Part 4
Was this what it felt like to go mad? Jesse wondered as he lay on his bed, staring morosely at the ceiling.
The past few days had developed into a nightmarish journey from one unexpected situation to another, all the time never knowing where the next obstacle might be waiting to trip him up. He'd be going along just fine when POW!, he'd lose another piece of the puzzle, and the strain of continually trying to convince his friends – and himself – that all was well had worn him down to the point where he tried to avoid spending any more time with them than was absolutely necessary. When he couldn't find a reasonable excuse not to, he just remained silent for fear of saying or doing something stupid, but too many times they'd called him on not showing up for something or for being in the right place but at the wrong time, though he could have sworn no one had told him what he knew to be true had changed. And every day the periods of respite between the all encompassing headaches were getting shorter and shorter, and his feelings of alienation from everyone and everything around him were growing more intense.
If he'd been a stronger person, he thought, he would have been long gone, out of here before the madness could really take hold. But he didn't honestly know where else he could go, and besides, his instincts told him that the work they were doing here was good and important, and that despite everything he had a role to play in it. If he could just keep it together...
"Jesse, get down here. We need you." Adam's voice suddenly floated out of the ether at him, jolting him upright to look wildly around the room before he realised it was just the com system. Damn, how could he forget that?
Reluctantly he climbed to his feet, acknowledging with a curt, "On my way," as he headed for the control centre and praying that whatever was wrong with him wouldn't get in the way of him getting the job done this time.
Adam and Emma were huddled in front of one of the monitors when he hurried in, but a glance round the room told him that there was no sign of Shalimar or Brennan. Had they gone off on an assignment and he hadn't been told? Or was it just one more failure he had to chalk up to this... whatever it was? His heart started beating just a bit faster at that unwelcome prospect, but he forced himself to focus on Adam as he looked up.
"Ah, Jesse, good. Shalimar and Brennan have tracked down those car thieves. Looks like they've dumped Dr. Stephens' Lexus in the multi-storey parking lot on Freeman and I need you to hack into the CCTV there, maybe some other systems too, see if you can spot them before they can get away. I don't need to tell you the damage they could do to the New Mutant cause if they work out what's in that briefcase and decide to use it."
Ducking the appraising look Emma threw his way as Adam turned back to his monitor, Jesse hid the confusion the older man's words created in him behind a business-like nod. But he had to work hard to prevent the surreal feeling that he'd somehow gone 'through the looking glass' into a world where everybody knew what was going on but him from taking hold as he slid in front of the nearest workstation and punched in some commands.
Thankfully the CCTV circuits weren't considered worthy of high security so he was into the system in seconds, setting up a sub-routine to rotate through the cameras on each floor and patching the pictures onto the main screen so they could all see them.
"OK, level 6 looks clear... and 5," he reported after a moment's careful checking. "Level 4, too... no, wait a second..." He frowned and used the computer controls to highlight an area of the image they were looking at. "What's that?"
"Can you clean it up?"
"Already on it," he replied crisply, manipulating the selected pixels until they could all clearly see the two men hovering in a far corner between a silver Lexus and a nondescript dark sedan. And it was evident they were arguing over the contents of something they had open on the hood of the luxury car.
"Bingo!" he said in satisfaction. "It's Level 4, north-east corner."
"Thanks, bro," Brennan's voice responded. "We're rolling."
Jesse split the screen and used one half to track their progress up from the ground floor in the Mustang, while keeping the two men in view on the other. But just as the Mutant X team emerged onto the fourth floor their targets disappeared into the sedan, and seconds later it rocketed out of the parking space on smoking tires.
"They're on the move," Emma called, raising a curse from Shalimar and, "That way – cut them off at the down ramp!" obviously directed at Brennan.
More squeals of rubber under extreme punishment echoed round the room, matching the crazy antics of the two cars on the now united screen ahead as they duelled for position in the cramped space. Round and round they went, each attempt at block and counter block being averted at the last moment. But when it seemed that the Mustang might finally have gained the upper hand, it somehow ended up facing the wrong way with a metal barrier between it and its quarry, and the sedan disappeared from view to be eventually picked up by a camera on a level below.
"Jesse, the exit! We've got to stop them getting out!"
"I know!" he snapped back, resentment flooding through him so hard it almost physically hurt. Did they think he didn't know what needed doing? That he hadn't done it un-prompted many times before. But he concentrated on his monitor, intending to search for the right codes to unlock the security systems and close the shutters over the street exits.
"Jesse!" Shalimar's voice this time. "They're getting away!"
He automatically glanced up at the main screen, then forced himself back to his own work, growling out, "I can see that! Just let me..." A flash, then... 'Let me... what? Dammit, no, not now...!' He stared in dismay at the console in front of him, trying to recall whatever it was that a split second ago he'd known only too clearly how to do. It was something simple, he was sure of that, some routine he'd used on innumerable occasions in the past, but he could make no sense of the suddenly incomprehensible symbols and his fingers hovered ineffectually over keys he didn't dare hit for fear of what damage it might do.
