The clock ticked away the last half hour of the work day as Buffy tried not to think about what Dr. Lavery wanted from her. She wasn't sure she could tell her everything, as long as she had forgiven Spike then there was really no reason to go into it, was there?
Dawn joined her in the office when the bell rang, they were going to pick up some clothes for Spike. Buffy had promised to let Dawn help as she explained that Spike wanted to wait a bit to have her visit. Dawn seemed pacified with the shopping trip and as a bonus, Buffy even sprang for pizza before taking Dawn home and leaving for the
clinic.
She almost turned around and went home when she reached her destination, she was dreading talking to Dr. Lavery. But the two bags she carried reminded her that Spike needed her, one was carrying his supper and the other held plain black sweats and several pairs of boxer shorts, one pair covered in calico kittens, Dawn's gift to Spike.
She grinned as she remembered Dawn picking them out in the department store. Spike would fuss but she knew he would end up wearing them because Dawn picked them out.
***
Dana finished her phone call to Buffy and waited a little while befor going back to Spike's room to check on him, she was hoping that she could talk him through this spell, help him focus.e was sitting up in the bed when she returned, his eyes clear but his irritation at their earlier conversation still present. "How do you feel?"
"I feel like this is a mistake, I should go." He told her as he stood up.
"I think you know that it's not a mistake....I think you want help..but you're afraid." Dana placed her hand on his shoulder and eased him to sit back down, "You don't have to be afraid, you can work through it, but you'll have to focus and face things, just like what we were talking about earlier."
"Not sure I can." He mumbled.
"Not sure you can what?" Buffy came into the room smiling.
"Nothing."
"Okay....we'll talk about 'nothing' later. Here are some sweats for you and some boxers." She handed over the bag with the clothes in it.
He peeked in the bag and frowned as he pulled out the kitten print boxers.
"Hey, it wasn't me, those were Dawn's idea." Buffy grinned at him and handed him the other bag, "Here is some supper for you."
"I'll heat that up for you and then I need to talk to Buffy while you eat." Dana took the bag from Spike and nodded towards Buffy. Buffy's smile slipped slightly as she watched the doctor leave the room.
"So how are you feeling? Dr. Lavery says you got kind of upset earlier." Buffy asked as she sat down next to him.
"I'm okay, still not sure I should be here."
"Just give it some time, please?" Buffy asked softly.
"Here you go, nice and warm." Dana told him as she handed him the mug, 'You enjoy that and Buffy and I will be back in a few minutes."
Buffy follwed Dana into her office,"Buffy. I'm glad you could make it."
"Well, to be honest I almost didn't. Dr. Lavery, I appreciate the help you're giving Spike but this..this thing you want me to talk about....it's very hard, and maybe best forgotten." Buffy fidgeted with a paper weight on the desk, "I just don't see any reason to drag this all up again." Buffy told her as she sat down.
"Well, you may feel it's best forgotten, but it seems to me that neither you or Spike have forgotten. I would really like to know exactly what happened that last night..." Dana pulled out her tablet again.
"I had a run in with Warren and I was hurt, I was in the bathroom running a hot bath. Spike came in....he wanted to apologize..... He was upset, wanted to know why I didn't let Xander stake him." Buffy stopped and took a deep breath.
" So Xander doesn't like Spike?" Dana asked.
"Thats an understatement." Buffy nodded her head.
"Xander's a friend of yours? "
"Yes, long time friend." Buffy nodded again.
"He's your long time friend, but you aren't exactly sure what Spike is to you?" Dana prodded Buffy, "Then why wouldn't you let him stake him?"
"I couldn't let him stake Spike because.....I care for him, okay?" Buffy was chewing on her bottom lip.
"Yes, I think it's okay that you care for him," Dana gave her a small smile, "But why did he want staked? You said earlier he wanted to force you to admit you loved him?"
"He was miserable because I.. didn't ...couldn't....love him. He began to try to embrace me, kept telling me he could make me feel......make me love him, if I would just let him.....inside of me. He pushed me down and........" Tears rolled down Buffy's face.
Dana left her chair and knelt in front of Buffy placing her hand on her arm, the truth dawning on her, "He raped you?" She asked softly as she reached for the tissue on her desk.
