A few moments after Xander left, Willow made a hasty excuse (something about preparing for summer classes, I think), and ran upstairs to her room. I've seen this confusion and fear in her face before, back when she caught me with Veruca, only this time it hurts even more, in part because I'm coming between her and Xander.

Buffy looks at me, and for a second, I swear that she's disappointed. The moment passes, and she asks me, "Can we talk?" I agree, and we go into the dining room.

"So, how did things go with Willow?" She's being pretty direct, so it's safe to say that Buffy's taking the situation pretty seriously.

"It went well," I answer, using the smug tone of voice that I'm famous for. Of course, it comes off as nothing but arrogance now, which is exactly what I *don't* need at the moment.

"Except the end part," she says, quite matter-of-factly.

"Yeah. Gotta work on those endings."

Buffy smiled momentarily before she spoke. "Look, Oz, I'm going to be honest with you: I don't think you should be here. Willow and Xander need this time together. Their friendship has been messed up for a long time, and they don't need you here, vying for Willow's affections."

"You mean Xander doesn't need it." Yes, I'm lashing out, but I think I've earned it this time.

"Yes," she admitted. "I'd think that you of all people would be able to understand just how much Willow-and me too, for that matter-means to Xander. He'll do anything for her, no matter the cost to himself."

She's right, and I know it. It's why I've stayed away from Sunnydale for so long: I can't bear to hurt Willow any more than I already have. And if I did anything to Xander, she'd hate me forever.

"I know, Buffy," I say before exhaling. "It's just that I need some sort of closure with her. I didn't get that when I was last here, and I want it now, before I hurt anyone else."

She nods, and I know that she understands. "Just don't hurt them, Oz. They're my best friends, and they're all I have, outside of Dawn."

I look at her, and see her, I mean *really* see her, for the first time. And, in a way, we're kindred spirits. "You've got my word, Buffy. I won't do anything to hurt them."

**********************************************************************

The drive home was absolutely intolerable for Xander. The only thing keeping him going was the Music of Pain. And brother, was Xander in a lot of pain right now.

He arrived at his apartment without incident, and entered the messy domicile sullenly, turning on the stereo in hope of drowning his sorrows further in the depressing hole that is country music. Xander turned the dial, passing the gamut of Sunnydale's many stations until he stumbled upon an oldies station. Suddenly inspired, Xander made a quick phone call, then hung up. Immediately, he dialed again, this time calling the Summers residence.

"Hello?"

"Dawn, is Willow there?"

"Um, let me check," responded the teenager on the other end. A second later, Xander heard a distant, "Willow! Phone!" as Dawn checked the easy way.

"I've got it, Dawn," replied a third voice, belonging (of course) to Willow. There was a *click* as Dawn hung up, leaving Xander alone the the telephone with his Willow. "Hello?"

"Willow?"

"Xander!" she stated nervously. "Um. So, what's up?"

"I was just calling to apologize for leaving like I did in front of you an Oz."

"It's O-okay," she lied, the fear and dread in her voice almost emanating through the receiver. "So, what are you doing?"

"Listening to the radio," he replied. "Hey, do you have a radio in your room, or wherever you're at?"

"Yeah," answered Willow with much curiosity. "Why do you want to know?"

"You know that oldies station?" he said nervously. "Well, they just said that they were going to play a really good song, and...."

Willow sighed loudly, knowing full well that Xander was up to something. "OK, I'll turn it on..."

She turned on the radio, and tuned into the station just as Xander asked. "....And this next song comes off our request line, with a special dedication to Willow from Xander."

On the other end, Willow began stammering like crazy as her feelings and thoughts began conflicting wildly. The song began, and it only served to worry her even more.

Oh yeah, I'll tell you something
I think you'll understand
Then I'll say that something
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand

Oh, please say to me
You'll let me be your man
And please say to me
You'll let me hold your hand
Now let me hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand

And when I touch you I feel happy inside
It's such a feeling
That my love, I can't hide
I can't hide, I can't hide

Yeah, you got that something
I think you'll understand
When I say that something,
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
And when I touch you I feel happy inside
It's such a feeling
That my love, I can't hide
I can't hide, I can't hide

Yeah, you got that something
I think you'll understand
When I say that something,
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand

"Xander, I...." Willow tried to speak, but nothing was coming out of her mouth. I love him, but I can't. Not like this. I'm gay! But....I want to. But I'm gay!! I'm not supposed to like guys like that! "I can't, Xander. I'm sorry."

"Willow...."

"No, Xander. I can't. I....need to be alone for a while. Bye."

Xander's heart broke as she hung up on him. "I just want to hold your hand," he whispered, sinking to the ground as he wept.

* * *

At Buffy's house, the scene was much the same as Willow cried. She cried for herself, she cried for Tara, she cried for Oz, and she cried for Xander. And, most of all, she cried for the love that she felt for them, the living and the dead, the men and the woman that were her everything.