Everything I've been through, every lie, every single ounce of truth. Maybe I avoid the truth? Maybe I just avoid the lies? The sorrow deep down inside me never wishes to reveal its true form. The darkness that I seek, the shadows that I find to cover me, everything I do is to hide. Hiding, you're probably thinking I'm a coward, but no, you don't know what I've experienced. The torture of caddy people, the pain of life, and the voices that tell me I'm hopeless. Ever since I started school, there have been enemies, there have been no friends. I've created a wall to surround me, but that doesn't stop the voices. The voices of the cruel world, of the uncaring people, they don't know what it's like to be picked on and tormented constantly. Everyone thinks I'm a loser, no one likes me. I've tried, I really have, but it never works. The hardships I put into trying to fit in, never worked, I've tried to become cool, suave, passionate. But they won't allow it; failure hits me in the face like a cold draft of wind sailing from the north.
The stars I've wished upon, just to be liked, the magazines I studied, just to be in style. They don't accept it, they sit away from me, and they try to stay as far away as possible. Yes, they speak to me, but just to be nice. Behind my back they're saying rude and cruel, tormenting things. So, I've cut myself off, from the world, from the school I go to. I've gone to one a many counselors, peer guidance's, psychiatrists. They just charge me for my word, they never listen, really. The things they say are so confusing; it just makes my problems worse.
Eventually it got to the point where I didn't want to live; I just wanted to die, to be alone. Well, I'm always alone, but I didn't say I liked it. Why don't they look deeper? Beyond the outside, look at me for whom I am. They never look, they never try to look. What do they see? What do they see that's different than what I see? I repeat these questions over and over in my head until my mind is like an intersection, with too many crossroads. I missed one whole month of classes; the teachers had to bring my work to my dorm. I wouldn't go out, the headmaster who was nice enough to give me time to sort things out, he brought me food, and he brought me all of the requirements. When I had built up enough confidence I had went back to class, only to hear loud groans and irritated whispers. Yes, I noticed, they didn't want me there. Everyone was happy when I wasn't around.
I would cry, unbelievable, yes, I know. I'm 17 years old, my name is Squall Leonhart, and I cry. I cry because of what they say, of what they do. I can't stand the pain, no, I can't stand it. The only people who ever stick up for me, is my father. He's probably my best friend, I know though, even he wishes that I had amount to something more. Even I wish I was something more, I always wish that. I wish that I could make friends easily, and be cool, and be handsome. I'm not any of those things, though, not in real life anyway. Only in my dreams is where I see me actually amounting to someone whose life means something to this world.
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I sighed, after recollecting these past few months at Garden. I stood up off my bed and walked slowly over to the mirror, half expecting it to break. I brought my vision slowly up to meet the horrible image in the reflection of reality. I ran my hand quickly through my hair, trying to get it to actually do something other then just hanging over eyes. My hair was about shoulder length, and I have thick black frame glasses, also I have braces. I'm a walking example of the world's biggest geek. I buttoned the neck of my shirt up and checked to make sure the shirt was tucked in all the way around. I straightened my belt and smoothed out my khaki's. I made a weak attempt to smile and then building up as much confidence as I could, walked out into the world, away from my room. The sun poured in through the windows, showing squares of sunlight on the Garden's halls. I inspected the halls, making sure my all-time enemy wasn't lurking around the corner. I breathed a sigh of relief and started towards my first hour class.
When I arrived the classroom was filled with its usual hustle and bustle, no one trying to break their necks to get a look at me. They all ignored my presence as I looked around the room for a seat. When I found a seat and started to walk over to it, Seifer Almasy stepped in and stole it. He smirked knowingly that I had claimed the seat in the beginning. The teacher walked in and cleared her throat to make her appearance known, everyone's attention was now on her except Seifer's who was still smirking with his usual cockiness, his glare was focused on me.
The teacher noticed I was still standing and cleared her throat once more. I turned around and met her straight in the eye, I swallowed knowing I was either going to be in trouble or be made fun of by her. She was one of those elder ladies, who loved picking on helpless kids like me. She loved making fun of me; it was basically one of her hobbies.
