*THAT EVENING*
Chris threw a big drunken college-even-though-he's-not-in-college party. Staley walked up to the front door where people where filing in. She smiled and went to Chris who was ushering people in.
"Oh my gawd! Is there like a party happening here?" She asked.
"No." He replied, looking around nervously and trying to block the door.
"Oh my gawd! Am I like invited??"
"Ugh, I guess you are now"
"YAY!" She ripped off her clothes revealing her kickin club outfit. Chris stared at her and shook his head.
"Always remember this, Staley. WWJD, what would Jesus do." Chris said.
"You always remember this, Chris, F-O-I-L, foil, first, outside, inside, last."
"What?" Chris asked, "Sorry, I don't understand, I'm Canadian."
"Eighth grade malgebra, Chris, eighth grade malgebra." She said, walking inside.
"Silly Canadians."
Suddenly, Staley broke out into song.
"BLAME CANADA!!! BLAME CANADA!!!!" But she stopped. She turned back to Chris and said.
"Acctually, a lot of great people came from Canada. Like you, Tom Green, Avril Lavigne." Then Chole the author, Chloe Hardy's alter ego, and estranged punk, ran into the party with a shot gun screamin,
"STOP THE POSING! FEEL THE LOVE, END THE HATE! ANARCHY RUUUUUUULES!!!"
"Um, sure." Chris mumbled. Then Amanda and Jamie Barkin popped out of the audience and said,
"I'm not a poser, all of you are! HAHA! Now let's go pretend to be ghetto, dance to *Nsync, and shop at Hot Topic!" Chole took her shot gun and beat them senselessly with it until...they were beaten senselessly. Then she left.
"All right then, let's partay!" Chris yelled. Staley slapped him because he said "partay". Then Paige and Matt Damon walked in, and they got booed out, because n0 one liked the, and Matt Damon is gay. Then Ben Affleck popped out of no where and said,
"STOP THE GAYNESS!!!" Then Shane West said,
"Dude, you are gay."
"Dude, your, like, so right." And they ran to the back of the house together, not to be seen the rest of the night. Chris walked up to Staley.
"Do gay guys really say, 'Hey girl!'." Then Matt Damon saw her from across the room and yelled,
"HEY GIRL!"
"I guess that answers my question. How do you know him?" Chris queried.
"I'm his lawyer for all his divorces from Hollywood women."
"Oh. Why does he get divorced so much?"
"Take a gander, Chris." Staley said forcefully. Chris stopped to ponder and Staley left.
MUCH LATER
Staley and Chris sat across from each other with a crowd gathered around them. There were empty Tequila bottles scattered everywhere and two shot glasses sitting in the center of the table.
"All right, it's down to this," Staley warned, "Winner gives the loser a lap dance, loser gets 100 bucks."
They poured the next shot of Tequila and Chris looked Staley in the eye.
"Last one. First person to puke loses." Chris grinned and lifted his glass up. Staley lifted hers in response to his.
"Bottoms up!" Staley said cheerfully. Chloe counted down.
"One, two, FIVE!" And Staley and Jericho gulped down their tequila in one gulp. Staley smiled and dropped her empty glass on the table. Jericho tried to smile but instead he puked. Staley jumped onto the table top and celebrated. Jericho sat back in his chair and wiped his face with his shirt.
"Ok, time for my lap dance." He grunted.
"Does anybody in this crack house have a mint for Jericho?" Staley asked the people.
"Call me mister Jericho." Chris said.
"Ok, does anybody in crack house have a mint for Mister Jericho?" There was a long pause, "All right then, I'm gonna get my hundred bucks while you get a mint."
Staley hopped off the table and stumbled over to a group of people standing randomly in the crowd. She fell forward and slapped her hand on Stephanie's shoulder.
"Hey, Steph, do you have a hundred dollars for me?" She asked.
"Why do you want a hundred dollars?" Stephanie asked. Staley reached over and picked Steph's wallet out of her pocket.
"So I can give Chris a lap dance! Shhh! Don't tell Stephanie!" Staley replied. She began walking away but turned around and ran back to Stephanie, pointing her finger in her face.
"WAIT! YOU ARE STEPHANIE!!!!" She yelped and ran off giddishly with Stephanie's wallet in hand.
