Buffy shifted uncomfortably in her chair, "How did Spike and I meet? It was about six years ago I guess, he came to Sunnydale with his girlfriend Dru,
we met outside of the Bronze." She played with a piece of torn vinyl on the arm of the chair, "He came to town to kill me."
Dana's eyes grew wide, "He wanted to kill you? I mean I know he's a vampire but aren't there victims usually random?"
"Dr. Lavery, I guess you should know that I am a vampire slayer." Buffy rolled her eyes, "I know how that sounds...but it's true, I'm the one girl in the world...."
The doctor listen attentively as Buffy finished her spiel, "I don' t think you're crazy Buffy. Remember I"m the one who wants to treat your vampire 'friend"? I am
confused though if it's your job to slay vampires and Spike was on a mission to kill you then how ???" She shrugged her shoulders.
"I told you it was a long story. I was involved with another vampire a souled vampire named Angel." Buffy's lip trembled slightly, "I slept with him on my seventeeth
birthday and he ...well he had been cursed with a soul.....and when he found true happiness he lost that soul. He became evil all over again, tried to kill me, my friends
and eventually tried to end the world."
Dana reached for a kleenex and handed it to Buffy, giving her arm a supportive squeeze, "That must have been terrible for you, so young . Most
people just suffer from unrequited crushes at that age. I'm so sorry, Buffy."
"It was bad....one of the worst times of my life. But Spike, who was part of Angel's vampire family, had a grudge with Angel over Dru and the fact that Spike has
always been a strange vampire....he didn't want the world to end, he kind of liked things the way they were, so he came to me with a deal to defeat Angel, he
would take Dru and the world would be saved. I was desperate so I took him up on his offer." Buffy twisted the kleenex in her hand.
"So thats when you became tenative friends?" Dana asked as she jotted down some notes.
"Not exactly, we saved the world and he left town with Dru, supposedly he was never to come back."
"What happened to Angel?"
"Well I put a sword through his chest and sent him to a hell dimension."
Dana sighed, "Buffy, that's ....you're so young and been through so much." Dana's heart filled with compassion for the young woman
in front of her.
"He...he came back and we...well we knew it wasn't going to work so he moved to LA. I thought you might recognize the name, I checked the Wesley you mentioned
that helped you - he worked for Angel Investigations right?" Buffy sounded a bit worried.
"No, Wesley worked for himself, I never met anyone named Angel."
Buffy nodded to herself, "That explains Wesley's attitude last night."
"You spoke to Wesley?" Dana raised her eyebrows at Buffy.
"Yes, I...well I had to check out your story. I"m sorry...he said nothing but good things about you." Buffy replied slighy apolgetic.
"It's okay, Buffy. I would have checked you out if I was going to entrust someone I loved to you too." Dana gave her grin.
Buffy's eyes grew wide and she began to chew on her lip, "I...I didn't say I loved him." Her voice sounded desperate even to her own ears.
A light went off in Dana's head, whoa! The girl in front of her had almost as many emotional problems
as the vampire down the hall. She thought carefully before selecting her next words, "I'm sorry, Buffy,
I just assumed that since you knew ummm...intimate details about Spike and I just assumed that
you and he.....?"
"We, well we were in relationship, but it wasn't love...not on my part. I'm not good with
love, Dr. Lavery." The kleenex in Buffy's hand was now in complete shreds, "I love my family
and friends of course, but men.. well I've had rotten luck with men I love."
"I'm sorry to hear that Buffy, but it doesn't mean you can never find love." Dana patted
Buffy's hand as she handed her some more tissue. "You said it wasn't love on your part,
is it love on Spike's end?"
"Yes, it was. I didn't believe it at first when he told me he loved me, thought it was a trick,
but...well when Dru dumped him and he came back to town - he crossed paths with the Iniative and ended up
with a chip in his head that kept him from hurting humans, so he would help with the fighting."
Buffy explained.
