Disclamier - I don't own MKR
Sorry it's so damn late, I promised it in a few hours, it took me, like 6... anyway, I won't keep you waiting!
Part 1 - Joan of Arc
(It's actually Part 2, but screw it)
Scene 1 - The Simpsons' House
Hikaru: *looking through the mail* Bill, bill, bill...
A letter that says "Please save our world!" in blood shows up
Hikaru: Bill. Lantis, you got a letter. Hmm, *hands Lantis the letter* it's from the library.
Lantis: *opens the letter* "Overdue Book?" This is the biggest frame-up since O.J. Wait a minute. Blood in the bronco, the cuts on his hands... Those Jay Leno monologues? Oh my God! He did it! *picks up his photo of O.J. and whimpers* ~~ By the way, who's O.J.? Or Jay Leno? ~~
Fuu: *takes a book out from under the table* Here's the book. *blows off the dust* "Classics for Children?"
Lantis: Oh, yeah! I checked that out when Zazu was born. I was going to read to him everyday.
Zazu: What happened?
Lantis: Stuff kept coming up, mostly car-related, piece of crap Chrysler Eagle Vision.
Fuu: Why don't you read to us now?
Lantis: I decide who reads and when!
Lantis just stares off into nothingness
Three seconds later
Lantis: How about now? *opens up the book* Here's the story of "Joan of Arc!"
Hikaru: *comes in* Did you say Joan Van Ark?
Fuu: No, Joan OF Arc.
Hikaru: Oh, it's never Joan Van Ark.
Lantis: This one takes place in a make-believe kingdom called *pronouncing badly* Frah-un-suh.
Fuu: No, it's France!
Zazu: Huh???
Fuu: France!
Zazu: Bluh?
Fuu: FRANCE!
Zazu: Zuh?
Fuu: FRANCE!!! F-R-A-N-C-E!!! FRANCE!!!!!!
Silence
Zazu: Guh?
Scene 2 - France
Lantis: *narrating* The French were fighting the English in the Hundred Years war, which was later called "Operation Speedy Resolution."
Scene shows one arrow going back and forth between France and the England camp
Eagle: OW! OW! OW! IT HIT ME IN THE EYE!!!
English: Yay.
Scene 3 - Joan of Arc's Home
Lantis: *milking a cow* Zazutrand, son, how's the breakfast pate coming?
Zazutrand: *outside* *slurring* You know, you think you English are so great, but you're really just a bunch of green cats from Disneyland who can't button their shirts and dance to YMCA! ................ *walks off the stage*
Lantis: Umm... that's good...
Hikaru: Zazutrand, where is your sister, Fuu of Arc? Morning bells are ringing, morning bells are ringing!
Lantis: .... Where DID Zazu go?
The camera moves around
Hikaru: Found him!
Zazu: *making out with MZF*
Cameraman: *shrieks*
The camera breaks
Later...
Hikaru: Young man, what were you thinking!?
Zazu: I thought I was older than you.
Hikaru: Young man, why were you drunk and making out with some lunatic whose paying us to run around in costumes!?
Zazu: What the HELL are you talking about!?
Lantis: Don't talk back at your mother like that!
Zazu: She's not my mother.
Hikaru: *gasp* Zazu! *sobbing*
Lantis: Now look what you did!
Zazu: *has no clue what's going on* What the hell is going on?
Lantis: For the last time, don't swear in front of your mother!
Hikaru: *sobbing loudly* I've been such a bad mother! *SOOOOOOOOOOOOOB!!!!*
Zazu: Okay, things are getting weird.... *inches away*
Lantis: STAY RIGHT THERE!!!
Zazu: *stops dead in his tracks* Eep.
Lantis: You are GROUNDED! No TV, Alcohol, or Girls for 3 weeks!
Zazu: Does this mean after three weeks I can go back to alcohol and girls?
Lantis: NO! NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM!
Zazu: *grumbles*
Fuu: Ha-ha! Mom and Dad yelled at you!
Zazu: Shut up.
Three weeks later
MZF: Okay, now that Zazu is allowed to look at girls again, we can start taping.
