THEY SHOOT VAMPIRES, DON'T THEY?
Chapter 3
Disclaimer: Raziel, Kain, Nosgoth: property of Eidos Interactive, Crystal Dynamics, Silicon Knights. Kurt Wagner: property of Marvel Comics. Lupa and Vladimir (get out while you still can…) are mine.
*bounces happily* Thank you soooo much for all your reviews! You're all absolute stars… ^_^
Raziel: *wearily* Please…you're only encouraging her…
Thunder rolls over the Nexus. Lupa scuttles out of her room and hurries up the stairs. She taps on the door of the Star Room, where Vladimir had been quite happily asleep.
Lupa: Mir? Mir, can I come in?
Vladimir's door opens a crack, and the glow of his blue-and-yellow eyes can be glimpsed within in the darkness.
Vladimir: What's the password?
Lupa: *irritated* I'll going to start singing "I'm Henry the Eighth I am" in a minute…
Vladimir: *opening the door in a hurry* Pass, friend.
Lupa dives past him and huddles in his bed.
Lupa: I hate thunderstorms. And I think there's someone hiding under a tree in your garden.
Vladimir: So what else is new? People love my garden.
Lupa: Convicts and psychopaths love your garden.
Vladimir: *nastily* Must be why I saw Raziel heading out to the warp-gate a while ago, then. His homicidal tendencies must draw him irresistibly towards my garden.
Lupa: *crestfallen* He went through the gate?
Vladimir: Unless he's the one hiding under the tree, yes.
In Kain's stronghold, Raziel is curled up in his sleeping bag, trying to doze. There are trailing scorchmarks all around him on the floor, where Kain has made vain attempts to murder him: Kain himself has fallen asleep over his game of Tetris.
Raziel sighs and glances at his watch (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, won at the Nexus Carnival by Lupa and given to him. It glows in the dark). Three a.m.
Raziel: *under his breath* Three…two…one…
Kain explodes out of sleep abruptly.
Kain: Raziel! Reckless degenerate! I killed you once!
Raziel: *wearily* Yeah, yeah. Change the record.
He gets up, leaving the sleeping bag, and heads out of the chamber.
Kain: I order you to come back here and be suitably slaughtered!
Raziel: Not now, okay?
Kain: *calls after him as the doors close* If you don't get back here, you'll be grounded! Raziel? RAZIEL!
In Vladimir's room, Lupa and Vladimir are arguing.
Lupa: Are you discriminating against him because he's blue?
Vladimir: *irritated* No! Kurt's blue, isn't he? And he's one of my best friends.
Lupa: Then it's because he's dead, isn't it? Vitalist.
Vladimir: Once and for all, no! I don't care if he's dead, as long as bits don't drop off him in the bath.
Lupa: Then what is it?
Vladimir: *sulkily* I'm prejudiced against obsessive-compulsives. Especially if what they obsess about is patricide.
Lupa: Or fratricide? What about fratricide?
Vladimir: *sternly* That too.
The window suddenly illuminates with an unearthly light. Lupa dives beneath Vladimir's duvet in a panic.
Lupa: Lightning!
Vladimir: *correcting her* Warp-gate.
In the garden, soaking wet, Raziel stamps up to the back door and lets himself in.
Vladimir: *calling down from upstairs* Wipe those hooves, mister!
Lupa: *in the background* And you call him obsessive compulsive…
The commotion has woken Kurt: he appears in the lounge as Raziel shakes out his ragged wings and causes a mini-rainstorm.
Kurt: Ach!
He shakes in his turn and his fur puffs out into a damp, spiky mess. He glares at Raziel balefully.
Kurt: I hate water.
Raziel looks upset and sits down on the sodden couch.
Raziel: Does no-one have anything nice to say to me today? It's "Raziel, you've got cold feet", "Raziel, you deserve to be slaughtered", "Raziel, wipe your hooves" – what is wrong with you people?
Lupa moves toward him and offers him a towel.
Lupa: *quietly* I still like you.
Raziel: *bitterly* Yes, but you're a fully-qualified nut-job.
Vladimir stands up from where he has been perched on the sofa-arm.
Vladimir: Scrabble!
Kurt: *frowns* I thought the accepted word was "Eureka!"
Vladimir: No, no no! Scrabble! A perfect solution for depression and good wholesome fun for all ages.
Kurt: *darkly* Not when Spike plays, it isn't.
Lupa: Ohhh, no. Not the Scrabble again. I'm not having it. Not after the tantrums and the screaming we had last time.
Vladimir: *sulkily* That was Spike, and he was cheating.
There is a knocking at the door, and Kurt moves to open it.
Policeman: Is this yours, sir?
He is holding a contrite-looking Rat by the scruff.
Kurt: Lupa! Delivery for you!
Rat: It was only one dustbin. It smelt like there was pie in it.
Lupa: *shudders* Ewwww…come in and have some food that hasn't already been thrown away. Vladimir's getting the Scrabble board out.
Rat: *suddenly* Actually, I can't stay. Lovely to see you.
Lupa grabs her by the ear.
Lupa: If I suffer, we all suffer.
She pinpoints Kurt with a glare as he is trying to sneak back upstairs.
Lupa: That goes for you too, elf.
Kurt: Ah, nuts.
Across the living room floor, Vladimir has upturned the Scrabble box. Tiles have spilled out all over the carpet.
Vladimir: *horribly cheerful for nearly four a.m.* Come on, everybody! Who wants to go first?
Raziel: * whispers to Lupa* If I go first, does that mean I have more chance of finishing first?
Lupa: *loudly* I'll go first.
Raziel jabs her in the ribs.
Raziel: *angrily* You stole my plan!
Kurt leans in, whispers.
Kurt: Never mind. You can join mine if you like. I'm going to fake my own death as soon as Vladimir hits a triple-word score.
Raziel: I don't think he'll buy it. I'm dead already.
Kurt: *watching Lupa select tiles in horror* So fake your own resurrection.
Lupa: *placing tiles with a glare at Vladimir* B-O-R-I-N-G. Boring. No extra scores.
Vladimir: *huffily* I don't think that's the attitude. Rat? You're up.
That's it for now (ran out of time…!) more board-game fun later.