THE THOUGHTS OF VEGETA
Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ or any of the characters.
Quick Extended Summary: This fiction, contains a lot of different thoughts of Vegeta's. The first chapter goes through thoughs from when Trunks was three and under. This story is Bulma/Vegeta, but I would say he has more thoughts about his son than anyone else, which I guess makes it primarily father/son. He has a lot of thoughts about Bulma also, and a lot of family thoughts. Secondary, he has thoughts about Kakarot and his family, thoughts about his father and about Frieza, and the Sayain race. And thoughts about things that irritate him. There will probably be a few thoughts of things he likes too, but I haven't written any of those yet. Not this first chapter.
Warning: There might be OCCness. Contains sap (of COURSE it contains sap! I'M writing it, aren't I?) Some facts and dates from the actual show are likely to be re-arranged, misplaced, omitted, ignored, or jumbled by yours-truly. The entries contained herein are not necessarily in order. They probably are DEFINITELY going to be out of order. These thoughts wont always be in order time-wise, but I'll let you know ahead of time if they're not.
Flamers: flame anything not mentioned in the warning.
Credits: I want to give credit to both Trunks-chan and ChibiRaye-chan because I love their stories, "Journal of a Semi-Tortured Soul" and "Race for First Place". I figure there are probably a lot of stories that use the idea of a character keeping a journal or record (even though mine isn't NECESSARILY doing that), so I wanted to give credit to Trunk-chan because I PARTLY got the idea to do this from her/his (her, I think) story. And to ChibiRaye-chan... basically because I MIGHT be using some similar ideas in this as there is in her/his (another her, I think) story. If there is anything either of you (if you read this) read in here that you think is somehow copying you, please e-mail me or review me on it because I don't want to make anyone think I'm in ANY way stealing their ideas.
And now...on with the story!
~
(one year after the Cell saga:)
I hate everything.
It's such a simple statement and sums everything up quite nicely.
It's not true. I just like to try and convince myself every now and then that it's true. It
is weakness to feel emotions, but I HAVE weakness. I love my family. I wont tell them that, but they probably know it's true anyway.
I'm training right now. I have to stay ahead of Kakarot's third-class half-breed son. It is the ultimate humiliation to be outclassed by a CHILD! Gohan, a mere child, beat Cell, not me. NOT ME! I attacked with everything I had after he killed Trunks--the one from the future--yet it was GOHAN that BEAT him. How could that BE?
It only proves that nothing matters, but strength. Even with all the rage and the pain that I fought with that day, I STILL couldn't beat Cell. I couldn't avenge my OWN son! No, some KID did it. A third-class half-breed.
That's why I have to keep training. Not only do I have to outclass Kakarot for the mere THOUGHT of him somehow coming back from the dead, but I have to outclass HIS child. A CHILD! HIS child beat Cell and MY child died! That eats away at me. I feel such hatred for that fact.
~
~
(two years after the Cell saga:)
He's very strong. I'm SO proud of that, but I can't let on what I think. It would show weakness and only hinder his progress. He wouldn't have anything to live up to. I knew he would be strong when he was a baby and punched his stuffed animals. He punched Bulma too. I shouldn't have allowed it, but it was so funny and I was proud. I DIDN'T allow it but just that once.
He doesn't follow directions very well, but I can't really expect him to. He's only two and a half right now. I give him directions anyway and I don't allow him to disobey them without consequence. He'll be soft if I do. He wont respect my authority. But I don't push too hard or it will backfire. I don't make him train for long intervals. He likes to train, and I'm proud of that.
Bulma thinks he's too young and she doesn't like that I train him. But he can walk, he's strong, and he's MY son. He's a Sayain, half or not! If he's old enough to walk, he's old enough to train. He's been walking since first turning a year in age. He's been TRAINING that long too.
And Kakarot has a second son. He was born after Kakarot was killed, of course, and Chichi wants nothing to do with fighting. He doesn't train, but those idiot half-breeds of his tend to have natural strength anyway. Trunks is royal and he WILL be stronger than Kakarot's youngest. I don't expect him to be stronger than Gohan. Not until they are both grown. But he WILL be stronger than Goten! He is NOW! I will KEEP it that way.
~
~
(three years after the Cell saga:)
She's irritating as HECK! She's always telling me to do things, but I ignore her. She can't make me do anything. And she still thinks Trunks is too young to train. I've been training him for over two years and she STILL thinks he's too young. He loves it.
