If One Was Bad, How About Three
Ororo was looking forward to a relaxing session in the Danger Room although she was feeling slightly guilty about handing Jubilee over to Hank. Still she had had no other choice since Logan was still hovering on the point of berserker rage, Scott was otherwise engaged and Jean was bemoaning the loss of her hair. Now happy at last to have escaped the madness and wanting to work out her anger over the fate of her plants Ororo stepped into the Danger Room blissfully unaware of the 'adjustments' that Bobby had made to it's programming.
"By the Goddess, what infamy is this!" shrieked Ororo as she was mobbed by a horde of X-Babies as the Mojoworld simulation began. She was mobbed and the effect was quite claustrophobic. Biting back her fear she slammed the door controls frantically trying to open the door but it wouldn't open. She was dragged away and nobody heard her screams for help. It would be hours before they found her shivering and sobbing in the corner reduced to a nervous wreck.
"Ya know I'm sure that they're still a bit ragged. No matter how many times I give 'em a trim they still manage ta grow back with some chunks missing," growled Logan as he sheathed his claws, having given himself his third shave in as many minutes. The hair grew back every time but never quite to his satisfaction.
"Who cares about your muttonchops, I mean you've still got plenty of hair while I'm as bald as the Professor, "sobbed Jean as she gazed into her mirror.
"Why don't ya give me the mirror darlin, yer only going ta upset yourself by keep looking in it," said Logan reaching out and taking the mirror from her.
The mirror was telekinetically ripped from his grip and Logan growled angrily. Losing his temper he slashed out at Jean's latest wig with his claws shearing straight through it. With a screech Jean flailed angrily at him grabbing hold of one of Logan's sideburns and yanking on it hard, trying to peel it off hair by hair. At this point Remy entered the room and decided to give Logan a spot of assistance by throwing a kinetically charged bottle of red hair dye at Jean. It exploded spattering her with the dye and ruining her dress.
"Ya see darlin, now we can call ya the Red Menace," chuckled Logan.
"Oui mon ami, she certainly red in de face now, dat is de truth is it not chere," chuckled Remy.
"You two are so immature," sniffed Jean stalking out of the room with as much dignity as she could muster.
Bobby was feeling bored with playing pranks at the moment, it wasn't nearly as much fun when your chosen victim had no sense of humor and could hit harder than you could. Still he had prepared a little revenge for Ororo, the thought of which sent him rolling around on the ground overcome by a fit of laughter. He rolled straight into the swimming pool with a loud splash and dragged himself out for the second time that night. He shrugged not bothered about getting a little damp; it was hardly likely that he'd catch a cold after all. The only thing bothering him was that he had now ruined his sneakers but that was a minor concern. He amused himself by icing up the pool and creating ice statues of the X-Men including a giant one of him with Hank, his best friend. Smiling he decided that he would go out and look for trouble.
Shortly afterwards a fully iced up Bobby was speeding along on his ice slide when he came across a familiar sight. Victor Creed was just walking along carrying a six pack of beer obviously intending to drink it in peace. Normally even Bobby would have the sense to leave Victor Creed alone but tonight he was feeling reckless. Speeding up he instantly froze the beer drawing an angry growl from Sabretooth.
"Yer going ta regret that Popsicle," snarled the angry feral.
Bobby laughed and started chucking snowballs at Creed. Snow in his eyes momentarily blinded Creed and Bobby darted up and froze Creed's sideburns before snapping them off, the same as he had with Wolverine. Predictably Creed was now in a frothing frenzy and would only be sated after he had ripped Iceman into very small pieces. A sane man would have turned and fled at this point and certainly wouldn't have stayed around. Bobby took this one step further by mortally insulting Creed.
"Here kitty, kitty, kitty, does kitty want some milk?" called Bobby.
"I'll rip ya ta shreds bub," growled Creed.
"Aw ain't he the cutest little kitty you ever saw," crooned Bobby blowing Creed a kiss.
Then he turned his back fleeing on his ice slide with Creed in hot pursuit, snarling and growling and frothing at the mouth in rage. Expecting any mercy from Sabretooth now was about as likely as Hank giving up Twinkies for life. Creed was out for Bobby's blood and a good fight with plenty of killing and maiming. Bobby in his infinite wisdom was leading him straight to the mansion.
"No Jubilee I'm not angry with you but I am disappointed. I expected better of you and certainly had hoped that you wouldn't abet Bobby in stealing my experiments. Now I'll admit that it was quite amusing but even so I hope you realize that such behavior is more appropriate to a five year old than a young woman like you. You know I count on you to be a more mature influence on Bobby," Hank's words were gentle and there was no sternness in his tone.
Still Jubilee could see the hurt in his gentle blue eyes and there was sadness in her voice. Knowing that she had let Hank down, her second best friend after Wolvie had far more effect on her than any number of lectures from Scott or Jean. She felt emotions normally quite alien to her, guilt and shame. She hung her head and avoided meeting Hank's gaze.
"Hank I'm sorry," whispered Jubilee.
Hank knew she meant those words and despite the fact that he should be angry he was too compassionate to let himself feel that anger. He placed his arms around her giving a gentle hug, tears staining the soft blue fur. He forgave her as he always did, knowing only too well that in some ways he was as much of a child as she was. After all he would admit he enjoyed playing the occasional prank and it had been quite funny when Jean Grey became a bald telepath.
"I forgive you Jubilee. Come on let's masticate upon a few libations to encourage a buoyancy of spirits, a certain sugary confection ought to suffice," he said with a grin.
Jubilee's eyes lit up as did Hanks at the thought of Twinkies. Hank loped over to the cupboard taking out the Twinkies he had gathered earlier from his laboratory forgetting that he had included the last remaining experimental Twinkie's among them. As Jubilee and Hank began wolfing down the snacks they little realized what was about to happen.
"Thank goodness that's finally over, now all I have to put up with is my wife moaning about her hair, Logan in a lousy mood and a manic Iceman. Still that's par for the course around here," chuckled Scott.
Then his eyes went wide behind his visor as he saw Jubilee running cackling down the corridor firing off random bursts of fireworks. She stopped dead in front of him pointing an accusing finger at him and striking a dramatic pose.
"Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I am Apocalypse," shrieked Jubilee at the top of her voice.
"Oh hell she must have eaten a Twinkie," groaned Scott as Jubilee rushed off firing more fireworks in all directions. A piercing scream announced that another of Jean's wigs was the latest casualty.
Sweating Scott burst into Hank's laboratory and looked round anxiously for any sign of Beast.
"Hank, we need your help, Jubilee's eaten one of your Twinkies!"
He heard a low ominous growl and looked up to see Hank hanging off the ceiling face twisted in a menacing snarl. There was a distinctly feral look about him and Scott found his pulse racing as a chill of fear found its way into his heart.
"Hank, are you alright?" gulped Scott
"Henry McCoy no longer exists, there is only the Beast. You dear boy shall be my first victim," snarled Hank.
"Oh my stars and garters, to borrow a phrase," whispered Scott suddenly feeling in desperate need of the bathroom again.