Why?}
Seishirou asks the Tree, expressing his feelings of uncertainty. The sakura offers him nothing in return, but its faint presence; and even that seems about ready to disappear at any second.
{WHY?}
In anger, Seishirou beats a fist against the trunk of the Tree. With that, it flickers entirely out of his mind.
{Dammit!}
Annoyed, angry, frustrated, confused, and bereft of the Tree, Seishirou exits the park, squeezing himself once more into the stream of movement and activity that is the city of Tokyo.
*~*~*~*~*~*
It is at the exact moment that Seishirou leaves Ueno Park that Subaru enters. Pink blossoms fall about him like rain, alighting gently on his hair and his white trench coat. He heads for a particular sakura - the grandest, tallest, the one always in bloom.
He plucks one of its plush petals from his coat, feeling the softness of its skin between his fingers. The pink sakura winks back at him innocently.
::How many deceptions you hide, Tree.::
He looks up to its monstrous canopy towering over him in a rose-hued shadow. It seems as unafraid of him as it was when the Sumeragi was a child; but beneath its appearance, Subaru detects an undercurrent of anxiety and longing. Subaru assumes the thing must be hungry.
::Where is your master?::
The tree declines to answer, but seems to be asking why the Sumeragi would want to know. Its umbrella of flowers sways in the breeze, unfurling another shower of pink confetti.
They stand for a moment, Subaru regarding the Tree and the Tree back to him in a duel of wills, each with his own questions. Finally, the Tree relents and settles back into its resting state, no longer stretching its primitive cognition to touch the Sumeragi's mind. It appears to be satisfied.
Subaru, of course, understands little of what has just transpired. He is bothered more with the feelings of disquiet that the Tree has once again stirred up. Disturbed, more than half curious, and definitely filled with more questions, Subaru leaves the Park. His piece with Seishirou's tree is finished.
If only, he thinks to himself, if only the Sakurazuka were here to answer some of his questions.
*~*~*~*~*~*
The sun sets in all its splendor, dousing the city with its last rays of light as Seishirou sets foot on Rainbow Bridge. Already the structure is brightly lit for the coming of the night. Cars rush past him as he strolls slowly across, the wind tugging at his hair in much the same manner that certain questions are tugging at his mind: with the childish insistency and stubbornness.
Behind him is Odaiba Park, the large Ferris wheel brilliantly lit with a myriad of colors, traveling around in its slow, stately revolution. Below, the water reflects the light of the city and the moon already risen.
In Seishirou's hand is a small advertisement picked up from a newspaper. The picture is of a café in Odaiba, harking the reader to the restaurant's friendly service and superb cuisine.
Seishirou frequented that place once but, since the untimely disappearance of one of their foreign waitresses, the assassin has been loathe to visit it. It had also been one of the many places he often took Subaru to, during the onmyouji's rare spare moments.
Seishirou sighs. Tonight, again, it appears Seishirou will paying the Peach Blossom Café a visit. Unfortunately, it won't be quite the same, because of Ashley's unexpected demise and Subaru's ubiquitous absence. It would not be as it once was. But then again, nothing in Seishirou's life ever is.
*~*~*~*~*~*
Subaru stands outside the Zepp Tokyo, the legendary livehouse. It is frequented by all the latest music artists; there is always at least one famous band or singer performing every week. Next month is no exception as Isobel's new tour will begin here. The Sumeragi vacillates, unsure of whether to buy tickets or not. It will be an event not to be missed…but yet something tells the young onmyouji to wait. Around the corner is the Peach Blossom Café. Isobel's smile tempts him to go there.
The restaurant holds happy memories for him, cheerful conversations of times long gone by, sitting next to Seishirou with a bright red flush on his cheeks at their casual intimacy.
He had been so innocent then, so trusting, never suspecting.
What of him now? He is tainted by the dark hand of cynicism, his purity shattered by the one he had given his heart to. He is full of unanswered questions, mostly echoing of "Seishirou-san" and "why."
For the first time that day, Subaru feels hungry.
Well, why not? It is nearby. He'll stop by for a meal and pretend everything is the way it was before it all got shot to hell. Before there were so many questions. He can't stop but chuckle darkly at that thought.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A young Japanese girl works the reception booth at the Peach Blossom Café. The waitresses and busboys still murmur gossip of the whereabouts of their missing employee.
Nevertheless, Seishirou has no troubles finding his customary table. Tonight, the place is unusually packed. A large family sits in the center of the café, laughing and joking as their children run about their feet, screaming with delight and dropping bits of food on the spotless carpet.
Seishirou sighs. Even the atmosphere of the place changes over time. He wonders what next, but then realizes he's not ready to travel that line of thought.
Waiting for his food to arrive, Seishirou's takes a cigarette from his pocket. He sets Subaru's white lighter before him, a fitting substitute for the absent Sumeragi. It is the only thing he has left.
{Not quite like the old days anymore, is it, Subaru-kun?}
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Subaru walks into the café hesitantly. It seems busy and noisy, and he is not inclined to wait very long for his dinner.
The waitress smiles and tells him he's lucky to have a seat. Subaru follows her into the café, shyly looking about as if he was a boy of sixteen again. He glances about the place, the tables, the chairs, the crystal clean mirrors that line the walls. Same, but yet somehow different. He cannot explain why.
He looks at himself in the mirrored wall next to him and smiles wanly.
::You look like a mess, Sumeragi Subaru. So different from when you were a teenager, and somehow no less confused.::
His reflection smiles back, somehow more dark and sinister in the dim light of the café. To the right of his reflection is a large family, sitting at the largest table in the establishment, blocking his view of nearly an entire side of the café.
More people. Smiling. Laughing.
Children. Playing innocently.
Letting me forget with your voice and your touch;
Breaking off the chains that bind my heart and feet;
As old shells crumble off and newborn tears fall on a cheek;
With your embrace open my ethereal wing;
Subaru pulls the earphones from his ears, so he can hear their voices.
The commotion finally dies down as the family picks itself and its many members up and departs, leaving behind an empty void in the center of the room.
Subaru glances at the mirror again, seeing something that makes his verdant eyes go wide with surprise.
"Seishirou…san…" the Sumeragi hardly dares to breathe, as if his breath might shatter the perfect image of the Sakurazuka sitting at his table, his dark attire blending into the dimness of the room. Subaru is not altogether sure what he sees is real. He is riveted to seat with disbelief, and something else that he cannot explain save for the pounding of his heart.
Finally sure that Seishirou is not an illusion or a product of a feverish mind, a wave of relief washes over the Sumeragi. He exhales, the puff of warm air momentarily obscuring the mirror's image of the Sakurazuka.
::Seishirou-san is here with me.::
To be born again in your arms
To be born again for your sake
To be born again for you alone
To start again from scratch.
And that brings Subaru a strange sort of comfort.