Going Sane In A Crazy World
by Matt Garner

Chapter 3
A Heartwarming Visit

"Sure does feel good to move my arms around again..."

In the few weeks that had passed, Dib had done a remarkable job of pretending to be perfectly sane... Which isn't too surprising as he actually was quite mentally stable. He had surprised himself, however, with how easily it had been for him to feign ignorance of Zim's mission. Forget the psychiatrists, Dib had nearly convinced himself that the twisted little Irken was little more than a very confused little boy (with a skin condition ... and red bug eyes... and antennae...). Noticing that the young man was seemingly beginning to sober up, and that he had made no more violent threats toward Zim since their arrival (there had been one incident involving the cafeteria meatloaf, but that was apparently more of a joke than anything); the doctors had unstrapped Dib's straitjacket.

At the moment, he was pacing around the room and gloating in the most obnoxious way possible.

"Mmmmyep! Sure does feel good to move my arms around again!" the young man repeated tauntingly while stretching his arms about and flexing his fingers.

Zim shot him the evil eye from where he was sitting. Having refused to go along with Dib's plan, and having made countless threats to his cell-mates, Zim was still wrapped snugly in his straitjacket. GIR chuckled quietly to himself and bashed his head against the wall repeatedly. He was still in a straitjacket because he was, is, and always will be a danger to himself and others.

"Dr. England said I might even get to go home soon!" Dib continued while sneering gleefully at his worst enemy. "I don't mind tellin' you I can't wait to go back home and finally relax... Just kick my heels up and read a good mystery novel without having to worry about YOU trying to kill me and rule the world..."

"shut up..." came the hissed reply.

"Man, it's going to be SO nice just to be NORMAL! I think I might even just give up this whole paranormal racket and be a scientist like my old man! I always made perfect grades in science, you know... MAN, it sure feels good to move my arms around again!"

"Shut... UP!" Zim barked. "SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! FOR THE LOVE OF ZARQUON, SHUT YOUR FILTHY GERM-RIDDLED HUMAN WORD-TRAP!"

A catty smile curved Dib's lips. He knelt down in front of the alien and grinned irritably, just inches from his face. "And what are you going to do, ya' little space-roach?" he mocked, "Tickle me with your antennae?"

Filled to the bursting point with untold rage, Zim let out a mighty Irken battle cry and lunged at Dib. Well... he tried to lunge. Really, he just freaked Dib out, causing him to back away, and then bounced forward and fell flat on his face. GIR stopped braining himself long enough to say "Shoulda' drunk your V-8!", then returned to bashing his little robot brains out against the spongy wall.

Dib cackled nastily and propped himself up against the wall. This was probably one of the most... no, THE most glorious moment of his life! Finally, he was going to be able to live his life without Invader Zim haunting him! Okay, so maybe he wasn't about to become a world-wide hero... and maybe Zim wasn't about to become a project in a specimen tube... But at least he would be free again. Free just to enjoy life... Free to find beauty in the night sky again rather than the dread of alien attack... Free to--

"Hey Dib! You have some visitors..."

Snapping out of his reverie, Dib shook his head, then pushed his glasses up to look through the barred window of the cell door. Even before Dib had a chance to ask Dr. Canby (the wiry, dark-haired doctor who had made the announcement) who the visitor was, a pale young woman roughly shoved the doctor out of the way and glared malevolently into the window.

"You really are a moron, aren't you, Dib?" she snarled.

Dib smiled wide and waved to his sister. "Gaz! Hi! How are you? Wow, you look great, sis! Really! The guys must be all over you!" Even being confronted by his hell-spawn of a little sister couldn't ruin Dib's mood today.

"Shut up," she hissed, "I'm just here because I wanna' see your reaction to what Dad has to say..." A wicked smile curved across her bitter ghost-white face, creating an even more unsettling image than her usual appearance. Zim felt strangely aroused by the whole affair.