She's a frivolous earth woman. She shops half the day and works on ridiculous inventions the other half. Why did I ever fall for her?
She's beautiful. I don't know why. Something strikes me about her blue hair, and those blue eyes. I don't know what. She gave Trunks those blue eyes. I never noticed them so closely before he came from the future and then one day, when I looked into her face I recognised her eyes. I don't know how it could have happened backward like that. It isn't supposed to be that you would look into the eyes of your future wife and think they took after your SON'S. But we weren't really together--not REALLY--before he came for the first time.
When he was born I looked into his eyes and saw the young man I had met before. I didn't think he had Bulma's eyes. I thought she had his, only they held that mysteriousness of femininity. I love her eyes.
~
~
I hate when he cries like that. It makes me angry because it pains me. I only show anger though, if I show anything at all. I try not to show anything. I don't want him to think I disaprove of him. But I hate when he cries.
How can he be so strong and yet cry over such trivial things? All he has done is run into a piece of furniture. I can't remember there being a time I cried over such a thing. Perhaps when I was very young. Perhaps when I was three, as he is. I can't remember much before I was ten. I have a few memories of my father after that and then I was taken by Frieza.
I wish he would stop crying. Bulma is holding him. I don't see her, but I hear her. I'm not in the room. I can't stand to BE in the room. It's bad enough that I can hear it from here. It makes ME want to hold him. And I will, one day. But I hate that I feel. I hate that I love him. It's only making me weak. Holding him would only make it worse.
~
~
I hate garbage. It stinks. It's messy. It's goopy. It's disgusting. And it makes that woman yell at me! She yells at me to take it out! She wants ME to touch that stinky, messy, goopy, disgusting stuff!
I will have nothing to do with it! THAT is why there are garbage men. She's so clever... why doesn't she invent a MACHINE to take it out!? How could she even THINK to ask the Prince of all Sayains to take out the TRASH!?
I just ignore her when she yells at me to do it. Like now. I wont even turn to acknowledge her pressence. There is no need. I am NOT going to do it.
~
~
I can't sleep tonight. I don't feel tired. I can hear her breathing beside me. It's rhythmatic and soothing. It's soft and...delicate. She seems to fragile, especially when she sleeps. I hate it. It makes me feel warm and mushy inside. I don't feel strong. I feel love and love is weak, which means I feel weak.
I should get up and train. Remove myself from the situation, but I can't seem to move. I can feel some strands of her hair against my cheek. It's soft and whispy. Limp. I can't recall any Sayain ever having hair like that. Trunks is the first. He got it from her. That hair is foreign to me. It mesmerizes me. And Trunks especially because he came of me and yet HER genes won out on him and he recieved that limp, whispy hair. And it's light too...the color of her father's.
She's so peaceful sleeping beside me. I'm irritated. I'm angry. I love her.
~
~
Today is a nightmare. How I came to be in such a situation I don't know. The last thing I remember is Bulma was yelling and yelling at me to come to this picnic with Chichi and her two boys and I was refusing. And then she started crying. Everything is blank and now here I am.
The two women are chatting away over girlish whims. It's sickening. I can't stand to listen to it. I'm standing in the shade of a tree to get away from it and instead opting to watch the children. ANYTHING is better than listening to female bonding! And I have Gohan in charge of Trunks and Goten. I wont even have to be actively involved in THAT, thank goodness. Unless, of course, Gohan's attention dwindles, or he does something wrong. They don't need to know, especially not him, that I'm still watching them, just in case. I can sense every movement of their kis. Trunks', in particular.
Trunks is having a good time. He gets bored at home, being an only child. But every time he sees Gohan or Goten, he gets wound up like a toy with brand new batteries and it takes hours to settle him down again. How can he get so bored? And so excited? He's only THREE! Goten is only two! But they're good friends. It's rather unnerving to me. But at least Goten is Sayain, even if only half, and third class...and of that idiot Kakarot! It's still better than befriending a stupid earth kid! There's no getting around the fact that Goten, no matter his descendance, is still one of my people.
Oh no, there he goes. I can't help but smirk a little. Goten is crying. Trunks pushed him down. It's bad manners, but it's also a third class.
"Trunks, that wasn't very nice!" Gohan is saying. "Why did you do that?"
Trunks is pouting. That makes me frown. It's pathetic. Why is he doing that? It's undignified and he is ROYALTY! It irritates me that my son is behaving that way. But he's only three. I have to remind myself of that.
