Chapter 13: Remembering Past Scars

Aragorn hesitantly opened the door to Legolas' room. He looked around and saw Legolas standing out on the balcony. Aragorn frowned when the Elf made no movement to indicate that he was aware of another being in his room. Was Legolas so distracted that he had not heard the door open? Aragorn made to approach Legolas but he stopped when he saw silvery streaks on the Elf's cheeks. Aragorn gave an involuntary gasp as he realized Legolas was crying. Aragorn thought back to what Arwen had told him.

"You hurt him deeply and you expect him to be unaffected by it."

Was Legolas crying truly because of Aragorn or because of his weakness?

As though Legolas had heard Aragorn's mental question, he softly whispered Aragorn's name as he continued to look out at the stars.

"Estel…" he whispered painfully. "No matter how hard I try to forget you, I can't. No matter what you do to me, what you say to me, I can't help but love you. Why is it so hard for me to live without you? It seems so easy for you… Perhaps I'm not as strong as you are. Perhaps you have forgotten about me already. I've heard the memories of Men are short as are their lives. And yet I do not believe you to be of the same race as them. You were once mine… My own… My Estel… No matter how much you may have pained me… No matter what scars you may have given me…"

Aragorn froze as a memory came back to him.

*Flashback*

Aragorn sat still by the Fellowship as they slept deeply. Each minute that passed gave him more time to fume in anger as he awaited Legolas to come back. What was taking the Elf so long? Finally, he heard Legolas' almost-silent footsteps pad into their camp. Aragorn stood to greet Legolas.

"Where have you been?" Aragorn asked.

Legolas looked to him when he detected anger in Aragorn's voice. "I've been speaking with Haldir. Why are you not asleep, Estel?"

"Haldir?" Aragorn seethed in anger. Of all people, why Haldir? The lustful glances the blonde Elf had shot at Legolas had not escaped Aragorn. He could tell Haldir desired Legolas. HIS Legolas. "You have been speaking with him till now?"

"Yes," Legolas answered, frowning innocently. "Is something wrong, Aragorn?"

"You are spending time with Haldir far too much. One would think you two were lovers. Are you?" Aragorn asked accusingly.

Legolas' eyes flashed in resentment. "How dare you accuse me of being unfaithful to you?" he hissed in disbelief. "I am not swayed by charm as easily as you may think. It hurts to know you do not trust me."

"You have given me no reason to trust you." Aragorn replied coldly.

"How must I give you the assurance of my faithfulness?" Legolas asked tensely. "Would you have me kneel before you?"

Aragorn almost laughed at Legolas' proposition. Legolas meant only to pledge his loyalty by kneeling in front of Aragorn. "Yes, kneel before me." Aragorn said.

Legolas finally realized Aragorn's intentions and he paled. He attempted to back away but Aragorn caught his arm." No, Aragorn." Legolas said weakly. He flinched as Aragorn twisted his arm but kept a firm eye on the stoic Man. "I will not do what you are asking of me."

"Why not?" Aragorn asked. "'Tis you who suggested it."

"You know what I meant by it." Legolas replied coldly. His face did not change, as Aragorn's grip on his arm grew stronger and more painful. He refused to show how Aragorn's actions were affecting him.

"How do you expect me to trust you when you do not do as I ask?" Aragorn questioned harshly. 'Kneel, Legolas."

Legolas struggled against Aragorn's grasp but Aragorn pushed him down. Aragorn held both of Legolas' wrists with one hand as he pulled off his leggings with the other. Legolas jerked away and Aragorn slapped him across the face. Legolas gasped and glared up angrily at Aragorn. Though furious, Legolas was slightly frightened by Aragorn's actions. He had never known his lover to be so rough with him. Was it normal for Men to become so overly jealous that they would become such monsters? Certainly Aragorn could not be so blinded by such harmless jealousy that he would force himself on Legolas? But as Legolas stared into Aragorn's cold, lifeless eyes, he knew it was possible. Not only was it possible but it was happening right now.

"Do you not comply because our love means nothing to you or because you have already taken another tonight?" Aragorn asked irritably.

"I cannot believe you would accuse me of such a thing." Legolas said bitingly as he continued to glare at his lover.

"'Tis reasonable." Aragorn shot back. "Elves are known to be promiscuous. I see no reason why you should be any different." He glowered back at Legolas. Finally, Legolas hesitantly obliged to Aragorn's demands. He closed his eyes and tried to shut his ears from listening to the moans of pleasure that came from Aragorn's mouth. To him, those sounds were nothing but horror.

Aragorn knew that he was not ready. How could he force Legolas to do this? How could Legolas have allowed himself to be forced to do this? Was he so blinded by love that he would allow himself to be pushed around like this?

But as Aragorn released himself into Legolas' mouth and the Man harshly pushed Legolas to the ground, Legolas knew the answer. He did love the Man so dearly he couldn't bear to take the chances of losing him by refusing what the Man wanted.

*End of flashback*

Aragorn cursed himself silently. He had not even felt regret for what he had done to Legolas that night. How could he have been so cruel to the one person he was supposed to love? Even though Legolas had not said anything about the incident since to Aragorn, Aragorn should have realized how much suffering Legolas must have gone through. Aragorn had promised Legolas he would never push the Elf until he was ready. Legolas had been so far from being ready then. He had just begun getting adjusted to the new relationship he had with Aragorn.

Aragorn quietly left Legolas' room without the Elf realizing it. He could not approach Legolas now. How could he apologize to Legolas now? What could he apologize to Legolas for now? He did not deserve to apologize to Legolas. Nay, he did not deserve ever having met the majestic Elf, much less having the chance to love him. Just as Arwen had said, he had been hurting Legolas without expecting him to be affected by it. He could now remember numerous times when he had forced himself on Legolas though the Elf had not yet been ready. The Elf was so innocent and pure. He needed to take their relationship to new stages in slow steps. He shouldn't have been rushed. And even after what Boromir had done… It had taken Legolas so long to recover from the scars of Boromir's acts of lust and Aragorn had just added to that pain when he had requested, no, demanded, Legolas' love.

Did Aragorn really love Legolas? If so, then how could he have hurt him for so many years and yet not realize it? Aragorn feared that his feelings for Legolas were merely those of lust.

Author's note: apologies for the short chapter…I was attempting to lengthen it but I just ran out of things to put. =P