THEY SHOOT VAMPIRES, DON'T THEY?

Chapter 10 – Lupaphobia

Disclaimer: Raziel, Kain, Nosgoth: belonging to Silicon Knights, Crystal Dynamics, Eidos Interactive. Kurt Wagner (Nightcrawler) belonging to Marvel Comics (he's gonna be in the movie! Wow! – V.A.) Legolas the Elf and related MiddleEarth references – belonging to JRR Tolkein. Rat is the property of The Deville's Dog – Lupa & Vladimir belong to me!

*bows* Thankyou so much for all the reviews. I am not worthy! ^_^

Late afternoon in Vladimir's house: Rat and Raziel are sitting on the sofa, taking turns at playing Resident Evil on Vladimir's Playstation. Lupa is carefully feeding pieces of dry lembas to Legolas, who is sitting quietly in the leather wing-chair and looking haunted.

Lupa: *sympathetically* How are you feeling, babe?

Legolas: *shudders* Are you sure Sauron didn't invent that stuff?

Lupa: Quite sure. It was Vladimir. I saw him stirring it with the barbecue fork.

Legolas: *glances over his shoulder at Vladimir, who is sorting out decks of Magic: The Gathering cards* Servant of the Dark One.

Vladimir: *unperturbed* Orc-shagger.

Legolas: Fiend of Mordor.

Vladimir: *sings to himself* Dude Looks Like A Lady…

Raziel: *impatiently* Will you two shut up? I'm trying to get this bit right.

Rat: It's only killing a few zombies. It's not like it's hard.

Raziel: *tosses the joypad at her* Fine. You think it's so damn easy? You do it.

Rat: *huffily* Fine. Just because you can't aim for toffee.

They return to staring at the screen in silence.

Lupa: *to Vladimir* You're a fine one to talk about looking effeminate.

Vladimir: What?

Legolas: *who is, understandably, not in the best of tempers* You heard.

Kurt comes in from outside, his fur fluffed out.

Kurt: Brrrrrrrr. *he gives himself a shake* Do you have any idea how cold it is out there?

Lupa: You were the one who volunteered to help Spike with his bike.

Kurt: And don't think I'm not regretting it as we speak. He's gone home, by the way. Something about having a soul to catch.

Raziel: Sounds familiar…

Kain stamps down from upstairs, looking angry (hey. Like this is a surprise! – V.A.)

Kain: Raziel? How come you have a room here?

Raziel: *shrugs* Vladimir gave it me.

Kain: *glowers at Vladimir, who quails* Why didn't you offer me a room? I had to sleep on Raziel's floor.

Vladimir: Call me crazy, but I was kind of hoping you weren't staying.

Kain: *affronted* How rude. I shall smite you.

Raziel: Please, Dad? Do you have to smite all my friends?

Kain: You seemed quite glad when I used to smite those kids from your school.

Raziel: *looks embarrassed* Yeah…well they used to call me Beanpole.

Kain: *leaning over Vladimir, claws raised to strike* Oh! *suddenly leans in closer, interested* Is that a Mirri Catwarrior card? I've always wanted one of those…

Rat: *hands Raziel back the joypad, smugly* Done it. Your turn.

Raziel: *takes it* Damnit I'm just no good at these games.

Rat: *eyeing his hands* Maybe a joystick would be better for you…

Lupa: You should try Dino Crisis. It's much easier. The puzzles are –

Raziel: Wait? This game has puzzles?

He puts the pad down as if it's red hot.

Raziel: Somebody else play.

Kain: Oh please. Don't tell me you still haven't got over that little phobia of yours.

Lupa: Phobia?

Raziel: *furious* Don't you dare.

Kain: I'm your father. It is my job to embarrass you.

Lupa: Raz?

Kain: Raziel is scared of puzzles. Surely you've noticed.

Vladimir: *sniggers*

Lupa: *in defence of Raziel* Shut up, you. Who was it who spent two hours in his closet because there was a moth in the bathroom?

Kain: Why did you think Nosgoth is so full of the damn things? I put them there. In case the little idiot ever got ideas above himself.

Lupa: *frowns* I guess I just thought your architects were smoking something illegal.

Kain: Actually, they were. But that's beside the point.

Raziel: *sulkily* Great. Now everyone knows.

Rat: *kindly* No-one thinks any less of you, Raziel.

Lupa: *who has been giving it some thought* Actually….

She bounces over to a somewhat bemused Raziel and gives him a hug.

Raziel: *submitting to the hug* Not that this isn't nice…but did you want something?

Lupa: *looks at him brightly* Don't you get it? You're scared of puzzles, but you did loads of them! You…you faced the fear and did it anyway! I am so proud of you!

Raziel: *slowly* You're proud of me for killing my entire family and going off on a mad rampage through time itself.

Lupa: But you were conquering your phobia! Years of therapy have not achieved this sort of result in my world!

Kain: *to Vladimir* What sort of moral values do you have here?!

Vladimir: *dismissivly* Don't generalise. The girl's just warped.

He pats Raziel on the shoulder, cheerfully.

Vladimir: Everyone's got something they're afraid of.

Kain: *derisively* Ha!

Everyone looks at him.

Kain: What? I am Kain. I fear nothing.

Legolas: Ridiculous.

Raziel: *shifting Lupa's weight on his lap* You know, he may be right.

Kain: *eyeing Lupa warily* Just make sure you keep her over there, will you, son?