The reason for the weird happenings in this story is a result of my depression and anger for today. I was looking at all the Takouji fan fiction, And well, I pretty much lost all my self confidence in my writing.
Here lemme explain myself.
Love and High Speed by Sophie V
two chapter, 25 reviews!
And me? I have 4 chapters and 18 little reviews!
Just Smile by Sophie V
1 chapter ONE CHAPTER AND 20 REVIEWS!!!!!
And me? I have 4 chapters and 18 little reviews!
Cosplay and Shounen Ai by Raichu 64
TWO chapters, 30 reviews!!!
And me? I have 4 chapters and 18 little reviews!
~curls up in some dark a corner sulks~
I feel hated for some reason :*( That or it's the holidays.
______________________________________________________________________________
As I walk the streets, looking at the Christmas decorations, the families walking by, all the happy faces and laughing, I hurt more and more.
I hate it all. I despise each and every one of them. I hate their smiles, I hate their joy, I hate everything about them. I see children playing in the streets, or off in the snow, making snow men, or having snowball fights. Off on the ice rinks, and frozen ponds, families friends and lovers are skating. And I hang my head to it all.
I don't want to see them. I wish they would all go away.
I hate Christmas. It a damn excuse to make my life a living hell.
My dad said it was a time of the year when families get together and be happy.
I don't want to be happy.
And I want nothing to do with my family, and not my mother, or Kouichi.
Their NOT my family.
I gazed at the sleet slicked sidewalk, the melting slush mixed in with the dirt of peoples shoes. Thats pretty much how I have felt my whole life, ever since my real mother left.
Slush and dirt.
The cleanness of frozen water, the crystal glow of it, smashed and clotted with dirt, until it was disgusting black mush.
Thats what my heart felt like.
I continue to walk on, watching the lines in the sidewalk go by, not paying any attention to where I was going.
Snow fell all around me, covering everything with a blanket of white. It was cold, and my hands where frozen solid. Icicles hung from buildings and trees, making everything look like a `Winter wonderland'.
Yes, that was another thing I hated. Christmas songs. The way singers talk about families and Santa Clause and getting presents under the Christmas tree.
I doubted if normal families where even that happy this time of year.
It all seems like a illusion. How can anyone be this happy? One day a year.
This holiday is all one big lie everyone tells themselves.
I finally brought me head to look up when I no longer heard the laughing and the people all around me. I had walked all the way to some deserted road in the mountain forests. Then I noticed Mount Fuji not to far away.
Why had I walked all the way out here for?
I sighed, blew into my frozen hands a few times before stuffing them back into my pockets of my jacket. I was about to turn and go back when I noticed something red. I picket it up, and it looked like a torn jacket. I read the tag on the inside and it had `Takuya' written on it.
Takuya?
It couldn't have been the Takuya I knew. It made no sense why his jacket would be out here.
But then again, his favorite color was red.
I tossed it back to the ground and saw more pieces of the torn jacket and what looked like a shirt.
Then I saw something pale and tan off to the side of the road.
My heart raced as I realized it was a body.
I fell t one knee beside it. It was a boy, and looked like he had had all of his cloths ripped off. I noticed small spots of blood in the white snow. And I thought he was dead. I rolled him over.
Oh god it was Takuya.
"Takuya!"
He was dead, he had to be.
My fingers went to his wrist and felt for a pulse.
There was one.
"Takuya, wake up" I coaxed him gently. But he didn't move.
There was cuts all over thighs and abdomen. There was a set of teeth marks on his lower neck and upper arm, on his chest, it looked like someone had dragged their fingernails down him, just to make him bleed.
First thought that hit my mind was rape. Takuya had been raped.
I pulled my cell-phone from my pocket and dialed 911.
After I had hung up, I took my jacket off and wrapped it around Takuyas freezing body, and held him in my arms, trying to keep him warm.
"Kouji?" I heard Takuyas voice whimper. "Is it really you?"
"Yeah its me. Don't worry" I said gently. "Who did this to you?"
Takuya began coughing and his hands weakly clutched my shirt.
"I don't know." He shivered and curled up tighter into my arms, trying to keep warm.
"Kouji?" he asked again.
"Yes?"
"Don't leave me, please. Don't leave me."
He seemed so weak like this. Scared and fragile, his dignity and pride taken from him. And his dignity and pride where his best qualities. Thats what I had always admired about hm. Now he was just. . . broken. He had none of that now.