(Again, I would like to state that I'm not a Gaz/Zim person in the least. Not only is Zim probably 100-something years older than her, they both hate each other's guts. I just think someone as evil and twisted as he is would find such a nasty smile to be sexy. Or whatever. Just read. I'm sorry I spoke. I ruin everything... OH GOD WHYYYYY... Oh hey, I found a penny on my desk! It's my lucky day! WHEEEEEEEE! I SMILE!)

"Dad's here too?" Dib laughed, "That's great! Lemme' see him! I've got something I want to tell him!"

Gaz sneered again. "Let me guess..." she deepened her voice and spoke with a stupid drawl to imitate Dib. "'Dad! Zim's a ALIEN! Durrrrr...'"

Dib laughed. "No, no... It's nothing like that..."

"Whatever..."

Gaz grunted and stepped back, folding her arms over her chest and snarling under her breath. Then, Professor Membrane stepped into view.

"Hey, Dad!" Dib called happily.

"My poor insane son..." Membrane sighed miserably while shaking his head.

Dib chuckled to himself. "I knew you'd say that. I'm okay, though! Really! The doctors said I'm just fine, and when I get out, I'm going to give up the supernatural and start studying real science! Just like you! Aren't you proud of me?"

A cold, joyless, heart-stoppingly vicious laugh echoed through the hallways. This really wasn't TOO unusual for the building, except for the fact that, rather than issuing forth from one of the tenants, the laugh was coming from Gaz Casil. Professor Membrane's brow knitted in concern and he shook his head once more.

"I'm afraid it's not that easy, son," Membrane answered, "You see, it's just that you've had such a long record of... well..."

"Bein' a #$ing basket-case..." Gaz suggested.

"...insanity..." Membrane continued, deciding not to sugar-coat his message, "That I've signed a form to keep you here for the rest of your life... You know, just to be on the safe side."

Dib's jaw dropped to the floor. No, literally! It dropped to the floor! Y'gotta' problem widdat? He's a cartoon! He can do that!

Zim laughed gleefully at the irony of it all. GIR looked at Zim, then started to laugh too. He wasn't really sure what was going on, but he figured something must have been funny and he didn't want to miss out on the joke.

Dib tried to regain his cool composure, made a splendid failure of this, and shivered helplessly while babbling "But... but... but I... you..."

"It's for your own good, Dib..." Membrane sighed. Without another word, he turned to walk away. Dib continued to stare and babble like an idiot as his sister sauntered back up to the window and gave him an obscene hand gesture and an encouraging "#$ you, moron!" She then left, cackling demonically.

This couldn't be happening! No! Not when everything was supposed to be going right for once! His breath becoming thin and ragged, Dib sank dejectedly to the floor and stared hopelessly at the door, pleading wordlessly for his family's understanding. He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. He wanted to escape. But he could do nothing other than gaze into the endless despair.

OOOOOOOOOOOOH, it was DELICIOUS! Watching that arrogant little Earth-monkey quiver pathetically as his father denied him freedom! Seeing that smug child collapse to the floor and watch all hope fade from those dark, and now empty, eyes. Listening to Dib's weak human lungs gasp for breath in his stunned silence, Zim laughed deeper and more wildly than ever in his life. At last, his unfit, under aged brat of a rival was crushed.

Awww, poor Dibby. He looked so sad! GIR wanted to give him a big hug, but then remembered that Master Zim didn't like Dib, so that meant Dib was bad. But Dib still looked so sad. GIR didn't like seeing sad people. GIR liked happy people! The little robot tilted his head and looked sadly at Dib. Then he noticed a speck of lint on the floor and forgot what he was so upset about.

The hopeless pain and dejection, psychotic mocking laughter, and lint-induced fascination was interrupted soon by Dr. Canby's voice.

"You have two visitors as well, Zim..."

All eyes turned in surprise toward the door as two tall, unearthly figures loomed up and stared intently through the window.

OOH! I wonder who that could be!