Disclaimer: Squaresoft and whoever else has
legal claim own FF8 and its characters. This story was written for
entertainment only and I gain no profit from it. Only help from people on
writing.
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'How am I meant to feel? I feel so left out, so dumb. I left Garden without
getting facts straight. I just assumed. I assumed he was seeing someone else,
just because he hadn't told me about it. I should have gathered more
information before acting. But then again I have always been guilty of act first,
think later. I just heard that he already had a table booked and it hurt me, I
never thought that it could be for me as he hadn't asked me to go with him. The
guy at the hotel acted as if it had been booked for ages. So why hadn't Squall
got round to asking me? Am I that unapproachable? Is he scared of asking me? Is
it the fact I come from somewhere else that scares him? The fact I haven't come
from the orphanage, like everyone else. Nearly everyone else he knows has come
from there so he's known them longer than me, even though the GFs made him
forget about that. He still feels closer to them that me. He confided in Irvine
when he wouldn't confide in me. Does he not trust me? Am I really that scary?
What do I do?'
'I think we need to talk, but I'm scared of how he'll
be towards me. Will he be cold like he always is? Will I be able to see him if
he is? I need to get something out of this relationship if it is to go any
where. I need some input from him. I want him to be more open with me, to tell
me how he feels about things. To help me understand him, I need some help. I
can't do it without him giving me some help.'
"Dr. Kadowaki, is it ok if I go in?"
"Sure go right ahead, she's well enough for visitors."
"Thank you."
'Huh that sounds like Quistis, what's she doing here?
She never really talks to me if she can help it. She just always seems to busy
to talk. I wonder what she wants with me. Well I guess I'm about to find out as
here she it.'
Quistis walks into Rinoa's room in the Infirmary. She is wearing a black skirt
and jacket with a blue top just visible under her zipped up jacket. Her hair is
tied back in a high ponytail, held there but a blue band. She looks a little
uncomfortable about the fact that she is visiting Rinoa, but nether the less
she enters and sits on the chair.
"Rinoa."
"Hi Quistis. How can I help you?"
"Well actually I was hoping I could help you. You see
I feel I was rather short with Irvine and
Selphie and Zell earlier so I was hoping I could make it up by helping you
now."
"Oh right. So, erm, what do you want to help me with?"
"Well I thought you may need someone to talk to about
how you feel, about how you want to proceed. I thought maybe I could help
seeing as I've known Squall longer than you, I thought maybe I could help you
interpret his actions."
"Umm, well what do you want to know? I mean I don't
really know where to start."
'Quistis? Wants to help me? That's unusual; she
normally keeps her distance from me. I wonder why she chose to suddenly try to
help. The only problem is I don't know what to start with. I don't know what to
say.'
"Well, why don't you start with how you feel now? What
you're thinking about right now."
"Err ok. I know I've got to talk to Squall about how I
feel, but the problem is I don't know how to start talking to him. I don't know
what to say first. I don't know how he'll be towards me, and I'm scared of
pushing him further away. I want to confide in him, but I want to get something
back from him, whereas right now I don't. He is blocking me out of his life
right now. As if I don't exist and I can't bear that. I want him to show some
emotion, just something that shows he cares."
"Rinoa, with Squall, the closer you get to him, the
more he closes himself off. He is scared of being hurt, hurt like he was when
sis left. He is scared everyone is going to do that to him. Or girls at least.
I have the same problem with him. He won't let me in; won't let me see what he
is feeling, he thinks girls will hurt him if he lets them get to close to him.
You need to talk to him. Explain that you don't mean to hurt him. That you care
for him. And you want him to show he cares back. It will have to be a gradual thing;
he needs to learn he can depend on you. You need to help him learn this. Prove
to him that you will always be there for him. And slowly he will learn to trust
you."
"Ok… but how do I start talking about him about it? I
know that if I talk about it directly he will clam up and not say a word."