Goten has toddled over to Chichi and she is holding him now. Gohan and Trunks are still in the middle of the grass field. If Gohan doesn't stop lecturing my child I think I'll go over there and punch his light out. I'M his father, NOT Gohan!
I can't hold back a snicker. Trunks just punched him in the thigh. It's a bad idea, punching an elder, and especially punching someone stronger than yourself, but he's just a little kid and this is GOHAN. He asked for it anyway. I'll teach Trunks about THAT later.
"Hey!" Gohan seems almost startled, but I know that look of defiance and determination on my son's face. Gohan isn't so familiar with it.
"Gohan, time to eat!" Chichi is calling.
"Vegeta...," I almost cringe to hear my wife's voice. "Get Trunks and come over here!"
I really want nothing to do with this stupid picnic of theirs. They didn't bring enough food for us anyway. I glance just long enough to see that Gohan has hold of Trunks' hand and is making sure he comes. Trunks isn't cooperating, but that only amuses me because it's Gohan.... I really WILL have to teach him about that stuff soon, I suppose. I'm not going to raise an unmannered child. But maybe I'll wait until he's four.
~
~
(the evening after the last thought-sequence)
He's asleep now. It's been a long day for him. I'd be tired too if I'd dealt with Gohan all day. He's at an awkward age, fourteen. He doesn't know how to handle things. Especially not Trunks. Trunks isn't as easy to handle as Goten. And I don't imagine it's easy for Trunks to deal with an awkward fourteen year old either.
I can't keep myself from smiling. I know I should leave, but I can't help but linger just a few seconds longer. He looks fragile when he sleeps. And innocent. It's his youth. He has a few fingers in the side of his mouth and his other fist above his head. It's not dignified and that irritates, me, but I can't help but think it's kind of cute, the way he looks. I guess I can allow for it since he's so young. But I'll have him weaned off those fingers by the time he's four. I can't allow such a habit to last.
~
~
I'm training, but I'm not able to fully concentrate. That irritates me, but I've trained extra hard the last few days, so today I can let it slide. Nobody will know anyway that my mind isn't completely focussed.
I keep thinking about my father and how he handed me over to Frieza. I understand it, because he did it for the good of our people, and he never intended on me staying there. I know he cared about me, but I sometimes wonder if he loved me. It really doesn't matter and I hate myself for even thinking of it! But a part of me is pained that my father handed me over.
I never thought about it much before Trunks was born. I can't imagine that I would EVER, in ANY circumstances, have handed him over to ANYone. Especially not a cold, ruthless monster, like Frieza. Before Trunks was born, I thought about it more as a kidnaping, which, in effect, it was.
But now, I feel resentment. Why didn't my father fight to keep me? I know he would have been killed. But it at least would have saved ME from some of the heartache. I spent so much time doing as Frieza asked so that my father WOULDN'T be killed because I loved him. But he was killed anyway and so everything I'd done was for NOTHING! That is why love is weak. It accomplishes NOTHING.
~
~
Bulma has no idea that I watch her sometimes. Just to observe her beauty. I'm fascinated by the perfection of every curve on her body. It's hard to understand how she accomplishes anything. She's so thin, she looks as if she might break at any second.
Now she is cleaning the dishes. Such a menial task, but she fulfills it with such grace. Perhaps it is this puzzlement and difference between the sexes that draws a man to a woman. She seems so small, thin, fragile, graceful...it's completely foreign to me. And I love to just observe it. I also hate to because I love her. Love is weak.
*Dang*! And there walks in another weakness!
"Trunks, come train for a bit," I call to him.
I may as well get SOMETHING done today. The only way to pull myself away from watching HER, is to watch HIM instead. At least with Trunks I can still train. And I accomplish something by teaching him how to fight as well. Even though it's still weakness to be in the pressence of either of them.
~
~
I'm going to blast every phone in this house if it rings one more time. Bulma is finishing a new invention and she's had business calls ALL night. It's driving me insane. Somehow I can't even get away from it in the gravity room. Even so, she wants me watching Trunks because she's so busy with her work right now and the child will only train SO much! I can't force him to or he gets fussy and then SHE gets fussy, and THAT is just the end all of EVERYTHING!
The little brat wants candy. We don't HAVE any candy, and even if we did, I don't want HIM eating it! It's not good for him! It'll only stifle his strength. He needs MEAT, not candy, but he wont leave me alone about it! I told him I'd spank him if he said one more word about it and now he's over in the corner pouting. That ticks me off.