"NO! He tried but I threw him off and he.....he came back to himself and I knew ......as hurt and angry as I was then....I knew that 'he knew' how wrong it was. He left that night, went away to make himself a better person....for me." Buffy was sobbing now as Dana handed her more tissue and patted her back.
"But it still hurts? Part of you is still angry with him?"
"A small part of me is still angry at him...at me...at both of us. I used Spike and I knew whether I admitted it or not that he really did love me. We were both wrong on so many levels. Doesn't matter, that night is over, I forgave him." Buffy wiped at her eyes and then blew her nose as fresh tears continued to course down her cheeks.
***
Spike finished his meal and picked up the sack with the boxers in it again. He pulled a pair from the plastic wrapping and got out of bed to put them on, they felt a bit strange at first but he supposed he could get used to them. What was taking them so long? He decided to find out. As he walked into the hallway his acute hearing picked up the sound of crying....a familiar cry, Buffy. He raced towards the sound and stopped at Dana's office door. Without knocking he opened the door to find Buffy in tears, her pretty eyes red rimmed and swollen. "What have you done to her?" He knelt beside Buffy, "You okay, pet?" His voice was soft and full of concern.
Buffy sniffed again, "I'm okay."
"We were talking about that night, the confrontation between you two in Buffy's bathroom?" Dana looked pointedly at Spike.
Shamefaced he lowered his head, "Oh....I see..." He turned and left the room.
Buffy turned to Dana, "See...bringing this up does no good...for anyone." She left the office following Spike back to his room. Despite the trauma of her conversation with Dana, she found herself smiling as she watched Spike's backside - he was wearing
boxers - the calico kittens peeping at her from the open back of his hospital gown.
He went back to his room and sat down in the chair by his bed. He seemed sad and small to Buffy when she entered the room, "I'm okay, Spike really I am."
He nodded once, "It's my problem, she shouldn't drag you into it, make you relive the horror... I'm sorry."
"It's really okay." She tenatively touched his hair.
Dana gave them a moment before entering the room, "Does Spike know you forgave him?" She asked point blank.
"Huh....well, I'm trying to help him," Buffy turned to Spike, "You know I forgive you don't you?"
His eyes watering he replied very softly, "You shouldn't forgive me."
Dana decided rolling her eyes wasn't very proffesional so she nodded her head instead,
"You two still think you don't need to talk this out?"
TBC
Dawn joined her in the office when the bell rang, they were going to pick up some clothes for Spike. Buffy had promised to let Dawn help as she explained that Spike wanted to wait a bit to have her visit. Dawn seemed pacified with the shopping trip and as a bonus, Buffy even sprang for pizza before taking Dawn home and leaving for the
clinic.
She almost turned around and went home when she reached her destination, she was dreading talking to Dr. Lavery. But the two bags she carried reminded her that Spike needed her, one was carrying his supper and the other held plain black sweats and several pairs of boxer shorts, one pair covered in calico kittens, Dawn's gift to Spike.
She grinned as she remembered Dawn picking them out in the department store. Spike would fuss but she knew he would end up wearing them because Dawn picked them out.
***
Dana finished her phone call to Buffy and waited a little while befor going back to Spike's room to check on him, she was hoping that she could talk him through this spell, help him focus.e was sitting up in the bed when she returned, his eyes clear but his irritation at their earlier conversation still present. "How do you feel?"
"I feel like this is a mistake, I should go." He told her as he stood up.
"I think you know that it's not a mistake....I think you want help..but you're afraid." Dana placed her hand on his shoulder and eased him to sit back down, "You don't have to be afraid, you can work through it, but you'll have to focus and face things, just like what we were talking about earlier."
"Not sure I can." He mumbled.
"Not sure you can what?" Buffy came into the room smiling.
"Nothing."
"Okay....we'll talk about 'nothing' later. Here are some sweats for you and some boxers." She handed over the bag with the clothes in it.
He peeked in the bag and frowned as he pulled out the kitten print boxers.
"Hey, it wasn't me, those were Dawn's idea." Buffy grinned at him and handed him the other bag, "Here is some supper for you."
"I'll heat that up for you and then I need to talk to Buffy while you eat." Dana took the bag from Spike and nodded towards Buffy. Buffy's smile slipped slightly as she watched the doctor leave the room.
"So how are you feeling? Dr. Lavery says you got kind of upset earlier." Buffy asked as she sat down next to him.