"I'm not sure how you should start it Rinoa. That's
something you need to figure out for yourself. I don't know how he will react;
just take things slowly with him, ok? I don't want to see him hurt again, last
time it tore him up inside."
"I don't plan on hurting him; I just want to talk to
him. Do you know where he is?"
"He and Irvine left
Garden about 2 hours ago. But I know they haven't returned, I guess they must
be training or talking or something."
"If you see Squall before I do, can you ask him to
come and see me please?"
"Of course Rinoa."
"Thanks Quisty."
'Strange. I never though Quisty to be the sensitive
type. She really cares deeply for Squall. Like a mother or a sister.'
'I think I'm ready to talk to Squall now, I hope Irvine doesn't
keep him too much longer. I've just got to figure out how to start talking to
him.'
*~*~*~*~
Squall is standing in the glade, his gunblade is still held in his right hand,
and he is looking in shock at Irvine, who is lying on the floor near the log in
the glade.
'My safety catch … wasn't … on? How can that be? Irvine… Irvine are… are you ok? Please don't tell me I've killed you… I
can't have, can I? Where is all that blood coming from? I can't bear to look.
I've never shot someone before, well someone I care about. Oh Irvine please
be ok.'
He runs over to Irvine who is
lying on the ground. Squall collapses to his knees discarding Lion Heart.
Irvine's skin is starting to take on an unnatural hue of grey. Blood is running
down from him onto the floor of the forest, leaving a deep red river of blood
coming from his shoulder.
'Please still be breathing Irvine, still
have a pulse. Come on Irvine, don't die on me. How would I explain to everyone
that while you were trying to help me I shot you and killed you? I just lot my
temper. I don't know how my safety catch wasn't on, but I really didn't mean to
hurt you. Where is all this blood coming from? How do I stop it? Why is this
happening to me? I'm not a good magic user, I have a potion, but that isn't
going to do much good if Irvine isn't conscious to take it. What do I do?'
Squall removes his gloves and tosses them aside along with Lion Heart, and
carefully, with hands that are trembling, he removes Irvine's trench coat from
his right shoulder, which is stained red from blood from his wound. He gently
moves aside the shoulder of the, what was vivid purple top, also now stained
with blood. This reveals a deep bullet wound, with blood pulsing out of it. He
quickly checks that Irvine has
still got a pulse and that his is breathing.
'Too much blood, he's loosing too much blood. I can't get back to Balamb Garden
and back here in time, in time to save him. I need to think of something fast. What
can I do? He isn't awake so I can't give him the potion I have and I have no
cure magic. I guess this is the only thing I can do.'
He rips of part of his top, leaving bloody hand prints on the rest as his hands
are covered in Irvine's blood.
Having ripped off a long strip he quickly binds Irvine's
shoulder, trying to get the bandage tight enough to slow the blood flow but not
cut of circulation to his arm.
'Mustn't cut off the circulation. He needs his right arm; after all he is right
handed. I don't want to prevent him from being able to use Exeter. He loves
that gun so much.'
Squall runs over, grabs Lion Heart, and shoves it in its sheath by his side, he
grabs his gloves and shoves them in his pocket, then grabs Exeter and
places that behind one of his belts two belts. He then carefully lifts Irvine from Irvine's left,
making sure he doesn't damage the right arm further. He makes sure that Irvine's head
is resting on his shoulder so Squall can feel that he is still breathing. Squall
slowly starts to make his way back to Garden.
'Come on Irvine, just
hold on. I can't go any faster than this as you're heavier than Rinoa. This
reminds me of carrying her, but now the important thing is that you don't die.
You can't. I…I need you. You're the only one I feel I can confide in. I trust
you more that anyone else. You're my best friend Irvine, so
please don't die.'
Irvine's skin
now starts to take on a ghostly white color, making Squall push himself harder
to get Irvine back to
Garden as quickly as possible. Squall's breathing deepens, yet he can feel Irvine's breathing
shallowing.