"I wont leave you" I promised.
Soon the paramedics came, and they loaded Takuya into the ambulance and covered him with several blankets. They inserted needles into his wrists and began checking his vital signs.
They made me get in the ambulance too, saying they didn't want the same thing happening to me.
I would have gone anyways, I didn't need excuses. Takuya had just been hurt, and I wasnt about to break my promise to him.
The nurse asked me for information on his family. Unfortunately I didn't have their phone number, and all I knew was his name Kanbara Takuya.
"There are many Kanbaras"she told me "Which ones?"
I shrugged. I had no idea what his parents names where. She left me alone after a while, and I sat by Takuyas bed, watching the IVs drop one by one down the cord and disappear through the needle and into Takuyas arm. And listened to the steady beep of the machines.
Takuya breathed shallowly, his face was as pale as the snow outside.
The medics had treated and bandaged his wounds up, and had rubbed some kind of cream on his skin to help the minor frostbite Takuya had received.
He shivered slightly in bed and I pulled the covers over him tighter and sat back down and watched him closely.
I couldn't help but wonder if happiness was a mirage itself. So many bad things happen to people, and you just sit there waiting for it to happen to you. Sometimes you can see it coming, sometimes you cant. But its always going to happen. So whats the point of being happy?
Your only happy for a while, until everything comes crashing down. And your left to pick everything back up yourself. Sometimes its quick and easy, but for most its long a hard. Others, impossible. Its so much easier being sad and miserable.
I was happy when at the digital world. Everything was fine until Kouichi turned up. Then my life, that I thought I had left back here on earth, came pounding on me once again. When I came back to earth, the issues of my real mother came up. And its been down hill ever since.
But what if misery and pain is a mirage too?
Now I realize the whole concept of mirages was stupid. Emotions where torture all themselves. People all around you control your emotions, not yourself. They hurt you, they make your life miserable. All you do is accept the truth, and its all there. You cant make yourself happy when everything around you is trying to hurt you. Because its lying to yourself.
Slush and dirt.
Happiness is there for a while, just like the beautiful ice, slush. But it soon becomes mixed with dirt and grime making it hideous.
And when it melts, the dirt is still there, and the ice vanishes into nothingness
Just like the scares on a persons heart from being hurt so many years ago. My heart.
Takuya stirs slightly and I find him looking at me.
"Are you okay?" he asks me.
Yeah, he was damaged for life and he was asked if -I- was okay.
"I should be asking you that"I said.
He just looked at me though, like he was staring right through my soul. As if he knew I was feeling bad about myself. "You seemed alittle lost there for few minutes."
"I was just thinking."
Takuya started to say something to be, but the door opened, and his parents came running in. I guess the nurse finally found the right phone number
Takuyas mother was crying, and his dad looked like he was about to have a mental breakdown.
They didn't seem to notice me as they started babying Takuya, asking a million and one questions at the same time.
I left quietly, and took a seat outside and waited.
I really didn't want to leave until I was sure Takuya would be alright. I still intending to keep my promise. I wouldn't leave him.
About an hour passed by when his mother came out of the room and sat down beside me and started crying her heart out.
Yet again, slush and dirt.
"How can I ever thank you for saving my son?" she asked me, while sobbing.
"I don't need anything" I murmured.
"Please, isn't there anything I can do for you Kouji? You have been such a good friend to Takuya."
"I said I didn't want anything" I repeated myself. And she continued to go on about how thankful she was, and how scared she was when she found out Takuya was missing.
"You probably want to get home to your family, it is Christmas after all" she forced a smile when I looked up at her. "Don't worry, Takuya will be fine."
I shook my head. "I'd rather stay here."
"Why? Don't you miss your family."
"Not at all" I muttered. "Id rather be as far away form them as possible"
"Why?"
"Divorce and family issues" I let that slip and hated myself for saying it.
"Oh, well your welcome to come to our house for Christmas, if you'd like. Takuya gets to go home tonight"
I was about to refuse, when she spoke again.
"Now, your coming and thats that, Kouji Minamoto. I wont take no for an answer. It's the least we can do for you"
Great, now I was stuck going to there house.
Later that night when Takuya was finally set to be released, we climbed in the back seat of their car. Takuya was bundled in blankets, still shivering, and head for the long drive to their house.
Takuya slept most of the way there, but was wide awake when we arrived.
When we went inside, I was surprised there was other people there too. It looked like Takuyas grandparents, maybe a few aunts and uncles and a few cousins.
