Part 9
Time had lost any meaning for Jesse, his aching muscles bearing witness to the effort he was having to put into keeping himself moving over the undulating surface of the partly metalled track that twisted and turned ever upwards before him. He shivered continually despite the exercise, though he had to be thankful that the cold numbed his feet enough that he couldn't feel the bruises and abrasions they'd picked up. But the exertion was forcing his breathing into an erratic pattern of gulps and exhalations that he couldn't control, and though he somehow knew that was bad, that there was something important relating to it that he needed to remember, he didn't have the energy to struggle with the pain any exploration of his memories seemed to induce now.
The rain had relented briefly before coming back with a vengeance just after he'd started this climb, driven to leave the relative flatness of the route he'd been travelling by the realisation that his tormenters were still pursuing him. He'd heard engine noise behind him, his heart leaping at the prospect of human contact before being ruthlessly squashed by a caution bordering on paranoia that had driven him up into the trees lining the road, waiting there until the car had crawled slowly past, telling himself that if all looked well he could leap out, flag them down, let them carry him away to warmth and safety.
But he'd quickly recognised the sharp features of the blonde sitting next to Mr. Muscle, so he'd let them head on round the next corner before slithering back to the road and setting off in the opposite direction. There'd been a fork leading further up into the hills a few hundred yards back, and this time he'd taken it, hoping they'd give up the search.
Just knowing they were out there, though, had him looking back over his shoulder almost constantly. And sure enough, his vigilance was rewarded by the sight of light growing somewhere in the grey gloom behind him – not lightning this time, just a glow that swelled until it became obvious that it was a pair of car sidelights.
And he knew without having to see the occupants that somehow they'd found him again...
His first instinct was to leap for cover again, hide before they could see him, but he was so weary, so cold, so tired of running that the only thing keeping him going was the tiny seed of rage they'd planted in him when he'd seen them before. Anger waged war with fear and won, and without further thought to the consequences he plunged down the hill towards them.
"Hey, looks like he wants to talk after all." Brennan's comment as they caught sight of the dark figure was lost in the sounds of the storm as Shalimar yanked the door open and leapt from the car. He hastily climbed out after her, catching up quickly and pulling her to a standstill. "Careful," he cautioned. "We don't know which way he's gonna jump – don't want to spook him."
"But *look* at him!" Her voice was a whisper, almost buried in the metallic clatter of the rain drumming down on the car behind them, her eyes locked firm on the advancing figure.
Hair plastered in rat's tails to his neck and the gaunt lines of his face, clothes clinging soddenly to the contours of his body, bare feet slipping and sliding in the muddy grass bordering the road, Jesse bore down on them, eyes flashing dangerously even in the half-light of late afternoon. But Brennan knew that wasn't what she meant. Because he could also see the telltale orange/red mazing of his massed state appearing intermittently along his forearms and clenched fists, alternating with the equally recognisable fuzziness as they phased.
"He hasn't done that since he was a kid – before he learnt how to control his powers!" He didn't need Shalimar's pained words to tell him this wasn't good.
Despite his obvious rage, Jesse pulled up short a careful distance from them, skidding a little as he tried to find firm footing on the treacherous ground. This close they could see the rain coursing in rivulets off his goose-bumped skin, and the shivers wracking his body in the cold wind, his chest heaving as if he was having problems catching his breath. But he gave them no time to speak, launching into an angry tirade.
"Who the hell are you people? Why are you following me? What do you *want* from me!!?"
"Hey, take it easy, Jess," Shalimar said, raising a hand. "We just want to help."
"But *why*??" The tempestuous blue eyes sparked in imitation of the passing storm. "And how the hell did you find me?!?"
Brennan glanced questioningly at Shalimar, seeing the indecision in her face. With a shrug he made the choice for her, quite sure that this was something Jesse wasn't going to give up on. "Your com-link, man. Remember? We always know where to find each other." Brennan indicated the ring on his right hand.
Jesse looked down at his own hand, forced to see at the same time the evidence of the growing tension running through him, swinging parts of him uncontrollably from dense to intangible with increasing regularity. The anger seemed to drain from him briefly to be replaced by despair, confusion and pain. "What's happening to me," he whispered plaintively, the lost look in his eyes tugging at Shalimar's heart. She took a half step forward, reaching out towards him, to comfort him, soothe him.
"Jess, let us help you..." but her movement broke the spell and sent Jesse backing away from her. "We're your friends!" she cried in desperation, but it was already too late. The fear and anger were back in charge again, vying for supremacy.
