p b When You Can't See It /b

p By: TheRowlingPierceWriter, a.k.a Pierce

p A/N: Here we go again…hold on tight, it's shaping up to be a wild ride.

p Disclaimer: Geez. They're not mine. If they were, would I still sit around the house eating Cheez Its and watching ~Whose Line Is It Anyway?~

p Note: // denotes italics, ~~ indicates bold lettering

p hr

p "Ron," Hermione announced, "it is time we take you shopping."

p I could feel my mouth drying up. Shopping is not my favorite topic, especially with my financial situation being what it is. I always figured Hermione was the same way, if only because she is more serious than girly.

p "Shopping…for what?" I manage to stutter. Harry, sitting to my left, interrupts.

p "A wife, of course."

p I can feel my cheeks redden to burning. It feels like every person in the Leaky Cauldron have turned to stare at me. I fidget, trying to force all those invisible pairs of eyes off my back. Dimly, I remember saying, "What do I need a wife for?"

p My friends exchange a look. "You've been really lonely lately." Hermione replies at last. "You need companionship."

p "But I have you guys." I interject. The truth is, marriage scares the hell out of me. Since school, I haven't had much time for dating, since my new job as manager of my brother's joke shop is highly demanding. And if there's one subject that I've always been slow at…slower than others, that is, it's women. I can never figure them out. They're an endless puzzle to me, always in some fit of emotional trauma or the other. And when they get mad at you, it's always the same thing. Trouble is, they won't tell you what that thing is. "I can't believe you did that!" They shriek. "Did what?" You ask, completely confused. "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you!" I'm sorry, but if /anything/ sounds like a recipe for a lose-lose situation, this has got to be it. She stays mad and you stay bewildered, neither of you getting anywhere until one of you becomes so lonely that you apologize.

p "/Female/ companionship." Harry presses, cutting into my thoughts.

p I really don't know what to say. I never planned on having a family. It kind of comes off as complicated and stressful, know what I mean?

p "And don't say that you don't want a woman in your life," Hermione says, interjecting before the words have even issued from my lips. It kind of sucks when your friends can read you like a book.

p "'Cause we both know ~that~ is a lie, partner," Harry adds, winking conspirationally and elbowing me in the ribs. Why me?

p "All right, all right." I agree, slumping over the table. There's no way I'm going to win, not with the Harry-Hermione tag team bombarding me.

p "You don't have to act like it's the end of the world," Hermione says reasonably. "Who knows?" she adds. "You might even like a few of them." She smiles and sips her drink, silently reveling in my misery.

p "Where do we start?" I say in response.

p I was less than happy about the whole thing, that's for sure, but Harry slapped me on the back and crowed, "That's the idea!"

p "I've already talked to a few women at the Ministry," Hermione says, getting down to business, her eyes sparkling. "You have dates for Friday and Saturday of this week and next."

p "I say, Hermione," Harry remarks, in a bloody good mood (after all, no one's sending him on anonymous dates with peope he might end up spending the rest of his life with), "You have jumped into this, haven't you?"

p Hermione blushes. "I haven't had a good project to work on since Hogwarts. Being the Head of the Department of Education is nice, but between you and me, it's not all that challenging."

p "I'm impressed." Harry says, raising his eyebrows and a toast to Hermione's new "project".

p "Now," Hermione continues, "tomorrow night is Yvonne Estabien, she's an Unspeakable, you're meeting her at Rafael's around eight."

p "Rafael's!!?" I yelp, sitting up straight. Rafael's is really posh restaurant down Diagon Alley. "What are you trying to do, woman, rob me of the little pocket money I have?"

p "Of course not," Hermione says. "I've arranged it so that these outings file under 'business expenses' on your taxes…in January, you'll get all of this money back, good as new."

p "Hermione," Harry asks, paling slightly, "isn't that fraud?"

p "Not at all." My brunette confidant assures him. "As long as you talk about the Ministry on your dates, you're not lying at all."

p "I guess you could say that," I mumble.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

p Hermione popped over to my flat an hour before my date with Yvonne. I wasn't surprised to see her there, because she's a usual apparition in my living room, but I didn't think she'd evade into my evening plans. I mean, Hermione's nosy, but coming along on my date?

p Fortunately, that wasn't what Hermione had in mind.

p "I'm just going to help you get ready," she said, a manic twinkle in her eye. I grimaced.

p Hermione's idea of "getting ready" surpassed all my wildest imaginings. She fussed over me like a nervous hen…strangely reminiscent of my mother. She obviously wanted me to make a good impression on this Yvonne lady, because by the time she was done with me, my hair was not only slicked back and tame, but my shoes were shined and I was wearing a dinner jacket. Talk about extremes!

p "Hermione," I said, when she tried to make me use Percy's Tommy Hilfiger wallet, "don't you think we're being a bit, er, over-precautious?" She glanced up at me and simply stared for a few seconds, long enough so as to make me feel uncomfortable.

p "Do you really believe you're going to woo a woman looking the way you do?" She answered at last. I have to admit, that stung. I'd had my share of girlfriends over the years…which is to say, one or two.

p "All right," I grumbled. Except, if this Yvonne person falls in love with me tonight (uh-huh, sure) and we get married, won't she be disappointed by my regular appearance? Let's face it, I'm no Mel Gibron (or was that Mel Giblon? Dratted Muggle actors).

p Finally satisfied with me, Hermione stepped back and admired the fruits of her labor. I had to hand it to her, I looked good. I looked suave. I looked /sexy/.

p "It'll do for now," was all she had to say. Well, I guess it makes sense. We've been friends for too long for her to fall victim to my primal allure. By now that'd probably be incest.

p Hermione turned toward the door."Well," she said, turning back to me, "are you ready to go, or what?"

p ----- Fin of chapter

p 3, Pierce