I hadn't expected to see so many people.
This was going to be the worse night of my life.
As soon as Takuya walked in the door, his family rushed over, and started interrogating him
Takuya seemed to be smothered by everyone, and wasnt enjoying it.
I sat down away from the others, wanting desperately to leave.
An hour later I got up and headed for the door, when I was pulled off into a bedroom by Takuya. He shut the door and locked it when the others tried to follow him in.
I couldn't help but laugh at the distressed pouting look on his face, when he yelled at his family to go away.
Laughter. . . that was something I hadn't done in a while.
Only Takuya could make me laugh.
He pulled me over to the bed and made me sit beside him, and he pulled a box out form under the bed.
"I was going to give this to you tomorrow, but I'm gunna give it to you now" he said and handed the box to me.
"I. . . didn't get you anything"I said.
"I didn't expect you too, you inconsiderate jerk." he laughed. "Just open it"
I ignored his teasing remark and opened the box. Inside was a long jagged crystal like pendant hooked onto a nylon string as a necklace. I picked it up and looked at it. It glowed when I touched it, and it felt warm to the touch. It flashed slightly and the faces of my digimon appeared within the crystal. I stared at it in disbelief.
"H-how?"
"I found it in the digital world. I was going to give it to you if we ever got back to earth, but when we did you kinda disappeared. When he did show I planned on giving it to you on Christmas.
"Thanks. . .Takuya" And I really meant it. I hadn't seen my digimon so long. And I had wished so many times I had them again. And I felt. . . happy. Not just because I could see my digimon, but because Takuya had given me this.
As always, happiness felt strange to me. I pulled the necklace over my head and let it drape down to my chest.
"It looks good on you" Takuya said. And he kissed my cheek. "Thanks for saving me Kouji."
Maybe happiness was a good thing. Even if it was just for a little while. I decided to enjoy it while it lasted, and took full advantage of the opportunity and kissed Takuya on the lips. Nothing hard or rash, as to scare him of what happened to him earlier, just a soft peck on the lips.
"Your welcome"
"Why Kouji, I had no idea you felt that way!" He laughed, and pulled me close for another kiss.
Yes, happiness was definitely a good thing. Especially when Takuya was involved.
____________________________________________________________________________
Okay I think I feel better now!
Here lemme explain myself.
Love and High Speed by Sophie V
two chapter, 25 reviews!
And me? I have 4 chapters and 18 little reviews!
Just Smile by Sophie V
1 chapter ONE CHAPTER AND 20 REVIEWS!!!!!
And me? I have 4 chapters and 18 little reviews!
Cosplay and Shounen Ai by Raichu 64
TWO chapters, 30 reviews!!!
And me? I have 4 chapters and 18 little reviews!
~curls up in some dark a corner sulks~
I feel hated for some reason :*( That or it's the holidays.
______________________________________________________________________________
As I walk the streets, looking at the Christmas decorations, the families walking by, all the happy faces and laughing, I hurt more and more.
I hate it all. I despise each and every one of them. I hate their smiles, I hate their joy, I hate everything about them. I see children playing in the streets, or off in the snow, making snow men, or having snowball fights. Off on the ice rinks, and frozen ponds, families friends and lovers are skating. And I hang my head to it all.
I don't want to see them. I wish they would all go away.
I hate Christmas. It a damn excuse to make my life a living hell.
My dad said it was a time of the year when families get together and be happy.
I don't want to be happy.
And I want nothing to do with my family, and not my mother, or Kouichi.
Their NOT my family.
I gazed at the sleet slicked sidewalk, the melting slush mixed in with the dirt of peoples shoes. Thats pretty much how I have felt my whole life, ever since my real mother left.
Slush and dirt.
The cleanness of frozen water, the crystal glow of it, smashed and clotted with dirt, until it was disgusting black mush.
Thats what my heart felt like.
I continue to walk on, watching the lines in the sidewalk go by, not paying any attention to where I was going.
Snow fell all around me, covering everything with a blanket of white. It was cold, and my hands where frozen solid. Icicles hung from buildings and trees, making everything look like a `Winter wonderland'.
Yes, that was another thing I hated. Christmas songs. The way singers talk about families and Santa Clause and getting presents under the Christmas tree.
I doubted if normal families where even that happy this time of year.
It all seems like a illusion. How can anyone be this happy? One day a year.
This holiday is all one big lie everyone tells themselves.
