Epilogue
Even though I never said 'I love you' during the telling of my story, Sara knew it was a deep confession of my feelings for her. That's what I love about her. She knows that I am not very good expressing how I feel, so she is pretty patient with me to this day.
Time went by and it is hard to believe that its been three years. We agreed to take it slow when we started. It was all very new for the both of us. For one month and twelve days we didn't even sleep together. I probably sound desperate but that's because I wanted to be with Sara, every aspect of her. But I kept my craving at bay until she was ready. Due to many sleepless nights, I read about the psychological battle women like Sara had to go through to trust someone again. I didn't realize she was going through so much just to love someone again. And the fact that she was taking her chances loving me was enough to make me wait forever if I had to.
It wasn't forever though. The first time we made love was amazing and very worthy of the wait. It was after work. I was changing a flat tire and Sara was holding the flashlight when we were caught in a downpour of rain. We were soaked head to toe. It was the sight to see. I would have been furious but seeing Sara laugh at me, anger lost its appeal. She told me how much she loved me even when I was wet and mad and I gave in. I said I loved her too and we kissed. The kiss became something so much more and before I knew it we were back at my place. It was a beautiful mixture of passion, lust, mutual understanding, and unconditional love. I never knew I could love someone so much. Now every time it rains I think of our first time together. I know she thinks about it too, because she smiles at me all night during work.
I like to think I know every inch of her body. Every point that makes her shiver under my touch and she knows where to find the certain places that drive me crazy. But surprisingly there are some places that I haven't yet found and some I didn't know I had. There is nothing planned about us. It's all so spontaneous and revealing even after we have been together so many times before. Our love making has such a beautiful quality because it is with her; the woman I love uncontrollably. Everything Sara does is beautiful. The way she bites her lip in concentration, the way she eats her cereal in the morning, the way she brushes her hair, the list could go on forever. She is the perfect symbol of beauty. I tell her that all the time and she just tells me that I am sleep deprived. Her modesty is even beautiful.
We kept our relationship just for us for about five months. No one knew but Catherine until she cracked and told Nick, Warrick, and Greg. Sara wasn't upset at all so neither was I. After the graveyard shift knew we got so comfortable being together at work that we accidentally kissed each other good-bye in the open hallway. I was telling her to be careful and she gave me her typical, 'don't worry Grissom I'll be fine' speech and we leaned in for a kiss. When we realized what we did, it was too late. We were pulled into the sheriff's office faster than I knew possible. Ecklie must have him on speed dial or something. He put us on notice is what he called it. If anymore of a public display was reported Sara would be moved to dayshift, but other than that he didn't have much to say. He couldn't really, there was nothing prohibiting our relationship. There was talk about us, rumors mostly probably started by Ecklie but we didn't mind. We just ignored them. I was careful not to make anymore mistakes like the one we made before but Sara didn't make it easy for me. I made her pay dearly for teasing me when we got home. All in all though it was easy to be discrete at work. Sometimes Catherine would ask if we were still together after a long night of no communication. I assured her that nothing was wrong and it seemed to pacify her until she could ask Sara later. Work became basically the same as it was before we got together. The cases were challenging and disturbing as usual but now I didn't have to go home to an empty bedroom. I slept much better to say the least.
Sara slowly came around to talking to me about her past. She cried a lot but she needed to cry. I soon told her about my hearing and she was anything but unstable and emotional about it. I actually cried and she held me. We shared each other's tears to get through the worst. She was there for me when I told the team about it and she was there during the surgery, which turned out great. The surgery was able to repair my hearing to ninety percent but Sara learned sign language just for me. I told her it was no use, I wanted to hear her voice not watch her hands. But being stubborn she just wanted to show how much she cared. Now we communicate both ways which drives Catherine, Warrick, and Nick crazy. They made the joke that we should just cut to the chase and transfer brain waves directly. I am still working on it but Sara can read my mind before I even know what I am thinking.
I feel complete with Sara. I no longer had to hide behind my wall; not for Sara anyway. She always has a way to drag something out of me. I never thought it possible to share all my secrets with one person and not feel regret that she knows so much about me. I love her so much I can't help but to smile just at the thought of her.
She still calls me Grissom regardless where we are; at work on a case or at home eating dinner or having sex. It doesn't bother me because when she says it, it has a very distinct tone that conveys how much she loves me. I will always be Grissom to her she told me once. She said that is who she fell in love with and a name change isn't necessary.
So my mornings are spent with Sara's body pressed against mine. At home its all so physical. The touches, the caresses, the passion, everything becomes physical. I love to feel her heat, her breath, her hand on my chest, her soft hair on my chin, or her entire body on top of me as we fall asleep on the sofa together. I love her. During my nights at work I have her mind to keep me company which is just as appealing.
I gave her an encased White Admiral Butterfly for our first anniversary of being together. She has it on the nightstand next to our bed. She stares at it every night when she can't sleep because of a rough case. Usually when I catch her so deep in thought I just lay beside her until she comes out of her trance. She needs to know that I am there for her. I know I cannot erase the past but I can be here for her now. Some nights when even I can't get her to sleep, I find her awake reading in my chair with a box of chocolate covered cherries next to her. More times than most I lead her back to bed, but sometimes I know she needs her space and leave her alone. She does the same when I am deep in thought. We trust each other to know when the time is right we will be there for each other.
Now I have never put so much into the present. I enjoy every minute with Sara; every second. I know that there will be more years to come but right now I am content to have the present. We have talked about marriage but Sara says that she doesn't need a ring or a priest to know that I love her. She said she has the White Admiral Butterfly. I have to smile at such a comment. It's so Sara to say something like that. We also talked about children but still aren't too sure either one wants to make such a commitment to bring up a child without full effort by both of us. A child should not be a burden. We want to enjoy every soccer game, science fair, or whatever he or she decides to do. The future can take care of itself she told me. And I believe that, so we don't worry too much about what tomorrow will bring. Good or bad I am there for her and she is there for me. Who knows today's gray clouds might grant heavy rainfall. And we love the rain.
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