'Come on Irvine. Don't
die on me. Keep breathing. Garden is in sight, just stay with me ok. You
mustn't leave. It's just a few more yards. You're gonna be fine as long as you
keep breathing for me.'
Squall enters Garden, which is unusually quiet.
'Where is everyone? I need help yet no one is around. Are you against me today
Hyne? I guess I have to get Irvine to the Infirmary myself. Luckily it isn't
too far. You may look tall and lean, like a sniper should be, but you certainly
are heavy for such a thin looking bloke.'
"Dr. … Kadowaki…" he said breathlessly. "There's…
been… an… accident. Please help… Irvine."
"Hyne, what happened to him?"
"That's… unimportant… just… help him… please."
"Fine, but I want an explanation at some point.
Bring him over here please."
He lays Irvine gently
on the clean bed, splattering it with crimson blood.
'Irvine looks so
pale. I did all I could, please don't take him Hyne. I didn't mean to injure
him, I care about him. He can't die. Please save him Dr. Kadowaki.'
*~*~*~*~
15 minutes pass
"Ok Squall, you can come in now; I think he's going to be fine. He'll be
unconscious for a while yet, but the sound of a familiar voice may help or
perhaps the feeling or a familiar presence. You don't have to talk, just sit if
you want."
Irvine is lying
in the bed, stripped of his beige trench coat and purple top, both ruined by
blood. There is a large gauze bandage on
his shoulder but other than that his skin in unmarked, perfect even, his
slightly tanned skin regaining some of it's normal color.
'Irvine, Irvine you look
so pale, so lifeless, yet I can see you're breathing. How could I do this to
you? I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. You mean a lot to us… to me.' Tears
start to roll down his face. He makes no effort to remove them. 'I feel so lost
without you. I didn't realise how much I like your company. Please Irvine, just
wake up.' He collapses into a kneeling position beside the bed, head leaning on
the bed crying silently. 'Please…'
*~*~*~*~
'Is that… Squall? Crying? He's upset about something, what's happened? I can't
bear to hear him cry so. Can I … get up, I can't lean on my shoulder, but if I
use the other arm… yes I can sit up. Now is Dr. Kadowaki there? I don't want
her to see me up and about, because I don't think she'll approve. But I need to
go to Squall. I need to be there, to comfort him.'
She slowly shuffles into the room Irvine's in. Squall
doesn't notice her enter.
'Oh Hyne, what happened to Irvine? How did
he get shot? Was it Squall? Did he do this? That could explain why he is so
upset. He looks so weak and defenceless now that he is showing a little
emotion. I want to go to him, comfort him I just hope he doesn't reject it.'
She moves closer to Squall, slowly and gently she touches the back of his head,
stroking his soft, brown hair. He jerks upright at the touch, face tear
stained. He looks away as if he can't bear to let her see him so weak. She
kneels down next to him, and ignoring the pain in her shoulder, hugs him,
tightly. At fist he only tries to pull away, but eventually gives in. He places
his head on her shoulder and cries freely, holding her as tightly as she is
holding him.
"It's ok, Squall, it's ok. Just let it out. I'm here
for you. When you're ready talk to me. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here for
you, always."
As she speaks, she strokes his silky hair, in the hope to calm him, in the hope
he will let her in…
'I've never seen him show such emotion. I hope he doesn't shut me out more now
that I've seen him in his weakened state, showing his emotions to me. It makes
me care for him more now that he has shown this side of himself. He's had it
shut away for so long; I hope he doesn't clam up again…'
*~*~*~*~
'Why can't I stop myself crying? I never cry. I've learnt not to show emotion.
It makes you weak if you do, so why can't I stop myself crying. And in front of
Rinoa. I'm meant to be strong for her, someone she can depend on, not some
weakling that can't stop himself from crying.'