But at least he knows better than to pester me after being threatened. That means he has SOME respect for my authority. I don't expect TOO much out of him at this age. Probably more than what's expected of the average three year old. But Trunks isn't average. He's MY son. He's royalty. And he's going to be quite smart. He's already smart for his age. In a rather mischivous way. I'll have to watch out for that when he gets a little older.
I'm getting that awful feeling again...like the phone is about to ring and I don't think I'll be able to stop myself from destroying it. Even though that will mean Bulma screaming at me... they're both terrible fates.
"Vegeta, I'm expecting an important phone call any minute, could you answer it if it rings? I'm going to the bathroom!" Bulma calls.
I would rather DIE! But I can't argue. Every part of me feels tension. I want to train, but Trunks will get in my way if I do. I can sense it. He needs to go to bed soon. He's getting fussy and I can see that tired look in his eyes, but he's still pouting over the candy.
Perhaps there is ONE way out of this. It doesn't help my dilema with Trunks, but it gets me away from the phones!
"I'm taking Trunks out for a minute!" I call. I shouldn't even have to say that, he's MY son! But she'll worry if I don't and then she'll yell at me for not saying anything and I DON'T need THAT headache to deal with on top of everything else.
"Where?" Bulma seems surprised.
"For some ice cream!" I eye the child and hide an instinctive smirk when his eyes seem to brighten.
"Right before bed, Vegeta? I don't know..." Bulma is skeptical.
"It's either that or I'm going to blast the next phone that rings!" I scowl.
"All right, but don't be gone too long! He needs a bath and he's gotta get to bed soon!"
"Put your coat on," I toss the tiny garment to him.
It's kind of funny. He doesn't know how to dress himself properly and he puts it on up-side-down. I end up having to help him with it, but he's a lot happier now. It would be a good thing, except he gets rather talkative when he's happy and asks retarded three year old questions. Where do three year olds get those thoughts? But I like to make him happy anyway. I didn't have a lot of happy moments as a child.
~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Ok, here's my NEW chapter story. It wont necessarily ever HAVE an ending. We'll just see. Let me know what you think of it.
Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ or any of the characters.
Quick Extended Summary: This fiction, contains a lot of different thoughts of Vegeta's. The first chapter goes through thoughs from when Trunks was three and under. This story is Bulma/Vegeta, but I would say he has more thoughts about his son than anyone else, which I guess makes it primarily father/son. He has a lot of thoughts about Bulma also, and a lot of family thoughts. Secondary, he has thoughts about Kakarot and his family, thoughts about his father and about Frieza, and the Sayain race. And thoughts about things that irritate him. There will probably be a few thoughts of things he likes too, but I haven't written any of those yet. Not this first chapter.
Warning: There might be OCCness. Contains sap (of COURSE it contains sap! I'M writing it, aren't I?) Some facts and dates from the actual show are likely to be re-arranged, misplaced, omitted, ignored, or jumbled by yours-truly. The entries contained herein are not necessarily in order. They probably are DEFINITELY going to be out of order. These thoughts wont always be in order time-wise, but I'll let you know ahead of time if they're not.
Flamers: flame anything not mentioned in the warning.
Credits: I want to give credit to both Trunks-chan and ChibiRaye-chan because I love their stories, "Journal of a Semi-Tortured Soul" and "Race for First Place". I figure there are probably a lot of stories that use the idea of a character keeping a journal or record (even though mine isn't NECESSARILY doing that), so I wanted to give credit to Trunk-chan because I PARTLY got the idea to do this from her/his (her, I think) story. And to ChibiRaye-chan... basically because I MIGHT be using some similar ideas in this as there is in her/his (another her, I think) story. If there is anything either of you (if you read this) read in here that you think is somehow copying you, please e-mail me or review me on it because I don't want to make anyone think I'm in ANY way stealing their ideas.
And now...on with the story!
~
(one year after the Cell saga:)
I hate everything.
It's such a simple statement and sums everything up quite nicely.
It's not true. I just like to try and convince myself every now and then that it's true. It
is weakness to feel emotions, but I HAVE weakness. I love my family. I wont tell them that, but they probably know it's true anyway.
