Dana smiled at the interaction between the two people in front of her she offered her hand to Spike, "It's nice to finally meet the real you, Spike."
Spike shook the offered hand, "Nice to meet you, guess I haven't really been myself,
lately." He let go of her hand and lowered his head almost shyly.
"No, I guess not but we are going to work on that." The doctor smiled at him.
"Can we work on getting me some decent clothing first?"
"I'll bring you some clothes tonight, something comfortable for while you're here."
Buffy laughed softly.
"How long do you think I'm going to be here? I mean I feel better right now then I have in months, the thousand voices in my noggin are quiet, guess it's safe for me to go home."
Spike started to stand.
"I really wish you would stay a little longer, let us make sure you are really okay." Dana
replied sincerity in her soft voice.
"Please." Buffy piped in, "It won't be so bad." She patted his arm.
Dana noticed Spike flinch slightly at the touch, it wasn't as if he didn't like her touch, but more like he shied away from her because he didn't think she should touch him. She made a mental note to talk to him about that once Buffy left. For now it was probably best to let he and Buffy talk a bit before she went back to work. "I'm going to leave you two alone, I know Buffy has to get back to work soon. I'll be back in a little while, Spike.
I'm glad you're feeling better."
"So am I." Spike answered as he watched her leave the room, he then turned his attention back to Buffy, "I'm really not sure this is a good idea." He looked around the room and shrugged his shoulders.
"Why?, it's nice here, you yourself said you were feeling better." Buffy sat beside him on the bed, "Why shouldn't you stay for a little while, you can't seriously miss that basement."
He sighed, "No, can't say I miss that place. But I'm not sure....not sure I should be here getting help. I've done a lot of wrong, Buffy." He rubbed his hands over his face, "You know that from experience."
"That was in the past, Spike. I would really like for you to stay." Her hazel eyes stared at him pleading with him.
"I don't know." He shook his head.
She then used her trump card, she knew it wasn't fair, but she also knew it would work,
"Would do you do it for me, please?"
That's so unfair, Slayer, Spike thought as he grumbled, "Never could refuse you."
"So you'll stay?" She asked giving him a small smile.
"Yes. I'll stay. But just a few days."
"The length of your stay is negotiable," Buffy smiled at him and stood, "Now I'm gonna bring you some sweats and some boxers."
"Boxers? You know I don't wear ...." Spike started but was interrupted by Buffy.
"Shh...we can't have Dawn traumatized by seeing you in that gown." She grinned at him.
"You really gonna let her visit?" He looked surprised.
"Yes, she wants to come and I think you'd like to see her too?"
Spike thought it over a moment, "I want to see her, but lets give a little while, make sure
I'm myself again. Don't want to scare the Bit."
"Okay, I think thats a good idea. I'll be back later with food and clothes. Now would you rather have solid boxers or prints, maybe some little kittens on them or big smiley faces?" Buffy asked with mock seriousness.
Spike rolled his eyes at her, "I'm not the whelp! Solid colors are just fine."
"Okay, I'm not even going to ask how you know what kind of boxers Xander wears."
She teased.
"Did his laundry when we were roomies." Spike rolled his eyes again.
Buffy shook her head at the thought of Spike doing laundry, "I'll see you later. Be nice
to the Doctor." She waved at him through the glass window before she left.
Dana watched Buffy walk by her office and went to Spike's room, notebook in hand.
She knocked softly on his door, "Spike." She opened the door slightly, "May we talk now?"
"Suppose so." He answered as he pulled the blanket over his legs.
"Buffy has told me quite a bit about you. You've been through a very traumatic experience, and it seems you carry alot of guilt over your past. You've been seeing and hearing past victims?" Dana sat down in the bedside chair.
"Yes, at first it was all the time, couldn't get away from them. Barely recognized Buffy even. Then it got to where if I fought really hard I could keep them away, today's been good though. Not been so hard to hold them at bay." Spike played with the pillow he had sat in his lap.