I finally brought me head to look up when I no longer heard the laughing and the people all around me. I had walked all the way to some deserted road in the mountain forests. Then I noticed Mount Fuji not to far away.
Why had I walked all the way out here for?
I sighed, blew into my frozen hands a few times before stuffing them back into my pockets of my jacket. I was about to turn and go back when I noticed something red. I picket it up, and it looked like a torn jacket. I read the tag on the inside and it had `Takuya' written on it.
Takuya?
It couldn't have been the Takuya I knew. It made no sense why his jacket would be out here.
But then again, his favorite color was red.
I tossed it back to the ground and saw more pieces of the torn jacket and what looked like a shirt.
Then I saw something pale and tan off to the side of the road.
My heart raced as I realized it was a body.
I fell t one knee beside it. It was a boy, and looked like he had had all of his cloths ripped off. I noticed small spots of blood in the white snow. And I thought he was dead. I rolled him over.
Oh god it was Takuya.
"Takuya!"
He was dead, he had to be.
My fingers went to his wrist and felt for a pulse.
There was one.
"Takuya, wake up" I coaxed him gently. But he didn't move.
There was cuts all over thighs and abdomen. There was a set of teeth marks on his lower neck and upper arm, on his chest, it looked like someone had dragged their fingernails down him, just to make him bleed.
First thought that hit my mind was rape. Takuya had been raped.
I pulled my cell-phone from my pocket and dialed 911.
After I had hung up, I took my jacket off and wrapped it around Takuyas freezing body, and held him in my arms, trying to keep him warm.
"Kouji?" I heard Takuyas voice whimper. "Is it really you?"
"Yeah its me. Don't worry" I said gently. "Who did this to you?"
Takuya began coughing and his hands weakly clutched my shirt.
"I don't know." He shivered and curled up tighter into my arms, trying to keep warm.
"Kouji?" he asked again.
"Yes?"
"Don't leave me, please. Don't leave me."
He seemed so weak like this. Scared and fragile, his dignity and pride taken from him. And his dignity and pride where his best qualities. Thats what I had always admired about hm. Now he was just. . . broken. He had none of that now.
"I wont leave you" I promised.
Soon the paramedics came, and they loaded Takuya into the ambulance and covered him with several blankets. They inserted needles into his wrists and began checking his vital signs.
They made me get in the ambulance too, saying they didn't want the same thing happening to me.
I would have gone anyways, I didn't need excuses. Takuya had just been hurt, and I wasnt about to break my promise to him.
The nurse asked me for information on his family. Unfortunately I didn't have their phone number, and all I knew was his name Kanbara Takuya.
"There are many Kanbaras"she told me "Which ones?"
I shrugged. I had no idea what his parents names where. She left me alone after a while, and I sat by Takuyas bed, watching the IVs drop one by one down the cord and disappear through the needle and into Takuyas arm. And listened to the steady beep of the machines.
Takuya breathed shallowly, his face was as pale as the snow outside.
The medics had treated and bandaged his wounds up, and had rubbed some kind of cream on his skin to help the minor frostbite Takuya had received.
He shivered slightly in bed and I pulled the covers over him tighter and sat back down and watched him closely.
I couldn't help but wonder if happiness was a mirage itself. So many bad things happen to people, and you just sit there waiting for it to happen to you. Sometimes you can see it coming, sometimes you cant. But its always going to happen. So whats the point of being happy?
Your only happy for a while, until everything comes crashing down. And your left to pick everything back up yourself. Sometimes its quick and easy, but for most its long a hard. Others, impossible. Its so much easier being sad and miserable.
I was happy when at the digital world. Everything was fine until Kouichi turned up. Then my life, that I thought I had left back here on earth, came pounding on me once again. When I came back to earth, the issues of my real mother came up. And its been down hill ever since.
But what if misery and pain is a mirage too?
Now I realize the whole concept of mirages was stupid. Emotions where torture all themselves. People all around you control your emotions, not yourself. They hurt you, they make your life miserable. All you do is accept the truth, and its all there. You cant make yourself happy when everything around you is trying to hurt you. Because its lying to yourself.
Slush and dirt.
Happiness is there for a while, just like the beautiful ice, slush. But it soon becomes mixed with dirt and grime making it hideous.
And when it melts, the dirt is still there, and the ice vanishes into nothingness
Just like the scares on a persons heart from being hurt so many years ago. My heart.
Takuya stirs slightly and I find him looking at me.