She smiled one of her impatient smiles and spoke boldly, "Mr. Leonhart! Why aren't you in your seat yet?"
I looked over my shoulder at Seifer and he gave me a death glare which told me I better not tell on him or my face will be meeting the concrete after class. "I.. couldn't find one."
"Well, you better find one!" She looked around the room, "hmm.. well, it seems that there isn't any seats left. Sit over there! In the corner, that's the only empty desk." She pointed to a lonely desk.
I walked towards it, only to fall face first onto the floor. The whole class burst into laughter and a few of the guys came to give Seifer a high five. He had stuck his foot out and tripped me on my way to my seat. I held my nose and gathered my books, mainly because my nose was currently bleeding. I took a seat at the desk and glared at Seifer.
"Mr. Almasy, never trip your classmates! Understand?" The teacher yelled.
His eyebrows rose, "Um, yes."
I laughed in my mind about him getting in trouble; he thought that the teacher didn't notice he tripped me.
He saw the slight smile I gave out and made another remark, "but, don't you agree that Squall is clumsy anyway? So, really it wasn't my fault at all. He doesn't even need help to trip, how pathetic is that?!"
The class erupted into laughter again, although this didn't please the teacher. "Mr. Almasy! Why don't you take a trip to go see the headmaster? I think you will excel there." She gave a slight grunting noise to signal her achievement.
He gathered his books, "Fine, fine. It's not like I haven't been there before." A few chuckles were heard from some students in the back. My hand was still slightly cupped to my nose; I lifted my hand away to see if it was still bleeding. I groaned and raised my hand, the teacher pointed at me.
"Mrs. Si, can I go to the infirmary?" I replied sniffing, trying to keep the blood in my nose. She put her hand on her hip.
"What for?" She questioned.
"My.. nose is bleeding." The class started laughing once again, remembering the stunt Seifer had pulled just a few minutes earlier. She waved her hand towards the door, approving my request.
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"Squall what exactly happened?" Dr. Kadowaki asked, while she finished doctoring my nose. I clenched my face up a little oblivious to her that I was in pain, she continued roughly tending to my swollen pathetic excuse for a nose.
I bit my tongue, trying not to yelp for she had just pressed on a certain bruised spot on my nose. Obviously she couldn't get the picture that my nose hurt. "It.. it was nothing, really." I replied showing signs of lying.
She smiled sympathetically, finally reaching the verdict that I was in excruciating pain. "You're a horrible liar, why don't you sum up to courage to tell me?"
"Because I don't want to."
She sighed and stood on her feet, she wrote something in my file, probably keeping track of all the injuries I've received from being here only a year. "You're just like your father, always stubborn and big-headed."
"Well, I have every right to be." I said mockingly.
"Was it Seifer?"
"..Yes." I gave in, that was it, and the truth was out. She was giving me her look of disgust, which always brings all the students to their knees. She is one of those doctors that should have switched schools and become a lawyer. At least, that's what I thought. I imagine after taking care of me so long, she probably wishes she had too.
"I guess I'll have to report this to Headmaster Cid." She began to pick up the phone.
"No, no, no! The Headmaster already knows about it.. he was sent there by our teacher, Mrs. Si, and I would guess that Headmaster got the reason out of him." I replied giving her the best smile I could.
She put the phone down gently on the hook, although she knew I was lying she figured it would only cause more trouble if Seifer was in deeper with the Headmaster than he already was.
A trickle of blood ran out of my nose and I made a sad attempt at trying to keep it from falling out. She watched as it fell off my face and onto my arm, she walked over to a glass jar, pulled out two cotton-balls and handed them to me. I looked at her questioningly.
"Put those in your nose, it will hold off the bleeding."
I looked down at them, "what are you nuts? If I'm seen like this it will lengthen my reputation as a geek! Having two giant cotton-balls stuck up my nostrils!" I exclaimed.
She gave me another one of her looks, and I nodded going along with her demand. I stuffed the cotton-balls up my nose and choked. "I can't breathe with these things in!" I said trying to get out of having them in there.
"Nice try, Squall. That's why you breathe through your mouth."