"I don't need your help – I don't need anyone's help. Why won't you leave me alone!?!" In a gesture of defiance he tugged the ring from his finger and hurled it at them, before, with a final yell of, "Just leave me alone!" he turned and fled into the trees leaving them staring in horror after him.
With a sigh, Brennan activated his com-link. "Adam? We have a problem..."
**
The ripples spreading lazily across the surface of the pond seemed a feeble reflection of the turmoil going on in Emma's mind as she stared unseeingly down at it. She'd come here instinctively after running away from Adam, though she knew it was probably the first place he'd come looking for her. But it was a place of peace, somewhere that had always been a haven for her, her true sanctuary at times of stress or indecision, and right now she needed all the comfort it could give.
Because, although she had to accept that what had happened to Jesse was her fault, despite her clandestine research attempts to find some other reason for it, she really was unsure that she could do anything to help him now. At least not without leaving herself far too vulnerable to the very things that she'd been trying to avoid in the first place.
She'd wanted to help him back then, of course she had. To save him from having to deal with the horrific and terrifying images she'd induced in his mind with the psychic burst she'd used to deal with the approaching soldiers, images that even now she didn't want to think about the source of. She could have just smoothed them over, given him warm and secure emotions to hold onto until they faded. But when it came down to it, she'd chosen to attempt to take away all memory of the event, including the knowledge that her armoury now included a weapon of that power. And it seemed that wasn't all she'd taken...
She'd post-rationalised afterwards that she was only protecting herself, doing what anyone would when faced with an untenable potential danger. Jesse would have wanted to tell everyone what she'd done, and she desperately didn't want that to happen, couldn't bear the prospect of all the inevitable questions into how and why and where, didn't want her friends fearing her, knowing the things she'd seen, felt, lived through vicariously. Things that no one her age should have had to suffer. The things that she'd drawn on to arm her new weapon...
She didn't know what had gone wrong, though. She'd been quite confident she could selectively suppress just that memory, despite not really having had much opportunity to practice on subjects she could actually confirm her success rate with - GSA agents weren't people you tended to want to hang around quizzing after you'd blasted them mentally. She'd felt, though, that she had a good enough handle on it to make it relatively risk-free. But maybe she hadn't allowed for the length of time she'd had her defences down, maybe she'd still been too open to everything around her - and especially Jesse - to be able to bring the necessary precision to bear. And as a result, she'd started a cascade effect in his memories that if the evidence was to be believed was showing no signs of abating.
But knowing what might have happened and being able to fix it weren't always the same thing - a lesson she'd learned during her time here, watching Adam struggle for solutions to problems he could see only too clearly. She'd never tried reversing the process, even when she'd known she'd got it right, and without being totally sure what she'd done to cause the additional damage there was a real danger that she'd just end up making things worse - if that was possible.
And that prospect scared her more than anything.
Adam would try to help - would *insist* on helping. But for him to do that, she'd have to tell him. Everything. And every fibre of her being was insisting that she couldn't, shouldn't do that, that he wouldn't understand what had driven her, that the questions would never stop.
But where would that leave Jesse...
What had she said to him out there, when he'd asked if she'd understand if he had anything more than platonic thoughts about her in future? 'I can guarantee you'll never have one of those thoughts again. About anybody. Ever.'
He hadn't been entirely sure if she'd been joking, excusing himself on the pretext of getting back to work with a slightly wary smile. And to be honest, at the moment she'd said it she hadn't been sure herself. But without necessarily intending it, that's what she'd done - and to someone who'd protected her more times than she could count, whose friendship and affection had always been given openly and honestly, and whose admiration she'd secretly enjoyed.
And if, by putting her own interests ahead of his, all that he was became lost forever, wouldn't that make her as bad as any of the psychopaths they'd fought so hard to take down?
"Emma?" The single word made her jump, so deep in her own thoughts that she hadn't realised he was there. She knew what he wanted, though, and with a final search of her soul, she made her decision.
"Yes, Adam," she said, rising gracefully to her feet to stand looking calmly at him, chin lifted determinedly, and he understood with a surge of almost uncontrollable relief that she'd won whatever battle she'd been fighting with herself. He smiled warmly down at her.
"I'm glad - very glad. But I was coming to tell you - Jesse's managed to give Brennan and Shalimar the slip, and by all accounts he's in a bad way. We need to take the Helix out there, use the scanners to help pinpoint him. Can we talk on the way?"
The thought that she might not even have the chance to try and remedy things sent Emma running ahead of him to the hanger bay and the waiting plane.