"Well, I think that part of that comes from getting you out of the basement, Buffy thought there were things down there that were keeping you out of it, so to speak. I think the other reason you feel better is because when you got agitated last night, I had the nurse give you a sedative, it was a special one I had mixed for you with some medications for calming your nerves as it were." Dana explained as she wrote in her book.
"I'm on Prozac?" Spike asked with a hint of his old smirk.
"Sort of. I think that if we can keep you calm, we can talk about your fears and insecurities and help you fight those voices, do you object to the drug?"
"Guess it can't hurt to try it, it sure feels good to be alone in my head for a change."
He gave a slight smile.
"Let's get started on the other part of the therapy, the really hard part," She smiled at him, "The talking part."
"I'm not the one with the talking problem, she ....." Spike suddenly stopped midsentence, "What do you want to talk about?"
"She as in Buffy? Buffy has problems talking?" Dana scribbled away.
Spike seemed to ignore her question, "What do you want to talk about?" He repeated.
Dana took his question as a hint not to push the Buffy question, she didn't want him to clam up before they got started, "How about being a vampire? How did you end up getting turned?"
"I met a girl in a dark alley, she said she could see something in me. Next thing I knew I was a vampire. Was pretty happy about it for a lot of years too." He said matter of factly.
"So you were happy about the violence and bloodshed, did those things make you happy before you were turned?"
Spike's mind was suddenly full of pictures of his mom's kitchen, fresh scones on the table, playing in the snow with his younger sister, unwrapping skates from under the
Christmas tree, things from his past that made him happy. He shook his head, if he didn't snap out of it he was gonna start singing, 'these are a few of my favorite things'. He cleared his throat, "No, those things didn't make me happy before, William was a poet,a bad one and he abhorred violence of any type."
"What makes you happy now?" She stopped writing and looked at him.
A face flashed in his mind, a pretty blonde, Buffy. Buffy made him happy, still after everything. "I don't know...." He finally answered.
"Come on, something makes you happy. You seemed happy to hear that Dawn wanted to visit you." Dana prompted.
Spike smiled, "Yeah, Niblet she makes me happy. She's a good kid, when Buffy was....
gone that Summer, we took care of each other. Course I let her down later...Guess I'm always gonna go back to being bad."
"But she still wants to see you, Spike. I think that you are letting all of those ghosts from your past keep you out of the present. Let me ask you why did you go searching for your soul? If being bad made you happy, why change at all?"
"I had my reasons." He muttered.
"Okay, do you regret all of those people you hurt over the years?" Dana lay her notebook on the table.
"Yes, I do." He continued to ball up the pillow.
"So you know realistically you can't make it up to them personally right?"
"Yes, they are long gone and I wasn't....I wasn't really in control then. But still I owe them something." He sighed.
"What you owe them now is to never go back to being that vampire again. You have a second chance to help people now instead of harm them. And from what I understand from Buffy you were already trying to do that before you took your trip. So I want you to concentrate on that when you hear the voices." Dana patted his arm.
"The voices from the far past are much easier it deal with then the recent ones." Spike's voice cracked slightly.
"What do you mean recent? Buffy said you hadn't hurt anyone in a very long time." Dana
looked confused.
"She told you that?" Spike closed his eyes, "I hurt her...before I left...I wanted to be good, the man she deserved and I went to her and...." he bit on his bottom lip until small drops of blood ran down his chin.
"She told me you argued you wanted to force her to admit she loved you?" Dana finished for him.
"ARGUED??? She said we ARGUED!!!" Spike became more and more agitated. He turned away from Dana and began speaking to the corner of the room, " Argued thats what she called it? Hurt the girl, I hurt her - love her, love her.....you always hurt the one you love. Always."
"Spike?" Dana stood and gently shook his arm, "Spike?" It was no use he was gone again. She did her best to settle him back in the bed, wiping the blood from his chin as he mumbled to himself.