Zazu: WHY THE HELL DID I DO THAT!?!?!?!?!?!?! *SOOOOB!!!!* NOW I AM SCARRED FOR LIFE!!!
Lantis: *looks at Fuu and Aska* He picks that up from your mother.
Fuu and Aska: ............
Lantis: ... Never mind...
Continuation of Scene 3
Hikaru: Zazutrand, where is your sister, Fuu of Arc? Morning bells are ringing, morning bells are ringing!
Zazutrand: She's talking to her imaginary friend, "God."
Scene 4 - in a field
Fuu of Arc: *praying* -- and please bless mama and papa and Zazutrand and of course, CLAMP.
Audience goes wild with cheering, clapping, and whistling.
Someone: YAH!!!! CLAMP RULES!!!!
After loud cheering, crowd goes silent
Someone coughs
Cricket chirping
Fuu of Arc: Umm... yeah...
A ray of light appears
Mokona: Puu-puu-puu! Puu! Puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Translator: Fuu of Arc, I am almighty God!
Everyone: *silent* *SCREAM!!!*
MZF: AHHHHHHH!!! IT'S THE APOCALYPSE!!! GOD HAS COME FOR THE FINAL JUDGEMENT!!! GET ALCYONE IN DECENT CLOTHES!!! DRENCH ZAZU IN HOLY WATER!!! AND, NOVA!!! GET YOUR POSTER OF THE DEVIL OF THE WALL!!! NOW!!!!!
Theresa: Umm... that's not god, that's Mokona on a loudspeaker and the translator.
MZF: ... I knew that! Okay, keep it rolling!
Fuu of Arc: *gets back on the set, hair and clothes a mess* *clears throat nervously*
Miki: Hey, why is Ferio knocked out on the floor?
Fuu of Arc: None of your business.
Mokona: Puu-puu-puu! Puu! Puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! Puu! Puu-puu-puu puu!
Translator: Fuu of Arc, I am almighty God! You have been chosen to lead the French to victory!
Fuu of Arc: But I'm just a little girl!
Mokona: Puu! Puu! Puu-puu! Puuuuuuu!
Translator: I KNOW that, I HAVE three eyes!
MZF: Okay, and... cut! Ten minute break! *looks through the script* I think we're doing pretty good!
Erica: *bored* ... That's weird, because we aren't getting so many reviews... ~~ REVIEW, DAMN YOU!!! ~~
Zazu: *spiking the punch bowl* La la la dee da...
Hikaru: Zazu?
Zazu: *shrieks and spills the alcohol on his shirt* Uhh, hi, Hikaru! *forced laughter*
Hikaru: Were you spiking the punch bowl?
Zazu: Why does everyone ALWAYS blame the little guy!? It makes me so sick! *mumbles angrily as he leaves the scene*
Hikaru: *looks at the punch* Hmm... Hey, Eagle! Want some un-spiked punch? *laughs evilly*
Ascot: *eating cake* Mmm... cake!
Umi: Where'd you get that cake?
Ascot: It was on a picnic table in the park.
Umi: Why does it say "Happy Birthday, Pip" on it?
The Park
Leena: Where'd the cake go?
Everyone: I don't know.
Pip: *cries*
Serge: *blows a noisemaker*
Glenn: Happy Birthday?
Nikki: Where's Miki?
Scene 5 - Fuu of Arc's house
Hikaru: God wants you to lead the French army to what???
Fuu of Arc: Victory!
Lantis: *drinking punch* Victory! *scoffs* We're Fuh-ren-sh! We don't even have a word for it!
Zazutrand: Where'd you get that?
Lantis: *slurring* Will you ever stop asking questions, you little *massive bleeping* !?!?!?!?
Theresa: We have censors?
MZF: No, that's my metal detector!
Erica: *bored* ... You brought a metal detector...?
MZF: YUP! *smiles*
Theresa: Why???
MZF: To find The Legendary Treasure of Pink-Beard, the pirate! He buried his treasure here, to hide it from trick-or-treaters who egg houses and dress up like pencils! I have found the location of the treasure! *laughs evilly* *begins digging*
Erica: *bored* ... She's lost it...