"Too late – they're outta here...!" Brennan's ensuing stream of colourful invective decorated the airwaves, every word stabbing knifelike into Jesse's chest, taking his breath away and sending reciprocal shafts of pain up into his brain. Shalimar's face sprang into life on the screen in front of him, her "Jesse? What's going on?" coinciding with Emma's softer query from just behind him, and he wiped at the sweat breaking out on forehead and face as he struggled to pull his fragmenting thoughts together.
Horrified by his inability to remember even that which he somehow knew should have been second nature to him, Jesse turned desperate eyes towards his friends, his mentor, looking for some kind of answer, something that would help him understand what was happening to him. But all he saw was confusion and question, and he knew he'd find no help there. With a stifled groan as the agony started to swell in his head again, he pushed himself away from the console and lurched to his feet before turning and fleeing, instinctively seeking some place dark and quiet where he could escape to. This was Sanctuary, after all – though he couldn't help but let loose a hiccup of bitter laughter at the misnomer his home had suddenly become. Because for him there seemed to be nowhere to hide.
His faltering steps finally took him to his room, sliding the door closed and locking it behind him to block out the too bright lights then reeling forward as his brain over-compensated by blasting the inside of his skull with incandescent illumination. He sank to the floor, head in hands, trying not to cry out loud at the flashing burning pain that seared the back of his eyeballs and assailed his senses.
Sounds he slowly came to understand as words echoed in his ears, forcing the lights away a little.
"Jesse? Jess? Are you OK?"
A familiar probing tendril he recognised instantly as Emma pushed into his mind but, instead of the soothing presence he kind of knew it should be, it quickly became intolerable, driving him to yell, "Get out of my head, Emma!"
The assault lessened slightly, but after a brief shocked moment she was back, questioning, wanting reassurances he couldn't give. In desperation he pulled himself upright and staggered towards his bed, flinging himself full length and pulling the pillows around his ears in a futile attempt to block her and everything else out. Finally, defiantly, needing to do something to help him regain control, he screamed out, "Leave me alone!! Just leave me alone!! Haven't you done enough?" without really knowing where the words came from.
With a snap so violent it made his whole body vibrate he felt her withdraw, and the recoil sent him spinning gratefully down into the welcoming darkness.
****
Was this what it felt like to go mad? Jesse wondered as he lay on his bed, staring morosely at the ceiling.
The past few days had developed into a nightmarish journey from one unexpected situation to another, all the time never knowing where the next obstacle might be waiting to trip him up. He'd be going along just fine when POW!, he'd lose another piece of the puzzle, and the strain of continually trying to convince his friends – and himself – that all was well had worn him down to the point where he tried to avoid spending any more time with them than was absolutely necessary. When he couldn't find a reasonable excuse not to, he just remained silent for fear of saying or doing something stupid, but too many times they'd called him on not showing up for something or for being in the right place but at the wrong time, though he could have sworn no one had told him what he knew to be true had changed. And every day the periods of respite between the all encompassing headaches were getting shorter and shorter, and his feelings of alienation from everyone and everything around him were growing more intense.
If he'd been a stronger person, he thought, he would have been long gone, out of here before the madness could really take hold. But he didn't honestly know where else he could go, and besides, his instincts told him that the work they were doing here was good and important, and that despite everything he had a role to play in it. If he could just keep it together...
"Jesse, get down here. We need you." Adam's voice suddenly floated out of the ether at him, jolting him upright to look wildly around the room before he realised it was just the com system. Damn, how could he forget that?
Reluctantly he climbed to his feet, acknowledging with a curt, "On my way," as he headed for the control centre and praying that whatever was wrong with him wouldn't get in the way of him getting the job done this time.
Adam and Emma were huddled in front of one of the monitors when he hurried in, but a glance round the room told him that there was no sign of Shalimar or Brennan. Had they gone off on an assignment and he hadn't been told? Or was it just one more failure he had to chalk up to this... whatever it was? His heart started beating just a bit faster at that unwelcome prospect, but he forced himself to focus on Adam as he looked up.
"Ah, Jesse, good. Shalimar and Brennan have tracked down those car thieves. Looks like they've dumped Dr. Stephens' Lexus in the multi-storey parking lot on Freeman and I need you to hack into the CCTV there, maybe some other systems too, see if you can spot them before they can get away. I don't need to tell you the damage they could do to the New Mutant cause if they work out what's in that briefcase and decide to use it."
Ducking the appraising look Emma threw his way as Adam turned back to his monitor, Jesse hid the confusion the older man's words created in him behind a business-like nod. But he had to work hard to prevent the surreal feeling that he'd somehow gone 'through the looking glass' into a world where everybody knew what was going on but him from taking hold as he slid in front of the nearest workstation and punched in some commands.