"I'm okay, still not sure I should be here."
"Just give it some time, please?" Buffy asked softly.
"Here you go, nice and warm." Dana told him as she handed him the mug, 'You enjoy that and Buffy and I will be back in a few minutes."
Buffy follwed Dana into her office,"Buffy. I'm glad you could make it."
"Well, to be honest I almost didn't. Dr. Lavery, I appreciate the help you're giving Spike but this..this thing you want me to talk about....it's very hard, and maybe best forgotten." Buffy fidgeted with a paper weight on the desk, "I just don't see any reason to drag this all up again." Buffy told her as she sat down.
"Well, you may feel it's best forgotten, but it seems to me that neither you or Spike have forgotten. I would really like to know exactly what happened that last night..." Dana pulled out her tablet again.
"I had a run in with Warren and I was hurt, I was in the bathroom running a hot bath. Spike came in....he wanted to apologize..... He was upset, wanted to know why I didn't let Xander stake him." Buffy stopped and took a deep breath.
" So Xander doesn't like Spike?" Dana asked.
"Thats an understatement." Buffy nodded her head.
"Xander's a friend of yours? "
"Yes, long time friend." Buffy nodded again.
"He's your long time friend, but you aren't exactly sure what Spike is to you?" Dana prodded Buffy, "Then why wouldn't you let him stake him?"
"I couldn't let him stake Spike because.....I care for him, okay?" Buffy was chewing on her bottom lip.
"Yes, I think it's okay that you care for him," Dana gave her a small smile, "But why did he want staked? You said earlier he wanted to force you to admit you loved him?"
"He was miserable because I.. didn't ...couldn't....love him. He began to try to embrace me, kept telling me he could make me feel......make me love him, if I would just let him.....inside of me. He pushed me down and........" Tears rolled down Buffy's face.
Dana left her chair and knelt in front of Buffy placing her hand on her arm, the truth dawning on her, "He raped you?" She asked softly as she reached for the tissue on her desk.
"NO! He tried but I threw him off and he.....he came back to himself and I knew ......as hurt and angry as I was then....I knew that 'he knew' how wrong it was. He left that night, went away to make himself a better person....for me." Buffy was sobbing now as Dana handed her more tissue and patted her back.
"But it still hurts? Part of you is still angry with him?"
"A small part of me is still angry at him...at me...at both of us. I used Spike and I knew whether I admitted it or not that he really did love me. We were both wrong on so many levels. Doesn't matter, that night is over, I forgave him." Buffy wiped at her eyes and then blew her nose as fresh tears continued to course down her cheeks.
***
Spike finished his meal and picked up the sack with the boxers in it again. He pulled a pair from the plastic wrapping and got out of bed to put them on, they felt a bit strange at first but he supposed he could get used to them. What was taking them so long? He decided to find out. As he walked into the hallway his acute hearing picked up the sound of crying....a familiar cry, Buffy. He raced towards the sound and stopped at Dana's office door. Without knocking he opened the door to find Buffy in tears, her pretty eyes red rimmed and swollen. "What have you done to her?" He knelt beside Buffy, "You okay, pet?" His voice was soft and full of concern.
Buffy sniffed again, "I'm okay."
"We were talking about that night, the confrontation between you two in Buffy's bathroom?" Dana looked pointedly at Spike.
Shamefaced he lowered his head, "Oh....I see..." He turned and left the room.
Buffy turned to Dana, "See...bringing this up does no good...for anyone." She left the office following Spike back to his room. Despite the trauma of her conversation with Dana, she found herself smiling as she watched Spike's backside - he was wearing
boxers - the calico kittens peeping at her from the open back of his hospital gown.
He went back to his room and sat down in the chair by his bed. He seemed sad and small to Buffy when she entered the room, "I'm okay, Spike really I am."
He nodded once, "It's my problem, she shouldn't drag you into it, make you relive the horror... I'm sorry."
"It's really okay." She tenatively touched his hair.
Dana gave them a moment before entering the room, "Does Spike know you forgave him?" She asked point blank.
"Huh....well, I'm trying to help him," Buffy turned to Spike, "You know I forgive you don't you?"
His eyes watering he replied very softly, "You shouldn't forgive me."
Dana decided rolling her eyes wasn't very proffesional so she nodded her head instead,
"You two still think you don't need to talk this out?"
TBC