Chapter 14

I hung up the phone and scold myself, 'Rukawa Kaede you chicken! Why didn't you tell him!? Ok. You better tell him on Saturday!'

Apparently I had great memory. I actually manage to remember 5 digits of his phone number from the key chain I found. Sure I had to dial like 43 numbers to find the correct combination but it was worth it.

'I can't believe I didn't realize it sooner. That kiss with Hanamichi cleared everything. It was a nice kiss but not unforgettable. If what Koshino said is true then…it probably is true, that's why he was waiting at the gate that day and meeting with Kogure-sempai. So I really don't have to be so afraid of rejection.'

I opened the TV and flipped through the channels, 'I guess it's true what they say you always want what you can't have. I can't believe I never paid any attention to Sendoh. Everything I like about Hanamichi could be found in Sendoh. Akira makes me want to laugh, he's cute, friendly, cheerful, and well, a lot of stuff. I do feel very comfortable and at ease when I'm around him. I want to open myself to him, that's probably why silence feel so awkward.'

The phone rang and broke me from my though, "Hn?"

"Rukawa?"

"Yeah."

"It's me Sakuragi. So how are things going with you and Sendoh?"

I guess he was really happy about Haruko because he's been very worried about my affair with Sendoh, like he's afraid I'll suddenly go straight and chase after Haruko or something. I hope Sakuragi get together with Haruko, they would make a good couple.

"Ok."

"Did you tell him yet?" he asked.

"No."

"Why not?"

"What's it to you?" I asked.

"Just…curious," he replied.

"I'm going to tell him on Saturday," I said, 'that'll give me some time to think about what to say.'

"Well, remember to tell me how it went."

"Ok."

"Bye."

"Bye," I said and wondered, 'how should I tell Akira?'

.

I looked at Akira, 'Guess he's all better since he beat me again one on one.'

"Sendoh there's something-"

"Rukawa there's something-"

"You go first," he said.

'Is he planning on saying what I think he is?' I wondered, "you go first. I need time to think about how to word this."

"Um…ok," he said.

"Akira!"

I turned and thought exasperated, 'That annoying Cushion or Costco or whatever his name is. Why does he have to show up now?!'

"Hiro," Akira said.

I frowned when Hiro went and stood beside Akira who put his arms around Koshino and said, "I know Kosh told you, I like you. And I did, but I'm with Hiro-kun now."

I don't know which I felt more of anger, disappointment or pain. Whatever it was, I'm sure it didn't show because controlling my emotion was one of the few things I'm good at and practised. But the desire to hit them and cry was overwhelming.

'I got to get out of here,' I decided and said, "do I care?"

I turned to leave.

"Uh, Rukawa. One more thing," Sendoh said.

I glanced at him.

With a kind, sincere smile he said, "I wish you the best of luck with Hanamichi."

I quickly walked away because the urge to sock and yell at him was so great, that if I didn't get out of there I would lose my cool and do something I'd regret.

.

That baka was banging on my door, probably pissed off that I slam the receiver down on him

"Kitsune open the door this moment or I'll kick it down!"

Reluctantly I opened the door, and he fell it.

He got up and was in my face, "How dare you hang up on the tensai!"

"Baka."

He growled, "Teme!?!"

"Why are you here?" I asked listlessly.

"Oh, right. You said it went horribly and hung up. What happened?"

"Why are you so nosy?"

"The tensai isn't nosy, merely curious. I mean…I thought you two loved each other. I sort of saw you two kiss…"

"He loves Koshino Hiroaki," I spat out the name.

"Huh? Who?"

'Precisely!' I thought, "now you're going to laugh at me, right?"

"What? No…I…I wouldn't do that," he said.

'Great, I got Hanamichi feeling bad for me. Just what I need.'

The worst thing wasn't the fact that Akira loved someone else. I can probably stand that. It was the same when I liked Hanamichi. He liked someone else and I didn't feel like this. I thought it was true love then too, like I do now. No, the thing that was causing me the most pain wasn't that he didn't love me. But the acknowledgement that it's my own stupidity that prevented me from realizing he cared about me. My cowardness that stopped me from telling him I love him when I discovered that we cared for each other. It's my fault we're not together. That's what hurts most, that it's my fault. Akira was waiting for me to comprehend the fact that he likes me and I ignored him. Now he'll never know how I feel. Maybe I'm meant to be alone.

"Rukawa are you ok?"

I didn't hold it any longer. I grabbed Hanamichi and I cried.

End of Chapter 14