Thankfully the CCTV circuits weren't considered worthy of high security so he was into the system in seconds, setting up a sub-routine to rotate through the cameras on each floor and patching the pictures onto the main screen so they could all see them.
"OK, level 6 looks clear... and 5," he reported after a moment's careful checking. "Level 4, too... no, wait a second..." He frowned and used the computer controls to highlight an area of the image they were looking at. "What's that?"
"Can you clean it up?"
"Already on it," he replied crisply, manipulating the selected pixels until they could all clearly see the two men hovering in a far corner between a silver Lexus and a nondescript dark sedan. And it was evident they were arguing over the contents of something they had open on the hood of the luxury car.
"Bingo!" he said in satisfaction. "It's Level 4, north-east corner."
"Thanks, bro," Brennan's voice responded. "We're rolling."
Jesse split the screen and used one half to track their progress up from the ground floor in the Mustang, while keeping the two men in view on the other. But just as the Mutant X team emerged onto the fourth floor their targets disappeared into the sedan, and seconds later it rocketed out of the parking space on smoking tires.
"They're on the move," Emma called, raising a curse from Shalimar and, "That way – cut them off at the down ramp!" obviously directed at Brennan.
More squeals of rubber under extreme punishment echoed round the room, matching the crazy antics of the two cars on the now united screen ahead as they duelled for position in the cramped space. Round and round they went, each attempt at block and counter block being averted at the last moment. But when it seemed that the Mustang might finally have gained the upper hand, it somehow ended up facing the wrong way with a metal barrier between it and its quarry, and the sedan disappeared from view to be eventually picked up by a camera on a level below.
"Jesse, the exit! We've got to stop them getting out!"
"I know!" he snapped back, resentment flooding through him so hard it almost physically hurt. Did they think he didn't know what needed doing? That he hadn't done it un-prompted many times before. But he concentrated on his monitor, intending to search for the right codes to unlock the security systems and close the shutters over the street exits.
"Jesse!" Shalimar's voice this time. "They're getting away!"
He automatically glanced up at the main screen, then forced himself back to his own work, growling out, "I can see that! Just let me..." A flash, then... 'Let me... what? Dammit, no, not now...!' He stared in dismay at the console in front of him, trying to recall whatever it was that a split second ago he'd known only too clearly how to do. It was something simple, he was sure of that, some routine he'd used on innumerable occasions in the past, but he could make no sense of the suddenly incomprehensible symbols and his fingers hovered ineffectually over keys he didn't dare hit for fear of what damage it might do.
"Too late – they're outta here...!" Brennan's ensuing stream of colourful invective decorated the airwaves, every word stabbing knifelike into Jesse's chest, taking his breath away and sending reciprocal shafts of pain up into his brain. Shalimar's face sprang into life on the screen in front of him, her "Jesse? What's going on?" coinciding with Emma's softer query from just behind him, and he wiped at the sweat breaking out on forehead and face as he struggled to pull his fragmenting thoughts together.
Horrified by his inability to remember even that which he somehow knew should have been second nature to him, Jesse turned desperate eyes towards his friends, his mentor, looking for some kind of answer, something that would help him understand what was happening to him. But all he saw was confusion and question, and he knew he'd find no help there. With a stifled groan as the agony started to swell in his head again, he pushed himself away from the console and lurched to his feet before turning and fleeing, instinctively seeking some place dark and quiet where he could escape to. This was Sanctuary, after all – though he couldn't help but let loose a hiccup of bitter laughter at the misnomer his home had suddenly become. Because for him there seemed to be nowhere to hide.
His faltering steps finally took him to his room, sliding the door closed and locking it behind him to block out the too bright lights then reeling forward as his brain over-compensated by blasting the inside of his skull with incandescent illumination. He sank to the floor, head in hands, trying not to cry out loud at the flashing burning pain that seared the back of his eyeballs and assailed his senses.
Sounds he slowly came to understand as words echoed in his ears, forcing the lights away a little.
"Jesse? Jess? Are you OK?"
A familiar probing tendril he recognised instantly as Emma pushed into his mind but, instead of the soothing presence he kind of knew it should be, it quickly became intolerable, driving him to yell, "Get out of my head, Emma!"
The assault lessened slightly, but after a brief shocked moment she was back, questioning, wanting reassurances he couldn't give. In desperation he pulled himself upright and staggered towards his bed, flinging himself full length and pulling the pillows around his ears in a futile attempt to block her and everything else out. Finally, defiantly, needing to do something to help him regain control, he screamed out, "Leave me alone!! Just leave me alone!! Haven't you done enough?" without really knowing where the words came from.
With a snap so violent it made his whole body vibrate he felt her withdraw, and the recoil sent him spinning gratefully down into the welcoming darkness.
****