'I haven't cried in so long. I guess that's why I
can't stop now. I've bottled it up for years so I don't know how to stop. I
guess I need this, but did it have to be in front of Rinoa. I care so much for
her; I can't let her think that I'm too weak to protect her when she need it. I
care too much to let her think like that. Please Rinoa don't think I'm weak…'
*~*~*~*~
Tears continue to stream down his face, unable to stop them, he holds onto the
one thing he knows right now; Rinoa. Tears start to roll down her face. Not due
to the fact of the pain in her shoulder, nor for herself, but for him, because
she cares so much about him. It pains her to see him so upset, but she knows
right now there is nothing she can do for him except be there for him, so they
continue hugging, neither wanting to break the bond, the connection.
*~*~*~*~
'Ungh wha… what happened… to me… Why does… my shoulder… hurt… so badly. Burning
pain… what's with this burning pain? It's burning… all through my right
shoulder…'
'I don't… I don't remember what… what happened. I remember… I remember talking
to Squall… in the glade in the woods… we were talking about… Rinoa. He was mad…
I pushed him too far…… the safety on his gunblade… it wasn't on… he was waving
his gunblade at me… did he? Did he… shoot me? Is this what it feels like? To
have a bullet shot into you? Did Squall mean to … shoot me?'
'Can I still move my right hand…? I need to be able
to… I have to be able to use Exeter. That gun means a lot to me. It's something
I can depend on, something that's always been there for me. I need to be able
to move my hand. But how do I tell if it is moving? I guess I need to move my
hand and open my eyes, but that's moving towards the pain, I want to keep away
from it. It is harsh pain. I can't take it. But I have to know if I can move my
hand.'
Irvine's right
hand twitches, once, twice. Rinoa notices this, and looks up to Irvine's face.
His eyelids flutter, then, open fully. She smiles at him through her tear
stained face then, turns her attention to Squall. And speaks softly to him.
"Squall, Squall, look up, please? It's ok, Irvine's awake, he can move his hand,
and I think everything will be ok. I had better get Dr. Kadowaki she probably
needs to see Irvine."
He replies to Rinoa in a cracked voice. "Thank you Rinoa, for being here. But
please don't leave me, not yet."
"No problem Squall. I can stay if you want me to." And
she flashes him a smile, a warm smile.
Squall tries to dry his face on the back of his jacket, but the tears are still
coming. Rinoa moves round to the other side of the bed and takes hold of
Irvine's left hand. He turns to look at her, and smiles at her, then looks to
Squall.
"Irvine, Irvine I'm so
sorry about what I've done. I never meant to hurt you. You know that don't you?
I hadn't realised my safety catch wasn't on, I was just so annoyed. I care
about you Irvine; you've always been here for me. Please don't hold this
against me, it was just an accident. I would never intentionally hurt you,
never."
Irvine, reaches
out for Squall's hand which is near his on the bed. Pain is clearly written
across his face, but he perseveres and eventually manages to grip it.
"Squall, I understand that you didn't mean to hurt me, but I can't deny the
fact that you have. I forgive you for hurting me, I won't hold a grudge. I care
about you too, and I don't like to see you hurting. Please do something for me,
both of you, please talk to each other. That's the cause of this, of
everything, the fact that the two of you didn't talk. Please get things sorted.
That's enough of a thanks for me and everyone else. Oh and can you please send
Dr. Kadowaki in, I think that some painkillers are in order. Thanks."
He smiles at them both and lets go of both Rinoa's and
Squall hands, and places them together with his left hand.
"Now go, go talk to each other, sort everything out, for everyone's sake."
They leave the room and in walks Dr. Kadowaki. Squall
and Rinoa leave for her room in the Infirmary. By tilting his head ever so
slightly, Irvine can see
them both through the glass.
'I hope they sort everything out. We don't need anymore pain in this Garden,
and they both deserve each other. They both care so much for each other that
they need to tell each other. To sort it out.'
"So Irvine, how are
you feeling?"
"Like I've been shot."
"Well, you're not wrong there."
"Is there anything you can do about this pain? It is
burning through my shoulder and arm."
"Well it hasn't helped that you moved your arm, Irvine, but
take this."