I'm training right now. I have to stay ahead of Kakarot's third-class half-breed son. It is the ultimate humiliation to be outclassed by a CHILD! Gohan, a mere child, beat Cell, not me. NOT ME! I attacked with everything I had after he killed Trunks--the one from the future--yet it was GOHAN that BEAT him. How could that BE?
It only proves that nothing matters, but strength. Even with all the rage and the pain that I fought with that day, I STILL couldn't beat Cell. I couldn't avenge my OWN son! No, some KID did it. A third-class half-breed.
That's why I have to keep training. Not only do I have to outclass Kakarot for the mere THOUGHT of him somehow coming back from the dead, but I have to outclass HIS child. A CHILD! HIS child beat Cell and MY child died! That eats away at me. I feel such hatred for that fact.
~
~
(two years after the Cell saga:)
He's very strong. I'm SO proud of that, but I can't let on what I think. It would show weakness and only hinder his progress. He wouldn't have anything to live up to. I knew he would be strong when he was a baby and punched his stuffed animals. He punched Bulma too. I shouldn't have allowed it, but it was so funny and I was proud. I DIDN'T allow it but just that once.
He doesn't follow directions very well, but I can't really expect him to. He's only two and a half right now. I give him directions anyway and I don't allow him to disobey them without consequence. He'll be soft if I do. He wont respect my authority. But I don't push too hard or it will backfire. I don't make him train for long intervals. He likes to train, and I'm proud of that.
Bulma thinks he's too young and she doesn't like that I train him. But he can walk, he's strong, and he's MY son. He's a Sayain, half or not! If he's old enough to walk, he's old enough to train. He's been walking since first turning a year in age. He's been TRAINING that long too.
And Kakarot has a second son. He was born after Kakarot was killed, of course, and Chichi wants nothing to do with fighting. He doesn't train, but those idiot half-breeds of his tend to have natural strength anyway. Trunks is royal and he WILL be stronger than Kakarot's youngest. I don't expect him to be stronger than Gohan. Not until they are both grown. But he WILL be stronger than Goten! He is NOW! I will KEEP it that way.
~
~
(three years after the Cell saga:)
She's irritating as HECK! She's always telling me to do things, but I ignore her. She can't make me do anything. And she still thinks Trunks is too young to train. I've been training him for over two years and she STILL thinks he's too young. He loves it.
She's a frivolous earth woman. She shops half the day and works on ridiculous inventions the other half. Why did I ever fall for her?
She's beautiful. I don't know why. Something strikes me about her blue hair, and those blue eyes. I don't know what. She gave Trunks those blue eyes. I never noticed them so closely before he came from the future and then one day, when I looked into her face I recognised her eyes. I don't know how it could have happened backward like that. It isn't supposed to be that you would look into the eyes of your future wife and think they took after your SON'S. But we weren't really together--not REALLY--before he came for the first time.
When he was born I looked into his eyes and saw the young man I had met before. I didn't think he had Bulma's eyes. I thought she had his, only they held that mysteriousness of femininity. I love her eyes.
~
~
I hate when he cries like that. It makes me angry because it pains me. I only show anger though, if I show anything at all. I try not to show anything. I don't want him to think I disaprove of him. But I hate when he cries.
How can he be so strong and yet cry over such trivial things? All he has done is run into a piece of furniture. I can't remember there being a time I cried over such a thing. Perhaps when I was very young. Perhaps when I was three, as he is. I can't remember much before I was ten. I have a few memories of my father after that and then I was taken by Frieza.
I wish he would stop crying. Bulma is holding him. I don't see her, but I hear her. I'm not in the room. I can't stand to BE in the room. It's bad enough that I can hear it from here. It makes ME want to hold him. And I will, one day. But I hate that I feel. I hate that I love him. It's only making me weak. Holding him would only make it worse.
~
~
I hate garbage. It stinks. It's messy. It's goopy. It's disgusting. And it makes that woman yell at me! She yells at me to take it out! She wants ME to touch that stinky, messy, goopy, disgusting stuff!
I will have nothing to do with it! THAT is why there are garbage men. She's so clever... why doesn't she invent a MACHINE to take it out!? How could she even THINK to ask the Prince of all Sayains to take out the TRASH!?
I just ignore her when she yells at me to do it. Like now. I wont even turn to acknowledge her pressence. There is no need. I am NOT going to do it.
~
~
I can't sleep tonight. I don't feel tired. I can hear her breathing beside me. It's rhythmatic and soothing. It's soft and...delicate. She seems to fragile, especially when she sleeps. I hate it. It makes me feel warm and mushy inside. I don't feel strong. I feel love and love is weak, which means I feel weak.
