Alas Poor Bishop

"Hey Bobby take a look at this, Bishop is like a complete fashion disaster. Have they lost all sense of style in the future? I mean you wouldn't see Wolvie wearing these," said Jubilee in tones dripping with disgust.

She held up the offending item, a pair of striped boxer shorts in green and orange which were even more nauseating than some of Bobby's shirts. Bobby wrinkled his nose and nodded his agreement. Privately he wondered how Jubilee knew what type of underwear Logan wore; probably it was one of those things that it was better not to know. His eyes lit up and he whooped as he came across something far more interesting and he snatched it up.

"Hey check this baby out Jubilee, this is a great toy," chuckled Bobby as he waved the gun around pretending to shoot it.

"I think you might want to put that back Bobby," whispered Jubilee.

Looking up Bobby found he was staring down the barrel of an even more menacing pistol pointed firmly at his chest by Bishop who didn't look in the least amused. A frown was set on Bishop's face and his beard was bristling as he growled menacingly.

"So you like my guns do you Iceman? Well if you don't put Bessie down, I'll blow a hole straight through you," growled Bishop.

"You named your gun Bessie? Man you are one disturbed individual,"

Bishop's frown grew even deeper at Jubilee's little comment and Bobby took the opportunity to ice up. Now if Bishop was just distracted for a few seconds more he'd have time to use a little Iceman magic.

"I could say the same thing about you young lady seeing as you've been going through my underwear,"

"Wow, the psychotic paranoid gun-toting maniac thinks he's a psych now does he?" said Bobby sarcastically.

Bishop snarled, his patience and temper now lost and seeing that Bobby was in ice form decided to blast him. After all he knew that Iceman could put himself back together again but it would teach him a lesson. He wasn't quite mad enough at Bobby to kill him yet but he would be after the latest little stunt. He hadn't realized that his gun barrel was iced up and Jubilee and Bobby dove for cover just in time as the gun blew up in Bishop's face.

"He who pranks and runs away lives to prank another day," muttered Bobby as he and Jubilee ran through the door nearly bowling over Logan.

"Sorry Wolvie, I didn't see you,"

"I'd come ta see what yer getting up too darlin and I reckon Popsicle ought ta come with me."

"Sorry must dash," called Bobby forming an ice slide and scooping up Jubilee. They made a swift getaway as the stunned Logan could only stand and watch. At that moment a very angry Bishop now fully charged up with energy smashed open his door firing off a blast which hit Logan full in his face. Bishop gulped nervously as he suddenly comprehended the depth of his mistake.

The skin of Logan's face was only slightly scorched and already beginning to heal but the hair was a different story. The wild shaggy black hair on his scalp and those luxuriant muttonchops that gave him such a distinctive appearance were burnt away entirely. What's more even his eyebrows and stubble had been scorched off. In fact he was about as hairless as Xavier. Of course his healing factor would mean that his hair soon grew back but that didn't alter the fact that he was angry. Logan's lips pulled back in a savage snarl, exposing sharp canines and his hazel eyes glittered with savage feral bloodlust.

"I'm sorry Logan, I wasn't aiming for you."

"Yer in fer it now sonny boy!" snarled Logan leaping on the larger man and trying to use his claws to give Bishop a very close shave.

"Do you think we ought to make ourselves scarce Bobby?"

"No let's stay and watch the fight. Man this is great!" chuckled Bobby. This kept them amused for about five minutes after which they thought up a new prank and made their way upstairs to the attic and Ororo's precious plants.

Jean Grey was not a happy woman at the moment and tears ran from her eyes as she gazed into the mirror. She was completely bald and she was going to need a wig for weeks now. Hank had assured her that he would work on a new serum to restore her hair but somehow she sensed it wasn't a priority to him. He said that her hair would grow back naturally over the next few weeks but that wasn't the point. She loved her red hair, even if it did need a little help from dye and it was the most beautiful thing about her. How would Scott cope if he wasn't able to admire her beautiful hair? He had been no help to her either; she hadn't sensed much sympathy in his thoughts when she contacted him telepathically. Well he might have been a little occupied but surely he wasn't so selfish that he couldn't support his wife when she was going through a crisis. Just because you were dosed up with laxatives was no real excuse for neglecting her. Then Remy walked into the room sans trench coat and handed her a small box.

"Hello chere, Remy like to say dat he is sorry for de distress his remarks cause earlier. Remy so very sorry, sil vous plait but he want to make it up to you with dis," said Remy opening the box to reveal a red wig which he placed on her head.

"Why thank you Remy," purred Jean kissing him.

"Merci chere," said Remy fingers brushing against her wig. Too late Jean heard the familiar hum as Remy rushed out of the room before the wig exploded.

"You're going to die for this swamp rat!" shrieked Jean having telekinetically flung off the wig just in time.

"Dat will never happen chere!" laughed the Cajun.

Hank sighed heavily as he came across the still battling Bishop and Logan. They were rolling around on the floor together kicking and punching and didn't even notice as Hank loped towards them. Grabbing one in each hand he yanked them up by their collars and just held them apart until they stopped struggling. Them he just let them hang limply unable to break free of his grip until they rather sheepishly asked to be let down.

"He burnt off my muttonchops," growled Logan.

"Stars and garters, you're hair has already grown back and look what you did to Bishop, his chin's a mass of what looks like little razor cuts. What on earth were you trying to do to him?"

"Seeing how he liked having all his hair taken off bub," said Logan who now at least had the grace to look embarrassed.

"That looks sore Bishop, come down to the infirmary and I'll put some antiseptic cream on for you," said Hank.

"You don't need to mother me Beast; they're only a few little scratches. You ought to put that psychotic midget on tranquilizers," snapped Bishop.

"I'm going ta give ya a real taste o' the claws now bub," snarled Logan.

"Gentlemen please remember that you are X-Men not X-Babies, now settle down or do I need to hold you off the ground again?"

Bishop and Logan looked sheepish and then both slunk off muttering under their breath. Hank sighed and shrugged his furry shoulders. If he got any more stressed he really was going to start shedding. Still hopefully Logan and Bishop would be quiet now they had indulged in their little macho display and there would be no more testosterone overdoses that day.

"Well not only have I had to deal with Bobby but I've just had to talk Jean out of killing Remy for the second time this day. Stars and garters, I think my cranium will spontaneously combust," groaned Hank.

"By the Goddess, what have you done with my poor plants? I know you're the one behind this early frost Bobby," said Ororo.

A lightning bolt was flung and caught Bobby on the seat of his pants setting them ablaze. Yelping he iced up putting the fire out but then was caught up in a hurricane force wind and flung straight out of the nearest window. He landed with a loud splash in the swimming pool displacing half the water. A sodden and thoroughly dejected Bobby dragged himself out of the pool looking like a drowned rat. His ardor was somewhat cooled now and he didn't feel like any more pranks at the moment. At least not for the next half hour or so, he thought and then the Iceman would have his revenge.

Ororo turned to Jubilee and for once the blue eyes were stern and quite without compassion.

"As for you child, I am very disappointed with you. Logan will hear of this," she said.

"Oh but Stormie," moaned Jubilee.

"Also you're grounded,"