"Chip?" Dana asked as she scribbled furiously in her notebook, "I need to look into that, maybe
it's malfunctioning and adding to Spike's psychosis."
Taking a deep breath Buffy began the later part of the story withholding several details, as she talked a pile of damp,
mangled kleenex grew in front of her. "So that's how we got here." Buffy sighed, "Can I have
that coffee now?'
Dana went to the coffee pot and poured Buffy some coffee she brought sugar and creamer back
with her to the desk, "So you left for a while? How long were you gone?"
A short bitter laugh erupted from Buffy, "One hundred and forty seven days, he...actually
counted." She opened several packs of sugar and dumped them into the coffee cup.
"So when you came back, you started an intimate relationship?"
"Yes, it was a secret and I knew it was wrong. Wrong for me and wrong for him...and I finally
went to him and told him we had to break it off, it was killing me." Tears slid down Buffy's face
now and she used a knotted tissue to wipe her face.
"Did this "breakup" trigger the psychosis?" Dana asked as she handed the tissue box to Buffy.
"No, he seemed to almost understand, I saw him after at a friends wedding and he was...well
sweet about it, offered to leave for my sake even. Later, we had a terrible argument.....at
my house, he wanted to force....force me to....." Buffy shook her head images of that night
filling her mind as she decided on the right wording, "Force me to admit I cared........I couldn't.
He left and came back a few months later, he seemed to have a moments of lucidity but for the most part he's out of it.
You should probably know, he left for me....he went and earned his soul back." Buffy blew her
nose as fresh tears assailed her cheeks.
"He has a soul? Like Angel?" Dana asked concern in her voice, "Is he cursed the same way?"
"No, Angels resouling was a curse, Spike earned his." Buffy dried her eyes again and added in
a small voice, "For me."
"Thank you for talking to me Buffy, it sheds some light on Spike's problems." Dana
said out loud, then mentally added to herself, "And your's too." She hoped to help both Spike and
Buffy. "I think we've talked enough for now, one more thing though....could you bring some
blood for Spike?"
Buffy composed herself and stood, "Yes, I can do that." She turned to leave, "I do want him
to get better."
"I can tell you do." Dana also stood and walked Buffy to the door of the office.
"I'll be back in a couple of hours, I need to check on my sister." Buffy walked out of the office
feeling more confused then ever, she had just told a stranger her life story, albeit a condensed
altered version but still,,, Wesley said she could trust Dr. Lavery. She didn't always have
good luck with those she trusted, she hoped this time it would be okay.
***
Nurse Sherry came running to the office door, "Dr. Lavery! Mr. Spikely is awake and very agitated."
Dana walked quickly to Spike's room. She opened the door to find Spike standing beside the bed, cursing as he held the gown closed behind his back,
searching for hs clothes. His eyes grew wide when he saw her, "Who are you? And why the bloody
hell am I here?"
"I'm Doctor Dana Lavery, I'm going to help you." She walked towards the confused vampire.
"Help me? You don't know me or what I am? I can't be helped." Spike spit out the words bitterly
as he eyed his dirty pants lying across the back of a chair.
"Spike, may I call you Spike?" Dana asked in a calming voice.
"That's my name innit? And how do you know that, don't think I'm carrying any id." Spike roughly pulled
his pants on.
"I've been watching you in the park when I jog, I could tell you were in trouble. Do you
remember coming her with me last night?"
"Things are fuzzy, nothing stays clear for long....vaguely remember the park....she didn't
come last night." He sat down on the edge of the bed scanning the floor for his boots.
"She..Buffy?" Dana asked as she cautiously sat down on the bed beside him.
His eyes instantly lit up, "You know Buffy?"
"Yes, she came barging in here last night, following you, demanding to know what I was going
to do with you!" Dana smiled at him, "She can be quite forceful can't she?"
A small smile graced Spike's tired face, "Yes, that's my girl." He quickly changed his wording,
"I mean that's Buffy for you."
"She really cares for you, she's gone to get you some blood." Dana put her hand on his arm,
"I think you should stick around and wait for her."
