Chapter 16: Lost Trust
I know I shouldn't have been so shocked that somehow Elizabeth Clark and Sara knew each other, after all Clark mentioned Sara's name when I interrogated her. But I think the fact that she lied to me is what was shocking. I never thought Sara would lie right to my face just to protect her privacy.
Sara stood up when she saw us. No emotion played on her face. She had black circles under her eyes like she hadn't slept in days. It seemed that she was so badly drained that if she were to close her eyes and give in she might never wake up. Her dark hair was tied back in a ponytail and I noticed she was loosing weight too. I wondered if she still feels sick. Why was she doing this to herself?
"Sara maybe you should sit down." Catherine was calm.
"What's wrong?"
Catherine looked at me to start but I couldn't give any indication; I was that upset with Sara.
"Sara we talked to Elizabeth Clark." Sara sat down on the cot as if her knees gave way. "We know you two were friends. She told us."
Sara's breathing became shallow as she searched for the right words. Probably another lie, I thought bitterly.
"What did she say?"
"Elizabeth already admitted that she was there." Catherine sat down beside her. "Is that why you really came to San Francisco? To help her?"
Sara looked over to me then back to Catherine. "Yes I came to help her."
"Sara be careful how you answer. Did you come with intent to kill Thomas?"
"Of course not!" Sara jumped up. "Catherine I would never. I wasn't even supposed to see him. He showed up at the apartment when I was picking Beth up. I was going to take her away from him and that's it. I did not plan on murdering someone!"
"It sure the hell looks that way." I said coldly. The iciness of my tone made even me shiver and I was sure if I let out a deep sigh you could see my breath.
She faced me. "Look Grissom she is my friend I couldn't let him hurt her. That's what you do for friends, everything you can to protect them!" Her voice started to elevate as she neared the end of her sentence.
"How do you expect me to protect you if you don't give me all the facts?! You lied to me Sara!"
"Why does it matter?! She didn't do anything. I shot Thomas."
"It matters because now you have motive Sara! You betrayed my trust! Even I don't know what you would do now!"
Sara approached me. She blinked away the tears that were threatening her eyes. "Stop yelling at me Grissom! You don't know what its like to be treated like you're nothing; to be abused in every way imaginable by someone you trusted. You want to talk about trust, fine. Do you know how hard it is to trust anyone after something like that? I have worked damn hard to try, but forgive me if its still a little hard."
I wanted to look away from her sad, angry eyes, but she held them. If she only knew how hard it was for myself to trust again. I have been hurt. I know what's it like to be on the receiving end of mistrust. Maybe not in the same sense or to the same magnitude, but I knew. I wanted to help, I needed to help, but could I? I can't if she doesn't trust me anymore. Why was it so hard to turn away from her?
"Let's just calm down." Catherine said breaking the tension. "We all need to calm down."
Warrick and Nick came running up to the cell with worried looks on their faces.
"We heard yelling." Nick said out of breath. "What's goin' on?"
"Sara here thinks that she can save the world again." I said finally gathering enough nerve to break her gaze.
"Excuse me?" She now sounded more hurt than angry now. I silently kicked myself. Wrong words, wrong time.
"What did you say to me?" She asked again.
No turning back now. "You heard me. Why do you think you can save the world? This wasn't your problem Sara. Stop trying to save every person you meet."
She sighed. I was ready for more shouting but she was calm. "I am sorry Grissom but the minute I do that I might as well stop living. I can't stop feeling or start accepting that bad things happen and there is nothing I can do about them. I can't be you."
Those last words was like someone grabbed my heart and crushed it. That someone was Sara. Why was she doing this? Damn her! I wanted to scream, 'I do feel Sara, quit making me out to be the bad guy!'
"Look my friend was in trouble and I couldn't ignore that." Sara said still staring at me. I thought I detected remorse in her voice. Good. She hurt me and she should feel sorry.
Catherine interrupted. "Sara did Elizabeth shoot Thomas, is that why we found her prints on your gun? Did it get out of control when he got there?"
"I promised I would protect her so I am not saying. I have to spare her the pain, she has been through enough because of me."
What is she on a guilt trip or something?
"Sara it isn't your fault that McBride abused your friend. It was never your fault." Warrick interrupted.
She replied to Warrick but her eyes never left my face. "A true friend wouldn't have let her be with a man like that."
"Then I am going home." I said it. I was not lying. I was going to leave. Leave this case, this state, this headache all behind. I was going to leave Sara behind and consider her as a lost cause, until she spoke.
"Go Gris I don't want you to stay because of me. I wouldn't expect you to be my friend." Her eyes were hard once more.
"This has nothing to do with friendship Sara, but your stubbornness." I shot back.
"What do you want from me?!" She yelled getting in my face.
"I want the truth Sara!" Nick touch my shoulder trying to calm me down as I yelled back in her face for a change.
Catherine stepped up between us. "Before either one of you continue to say something you don't mean, I think we should take a break."
"Good idea Cath." Nick put in.
We ignored them. We just stared at one another with regret in our hearts and anger in our eyes.
"You told me that the evidence would point to the truth." Her words were civil. "I did not come here to kill Thomas McBride so find the evidence. I came because Beth needed me. You didn't see her Grissom. She was hurt and she didn't know how to handle it."
"And you did?" It came out more bitter than I intended.
"Yes. She did not know how to deal with it. Grissom she was on antidepressants because of him."
I refused to allow her to wallow in self-pity and despite my fury I spoke. "You can handle the pain because it happened before? Sara you don't deserve that; you don't need to punish yourself."
"She didn't deserve it either." She countered.
The room fell to a disturbing, uncomfortable silence. My stare never left Sara's face. It was like she was the only other person in the room. "I don't know what to do Sara."
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tbc...