A/N:

hoheehum: Alrightythan! This chapter was written by Sempai Tnberry- gaze at her amazingness!

Sempai: yes… YES! Gaze… at my a-MAZINGNESS!!! *grins evilly* can I pet Descon?

hoheehum: no. Descon is not to be pet. He is a vampire, and therefore bites. And I'm not in the mood for a lawsuit this month.

Sempai: y'know what? Neither am I. So…

Disclaimer: (Sempai still) I don't own IZ, and neither does Laura. Right Laura?

hoheehum: Yup! Oh, and Maggie?

Sempai: *cautiously* yeeees?

hoheehum: SAY HI TO CHAD FOR ME!!!! *runs off before something bad happens to her*

Sempai: ooooohh…! _ *calls after hoheehum before giving chase* I'M STEALING DESCON FOR THAT!!!!

(Ps- don't worry if you don't get the joke, it's not to be gotten.)

Ch. 2 "Zim's AMAZING Plan"

The morning light of the next day shone in soft pillars illuminating the rose-pink puffer fish that were positioned in Zim's yard. The last stars blinked out as the soft blue sky turned brighter with the rising sun...like a painting, almost, it was that perfectly lovely…
Oh, how Zim loathed it. He despised this foolish Earth sunlight like some despicable thing that people despised. Artificial Irken light was far superior.
"Yes, yes, far superior," the Invader muttered to himself, his serrated teeth bared as he spoke. Zim crouched in front of the window in the main room, blood-red eyes narrowed, antennae twitching in aggravation as the sun rose. The reptilian emerald scales of his exoskeleton shimmered in the foul Earth light. His uniform was already on, of course; the black gloves pulled carefully over his claw-like fingers, boots strapped on his oh-so-superior feet. Never mind the redhead disguise; today of course, he would use the human boy costume. It was a Monday, perhaps the most stinking foul creation any meatbag had ever the nerve to invent.
Zim stood, straitening his back, and closed the shades so that he was left in darkness.
"Computer!" His commanding voice echoed in the blackened room. "Activate…! The light bulbs…"
he computer did so, and sweet electricity hummed throughout the inner-workings of the lair. The harsh red light flickered on.
This solar energy business," the invader muttered to himself," so... mammalian."
Before Zim had time to ponder just how mammalian that solar energy was, the soft clinking of metal announced GIR's excited dance into the room, his blue eyes gleaming as he screamed in a high pitched voice.
"HIIIII, MASTER! THE BANANA GNOMES ARE HERE!!"
"GIR!" Zim shouted in annoyance as his highly advanced SIR ran around in circles, screaming in a hysterical manner, "Cease and desist! We have business to attend to."
The little robot stopped short, eyes narrowing and glowing a deep crimson as he saluted.
"Yes sir!"
"You do remember yesterday's...Cheese Incident...don't you? Though that horrible, horrible little event nearly burned a hole in my scalp, the experience was not wasted. We have learned one thing. Do you know what it is?"
"Yes! The piggies like beef."
Silence.
"No, GIR. We learned that the filthy Dib human has a weakness. A very large weakness. Large like some sort of...large...thing."
"Like his head?" GIR suggested helpfully.
"Yes! Exactly! Large like the Dibhead!" The Irken promptly doubled over in crazed maniacal laughter, his serpentine tongue contorting into odd positions as he did so.
"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA ha ha ha haaa ha ha...whoo...heh heh...Dibhead...heh. Ahem." He coughed into his fist, then continued speaking, slipping in one of his human eye-looking contacts over his real ones.
"Anyway, the Dibhuman's weakness is family. Love, to put it crudely. We, being the superior species, have no need for such things, of course. And we can use that to our advantage. The Dibhuman is angry at his maleparent, and the maleparent hardly notices his own larvae. Why do you think that is? I'll tell you. Because the larvae are inadequate, that's why. The maleparent is a genius, by filthy meatsack standards. And the Dibhuman is an annoying little monkey with a big head."
Zim's crooked mouth twitched as the edges as his brain began to form the plan, his words going faster and faster as they tried to catch up with his thoughts.
"And I am, of course, far more intelligent than Dib. I would make a far better human worm baby than he would. And the maleparent has access to technology that is almost up to Irken standards. Now, the Tallest believe me to be capable enough to conquer this world without the use of vast technology, which is of course why they haven't sent any weapons besides the 'Doomer yet, but I am sad to report that they overestimate me just a smidge. Even the greatest of mighty Irken warriors need a little help."
"I see!" GIR shouted, interrupting. "So the piggies will go to the food party?"
Another silence.
"...No. We will disguise ourselves as the Dibhuman and his terrifying sister - with you as the sister, of course - and be the brilliant larvae that Membrane always hoped for. So not only will we have access to all that weaponry, but the Dibhuman will also be crushed...he will be ignored, and also banished. Why would Membrane keep him, after all, when a far superior child is presented?"
Zim paused for a moment to let the brilliance of the plan sink in.
"... WHY am I so AMAZING?" he shouted in triumph, marveling at the vastness of his own incredible mind. "Tomorrow morning at Skool, we will make the switch. We will go with the Membrane as his human larvae, and Dibhuman and Scary Girl will be left in the cold."
"Then can the piggies go to the food party?"
"...Sure, GIR, whatever you say."
Zim turned away to position his 'Presley wig, and the other contact. Brilliance as usual. Tomorrow, he would have limitless technology, victory over the Dibhuman, and soon, victory over the whole Earth.
Oh yes...and also, a family. A real Earth family.
He couldn't wait.

TBC-

Sempai: next chapter… you'll just have to wait and see! *points and laughs* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHOHOHOHOAHEEHEEHAHAHEHEHOHAHAHOHEHEHEHAHAHA- oh, and just in case you got lost:

Sempai Tnberry = Maggie / Maggamalopolis

hoheehum = Laura (or sometimes "The Friar," on rare instances.)

Descon = hoheehum's awesome vamp character. He's only on ff.net in the ANs for "Yonder," cause he's in the story that Laura is going to try to get published. I lurve Descon. Uh, bye! *waves cheerfully*