"She tell you that, that she cares?" Spike's jawline tensed, "She admitted that to you?"
"Yes, she did. She wants you to get better." Dana lay her hand on his shoulder.
"Don't you get it? She can't ,she shouldn't care for me! I'm a monster, no good for her,
did she tell you what I did?" Spike's voice was bitter laced with pain.
"She told me quite a bit about your past and hers. Why don't you tell me your version? How did you and Buffy meet?"
"About six years ago, me and Dru come to town, I'm wanting to help Dru get better. I met Buffy because I wanted to kill her."
Spike glared at the doctor, "Still want to help me? I'm a bad, bad man." He slumped against the headboard, "So tired...and
can't seem to keep the fuzziness away, don't know whats real anymore." He closed his eyes tightly then opened them again
staring at the corner of the room, "And you...you lot...never give me any peace, no rest for William."
Dana placed her hand on his arm, "I want to help you William. I want to help you rest."
He seemed to calm down slightly, "Let's get you back in the bed, so you'll be comfy when Buffy gets here."
He gave her a teary smile, "Buffy, yes, she wants to help me too." He laughed as the tears coursed down over his sharp
cheekbones, mumbling "You always hurt the one you love."
****
Buffy stopped by Willy's on the way home and picked up a couple pints for Spike. She sat the brown bag on the counter
and sighed as began to pull the makings of a quick supper from the cabinets. She would feed Dawn and then take Spike his
supper. As she put the dishes away from the drainboard, she picked up the spatula, she was suddenly in another
time, Spike leaning close to her, hand on her arm, "Ah ah, this flapjack isn't ready to be flipped." She could hear his
taunting words - still feel his hand digging in her pocket for his lighter. He had made her so angry, he could be so smug
sometimes. Buffy sighed out loud in the quiet kitchen, Dana's comment burning in her ears about entrusting someone she
loved to another person. She didn't love him, she couldn't.......tears rolled down her face as she whispered the question out
loud, " If I don't love him, then why would I give anything to have my smart ass, smug Spike back right now?"
TBC
we met outside of the Bronze." She played with a piece of torn vinyl on the arm of the chair, "He came to town to kill me."
Dana's eyes grew wide, "He wanted to kill you? I mean I know he's a vampire but aren't there victims usually random?"
"Dr. Lavery, I guess you should know that I am a vampire slayer." Buffy rolled her eyes, "I know how that sounds...but it's true, I'm the one girl in the world...."
The doctor listen attentively as Buffy finished her spiel, "I don' t think you're crazy Buffy. Remember I"m the one who wants to treat your vampire 'friend"? I am
confused though if it's your job to slay vampires and Spike was on a mission to kill you then how ???" She shrugged her shoulders.
"I told you it was a long story. I was involved with another vampire a souled vampire named Angel." Buffy's lip trembled slightly, "I slept with him on my seventeeth
birthday and he ...well he had been cursed with a soul.....and when he found true happiness he lost that soul. He became evil all over again, tried to kill me, my friends
and eventually tried to end the world."
Dana reached for a kleenex and handed it to Buffy, giving her arm a supportive squeeze, "That must have been terrible for you, so young . Most
people just suffer from unrequited crushes at that age. I'm so sorry, Buffy."
"It was bad....one of the worst times of my life. But Spike, who was part of Angel's vampire family, had a grudge with Angel over Dru and the fact that Spike has
always been a strange vampire....he didn't want the world to end, he kind of liked things the way they were, so he came to me with a deal to defeat Angel, he
would take Dru and the world would be saved. I was desperate so I took him up on his offer." Buffy twisted the kleenex in her hand.
"So thats when you became tenative friends?" Dana asked as she jotted down some notes.
"Not exactly, we saved the world and he left town with Dru, supposedly he was never to come back."
"What happened to Angel?"
"Well I put a sword through his chest and sent him to a hell dimension."
Dana sighed, "Buffy, that's ....you're so young and been through so much." Dana's heart filled with compassion for the young woman
in front of her.