I frowned, "can I borrow one of your sheets?"
She looked over to her stack of clean white hospital sheets and looked back at me, she raised her eyebrow. "What do you need one for?"
"So I can put one over my head and walk back to my dorm, like a dog with its tail between its legs."
She snapped her fingers and used her head to point towards the door, "You'll be fine. Stick it out, tough guy."
I shook my head, and was terrified of stepping out of that quiet little office.
After I had arrived at my dorm, and had gotten away from all the ridicule of the days classes I threw myself onto my bed and pressed out a deep breath. I peeled the cotton balls out of my nose and threw them into the wastebasket, my nose had stopped bleeding and the only contents of that my nose ever bled was the huge purplish bruise on the end of my nose. I started to close my eyes when an announcement came over the intercom.
"Squall Leonhart to the Headmasters office, Squall Leonhart."
I groaned what now?
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"You wanted to see me, sir?" I looked around the room and spotted a girl sitting in front of the Headmasters desk, her back was facing me so I couldn't see her face.
"Ah, yes Squall. Have a seat, please." He said smiling.
I took a seat next to the unfamiliar girl and cast a glance at her. She had smooth raven black hair, as black as night. Her big almond colored eyes stared intently at her lap, where her hands were intertwined, she was easily nervous. Her pale ivory skin gave a glowing effect from the iridescent lighting the Headmaster had in his office. I smiled a little and turned my attention back towards the Headmaster.
"So, what did you call me here for anyway?" I asked, inquiringly.
He rubbed his chin, and looked at the girl, "This is Rinoa Heartilly, she is new here, if you couldn't tell."
The girl looked over at me, "Hi." She said in almost an audible whisper. Her voice was that of an angel as the melody flowed its way to my ears. It took me a while to reply, and when I did think of something to say it was just, "hey."
She smiled at me and looked out a nearby window.
"Well, now that the short, but good introduction was over it's time to show this girl to her room. Also, Squall.. if you would show her around the Garden, that would be nice too." Cid said with the usual smile on his face. His eyebrows raised and he chuckled wildly. "I forgot to introduce Squall! I'm such a klutz!" He laughed again, "Rinoa this is Squall Leonhart, a very fine student indeed. If you ever need a tutor, by golly this is the guy to go to!"
She nodded and stood up, "well, Squall, will you take me to my room?"
I stood up also and looked at her. "Of course, what's your room number?"
She looked down at the small piece of paper in her hands, "235."
My features immediately brightened, "that's right next to my room! C'mon I'll show you there!"
Sudden realization hit me when we were walking down the hall towards her room. The fact struck me that this girl was so pretty that after she got introduced to the entire popular crowd, she probably won't have anything else to do with me. My face returned to its normal cold stare as I walked on, not speaking.
"So, Squall.. how old are you?" She said, looking up at me.
I smiled a little at her attempt to get conversation going, "I'm 17, you?"
"Same," she said with a bright smile on her face.
"What classes do you have, Rinoa? This quarter, I mean."
She quickly pulled her schedule out of her back pocket and looked for the right quarter. "I have English first period, Science second, Math third, then lunch. After that it's History fifth period and then I have a break."
I raised my eyebrows, "You have all the same classes I have, that will make it easier to show you around."
We arrived at her room, and I stood at her door waiting for her to unlock it. I waited till she got in okay, and she waved good-bye at me. "Thanks Squall, see you tomorrow?"
"Yeah, 7:00 am, right here."
She smiled again and closed her door. I put my hands in my pockets and walked across the hall to my room. The rest of the night mainly consisted of me staying wide awake trying to figure out a way to get Rinoa to stay my friend. She seemed really nice, had a great personality, maybe I wouldn't have to convince her to be my friend. I smiled big and closed my eyes not being able to wait until tomorrow morning when I would see her again.
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Well, what did you guys and girls think? Did you like it? I hope so, please review and if you want me to continue please tell me. Because I have a lot of ideas for this story I just don't know if it's good enough to get people to like it. And yes, Squall is a geek. I thought it gave a little edge and a little difference to the story, well wait and see what happens to Squall! Please review.