Theresa: You say that everyday.
Erica: *bored* ... It's become a hobby...
Fuu of Arc: So, anyway. God told me to lead the French to victory, he spoke to me, I must obey!
Zazu: Puuuu!!! Puu-puu! Puu, PUU!!!
Translator: You there, where are the alcohol and the strippers?
Everyone: *stare*
Zazu: ... That's all I know how to say in "Mokona."
Random voices: Oh, that makes sense / I see / Oh / Where ARE the strippers?
A ray of light appears again
Mokona; Puu-puu-puu! PUUU! Puu-puu!
Translator: Fuu of Arc, give me your dessert!
Fuu of Arc: Yes, sir. *holds up her éclair*
The éclair floats up the ray of light*
Chewing
Mokona: PUUUUUUU!!! PUU PUU!!!
Translator: Ugh! This tastes like *massive bleeping* !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MZF: I've found the treasure!
Everyone: Huh?
MZF: *glomps Zazu while opening the treasure chest* Cool! Cool! Cool! Cool! Cool!
Zazu: *groans* What did I do to deserve this?
Eagle: How'd he get there?
Theresa: Eh, law of averages.
Eagle: What the hell does that mean?
Theresa: Eh, law of averages.
Eagle: Is that all you're going to say?
Theresa: Eh, law of averages.
Eagle: What's wrong with her?
Erica: *bored* ... Eh, law of averages... ~~ My friends say the same things over and over again to annoy me =( ~~
Eagle: Okay, this is getting weird.
MZF: *opens up the treasure chest* WOW! Pink Beard's legendary treasure!
Zazu: *wheezing* It's a nickel.
MZF: But with a nickel you can buy a bagel and a cup of coffee and still take a ride on the train and back!
Umi: *hits MZF on the head with a mallet* Newsflash, it's 2002!
MZF: *unconscious*
Zazu: All right! *bows in front of Umi* YOU ARE MY GOD! I WILL OBEY YOUR COMMANDS!
Umi: Stop looking up my skirt.
Zazu: *stands up* Done and done! *salutes*
Umi: And stop that.
Zazu: *stops saluting* Done and done!
Theresa: All right, I am going to try to make this play saner, so let's get moving!
Everyone: SANITY!?!?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Zazu: *pops up next to Theresa* Hey, Teresa!
Theresa: It's Theresa.
Zazu: No one can tell the difference!
Theresa: They can if they read it!
Zazu: But nobody cares!
Theresa: I care!
Zazu: Whatever, anyway, have you tried the punch?
Theresa: No, I believe I haven't.
Zazu: Why not? It's deeee-licous! *holds up the bowl* We have NO idea what's in it, but it's a great drink! I'll show you! *gulps the whole bowl down* See? *falls over*
Theresa: ... Umm, yeah, 3... 2... 1 and action!
Scene 6 - At the battlefield ~~ Until I regain consciousness, Theresa will take over, why? Because I hate doing this: ............. ~~
Captain Eagle: All right, garcons. Trois, deux, un!
Geo: What?
Captain Eagle: No, un, French for one.
Geo: Why do you expect us to know French?
Captain Eagle: Just fire the stupid thing.
Geo: *presses a button*
Clef is launched out of the catapult
Clef: HOLY FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU U UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Clef hits the English castle, then just slides down
Clef: *walks back, bleeding* That was my fault, I didn't tuck in my legs.
Fuu of Arc: *comes up on Horsey Ferio* Halt! I was sent to lead the French army to victory!
Horsey Ferio: Why am I the horse?
Fuu of Arc: Be quiet, bitch.
Lantis: Did Fuu just call Ferio "bitch?"
Primera: Eh.
Captain Eagle: Victory? But you're just a little girl!
Fuu of Arc: But I have radical new ideas, like putting bigger, harder people in the catapult, or... maybe rocks?
Clef: I, don't know how to feel just now.
Ascot: *punches Clef in the face*
Clef: OWWW!!! HEY!!! That wasn't in the script!