****
Time had lost any meaning for Jesse, his aching muscles bearing witness to the effort he was having to put into keeping himself moving over the undulating surface of the partly metalled track that twisted and turned ever upwards before him. He shivered continually despite the exercise, though he had to be thankful that the cold numbed his feet enough that he couldn't feel the bruises and abrasions they'd picked up. But the exertion was forcing his breathing into an erratic pattern of gulps and exhalations that he couldn't control, and though he somehow knew that was bad, that there was something important relating to it that he needed to remember, he didn't have the energy to struggle with the pain any exploration of his memories seemed to induce now.
The rain had relented briefly before coming back with a vengeance just after he'd started this climb, driven to leave the relative flatness of the route he'd been travelling by the realisation that his tormenters were still pursuing him. He'd heard engine noise behind him, his heart leaping at the prospect of human contact before being ruthlessly squashed by a caution bordering on paranoia that had driven him up into the trees lining the road, waiting there until the car had crawled slowly past, telling himself that if all looked well he could leap out, flag them down, let them carry him away to warmth and safety.
But he'd quickly recognised the sharp features of the blonde sitting next to Mr. Muscle, so he'd let them head on round the next corner before slithering back to the road and setting off in the opposite direction. There'd been a fork leading further up into the hills a few hundred yards back, and this time he'd taken it, hoping they'd give up the search.
Just knowing they were out there, though, had him looking back over his shoulder almost constantly. And sure enough, his vigilance was rewarded by the sight of light growing somewhere in the grey gloom behind him – not lightning this time, just a glow that swelled until it became obvious that it was a pair of car sidelights.
And he knew without having to see the occupants that somehow they'd found him again...
His first instinct was to leap for cover again, hide before they could see him, but he was so weary, so cold, so tired of running that the only thing keeping him going was the tiny seed of rage they'd planted in him when he'd seen them before. Anger waged war with fear and won, and without further thought to the consequences he plunged down the hill towards them.
"Hey, looks like he wants to talk after all." Brennan's comment as they caught sight of the dark figure was lost in the sounds of the storm as Shalimar yanked the door open and leapt from the car. He hastily climbed out after her, catching up quickly and pulling her to a standstill. "Careful," he cautioned. "We don't know which way he's gonna jump – don't want to spook him."
"But *look* at him!" Her voice was a whisper, almost buried in the metallic clatter of the rain drumming down on the car behind them, her eyes locked firm on the advancing figure.
Hair plastered in rat's tails to his neck and the gaunt lines of his face, clothes clinging soddenly to the contours of his body, bare feet slipping and sliding in the muddy grass bordering the road, Jesse bore down on them, eyes flashing dangerously even in the half-light of late afternoon. But Brennan knew that wasn't what she meant. Because he could also see the telltale orange/red mazing of his massed state appearing intermittently along his forearms and clenched fists, alternating with the equally recognisable fuzziness as they phased.
"He hasn't done that since he was a kid – before he learnt how to control his powers!" He didn't need Shalimar's pained words to tell him this wasn't good.
Despite his obvious rage, Jesse pulled up short a careful distance from them, skidding a little as he tried to find firm footing on the treacherous ground. This close they could see the rain coursing in rivulets off his goose-bumped skin, and the shivers wracking his body in the cold wind, his chest heaving as if he was having problems catching his breath. But he gave them no time to speak, launching into an angry tirade.
"Who the hell are you people? Why are you following me? What do you *want* from me!!?"
"Hey, take it easy, Jess," Shalimar said, raising a hand. "We just want to help."
"But *why*??" The tempestuous blue eyes sparked in imitation of the passing storm. "And how the hell did you find me?!?"
Brennan glanced questioningly at Shalimar, seeing the indecision in her face. With a shrug he made the choice for her, quite sure that this was something Jesse wasn't going to give up on. "Your com-link, man. Remember? We always know where to find each other." Brennan indicated the ring on his right hand.
Jesse looked down at his own hand, forced to see at the same time the evidence of the growing tension running through him, swinging parts of him uncontrollably from dense to intangible with increasing regularity. The anger seemed to drain from him briefly to be replaced by despair, confusion and pain. "What's happening to me," he whispered plaintively, the lost look in his eyes tugging at Shalimar's heart. She took a half step forward, reaching out towards him, to comfort him, soothe him.
"Jess, let us help you..." but her movement broke the spell and sent Jesse backing away from her. "We're your friends!" she cried in desperation, but it was already too late. The fear and anger were back in charge again, vying for supremacy.