"He...he came back and we...well we knew it wasn't going to work so he moved to LA. I thought you might recognize the name, I checked the Wesley you mentioned
that helped you - he worked for Angel Investigations right?" Buffy sounded a bit worried.
"No, Wesley worked for himself, I never met anyone named Angel."
Buffy nodded to herself, "That explains Wesley's attitude last night."
"You spoke to Wesley?" Dana raised her eyebrows at Buffy.
"Yes, I...well I had to check out your story. I"m sorry...he said nothing but good things about you." Buffy replied slighy apolgetic.
"It's okay, Buffy. I would have checked you out if I was going to entrust someone I loved to you too." Dana gave her grin.
Buffy's eyes grew wide and she began to chew on her lip, "I...I didn't say I loved him." Her voice sounded desperate even to her own ears.
A light went off in Dana's head, whoa! The girl in front of her had almost as many emotional problems
as the vampire down the hall. She thought carefully before selecting her next words, "I'm sorry, Buffy,
I just assumed that since you knew ummm...intimate details about Spike and I just assumed that
you and he.....?"
"We, well we were in relationship, but it wasn't love...not on my part. I'm not good with
love, Dr. Lavery." The kleenex in Buffy's hand was now in complete shreds, "I love my family
and friends of course, but men.. well I've had rotten luck with men I love."
"I'm sorry to hear that Buffy, but it doesn't mean you can never find love." Dana patted
Buffy's hand as she handed her some more tissue. "You said it wasn't love on your part,
is it love on Spike's end?"
"Yes, it was. I didn't believe it at first when he told me he loved me, thought it was a trick,
but...well when Dru dumped him and he came back to town - he crossed paths with the Iniative and ended up
with a chip in his head that kept him from hurting humans, so he would help with the fighting."
Buffy explained.
"Chip?" Dana asked as she scribbled furiously in her notebook, "I need to look into that, maybe
it's malfunctioning and adding to Spike's psychosis."
Taking a deep breath Buffy began the later part of the story withholding several details, as she talked a pile of damp,
mangled kleenex grew in front of her. "So that's how we got here." Buffy sighed, "Can I have
that coffee now?'
Dana went to the coffee pot and poured Buffy some coffee she brought sugar and creamer back
with her to the desk, "So you left for a while? How long were you gone?"
A short bitter laugh erupted from Buffy, "One hundred and forty seven days, he...actually
counted." She opened several packs of sugar and dumped them into the coffee cup.
"So when you came back, you started an intimate relationship?"
"Yes, it was a secret and I knew it was wrong. Wrong for me and wrong for him...and I finally
went to him and told him we had to break it off, it was killing me." Tears slid down Buffy's face
now and she used a knotted tissue to wipe her face.
"Did this "breakup" trigger the psychosis?" Dana asked as she handed the tissue box to Buffy.
"No, he seemed to almost understand, I saw him after at a friends wedding and he was...well
sweet about it, offered to leave for my sake even. Later, we had a terrible argument.....at
my house, he wanted to force....force me to....." Buffy shook her head images of that night
filling her mind as she decided on the right wording, "Force me to admit I cared........I couldn't.
He left and came back a few months later, he seemed to have a moments of lucidity but for the most part he's out of it.
You should probably know, he left for me....he went and earned his soul back." Buffy blew her
nose as fresh tears assailed her cheeks.
"He has a soul? Like Angel?" Dana asked concern in her voice, "Is he cursed the same way?"
"No, Angels resouling was a curse, Spike earned his." Buffy dried her eyes again and added in
a small voice, "For me."
"Thank you for talking to me Buffy, it sheds some light on Spike's problems." Dana
said out loud, then mentally added to herself, "And your's too." She hoped to help both Spike and
Buffy. "I think we've talked enough for now, one more thing though....could you bring some
blood for Spike?"
Buffy composed herself and stood, "Yes, I can do that." She turned to leave, "I do want him
to get better."