Ascot: Screw the script, I'm gonna go watch TV.
Clef: GRRRR!!! *tackles Ascot*
A fight ensues
Fuu of Arc: And now! Attack! *charges* RAAAAAAAAH!
Swords clashing
Geo: Uhh, shouldn't we help her?
Captain Eagle: Yeah, I'm right behind you, Geo.
Geo: RAAAAAAAH! *charges*
Everyone else: *doesn't move and inch*
Captain Eagle: *laughs* Oh, there's my supervisor. RAAAAAAAAH!!! *charges*
Scene 7 - At Chinon
Clef: *sitting on the throne* Fuu of Arc, yadda, yadda, yadda, French, yadda, yadda, yadda, victory, yadda, yadda, yadda, English.
Theresa: Clef, would you PLEASE say all of your lines?
Clef: After you sent me flying into a wall, no!
Theresa: Ahem?
Clef: Oh, right, you're the evil one. ~~ I SWEAR!!! SHE'S EVIL!!! SHE HAS POWERS BEYOND BELIEF AND SHE'S PYSCHIC!!! ~~ *looks at Fuu of Arc* It is customary to kneel before the king.
Fuu of Arc: I would gladly kneel, if it were that you were the real king!
Everyone gasps
Fuu of Arc: *kneels in front of King Ascot* You are the true Dauphin, you had this man trick me to see if I was truly sent by god.
King Ascot: *claps* Marvelous, Fuu of Arc! *giggles* *sits on the throne* You may return to your regular duties, Clef.
Clef: Yes, sir. *kneels down*
King Ascot: *puts his feet up* Vibrate for me, footstool!
Clef: *whirring*
Scene 8 - The Feast
King Ascot: We shall capture the English, just as Fuu of Arc has already captured my heart! *makes his eyebrows go up and down* ~~ It scares the hell out of me when someone does that*
Fuu of Arc: Uhh, god says we should just be friends.
Innouva the Clown: I wouldn't say King Ascot is a loser, but that's the tenth girl he's struck out this week! *mocking laugh*
Theresa: How'd you get Innouva to do that?
Erica: *bored, smiles evilly* ... Drugs...
Theresa: I thought you said they were illegal.
Erica: (bored) ... Screw that!
Theresa: Okay, okay, calm down, back to the scene!
King Ascot: Boil him in oil!
Two guards drag Innouva away
Innouva: So no 10:30 show?
Scene 9 - The Battlefield
The English are drinking tea
Fuu of Arc: *on Horsey Ferio again* Let us kill the English!
Captain Eagle: Yeah, and fast, Sailor Moon is on.
Everyone stares at Eagle
Eagle: ... What?
Tatra: *English accent* They're attacking again.
Tarta: *English accent* I thought we had truce.
Tatra: *giggles* Tarta, please watch your accent.
Tarta: Watch MY accent!? WHY DON'T YOU WATCH YOUR DAMN ACCENT FOR ONCE!?!?!?!?! Tatra: ...
Tarta: *laughs weakly* Come on, let's go fight them.
Fighting begins
Fuu of Arc: You can't stop me, I was sent by God!
Lafarga: *puts Fuu of Arc in a bag*
Fuu of Arc: *muffled* I want my mommy.
Lafarga: *bad English accent* I captured a wee girl!
Theresa: *covering her ears* Oh my god, what crawled down his throat and died?
Lafarga: I HEARD THAT!!!
Theresa: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! WHAT A TERRIFYING VOICE!!! *runs out*
Erica: (bored) ... sigh, here we go again...
Scene 10 - The trial
Judge Zagato: Fuu of Arc, you have been accused of witchcraft, herecy, and that man told me you called him a bitch.
Ferio: *shows a fist to Fuu of Arc*
Fuu of Arc: I would like to call my only witness, almighty god.
A ray of light shows through the window
Mokona: Puu! Puu, puu, puu!
Translator: I am god!
Everyone: *gasps*
Mokona: Puuu! Puu! Puu-puu, puu!