"I don't need your help – I don't need anyone's help. Why won't you leave me alone!?!" In a gesture of defiance he tugged the ring from his finger and hurled it at them, before, with a final yell of, "Just leave me alone!" he turned and fled into the trees leaving them staring in horror after him.
With a sigh, Brennan activated his com-link. "Adam? We have a problem..."
**
The ripples spreading lazily across the surface of the pond seemed a feeble reflection of the turmoil going on in Emma's mind as she stared unseeingly down at it. She'd come here instinctively after running away from Adam, though she knew it was probably the first place he'd come looking for her. But it was a place of peace, somewhere that had always been a haven for her, her true sanctuary at times of stress or indecision, and right now she needed all the comfort it could give.
Because, although she had to accept that what had happened to Jesse was her fault, despite her clandestine research attempts to find some other reason for it, she really was unsure that she could do anything to help him now. At least not without leaving herself far too vulnerable to the very things that she'd been trying to avoid in the first place.
She'd wanted to help him back then, of course she had. To save him from having to deal with the horrific and terrifying images she'd induced in his mind with the psychic burst she'd used to deal with the approaching soldiers, images that even now she didn't want to think about the source of. She could have just smoothed them over, given him warm and secure emotions to hold onto until they faded. But when it came down to it, she'd chosen to attempt to take away all memory of the event, including the knowledge that her armoury now included a weapon of that power. And it seemed that wasn't all she'd taken...
She'd post-rationalised afterwards that she was only protecting herself, doing what anyone would when faced with an untenable potential danger. Jesse would have wanted to tell everyone what she'd done, and she desperately didn't want that to happen, couldn't bear the prospect of all the inevitable questions into how and why and where, didn't want her friends fearing her, knowing the things she'd seen, felt, lived through vicariously. Things that no one her age should have had to suffer. The things that she'd drawn on to arm her new weapon...
She didn't know what had gone wrong, though. She'd been quite confident she could selectively suppress just that memory, despite not really having had much opportunity to practice on subjects she could actually confirm her success rate with - GSA agents weren't people you tended to want to hang around quizzing after you'd blasted them mentally. She'd felt, though, that she had a good enough handle on it to make it relatively risk-free. But maybe she hadn't allowed for the length of time she'd had her defences down, maybe she'd still been too open to everything around her - and especially Jesse - to be able to bring the necessary precision to bear. And as a result, she'd started a cascade effect in his memories that if the evidence was to be believed was showing no signs of abating.
But knowing what might have happened and being able to fix it weren't always the same thing - a lesson she'd learned during her time here, watching Adam struggle for solutions to problems he could see only too clearly. She'd never tried reversing the process, even when she'd known she'd got it right, and without being totally sure what she'd done to cause the additional damage there was a real danger that she'd just end up making things worse - if that was possible.
And that prospect scared her more than anything.
Adam would try to help - would *insist* on helping. But for him to do that, she'd have to tell him. Everything. And every fibre of her being was insisting that she couldn't, shouldn't do that, that he wouldn't understand what had driven her, that the questions would never stop.
But where would that leave Jesse...
What had she said to him out there, when he'd asked if she'd understand if he had anything more than platonic thoughts about her in future? 'I can guarantee you'll never have one of those thoughts again. About anybody. Ever.'
He hadn't been entirely sure if she'd been joking, excusing himself on the pretext of getting back to work with a slightly wary smile. And to be honest, at the moment she'd said it she hadn't been sure herself. But without necessarily intending it, that's what she'd done - and to someone who'd protected her more times than she could count, whose friendship and affection had always been given openly and honestly, and whose admiration she'd secretly enjoyed.
And if, by putting her own interests ahead of his, all that he was became lost forever, wouldn't that make her as bad as any of the psychopaths they'd fought so hard to take down?
"Emma?" The single word made her jump, so deep in her own thoughts that she hadn't realised he was there. She knew what he wanted, though, and with a final search of her soul, she made her decision.
"Yes, Adam," she said, rising gracefully to her feet to stand looking calmly at him, chin lifted determinedly, and he understood with a surge of almost uncontrollable relief that she'd won whatever battle she'd been fighting with herself. He smiled warmly down at her.
"I'm glad - very glad. But I was coming to tell you - Jesse's managed to give Brennan and Shalimar the slip, and by all accounts he's in a bad way. We need to take the Helix out there, use the scanners to help pinpoint him. Can we talk on the way?"
The thought that she might not even have the chance to try and remedy things sent Emma running ahead of him to the hanger bay and the waiting plane.
****