"I can tell you do." Dana also stood and walked Buffy to the door of the office.
"I'll be back in a couple of hours, I need to check on my sister." Buffy walked out of the office
feeling more confused then ever, she had just told a stranger her life story, albeit a condensed
altered version but still,,, Wesley said she could trust Dr. Lavery. She didn't always have
good luck with those she trusted, she hoped this time it would be okay.
***
Nurse Sherry came running to the office door, "Dr. Lavery! Mr. Spikely is awake and very agitated."
Dana walked quickly to Spike's room. She opened the door to find Spike standing beside the bed, cursing as he held the gown closed behind his back,
searching for hs clothes. His eyes grew wide when he saw her, "Who are you? And why the bloody
hell am I here?"
"I'm Doctor Dana Lavery, I'm going to help you." She walked towards the confused vampire.
"Help me? You don't know me or what I am? I can't be helped." Spike spit out the words bitterly
as he eyed his dirty pants lying across the back of a chair.
"Spike, may I call you Spike?" Dana asked in a calming voice.
"That's my name innit? And how do you know that, don't think I'm carrying any id." Spike roughly pulled
his pants on.
"I've been watching you in the park when I jog, I could tell you were in trouble. Do you
remember coming her with me last night?"
"Things are fuzzy, nothing stays clear for long....vaguely remember the park....she didn't
come last night." He sat down on the edge of the bed scanning the floor for his boots.
"She..Buffy?" Dana asked as she cautiously sat down on the bed beside him.
His eyes instantly lit up, "You know Buffy?"
"Yes, she came barging in here last night, following you, demanding to know what I was going
to do with you!" Dana smiled at him, "She can be quite forceful can't she?"
A small smile graced Spike's tired face, "Yes, that's my girl." He quickly changed his wording,
"I mean that's Buffy for you."
"She really cares for you, she's gone to get you some blood." Dana put her hand on his arm,
"I think you should stick around and wait for her."
"She tell you that, that she cares?" Spike's jawline tensed, "She admitted that to you?"
"Yes, she did. She wants you to get better." Dana lay her hand on his shoulder.
"Don't you get it? She can't ,she shouldn't care for me! I'm a monster, no good for her,
did she tell you what I did?" Spike's voice was bitter laced with pain.
"She told me quite a bit about your past and hers. Why don't you tell me your version? How did you and Buffy meet?"
"About six years ago, me and Dru come to town, I'm wanting to help Dru get better. I met Buffy because I wanted to kill her."
Spike glared at the doctor, "Still want to help me? I'm a bad, bad man." He slumped against the headboard, "So tired...and
can't seem to keep the fuzziness away, don't know whats real anymore." He closed his eyes tightly then opened them again
staring at the corner of the room, "And you...you lot...never give me any peace, no rest for William."
Dana placed her hand on his arm, "I want to help you William. I want to help you rest."
He seemed to calm down slightly, "Let's get you back in the bed, so you'll be comfy when Buffy gets here."
He gave her a teary smile, "Buffy, yes, she wants to help me too." He laughed as the tears coursed down over his sharp
cheekbones, mumbling "You always hurt the one you love."
****
Buffy stopped by Willy's on the way home and picked up a couple pints for Spike. She sat the brown bag on the counter
and sighed as began to pull the makings of a quick supper from the cabinets. She would feed Dawn and then take Spike his
supper. As she put the dishes away from the drainboard, she picked up the spatula, she was suddenly in another
time, Spike leaning close to her, hand on her arm, "Ah ah, this flapjack isn't ready to be flipped." She could hear his
taunting words - still feel his hand digging in her pocket for his lighter. He had made her so angry, he could be so smug
sometimes. Buffy sighed out loud in the quiet kitchen, Dana's comment burning in her ears about entrusting someone she
loved to another person. She didn't love him, she couldn't.......tears rolled down her face as she whispered the question out
loud, " If I don't love him, then why would I give anything to have my smart ass, smug Spike back right now?"
TBC