Disclaimer

None of the characters in this chapter are mine. Mario, Bowser, the toad at the pond, Yoshi, Mewtwo and his Shadow Ball technique, Peach & Luigi are copyrighted characters of Nintendo. Faust is Dark Eternal Daemon and Faust, who gave me permission to use his character. I do not own ay legal/commercial rights to the document.

Note - Although this chapter may indicate otherwise, I do not hate the featured character in this chapter. I can't hate him, for he is the reason I became a video gamer in the first place. With that said, enjoy!

Chapter One: Pissed off Plumber

Mario was on his way to the Mushroom kingdom. Peach called the Mario Brothers over for cake. Luigi, who hasn't eaten for days since being left broke (his mansion was robbed and burned to the ground), left Mario in the dust. Mario ascended from the warp pipe, tasting the chocolate cake in his mouth already, only to be greeted by the oven.

"Mario! There you are. It's time!"

"Oh no, not again," Mario groaned as a sharp claw belonging to a huge spiked hybrid of a turtle and a dragon grabbed him from behind. Mario was taken behind the pipe to a forested area. "No, not now! I'm in a hurry, Bo- wait, not that! Ouch! Stop! I don't want to f- AH!"

Seven minutes later, Mario staggered to toward the warp pipe as a joy-filled Bowser was laughing hysterically from a distance, proud of how he made short work of the chubby plumber. Bowser has been consumed by Melee Fever; since he participated, he has been training everyday for the next one, often using Mario as his training partner. Although Mario has been training lately as well (not so much for the next Melee as trying to lose that gut), Bowser's training has made him improve at a rate faster that Mario. The spike-shelled Koopa gave one extra roar of victory before leaving Mario to puke in the warp pipe.

Mario managed to travel half a mile from the warp pipe before falling down due to exhaustion. An old friend of his found him lying face-first in poison ivy. Realizing Mario couldn't get up, the green dinosaur in red boots wrapped his tongue around Mario, pulling him up next to a tree. Probably not a very smart idea, since his tongue touched the poison ivy and was now itching to the point where he wanted to bite it off. Mario couldn't scratch his face either, but he'd be hard pressed to make his friend scratch his mustache for him.

Mario recognized his friend. "Yoshi?" Mario said in a drained voice. Yoshi simply responded with the greeting all Yoshis give one another; "Yoshi!"

"I need your help, pal." Mario said slowly. "Take me to the castle."

Yoshi took off in a flash. The dinosaur took to the treetops in an effort to cut time. However, Mario thought they were taking too long. "Can't-a you run any faster?" Mario whined.

Yoshi listened to Mario's bickering for five minutes before being fed up with the stocky plumber. When Mario said, "I-a could walk faster than this!" Yoshi kicked Mario's ass to the castle like a punter kicks a football!

"Mama-Miaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!

Mario landed in the drink. Fortunately for him, there was a toad nearby who pulled him out. After the water was pumped out of his system, he entered the castle and went towards the kitchen, constantly scratching his itchy face.

Inside, Luigi was sitting down, about to eat a piece of cake (did I mention there is a stack of 43 plates on his right?). Luigi looked up for a second, having just noticed his older brother standing next to the table. "Hey-a Mario! Grab-a some cake!" the Green Machine attempted to say while stuffing his face. There were only crumbs left.

Mario grumbled while walking into the main quarters. Before he could sit down in his favorite chair, he heard a gentle yet loud voice in the other room. "Oh, Mario!" the young damsel shouted. "You have a telephone call from a Mr. Faust."

"Tell him I'll-a call back later," Mario whined.

"It's not my phone call." Peach responded melodically. Mario grumbled once more. "Stupid blonde," he thought to himself. "I heard that!" Peach replied angrily. Mario walked towards the phone with caution, expecting to get whacked by a frying pan. he slowly picked up the phone, keeping it just far enough away from his infected ear so hew could still speak, and sighed. "Hello?"

"Mario, this is General Faust from-"

"Yeah yeah, I-a know who you are. What the hell do you want?" Mario snapped.

"Mr. Devious is hosting a tournament for the members of the Super Smash Bros. Association." Faust replied.

"What?!" the plumber shouted. Faust responded calmly. "I don't stutter, Mr. Mario. It's time to lace up your boots for the next Melee."
"You want me to fight in a tournament?" Mario bitched. "Do you-a have any idea what I've-a had to go through lately? I-a got ambushed by a big-a fucking Koopa! I-a fell into a damn-a pile of poison ivy; Yoshi fucking kicked my ass-a to the castle! My-a overalls are drenched; Luigi ate-a my damn cake. And I'm-a here, talking to you, about to get-a my brains smashed in with a frying pan! Why-a should I participate in this-a damn tournament?"

Faust was quick to respond. "If you don't show, you terminate the agreement in your contract. I'm sure you don't want that to happen, do you?"

Mario gulped at what Faust said. Violating the terms in the contract would put Mario in the hands of Zoah, a nine-foot mastodon of a man. That would be a fate worse than death. Mario sighed. "Fine, I'll participate in your tournament." Mario hanged the phone up.

Faust put the phone down and left the room thinking to himself. "Damn! No one told me it was that time of the month for plumbers!"

Right after Mario hanged up, he was greeted by a frying pan to his itchy face. Peach was pissed. "You bastard! I'm a natural brunette!"

"Ouch-a! OK, I'm-a sorry!" Mario squeaked. "If-a you have a problem with me, settle it at-a the Melee Tournament next week!"

Peach's face went from pissed to pleased. She had a blast at the last Melee Event, although Mewtwo gave her a blast out of the Melee compliments of a Shadow Ball. Her joy was brief however, for she smacked Mario again. "Hey! Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Peach retaliated.

"Because it wasn't your phone call," Mario responded smartly. That only pissed Peach off even more. She grabbed a large frying pan and winged it in the back of Mario's head, knocking him out instantly (although he was scratching his face while unconscious). Peach laughed in Mario's face, irritating the itch. "HA! This game's winner is... Peach!"