"I'll be back later to check on you." She told him as she left the room, she made a notation on his chart to give him another dose of medication. When she got back to her office she called Buffy at work.
Buffy was sitting at her desk anxious for the worl dau to be over, Spike was getting better! She had seen the spark of 'her' Spike this afternoon. Now she wanted to go get his clothes and food and get back to him, it had been too long. The phone startled her from her happy thoughts.
Buffy picked up the phone, it was almost time to go home, who was calling now? "Hello?"
"Buffy, this is Dr. Lavery."
"Is Spike okay?" Buffy's heart jumped to her throat.
"He's had a little setback, but I'm sure he'll be fine. I would like to talk to you about something he said when you come back this afternoon." Dana told her as she poured a cup of coffee.
"What kind of setback?" Buffy twisted the phone cord tightly in her hand, "What did he
say?"
"He's slipped back into a slight dementia, it happened as we were talking about the argument the two of you had before he left town, he got very agitated, kept saying he loved you, but hurt you? Buffy, I'm going to need you to tell me exactly what happened during that argument."
Buffy began to chew on her bottom lip, tears welled in her eyes. She didn't want to go over the events of that night again, it was the past and she wanted it to stay there.
"Buffy? Are you still there?" Dana asked after a few moments.
"I...I'm not sure going over that will help anything." She finally sighed.
"Would you please let me be the judge of that? This seems to be a sore subject for both of you, maybe we help both of you if we discussed what happened that night."
"I'm not the crazy vampire who needs help! I'm fine." Buffy spat the words into the phone.
"Honestly, Buffy, I think you and Spike both have some major issues. But if you don't feel like you need help I can't force you to talk to me, but I can ask you to do it for the "crazy" vampire, you do care about him, don't you?" Dana waited several more moments for a reply.
"Fine. I'll be there in about an hour and a half." Buffy hung up the phone and reached for
the box of tissues on her desk, she hadn't realized that somewhere in the conversation
she had started crying.
TBC
Spike shook the offered hand, "Nice to meet you, guess I haven't really been myself,
lately." He let go of her hand and lowered his head almost shyly.
"No, I guess not but we are going to work on that." The doctor smiled at him.
"Can we work on getting me some decent clothing first?"
"I'll bring you some clothes tonight, something comfortable for while you're here."
Buffy laughed softly.
"How long do you think I'm going to be here? I mean I feel better right now then I have in months, the thousand voices in my noggin are quiet, guess it's safe for me to go home."
Spike started to stand.
"I really wish you would stay a little longer, let us make sure you are really okay." Dana
replied sincerity in her soft voice.
"Please." Buffy piped in, "It won't be so bad." She patted his arm.
Dana noticed Spike flinch slightly at the touch, it wasn't as if he didn't like her touch, but more like he shied away from her because he didn't think she should touch him. She made a mental note to talk to him about that once Buffy left. For now it was probably best to let he and Buffy talk a bit before she went back to work. "I'm going to leave you two alone, I know Buffy has to get back to work soon. I'll be back in a little while, Spike.
I'm glad you're feeling better."
"So am I." Spike answered as he watched her leave the room, he then turned his attention back to Buffy, "I'm really not sure this is a good idea." He looked around the room and shrugged his shoulders.
"Why?, it's nice here, you yourself said you were feeling better." Buffy sat beside him on the bed, "Why shouldn't you stay for a little while, you can't seriously miss that basement."
He sighed, "No, can't say I miss that place. But I'm not sure....not sure I should be here getting help. I've done a lot of wrong, Buffy." He rubbed his hands over his face, "You know that from experience."
"That was in the past, Spike. I would really like for you to stay." Her hazel eyes stared at him pleading with him.
"I don't know." He shook his head.
She then used her trump card, she knew it wasn't fair, but she also knew it would work,
"Would do you do it for me, please?"
