THEY SHOOT VAMPIRES, DON'T THEY?
Chapter 8 – Four Hours Later
Disclaimer: Raziel, Kain & Nosgoth belong to Eidos Interactive, Crystal Dynamics and Silicon Knights: Kurt Wagner (the fuzzy-elf) belongs to Marvel Comics. Rat belongs to The Deville's Dog. Lupa and Vladimir (never to be separated) belong to me.
Thanks to all who have reviewed! Oh, and Syvia…*giggles* Yeah, you spotted him. It WAS that bleach-blond vamp ;) Lupa knows him well.
Raziel and Lupa are sat on the roof of Vladimir's garage, playing chess. Lupa is wearing her old red halter and blue thunderstorm flares: Raziel, somewhat incongruously, is wearing a pair of Vladimir's jeans, belted very tightly around his non-waist, and a new black T-shirt that reads: 667 – The Neighbour of the Beast in red letters on the front. His Razelim clan scarf has been replaced by a large tea-towel.
Lupa: *seriously* Bishops don't move like that.
Raziel, in mid-move, puts his bishop down with a sigh and sits back to consider his pieces more carefully.
Lupa: *changing the subject* Turned out all right in the end, eh?
Raziel makes an unimpressed noise.
Lupa: *deadpan* Shame about all that drool getting into your clothes.
Raziel fixes her with a death-glare as if daring her to mention that the tea-towel has a pattern of ugly, big-eyed kittens on it. He moves a knight.
Lupa: But I thought it was funny when Mary-Sue trod on Kain's arm like that.
Still no response.
Lupa: Are you ever going to talk to me again?
Raziel: *giving in* Look, I thought we all agreed. Me, Kurt, Vladimir and Kain shook on it. We agreed that we should never speak of this again. Why can't you go along with that?
Lupa tries to meet his angry gaze with a subdued, serious look…but the kittens are too much for her.
Lupa: Mwhahahahahahahaha….!
Raziel sighs.
Lupa: Oh, come on, sulky. See the funny side.
Raziel: *moodily* What funny side?
Lupa: *sniggering* The side where you and Kain nearly fell into the Abyss trying to get away from Mary-Sue.
Raziel: *darkly* He deserved to fall in. He was the one who told her I liked big scaly girls.
Lupa moves her queen.
Lupa: Check.
Inside the house, Vladimir and Kurt are making punch.
Vladimir: *stirring the bowl with a ladle* Pass me the vodka.
Kurt: No, no. It should be more colourful.
Vladimir: The less colourful the drink, the more colourful the effect. Vodka please.
Kurt: *sarcastically* It's supposed to be punch, not K.O.
He picks up a bottle of blue curacao.
Kurt: Now this is more like it.
Rat: *watching them and licking at a spoon covered in peanut-butter* Did you know it's actually impossible to make a truly blue cocktail that has more than three types of alcohol in it?
Kurt and Vladimir look at each other and grin.
Kurt: That sounds like a challenge.
Vladimir: Indeed. Get out the weird bottles from under the stairs.
Back on the garage roof: Raziel, still contemplating his next move, peers out over the garden.
Raziel: Looks like Kain's back.
The warp-gate at the bottom of the garden glows green and Kain staggers out of it, looking shaky. He leans on the garage and looks up plaintively.
Raziel: *feeling better suddenly* Hello, Father. Did she make it home all right?
Lupa: So kind of you to offer to walk her home, Kain. A girl shouldn't have to walk home alone through Nosgoth. It's not safe these days. Someone might have mugged her for her mobile phone.
Kain: *numbly* They…they gave me tea.
Raziel: *cheerfully* Were they nice, her family? She was telling me she's one of twenty sisters, and she's considered the looker.
Kain: *still in shock* And a biscuit.
Lupa: Never mind. It can't be as bad as Vladimir's tea, by any measure.
Kain shakes himself out of it with an effort.
Kain: *staring at Raziel* Nice kittens, son.
Raziel: Look, the other one had amusing cartoon vegetables on! What was I supposed to do?
Lupa: *exasperated* Oh, for god's sake…come on. We'll go and see if your scarf's finished in the dryer.
She starts to swing herself down from the roof. Raziel reaches out a claw and makes his move.
Raziel: Checkmate.
He follows her, leaving the board. A stray gust of wind tips over Lupa's king.
Inside: Vladimir is getting irritated with the punch's stubborn refusal to turn properly blue.
Vladimir: *speaking sharply to the punch-bowl* Damn you! Why won't you behave?!
Lupa: *to Kurt* Hey, fuzzy...what's going on?
Kurt: *rummaging in a cob-webby box* Some of these bottles don't even have labels on…mein Gott…
Rat: Vladimir's trying to make a truly blue drink with more than three types of alcohol in it.
Kain: But that's impossible. Everybody knows that. (Don't try this at home, kids!! Only dumb vampires who can't get alcohol poisoning do this – V.A.)
Vladimir throws down his ladle with a sploosh.
Vladimir: That does it! I'm melting that stick of Blackpool rock!
Rat: *hurt* But I bought you that the last time I went to the seaside.
Lupa: And besides, rock is pink. Why would that help?
Raziel comes out of the back room, adjusting his newly-dry scarf.
Vladimir: *who is by now in the grip of a towering obsession* Find me my large fondue set! This baby's gonna caramelise…
Raziel: *looking at Kurt in an accusing manner* Did someone let him eat blue Smarties again?
Kurt: For heaven's sake, don't mention anything blue…
Lupa: *nudging him cheerfully* Watch it, Kurt…he might put you in the fondue.
Kain: What's Blackpool rock?
Lupa: A sugar fetishist's dream.
Vladimir, having clattered through his cupboards and found the small fondue set, the giant fondue set, the Little Book of Fondue and a toasting fork, is rapidly running out of patience. Rat dips her peanut-butter spoon into the punch. The head of the spoon dissolves.
Kain: *who has been eyeing the ugly greyish liquid in the punch-bowl with suspicion* Why don't you just drop it in there? I bet it would melt.
Lupa and Raziel: *who both know Vladimir's cooking of old* I wouldn't….
Vladimir picks up a pair of barbecue tongs, and slowly lowers the rock into the bowl.
From demons to the demon drink…what will they think of next?! ^_^