Chapter 17: Explanations
I honestly didn't know what to do. I no longer had the energy to argue or be angry. As soon as my anger slipped away I felt myself get a migraine. Sara always had that effect on me. Somehow she managed to know exactly how to get under my skin. Sometimes she didn't do it on purpose, I suppose I just let her get to me. I looked at Sara. I wonder if her head hurts. The black eye and cut has to hurt. She has to be in pain, right? You can't ignore pain. I can't ignore the awful feeling in the pit of my stomach or the pain in my chest. Her eyes were a mirror to my own feelings that I hide deep inside. She always was so readable. For Sara the eyes really are the windows to the soul. Maybe that's why she pushed all my buttons; she was everything I tried to ignore or suppress. How can we be so much alike yet different?
I decided then and there that I had to give Sara the opportunity to set the record straight. I needed to know that everything wasn't a lie. I needed to know why she lied. I needed to reconsider my actions. It was all eating away at me. I already lost control of my emotions, now I needed to get back on track. It wasn't like me. I only had to be very careful how I was going to proceed. I didn't want to come across as cold or distant so my voice was low and gentle, but even I could hear the objectivity in my words. "Why does she mean so much to you Sara? Who is she?"
She sighed. "Just a good friend. I met her when I moved here. I needed a place to stay and she needed a roommate. We split the rent, the food, the bills, everything. I guess we didn't really have much in common. She is opposite of me in every sense, but somehow we connected. She became the sister I never had. I was busy with a career for CSI: San Francisco and she was a bounce around waitress. I need to be in control, have plans, and realistic and she is spontaneous, bold, and strangely optimistic. That combination has gotten her in trouble before but nothing serious. Sometimes I was with her when she got in trouble. We did some of the dumbest things that I would never do again, but then I really had the time of my life. It was a nice break from being so serious and surrounded by death. I had to know that I was alive. She helped me with it. She was always there for me whenever I couldn't handle things. That's why I had to come help her. I had to be there for her. She needed me."
I was shocked. I didn't expect to find out that Sara was living a double life. I never knew this side of Sara. I really had no idea that this girl was that important to Sara. I was stunned but managed to croak out, "Did she call you?"
"Yes, about a week ago at work. I haven't seen her for almost three years but I knew from the tone of her voice that something wasn't right. She told me about Thomas and I knew what he was doing to her so I came here as soon as I could. If I didn't help, Beth might be dead by now. I couldn't allow anything to happen to her. Its my fault this happened to her in the first place."
"There is no way you can blame yourself for this; any of this. Just like I told you that you can't blame yourself for every case that goes unsolved." I said.
"Well I do, everyday." She said sadly.
"Look lets just take it one step at a time. Lets go back to the start. When you got there what happened?"
Sara let out a heavy breath. "Thomas wasn't there. We packed as fast as possible and we were out at the car when he got back. I was loading the car when he hit me from behind. He must not have seen Beth or didn't care that she was there."
"Where was your gun?"
"My gun wasn't on me; I left it in the car under the seat."
"Then how did Thomas get shot with your gun?" I knew where my questioning was going but I needed Sara to say it.
"Beth found it. She came back when Thomas took me to the bedroom and shot him in the upper left side of his chest. At first when I was taken inside I just hoped Beth had the sense to call someone for help. But now I am glad that she found my gun. If she hadn't come back Grissom, Thomas would have killed and raped me before anyone could save me. I know it."
I silently gave thanks to any and all heavenly powers that Clark came back.
"It was enough to get him off of me, but not kill him. I took the gun and told her to leave before the police came."
"Why? He clearly attacked you; it was self-defense right there."
"Foul play. It became a two-to-one situation and judge Parks hated me as it was." She said. "Grissom I am sorry that I lied to you. You have to believe me when I say that you have no idea how much I regret it all. It should have never gone this far. I never meant to hurt anyone, especially you. I know you feel betrayed but...well I'm sorry. I had to try and protect her. All she did wrong was love the wrong guy."
I honestly didn't expect an apology but I knew then that she lied for very good reasons. Fear, guilt, privacy, protection, and love. I shouldn't have gotten angry with her and now I felt sorry.
"Sara," I began. "I should have known better than to think that you would lie for no good reason."
"But I lied to you. Trust is everything, believe me I know and I messed up."
She sat down on her cot and there followed a pause of uncomfortable silence. I didn't know what to say. The investigator in me was telling me to go on, to get this over with and to get Sara back on track for everyone's sake; more like for Sara's sake. I could only imagine with the amount of time on her hands, how Sara was convincing herself that she did something wrong. God why did I yell at her? Any other time I can keep myself under control. Damn it Gil! Just calm down you are no good to anyone losing your grip on the case. Okay no go. "What happened next Sara?"
"Well, after Beth left I was going to call the police but he came after me again. He slammed me into the door. I hit my hip hard on the doorknob and I remember how much it hurt. After that I don't really remember how it happened but I took the gun, aimed, and shot him in the chest." Sara looked at the floor. "There was so much blood and he was so still. I should have shot him in the knee or gave him a warning shot, but I didn't I let my anger and fear get the best of me and I killed him."
"Sara he gave you no choice. You said it; he would have killed you if you didn't kill him." My words were soft and kind. This was never my department but I had to try for Sara.
"I know." She said. "But I wish it ended differently that's all."
Catherine put a loving hand on Sara's arm and the movement made me realize for the first time that me and Sara weren't alone.
"Is that all Sara?" Catherine asked.
"Yes, from start to finish and its the truth."
Catherine faced me. "The jury will definitely see that as murder and not self-defense. Even though that's not what happened."
"Yeah Gris what are we going to do?" Warrick said beside me.
I sighed then turned my gaze from Catherine to the group. "Well the only thing we can do. Work the case, follow the evidence, and it should be enough."
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tbc...