Translator: I told this girl to lead the French army to victory!
Lafarga: *about to say something*
Theresa: *shrieks and hides behind a bucket*
Lafarga: Wait a minute you two-timing spot of light! You to ME to lead the ENGLISH to victory!
Fuu of Arc: *gasp* Is that true, lord?
Mokona: Puu... puu-puu! Puu, puu, puu...
Translator: Well, uhh, actually... I never thought you two would be in the same room together...
Mokona: Puu!
Translator: Bye!
The light dissappears
Tarta: Huh, that was weird. *pauses for a second* Let's burn her!
Scene 11 - The city hall
Fuu of Arc is tied up to a cross
Hikaru: Don't burn her! She's just an innocent child!
Lantis: *holds up Zazutrand, who's drinking booze, as usual* Burn this guy! He lost a good bucket!
Zazu: *drunk* Shut up! All of you, shut up!
Hikaru: Fuu, renounce your faith, save yourself!
The wood around Fuu of Arc sets aflame
Fuu of Arc: Don't worry, dear parents, God won't let anything happen to me. Uhh... it's getting kind of hot here...
Scene 12 - Back at the Simpsons' House
Lantis: Whoa...
Fuu: They didn't really kill her, did they?
Hikaru: Of course not, honey. *takes the book* Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc, they got married and lived in a spaceship. *rips out the page and eats it* Well, it's easier to chew than tape 12.
~ Fin, for now
If you really want the next chapter, give me 2 reviews! Hell, give me MORE than 2 reviews. Ah, I'm being greedy, I'll post it anyway. Just PLEASE gimme a review, thankies! Anyway, go read "Poetry by Katrina Bain (me)" storyid: 971305. And leave a review. Thanks. Anyway, this chapter is dedicated to Erica, who is moving to Toronto (and I live in Vancouver, by the way) so I'm gonna do something I haven't done in awhile:
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Sigh, Erica, Theresa and I are gonna have probably our last sleep-over as the three of us, because Theresa's moving too, but not that far away. Oh, well, Erica's really pissed off, and so am I. Well, I gotta get off. Buh- bye!
MZF
Sorry it's so damn late, I promised it in a few hours, it took me, like 6... anyway, I won't keep you waiting!
Part 1 - Joan of Arc
(It's actually Part 2, but screw it)
Scene 1 - The Simpsons' House
Hikaru: *looking through the mail* Bill, bill, bill...
A letter that says "Please save our world!" in blood shows up
Hikaru: Bill. Lantis, you got a letter. Hmm, *hands Lantis the letter* it's from the library.
Lantis: *opens the letter* "Overdue Book?" This is the biggest frame-up since O.J. Wait a minute. Blood in the bronco, the cuts on his hands... Those Jay Leno monologues? Oh my God! He did it! *picks up his photo of O.J. and whimpers* ~~ By the way, who's O.J.? Or Jay Leno? ~~
Fuu: *takes a book out from under the table* Here's the book. *blows off the dust* "Classics for Children?"
Lantis: Oh, yeah! I checked that out when Zazu was born. I was going to read to him everyday.
Zazu: What happened?
Lantis: Stuff kept coming up, mostly car-related, piece of crap Chrysler Eagle Vision.
Fuu: Why don't you read to us now?
Lantis: I decide who reads and when!
Lantis just stares off into nothingness
Three seconds later
Lantis: How about now? *opens up the book* Here's the story of "Joan of Arc!"
Hikaru: *comes in* Did you say Joan Van Ark?
Fuu: No, Joan OF Arc.
Hikaru: Oh, it's never Joan Van Ark.
Lantis: This one takes place in a make-believe kingdom called *pronouncing badly* Frah-un-suh.
Fuu: No, it's France!
Zazu: Huh???
Fuu: France!
Zazu: Bluh?
Fuu: FRANCE!
Zazu: Zuh?
Fuu: FRANCE!!! F-R-A-N-C-E!!! FRANCE!!!!!!
Silence
Zazu: Guh?
Scene 2 - France
Lantis: *narrating* The French were fighting the English in the Hundred Years war, which was later called "Operation Speedy Resolution."
