Ok, I wrote this while I was listening to "Beautiful" by Christina A. If you haven't heard it, you really should find it somewhere and listen to it.
This is about Draco. It contains some self mutilation so if this bothers you, you might want to leave now.
Please let me know what you think. Thank you.
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Everyday is so wonderful, then suddenly, it's hard to breathe.
Now and then I get so insecure, from all the pain
I'm so ashamed.
Draco Malfoy looked at his 16 year old reflection in the mirror. He had been staring at himself for about 30 minutes. He looked at the many scars that were all over his body. He remembered how he had gotten every single one of them too. They were from his own doing.
He let his gaze go down to his hands. Inside his closed fist he was holding a razor. The same razor that had done so much damage to his young body. He took a deep breath and brought his hand up to his left forearm. He pressed the razor into his skin and dragged it across his arm. He inhaled sharply has he felt the pain.
He let his eyes fall closed. He did this often. He would let the days stress catch up with him and then he would let all the stress out. The physical pain got rid of the emotion pain. He opened his eyes and looked at his arm. Blood. Lots of blood. A small smile played across his lips. He liked the site of the blood dripping onto the floor.
Then he saw his reflection again. His eyes looked so sad. "You're a sick bastard," he said to himself.
I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today.
Soon the pain was gone and everything came rushing back to him. He fell to his knees crying. No one understood him. No one wanted to understand him. In everyone else's eyes he was a cold person that didn't feel. He needed someone to care. That's all he needed. But there wasn't anyone. No one cared.
Only if someone could see him now. Broken down, naked, in front of a mirror. If someone could see him now, they would see that he feels.
He brought the razor to his arm again. This time he didn't hesitate. He didn't even think about what he was doing. He just started cutting anywhere that wasn't already covered in blood. The pain was so much that he couldn't think of anything else. That's exactly what he wanted.
To all your friends you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard not to feel the emptiness, the pieces gone,
Left the puzzle undone, is that the way it is
Draco allowed himself to roll over on his side. He wasn't much aware of his existence anymore and he didn't care. The tears were mixing in with the blood on the floor. He couldn't control either one.
He let his mind zone out. He pondered on some things. His so called friends for one. Why didn't he have any real friends? He wasn't that bad of a person. He only acted the way he was brought up to act. What was so bad about him? He would never understand why everyone hated him. Never.
"Why? Why? Why? Why?" He kept repeating the same thing over and over without realizing that he was doing it.
You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
'Cause you are beautiful in every single way
Yes words can't bring you down
So don't you bring me down today
Draco raised a trembling hand and placed the razor on his wrist. He took a deep breath and thought about it. Tomorrow might be better. He sat up and looked at himself again. He saw a beautiful person staring back at him. Beautiful yet troubled.
He took the razor off his wrist and let it drop onto the floor next to him. There's always tomorrow. It might be better tomorrow. Yes…tomorrow.
He continued to stare at himself searching for something inside him. He hoped that he would soon see the beautiful person inside.
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Oh it sucked. I am so sorry for putting you through that. Maybe some of you finished it all the way through. Thank you to those of you that did. Um, I would like for you all to keep in mind that I wrote this late last night while listening to music. So I guess you can say that I was a little side tracked. Please review. Let me know if you liked it or if you disliked it. Any kind of feedback is welcome. I would like to know what you all think. J