That's so unfair, Slayer, Spike thought as he grumbled, "Never could refuse you."
"So you'll stay?" She asked giving him a small smile.
"Yes. I'll stay. But just a few days."
"The length of your stay is negotiable," Buffy smiled at him and stood, "Now I'm gonna bring you some sweats and some boxers."
"Boxers? You know I don't wear ...." Spike started but was interrupted by Buffy.
"Shh...we can't have Dawn traumatized by seeing you in that gown." She grinned at him.
"You really gonna let her visit?" He looked surprised.
"Yes, she wants to come and I think you'd like to see her too?"
Spike thought it over a moment, "I want to see her, but lets give a little while, make sure
I'm myself again. Don't want to scare the Bit."
"Okay, I think thats a good idea. I'll be back later with food and clothes. Now would you rather have solid boxers or prints, maybe some little kittens on them or big smiley faces?" Buffy asked with mock seriousness.
Spike rolled his eyes at her, "I'm not the whelp! Solid colors are just fine."
"Okay, I'm not even going to ask how you know what kind of boxers Xander wears."
She teased.
"Did his laundry when we were roomies." Spike rolled his eyes again.
Buffy shook her head at the thought of Spike doing laundry, "I'll see you later. Be nice
to the Doctor." She waved at him through the glass window before she left.
Dana watched Buffy walk by her office and went to Spike's room, notebook in hand.
She knocked softly on his door, "Spike." She opened the door slightly, "May we talk now?"
"Suppose so." He answered as he pulled the blanket over his legs.
"Buffy has told me quite a bit about you. You've been through a very traumatic experience, and it seems you carry alot of guilt over your past. You've been seeing and hearing past victims?" Dana sat down in the bedside chair.
"Yes, at first it was all the time, couldn't get away from them. Barely recognized Buffy even. Then it got to where if I fought really hard I could keep them away, today's been good though. Not been so hard to hold them at bay." Spike played with the pillow he had sat in his lap.
"Well, I think that part of that comes from getting you out of the basement, Buffy thought there were things down there that were keeping you out of it, so to speak. I think the other reason you feel better is because when you got agitated last night, I had the nurse give you a sedative, it was a special one I had mixed for you with some medications for calming your nerves as it were." Dana explained as she wrote in her book.
"I'm on Prozac?" Spike asked with a hint of his old smirk.
"Sort of. I think that if we can keep you calm, we can talk about your fears and insecurities and help you fight those voices, do you object to the drug?"
"Guess it can't hurt to try it, it sure feels good to be alone in my head for a change."
He gave a slight smile.
"Let's get started on the other part of the therapy, the really hard part," She smiled at him, "The talking part."
"I'm not the one with the talking problem, she ....." Spike suddenly stopped midsentence, "What do you want to talk about?"
"She as in Buffy? Buffy has problems talking?" Dana scribbled away.
Spike seemed to ignore her question, "What do you want to talk about?" He repeated.
Dana took his question as a hint not to push the Buffy question, she didn't want him to clam up before they got started, "How about being a vampire? How did you end up getting turned?"
"I met a girl in a dark alley, she said she could see something in me. Next thing I knew I was a vampire. Was pretty happy about it for a lot of years too." He said matter of factly.
"So you were happy about the violence and bloodshed, did those things make you happy before you were turned?"
Spike's mind was suddenly full of pictures of his mom's kitchen, fresh scones on the table, playing in the snow with his younger sister, unwrapping skates from under the
Christmas tree, things from his past that made him happy. He shook his head, if he didn't snap out of it he was gonna start singing, 'these are a few of my favorite things'. He cleared his throat, "No, those things didn't make me happy before, William was a poet,a bad one and he abhorred violence of any type."
"What makes you happy now?" She stopped writing and looked at him.
A face flashed in his mind, a pretty blonde, Buffy. Buffy made him happy, still after everything. "I don't know...." He finally answered.