Scene shows one arrow going back and forth between France and the England camp
Eagle: OW! OW! OW! IT HIT ME IN THE EYE!!!
English: Yay.
Scene 3 - Joan of Arc's Home
Lantis: *milking a cow* Zazutrand, son, how's the breakfast pate coming?
Zazutrand: *outside* *slurring* You know, you think you English are so great, but you're really just a bunch of green cats from Disneyland who can't button their shirts and dance to YMCA! ................ *walks off the stage*
Lantis: Umm... that's good...
Hikaru: Zazutrand, where is your sister, Fuu of Arc? Morning bells are ringing, morning bells are ringing!
Lantis: .... Where DID Zazu go?
The camera moves around
Hikaru: Found him!
Zazu: *making out with MZF*
Cameraman: *shrieks*
The camera breaks
Later...
Hikaru: Young man, what were you thinking!?
Zazu: I thought I was older than you.
Hikaru: Young man, why were you drunk and making out with some lunatic whose paying us to run around in costumes!?
Zazu: What the HELL are you talking about!?
Lantis: Don't talk back at your mother like that!
Zazu: She's not my mother.
Hikaru: *gasp* Zazu! *sobbing*
Lantis: Now look what you did!
Zazu: *has no clue what's going on* What the hell is going on?
Lantis: For the last time, don't swear in front of your mother!
Hikaru: *sobbing loudly* I've been such a bad mother! *SOOOOOOOOOOOOOB!!!!*
Zazu: Okay, things are getting weird.... *inches away*
Lantis: STAY RIGHT THERE!!!
Zazu: *stops dead in his tracks* Eep.
Lantis: You are GROUNDED! No TV, Alcohol, or Girls for 3 weeks!
Zazu: Does this mean after three weeks I can go back to alcohol and girls?
Lantis: NO! NOW GO TO YOUR ROOM!
Zazu: *grumbles*
Fuu: Ha-ha! Mom and Dad yelled at you!
Zazu: Shut up.
Three weeks later
MZF: Okay, now that Zazu is allowed to look at girls again, we can start taping.
Zazu: WHY THE HELL DID I DO THAT!?!?!?!?!?!?! *SOOOOB!!!!* NOW I AM SCARRED FOR LIFE!!!
Lantis: *looks at Fuu and Aska* He picks that up from your mother.
Fuu and Aska: ............
Lantis: ... Never mind...
Continuation of Scene 3
Hikaru: Zazutrand, where is your sister, Fuu of Arc? Morning bells are ringing, morning bells are ringing!
Zazutrand: She's talking to her imaginary friend, "God."
Scene 4 - in a field
Fuu of Arc: *praying* -- and please bless mama and papa and Zazutrand and of course, CLAMP.
Audience goes wild with cheering, clapping, and whistling.
Someone: YAH!!!! CLAMP RULES!!!!
After loud cheering, crowd goes silent
Someone coughs
Cricket chirping
Fuu of Arc: Umm... yeah...
A ray of light appears
Mokona: Puu-puu-puu! Puu! Puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Translator: Fuu of Arc, I am almighty God!
Everyone: *silent* *SCREAM!!!*
MZF: AHHHHHHH!!! IT'S THE APOCALYPSE!!! GOD HAS COME FOR THE FINAL JUDGEMENT!!! GET ALCYONE IN DECENT CLOTHES!!! DRENCH ZAZU IN HOLY WATER!!! AND, NOVA!!! GET YOUR POSTER OF THE DEVIL OF THE WALL!!! NOW!!!!!
Theresa: Umm... that's not god, that's Mokona on a loudspeaker and the translator.
MZF: ... I knew that! Okay, keep it rolling!
Fuu of Arc: *gets back on the set, hair and clothes a mess* *clears throat nervously*
Miki: Hey, why is Ferio knocked out on the floor?
Fuu of Arc: None of your business.
Mokona: Puu-puu-puu! Puu! Puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! Puu! Puu-puu-puu puu!