I should get up and train. Remove myself from the situation, but I can't seem to move. I can feel some strands of her hair against my cheek. It's soft and whispy. Limp. I can't recall any Sayain ever having hair like that. Trunks is the first. He got it from her. That hair is foreign to me. It mesmerizes me. And Trunks especially because he came of me and yet HER genes won out on him and he recieved that limp, whispy hair. And it's light too...the color of her father's.
She's so peaceful sleeping beside me. I'm irritated. I'm angry. I love her.
~
~
Today is a nightmare. How I came to be in such a situation I don't know. The last thing I remember is Bulma was yelling and yelling at me to come to this picnic with Chichi and her two boys and I was refusing. And then she started crying. Everything is blank and now here I am.
The two women are chatting away over girlish whims. It's sickening. I can't stand to listen to it. I'm standing in the shade of a tree to get away from it and instead opting to watch the children. ANYTHING is better than listening to female bonding! And I have Gohan in charge of Trunks and Goten. I wont even have to be actively involved in THAT, thank goodness. Unless, of course, Gohan's attention dwindles, or he does something wrong. They don't need to know, especially not him, that I'm still watching them, just in case. I can sense every movement of their kis. Trunks', in particular.
Trunks is having a good time. He gets bored at home, being an only child. But every time he sees Gohan or Goten, he gets wound up like a toy with brand new batteries and it takes hours to settle him down again. How can he get so bored? And so excited? He's only THREE! Goten is only two! But they're good friends. It's rather unnerving to me. But at least Goten is Sayain, even if only half, and third class...and of that idiot Kakarot! It's still better than befriending a stupid earth kid! There's no getting around the fact that Goten, no matter his descendance, is still one of my people.
Oh no, there he goes. I can't help but smirk a little. Goten is crying. Trunks pushed him down. It's bad manners, but it's also a third class.
"Trunks, that wasn't very nice!" Gohan is saying. "Why did you do that?"
Trunks is pouting. That makes me frown. It's pathetic. Why is he doing that? It's undignified and he is ROYALTY! It irritates me that my son is behaving that way. But he's only three. I have to remind myself of that.
Goten has toddled over to Chichi and she is holding him now. Gohan and Trunks are still in the middle of the grass field. If Gohan doesn't stop lecturing my child I think I'll go over there and punch his light out. I'M his father, NOT Gohan!
I can't hold back a snicker. Trunks just punched him in the thigh. It's a bad idea, punching an elder, and especially punching someone stronger than yourself, but he's just a little kid and this is GOHAN. He asked for it anyway. I'll teach Trunks about THAT later.
"Hey!" Gohan seems almost startled, but I know that look of defiance and determination on my son's face. Gohan isn't so familiar with it.
"Gohan, time to eat!" Chichi is calling.
"Vegeta...," I almost cringe to hear my wife's voice. "Get Trunks and come over here!"
I really want nothing to do with this stupid picnic of theirs. They didn't bring enough food for us anyway. I glance just long enough to see that Gohan has hold of Trunks' hand and is making sure he comes. Trunks isn't cooperating, but that only amuses me because it's Gohan.... I really WILL have to teach him about that stuff soon, I suppose. I'm not going to raise an unmannered child. But maybe I'll wait until he's four.
~
~
(the evening after the last thought-sequence)
He's asleep now. It's been a long day for him. I'd be tired too if I'd dealt with Gohan all day. He's at an awkward age, fourteen. He doesn't know how to handle things. Especially not Trunks. Trunks isn't as easy to handle as Goten. And I don't imagine it's easy for Trunks to deal with an awkward fourteen year old either.
I can't keep myself from smiling. I know I should leave, but I can't help but linger just a few seconds longer. He looks fragile when he sleeps. And innocent. It's his youth. He has a few fingers in the side of his mouth and his other fist above his head. It's not dignified and that irritates, me, but I can't help but think it's kind of cute, the way he looks. I guess I can allow for it since he's so young. But I'll have him weaned off those fingers by the time he's four. I can't allow such a habit to last.
~
~
I'm training, but I'm not able to fully concentrate. That irritates me, but I've trained extra hard the last few days, so today I can let it slide. Nobody will know anyway that my mind isn't completely focussed.