"Are you okay?" he asks me.
Yeah, he was damaged for life and he was asked if -I- was okay.
"I should be asking you that"I said.
He just looked at me though, like he was staring right through my soul. As if he knew I was feeling bad about myself. "You seemed alittle lost there for few minutes."
"I was just thinking."
Takuya started to say something to be, but the door opened, and his parents came running in. I guess the nurse finally found the right phone number
Takuyas mother was crying, and his dad looked like he was about to have a mental breakdown.
They didn't seem to notice me as they started babying Takuya, asking a million and one questions at the same time.
I left quietly, and took a seat outside and waited.
I really didn't want to leave until I was sure Takuya would be alright. I still intending to keep my promise. I wouldn't leave him.
About an hour passed by when his mother came out of the room and sat down beside me and started crying her heart out.
Yet again, slush and dirt.
"How can I ever thank you for saving my son?" she asked me, while sobbing.
"I don't need anything" I murmured.
"Please, isn't there anything I can do for you Kouji? You have been such a good friend to Takuya."
"I said I didn't want anything" I repeated myself. And she continued to go on about how thankful she was, and how scared she was when she found out Takuya was missing.
"You probably want to get home to your family, it is Christmas after all" she forced a smile when I looked up at her. "Don't worry, Takuya will be fine."
I shook my head. "I'd rather stay here."
"Why? Don't you miss your family."
"Not at all" I muttered. "Id rather be as far away form them as possible"
"Why?"
"Divorce and family issues" I let that slip and hated myself for saying it.
"Oh, well your welcome to come to our house for Christmas, if you'd like. Takuya gets to go home tonight"
I was about to refuse, when she spoke again.
"Now, your coming and thats that, Kouji Minamoto. I wont take no for an answer. It's the least we can do for you"
Great, now I was stuck going to there house.
Later that night when Takuya was finally set to be released, we climbed in the back seat of their car. Takuya was bundled in blankets, still shivering, and head for the long drive to their house.
Takuya slept most of the way there, but was wide awake when we arrived.
When we went inside, I was surprised there was other people there too. It looked like Takuyas grandparents, maybe a few aunts and uncles and a few cousins.
I hadn't expected to see so many people.
This was going to be the worse night of my life.
As soon as Takuya walked in the door, his family rushed over, and started interrogating him
Takuya seemed to be smothered by everyone, and wasnt enjoying it.
I sat down away from the others, wanting desperately to leave.
An hour later I got up and headed for the door, when I was pulled off into a bedroom by Takuya. He shut the door and locked it when the others tried to follow him in.
I couldn't help but laugh at the distressed pouting look on his face, when he yelled at his family to go away.
Laughter. . . that was something I hadn't done in a while.
Only Takuya could make me laugh.
He pulled me over to the bed and made me sit beside him, and he pulled a box out form under the bed.
"I was going to give this to you tomorrow, but I'm gunna give it to you now" he said and handed the box to me.
"I. . . didn't get you anything"I said.
"I didn't expect you too, you inconsiderate jerk." he laughed. "Just open it"
I ignored his teasing remark and opened the box. Inside was a long jagged crystal like pendant hooked onto a nylon string as a necklace. I picked it up and looked at it. It glowed when I touched it, and it felt warm to the touch. It flashed slightly and the faces of my digimon appeared within the crystal. I stared at it in disbelief.
"H-how?"
"I found it in the digital world. I was going to give it to you if we ever got back to earth, but when we did you kinda disappeared. When he did show I planned on giving it to you on Christmas.
"Thanks. . .Takuya" And I really meant it. I hadn't seen my digimon so long. And I had wished so many times I had them again. And I felt. . . happy. Not just because I could see my digimon, but because Takuya had given me this.
As always, happiness felt strange to me. I pulled the necklace over my head and let it drape down to my chest.
"It looks good on you" Takuya said. And he kissed my cheek. "Thanks for saving me Kouji."
Maybe happiness was a good thing. Even if it was just for a little while. I decided to enjoy it while it lasted, and took full advantage of the opportunity and kissed Takuya on the lips. Nothing hard or rash, as to scare him of what happened to him earlier, just a soft peck on the lips.
"Your welcome"
"Why Kouji, I had no idea you felt that way!" He laughed, and pulled me close for another kiss.
Yes, happiness was definitely a good thing. Especially when Takuya was involved.
____________________________________________________________________________
Okay I think I feel better now!