"What in the name of Hyne was that? That almost hurt
my throat more than my shoulder is hurting. Can't I just have a cure cast on
me, that would stop the pain."
"You know I don't approve of magic Irvine Kinneas, but
I guess just this once I'll pretend I didn't know anything about it. Is there
anyone you want to see?"
"Yeah, can you get Selphie here?"
"Sure, and the bandage?"
"Err can you leave that for now?"
"Irvine Kinneas, deceiving a young lady, I don't
know."
Dr. Kadowaki smiles as she leaves Irvine, but
leaves the bandage. Irvine casts the cure spell on himself. His shoulder is
bathed in a purple light, and the wound closes, leaving a tiny scar. He sits
himself up on the bed and waits eagerly for the approach of Selphie.
*~*~*~*~
Meanwhile next door, Squall and Rinoa are deep in discussion.
"Squall, please listen to me, don't push me away anymore. I care about you; I
want to be here for you. But for me to do that I need something from you. I
need to know if you care for me the same way I care for you. I love you Squall,
more than anything else I love you. I just need to know if you feel the same
way or not."
"Rinoa, this is hard for me."
"I'm not saying it won't be Squall, but I want to be
here for you, always. I miss you, even if it's only a few minutes that you've
been away for, I miss you. I can't bear the though of not being with you, or
worse still seeing you with someone else."
"I don't know if I can say this Rinoa. But I'll try."
"That's all I want you to do Squall."
"I … I like you… no I… I love you Rinoa Heartilly. I'm
just scared. Scared that I'll get hurt by loving you."
He looks away having said this, as if he is ashamed that he feels that way.
"Squall, Squall look at me."
She turns his head gently so that he is looking at her. He looks straight down,
not into her eyes.
'This isn't going to be easy is it? Ah well, here goes nothing.'
"Squall, I would never intentionally hurt you. I love
you too much to be able to hurt you. When you hurt it hurts me to. I care so
much that it is like a physical pain that you are so cold to me. I just want
some sign that you care that you love me."
"Rinoa, I've said I love you, but I just don't know
how to show it."
"How about we start by just hugging."
'I hope I've got through to him, shown him how much I
do care. I love him more than I can explain, I think I've made that clear, and
I now know he loves me. I just hope he can open up to me now.'
Squall pauses for a minutes then slowly, he extends his arms round Rinoa. She
returns the hug, holding him close to her, in the hope to convey to him how
much she does care about him.
*~*~*~*~
"Selphie."
"Oh my Hyne. Irvy what happened to you?"
Her eyes are full of pain as she looked at his shoulder.
"It's nothing Selphie. Don't worry about it. I just wanted to see you, and to
tell you something. Here come and sit here." He says patting the bed next to
him.
"What did you want to tell me?" She asks as she sits on the bed.
"I wanted to say, I… I love you Selphie Tellmit."
"Oh Irvy, I love you too. I've just been waiting for
you to say so." She throws her arms round him.
"Ouch Selphie, be careful."
"Oh I'm so sorry Irvy, does it hurt a lot?"
"Yeah but never mind that. Look."
He points to Squall and Rinoa hugging in the next room, using his right
arm!
"Oh have they made up? Oh I really hope so. They look so good together."
Then after a minute.
"Irvine Kinneas, you're lying to me."
"What? N-no I'm not."
"You are, you just pointed
with your right arm. It can't hurt at all; you cast a cure on yourself but just
let the bandage on didn't you? So I'd give you sympathy." She rips of the
bandage. "See no wound."
"Ouch Selphie that really did hurt, couldn't you have
been more gentle?"
"Oh come here Irvy."
"I love you Selphie."
"I love you too Irvy."
And so both couples sat hugging in the Infirmary.
THE END
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A/N well here is the end of my story. Tell me what you think. I tried to make
Squall more open in this chapter as I felt there must be something behind the
cold front, all he needed was someone to pull it out of him.