"Come on, something makes you happy. You seemed happy to hear that Dawn wanted to visit you." Dana prompted.
Spike smiled, "Yeah, Niblet she makes me happy. She's a good kid, when Buffy was....
gone that Summer, we took care of each other. Course I let her down later...Guess I'm always gonna go back to being bad."
"But she still wants to see you, Spike. I think that you are letting all of those ghosts from your past keep you out of the present. Let me ask you why did you go searching for your soul? If being bad made you happy, why change at all?"
"I had my reasons." He muttered.
"Okay, do you regret all of those people you hurt over the years?" Dana lay her notebook on the table.
"Yes, I do." He continued to ball up the pillow.
"So you know realistically you can't make it up to them personally right?"
"Yes, they are long gone and I wasn't....I wasn't really in control then. But still I owe them something." He sighed.
"What you owe them now is to never go back to being that vampire again. You have a second chance to help people now instead of harm them. And from what I understand from Buffy you were already trying to do that before you took your trip. So I want you to concentrate on that when you hear the voices." Dana patted his arm.
"The voices from the far past are much easier it deal with then the recent ones." Spike's voice cracked slightly.
"What do you mean recent? Buffy said you hadn't hurt anyone in a very long time." Dana
looked confused.
"She told you that?" Spike closed his eyes, "I hurt her...before I left...I wanted to be good, the man she deserved and I went to her and...." he bit on his bottom lip until small drops of blood ran down his chin.
"She told me you argued you wanted to force her to admit she loved you?" Dana finished for him.
"ARGUED??? She said we ARGUED!!!" Spike became more and more agitated. He turned away from Dana and began speaking to the corner of the room, " Argued thats what she called it? Hurt the girl, I hurt her - love her, love her.....you always hurt the one you love. Always."
"Spike?" Dana stood and gently shook his arm, "Spike?" It was no use he was gone again. She did her best to settle him back in the bed, wiping the blood from his chin as he mumbled to himself.
"I'll be back later to check on you." She told him as she left the room, she made a notation on his chart to give him another dose of medication. When she got back to her office she called Buffy at work.
Buffy was sitting at her desk anxious for the worl dau to be over, Spike was getting better! She had seen the spark of 'her' Spike this afternoon. Now she wanted to go get his clothes and food and get back to him, it had been too long. The phone startled her from her happy thoughts.
Buffy picked up the phone, it was almost time to go home, who was calling now? "Hello?"
"Buffy, this is Dr. Lavery."
"Is Spike okay?" Buffy's heart jumped to her throat.
"He's had a little setback, but I'm sure he'll be fine. I would like to talk to you about something he said when you come back this afternoon." Dana told her as she poured a cup of coffee.
"What kind of setback?" Buffy twisted the phone cord tightly in her hand, "What did he
say?"
"He's slipped back into a slight dementia, it happened as we were talking about the argument the two of you had before he left town, he got very agitated, kept saying he loved you, but hurt you? Buffy, I'm going to need you to tell me exactly what happened during that argument."
Buffy began to chew on her bottom lip, tears welled in her eyes. She didn't want to go over the events of that night again, it was the past and she wanted it to stay there.
"Buffy? Are you still there?" Dana asked after a few moments.
"I...I'm not sure going over that will help anything." She finally sighed.
"Would you please let me be the judge of that? This seems to be a sore subject for both of you, maybe we help both of you if we discussed what happened that night."
"I'm not the crazy vampire who needs help! I'm fine." Buffy spat the words into the phone.
"Honestly, Buffy, I think you and Spike both have some major issues. But if you don't feel like you need help I can't force you to talk to me, but I can ask you to do it for the "crazy" vampire, you do care about him, don't you?" Dana waited several more moments for a reply.
"Fine. I'll be there in about an hour and a half." Buffy hung up the phone and reached for
the box of tissues on her desk, she hadn't realized that somewhere in the conversation
she had started crying.
TBC