Chapter 4

I blinked, 'Where am I? Note to self, got to practise drinking more.'

I glanced around and noticed shelves of manga and anime, posters of animals on the wall. Then I spotted a picture on the drawer beside the bed. It was of a very happy Team Ryonan, 'Guess I'm at that baka's house.'

The smell of food was overwhelming and my stomach growled. I got up and slipped on something falling back onto the bed. I glanced down, 'Unbelievable! I've never imagined that a room could have so much junk.'

On the ground was magazines, textbooks, scribblers, clothes, junk food, and more junk. 'What color is the carpet?' I wondered curiously, 'no wonder he's always late. Who can find anything in this mess?'

I got up and carefully got out of the room. Amazingly the living room was clean.

"Ohayou Rukawa. Oh, I got some stuff for you to use. Toothbrush, toothpaste, towel and cup," he said holding out a bag, "so would you like to drink coffee or tea?"

I shrugged, "Whatever."

He smiled, "Ok…by the way the bathroom is the first door on the left."

I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I guess I must've dozed off because I heard Sendoh knocking on the door and asking, "Rukawa are you ok? Did you fall down the toilet or something?"

'Do'aho,' I thought and rinsed my mouth and got out.

I followed him to the dining table and blinked, 'No way!'

"I'm not sure what you like so I made a bit of everything. I brought some stuff too."

On the table was every type of breakfast food imaginable: eggs and ham, toast, breakfast sausages, humongous bag of assorted bagels and muffins. Timbits, at least 6 different types of pancakes, cinnamon rolls, waffles, french toast, porridge, 'Does he own a bakery?'

I sat down and muttered to myself, "Not everything."

"Nani?" he asked.

"Missing plain pancakes."

"Oh, you want plain pancakes? I'll make them now."

"S'ok," I said.

"No problem," he said getting up.

I wondered what would happen if I said I wanted banana loaf bread. I shrugged and picked up a cinnamon roll.

.

I was full when he came out with the stack of pancakes. He held it out to me.

"Full."

"Oh. Well, I guess I'll eat it," he said.

I quickly picked up the cup of coffee. I wanted to smile. He looked like he had a batter fight or something. There were streaks of flour on his face and pancake batter in his hair.

He didn't appear too hungry either since he just poked at the pancakes. I don't know why but when I'm with him silence seem so unnatural. I picked up a muffin and nibbled at it.

"Rukawa."

"Hm?"

"Do you like Sakuragi?"

I glared at him, "Why would I like that egotistic, do'aho?"

"You were murmuring his name last night," he said.

'Was I? Damn. What should I do? Should I deny it? Hit him? Admit it? Can he keep a secret? Lie?' I had a million thoughts running through my head and I finally settled on a threat, "You better not tell anyone."

"Don't worry," he said reassuringly, "I won't."

He wore this odd expression on his face one that I couldn't interpret. 'Is that fear? Is he afraid? I know there are a lot of homophobic people out there but I never expected Sendoh to be one of them.'

"You don't have to be so worried. Just because I like men doesn't mean I'll like you," I told him coldly.

Sendoh looked stunned, "No. I'm not worried. Not about you. It's not what you think."

"Whatever."

Silence. I wonder if I should volunteer to help him clean the dishes. But looking at him and all the food on the table I could only imagine what the kitchen would look like. 'Do I really want to spend the entire Sunday afternoon cleaning pans and dishes with Sendoh? No.'

Finally I couldn't stand the silence, "Why is your living room so clean?"

"Oh, Hiroaki helps me clean it."

"Who?"

"Koshino." he said.

I must've showed no recollection because he continued in a prompting way "you know…black hair, 174 cm, on my team, second year, number 6…"

"No," I said when Sendoh appeared to be running out of descriptions. I got no clue who it was. I only knew of him and Uozumi on Team Ryonan. Apparently it was someone he thought I should know.

"Well, basically my team mate and friend."

I shrugged.

Silence yet again. This time Sendoh broke it by asking, "Rukawa, can I asked you something?"

"You can ask, doesn't mean I'll answer."

Sendoh hesitated. "Why? Why do you like Sakuragi?"

I was thoughtful for a while and finally replied, "Because…he makes me want to smile, and he makes me want to laugh. He's so innocent, sweet and naïve…I guess I want to protect that. I don't want anything to happen to him. He's who I've always wanted to be but…"

Sendoh looked at me sympathetically like I know what you mean. 'But how can he? How can he understand what it feels like to be hated, by the person you care for so much? I don't even know why that baka hates me so much. Not like I ask Akagi's imouto to like me. How can Sendoh know what it feels like to see a person and know in his mind he'll always have someone else? Sendoh will never know what I'm feeling. He has everything he could possibly want: friends, skills, looks, optimism. Everything I strive so hard for comes so naturally to him. The last thing I need was Sendoh's sympathy.'

I stood up abruptly, "I'm leaving."

"Uh…ok," he said with a smile, "see you next Saturday then."

I grunted and walked out, 'I can't believe I told that baka all that stuff. What was I thinking?! Rukawa you baka. You just showed your enemy, you weakness!'

End of Chapter 4