I keep thinking about my father and how he handed me over to Frieza. I understand it, because he did it for the good of our people, and he never intended on me staying there. I know he cared about me, but I sometimes wonder if he loved me. It really doesn't matter and I hate myself for even thinking of it! But a part of me is pained that my father handed me over.
I never thought about it much before Trunks was born. I can't imagine that I would EVER, in ANY circumstances, have handed him over to ANYone. Especially not a cold, ruthless monster, like Frieza. Before Trunks was born, I thought about it more as a kidnaping, which, in effect, it was.
But now, I feel resentment. Why didn't my father fight to keep me? I know he would have been killed. But it at least would have saved ME from some of the heartache. I spent so much time doing as Frieza asked so that my father WOULDN'T be killed because I loved him. But he was killed anyway and so everything I'd done was for NOTHING! That is why love is weak. It accomplishes NOTHING.
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Bulma has no idea that I watch her sometimes. Just to observe her beauty. I'm fascinated by the perfection of every curve on her body. It's hard to understand how she accomplishes anything. She's so thin, she looks as if she might break at any second.
Now she is cleaning the dishes. Such a menial task, but she fulfills it with such grace. Perhaps it is this puzzlement and difference between the sexes that draws a man to a woman. She seems so small, thin, fragile, graceful...it's completely foreign to me. And I love to just observe it. I also hate to because I love her. Love is weak.
*Dang*! And there walks in another weakness!
"Trunks, come train for a bit," I call to him.
I may as well get SOMETHING done today. The only way to pull myself away from watching HER, is to watch HIM instead. At least with Trunks I can still train. And I accomplish something by teaching him how to fight as well. Even though it's still weakness to be in the pressence of either of them.
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I'm going to blast every phone in this house if it rings one more time. Bulma is finishing a new invention and she's had business calls ALL night. It's driving me insane. Somehow I can't even get away from it in the gravity room. Even so, she wants me watching Trunks because she's so busy with her work right now and the child will only train SO much! I can't force him to or he gets fussy and then SHE gets fussy, and THAT is just the end all of EVERYTHING!
The little brat wants candy. We don't HAVE any candy, and even if we did, I don't want HIM eating it! It's not good for him! It'll only stifle his strength. He needs MEAT, not candy, but he wont leave me alone about it! I told him I'd spank him if he said one more word about it and now he's over in the corner pouting. That ticks me off.
But at least he knows better than to pester me after being threatened. That means he has SOME respect for my authority. I don't expect TOO much out of him at this age. Probably more than what's expected of the average three year old. But Trunks isn't average. He's MY son. He's royalty. And he's going to be quite smart. He's already smart for his age. In a rather mischivous way. I'll have to watch out for that when he gets a little older.
I'm getting that awful feeling again...like the phone is about to ring and I don't think I'll be able to stop myself from destroying it. Even though that will mean Bulma screaming at me... they're both terrible fates.
"Vegeta, I'm expecting an important phone call any minute, could you answer it if it rings? I'm going to the bathroom!" Bulma calls.
I would rather DIE! But I can't argue. Every part of me feels tension. I want to train, but Trunks will get in my way if I do. I can sense it. He needs to go to bed soon. He's getting fussy and I can see that tired look in his eyes, but he's still pouting over the candy.
Perhaps there is ONE way out of this. It doesn't help my dilema with Trunks, but it gets me away from the phones!
"I'm taking Trunks out for a minute!" I call. I shouldn't even have to say that, he's MY son! But she'll worry if I don't and then she'll yell at me for not saying anything and I DON'T need THAT headache to deal with on top of everything else.
"Where?" Bulma seems surprised.
"For some ice cream!" I eye the child and hide an instinctive smirk when his eyes seem to brighten.
"Right before bed, Vegeta? I don't know..." Bulma is skeptical.
"It's either that or I'm going to blast the next phone that rings!" I scowl.
"All right, but don't be gone too long! He needs a bath and he's gotta get to bed soon!"
"Put your coat on," I toss the tiny garment to him.
It's kind of funny. He doesn't know how to dress himself properly and he puts it on up-side-down. I end up having to help him with it, but he's a lot happier now. It would be a good thing, except he gets rather talkative when he's happy and asks retarded three year old questions. Where do three year olds get those thoughts? But I like to make him happy anyway. I didn't have a lot of happy moments as a child.
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Ok, here's my NEW chapter story. It wont necessarily ever HAVE an ending. We'll just see. Let me know what you think of it.