Chris threw a big drunken college-even-though-he's-not-in-college party. Staley walked up to the front door where people where filing in. She smiled and went to Chris who was ushering people in.
"Oh my gawd! Is there like a party happening here?" She asked.
"No." He replied, looking around nervously and trying to block the door.
"Oh my gawd! Am I like invited??"
"Ugh, I guess you are now"
"YAY!" She ripped off her clothes revealing her kickin club outfit. Chris stared at her and shook his head.
"Always remember this, Staley. WWJD, what would Jesus do." Chris said.
"You always remember this, Chris, F-O-I-L, foil, first, outside, inside, last."
"What?" Chris asked, "Sorry, I don't understand, I'm Canadian."
"Eighth grade malgebra, Chris, eighth grade malgebra." She said, walking inside.
"Silly Canadians."
Suddenly, Staley broke out into song.
"BLAME CANADA!!! BLAME CANADA!!!!" But she stopped. She turned back to Chris and said.
"Acctually, a lot of great people came from Canada. Like you, Tom Green, Avril Lavigne." Then Chole the author, Chloe Hardy's alter ego, and estranged punk, ran into the party with a shot gun screamin,
"STOP THE POSING! FEEL THE LOVE, END THE HATE! ANARCHY RUUUUUUULES!!!"
"Um, sure." Chris mumbled. Then Amanda and Jamie Barkin popped out of the audience and said,
"I'm not a poser, all of you are! HAHA! Now let's go pretend to be ghetto, dance to *Nsync, and shop at Hot Topic!" Chole took her shot gun and beat them senselessly with it until...they were beaten senselessly. Then she left.
"All right then, let's partay!" Chris yelled. Staley slapped him because he said "partay". Then Paige and Matt Damon walked in, and they got booed out, because n0 one liked the, and Matt Damon is gay. Then Ben Affleck popped out of no where and said,
"STOP THE GAYNESS!!!" Then Shane West said,
"Dude, you are gay."
"Dude, your, like, so right." And they ran to the back of the house together, not to be seen the rest of the night. Chris walked up to Staley.
"Do gay guys really say, 'Hey girl!'." Then Matt Damon saw her from across the room and yelled,
"HEY GIRL!"
"I guess that answers my question. How do you know him?" Chris queried.
"I'm his lawyer for all his divorces from Hollywood women."
"Oh. Why does he get divorced so much?"
"Take a gander, Chris." Staley said forcefully. Chris stopped to ponder and Staley left.
MUCH LATER
Staley and Chris sat across from each other with a crowd gathered around them. There were empty Tequila bottles scattered everywhere and two shot glasses sitting in the center of the table.
"All right, it's down to this," Staley warned, "Winner gives the loser a lap dance, loser gets 100 bucks."
They poured the next shot of Tequila and Chris looked Staley in the eye.
"Last one. First person to puke loses." Chris grinned and lifted his glass up. Staley lifted hers in response to his.
"Bottoms up!" Staley said cheerfully. Chloe counted down.
"One, two, FIVE!" And Staley and Jericho gulped down their tequila in one gulp. Staley smiled and dropped her empty glass on the table. Jericho tried to smile but instead he puked. Staley jumped onto the table top and celebrated. Jericho sat back in his chair and wiped his face with his shirt.
"Ok, time for my lap dance." He grunted.
"Does anybody in this crack house have a mint for Jericho?" Staley asked the people.
"Call me mister Jericho." Chris said.
"Ok, does anybody in crack house have a mint for Mister Jericho?" There was a long pause, "All right then, I'm gonna get my hundred bucks while you get a mint."
Staley hopped off the table and stumbled over to a group of people standing randomly in the crowd. She fell forward and slapped her hand on Stephanie's shoulder.
"Hey, Steph, do you have a hundred dollars for me?" She asked.
"Why do you want a hundred dollars?" Stephanie asked. Staley reached over and picked Steph's wallet out of her pocket.
"So I can give Chris a lap dance! Shhh! Don't tell Stephanie!" Staley replied. She began walking away but turned around and ran back to Stephanie, pointing her finger in her face.
"WAIT! YOU ARE STEPHANIE!!!!" She yelped and ran off giddishly with Stephanie's wallet in hand.