Not mine.
~*~
Life isn't fair. You can take that for granted, you can get used to it. But love is different. Love is merciless, love is evil. Love deals you blow after blow until you bleed to death, singing its praises all the while. You should never fall in love. You think it's the most wonderful thing in the world.
It's not.
I've loved him since May. Since I first met him. I think I loved him before I realized it. But I did, soon enough. Don't you remember when we used to sit up so late at night, talking? Don't you remember Ana's thief and Liza's factory boy? And my newsie? Don't you remember when he was my Racetrack? When the three of you used to tease me and we would laugh so loudly that the other girls in the Lodging House (A/N no! Not the newsboys lodging house! A lodging house for girls who worked in factories and such!) would groan and tell us to be quiet? Don't you remember those days? Because I do.
And then you fell in love with him, too, and everything changed. For a little while, at least, I enjoyed it. I wasn't quite so special anymore, but that was all right. I had someone I could talk to about him, about how I felt. I had someone I could talk to seriously, who would understand. It wasn't just gossip. It meant something. At least, it did to me.
I don't know if you were taking over from the beginning. I can't remember. I was so oblivious to it all. Until that day I was walking back from the factory and took a different route so I could buy a paper from him. I saw the two of you talking from up the street; that was nothing strange. I knew you got let off work a good half hour before I did, and you had the same practice of buying from him. I didn't suspect a thing until I got close enough to hear what he was saying. I just stood there in the middle of the street, letting the rest of humanity flow around me, watching as the boy I loved pledged himself to my best friend.
I never came home that night. Do you remember? Or were you too caught up in your happiness at what had happened? I spent the night on someone's doorstep. It's hard to describe what I was feeling. Not particularly angry, not terribly hurt. Not yet. I was just resigned. All the other emotions I live with now didn't come in until much later.
In the days after that, everyone seemed to forget me. I don't mean they left me out of anything, but they all seemed to forget what it meant to me. No one ever talked about my loving him anymore. Because he was yours. It didn't matter that I wanted him, too. It was like my love didn't count, wasn't as sincere as yours was, only because he chose you. You never even thought about how it might make me feel, did you. You forgot, just like the rest of them. Now that you were happy, the things we'd talked about for so many months didn't matter anymore. Well, I didn't forget. I can't forget.
I watch the two of you when he visits. I can't help myself. It's like the way people flock to the scene of a gruesome accident. We all have this longing for things we don't want to see. I can't take my eyes off you. It's beautiful, in a way. I know it's sick for me to think so, but it is. The images are burned on the back of my eyelids forever. When I close my eyes at night, I can imagine them over and over again, only I replace your hands, your lips, your body with mine. These fantasies are my lifeblood, my day, my night. They are the most I can have.
You should never fall in love. You think it's the most wonderful thing in the world.
It's not.
~*~
*sniffles*
Wow…that one came out of nowhere. My fics seem to be getting longer. This one will probably end up at three chapters. Ah, well, review please.
Oh, and just incase you were wondering, that is you who the narrator is addressing, misprint. Don't worry, I don't really hate you. ^_^