Translator: Fuu of Arc, I am almighty God! You have been chosen to lead the French to victory!
Fuu of Arc: But I'm just a little girl!
Mokona: Puu! Puu! Puu-puu! Puuuuuuu!
Translator: I KNOW that, I HAVE three eyes!
MZF: Okay, and... cut! Ten minute break! *looks through the script* I think we're doing pretty good!
Erica: *bored* ... That's weird, because we aren't getting so many reviews... ~~ REVIEW, DAMN YOU!!! ~~
Zazu: *spiking the punch bowl* La la la dee da...
Hikaru: Zazu?
Zazu: *shrieks and spills the alcohol on his shirt* Uhh, hi, Hikaru! *forced laughter*
Hikaru: Were you spiking the punch bowl?
Zazu: Why does everyone ALWAYS blame the little guy!? It makes me so sick! *mumbles angrily as he leaves the scene*
Hikaru: *looks at the punch* Hmm... Hey, Eagle! Want some un-spiked punch? *laughs evilly*
Ascot: *eating cake* Mmm... cake!
Umi: Where'd you get that cake?
Ascot: It was on a picnic table in the park.
Umi: Why does it say "Happy Birthday, Pip" on it?
The Park
Leena: Where'd the cake go?
Everyone: I don't know.
Pip: *cries*
Serge: *blows a noisemaker*
Glenn: Happy Birthday?
Nikki: Where's Miki?
Scene 5 - Fuu of Arc's house
Hikaru: God wants you to lead the French army to what???
Fuu of Arc: Victory!
Lantis: *drinking punch* Victory! *scoffs* We're Fuh-ren-sh! We don't even have a word for it!
Zazutrand: Where'd you get that?
Lantis: *slurring* Will you ever stop asking questions, you little *massive bleeping* !?!?!?!?
Theresa: We have censors?
MZF: No, that's my metal detector!
Erica: *bored* ... You brought a metal detector...?
MZF: YUP! *smiles*
Theresa: Why???
MZF: To find The Legendary Treasure of Pink-Beard, the pirate! He buried his treasure here, to hide it from trick-or-treaters who egg houses and dress up like pencils! I have found the location of the treasure! *laughs evilly* *begins digging*
Erica: *bored* ... She's lost it...
Theresa: You say that everyday.
Erica: *bored* ... It's become a hobby...
Fuu of Arc: So, anyway. God told me to lead the French to victory, he spoke to me, I must obey!
Zazu: Puuuu!!! Puu-puu! Puu, PUU!!!
Translator: You there, where are the alcohol and the strippers?
Everyone: *stare*
Zazu: ... That's all I know how to say in "Mokona."
Random voices: Oh, that makes sense / I see / Oh / Where ARE the strippers?
A ray of light appears again
Mokona; Puu-puu-puu! PUUU! Puu-puu!
Translator: Fuu of Arc, give me your dessert!
Fuu of Arc: Yes, sir. *holds up her éclair*
The éclair floats up the ray of light*
Chewing
Mokona: PUUUUUUU!!! PUU PUU!!!
Translator: Ugh! This tastes like *massive bleeping* !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MZF: I've found the treasure!
Everyone: Huh?
MZF: *glomps Zazu while opening the treasure chest* Cool! Cool! Cool! Cool! Cool!
Zazu: *groans* What did I do to deserve this?
Eagle: How'd he get there?
Theresa: Eh, law of averages.
Eagle: What the hell does that mean?
Theresa: Eh, law of averages.
Eagle: Is that all you're going to say?
Theresa: Eh, law of averages.
Eagle: What's wrong with her?
Erica: *bored* ... Eh, law of averages... ~~ My friends say the same things over and over again to annoy me =( ~~
Eagle: Okay, this is getting weird.
MZF: *opens up the treasure chest* WOW! Pink Beard's legendary treasure!
Zazu: *wheezing* It's a nickel.
MZF: But with a nickel you can buy a bagel and a cup of coffee and still take a ride on the train and back!
Umi: *hits MZF on the head with a mallet* Newsflash, it's 2002!
MZF: *unconscious*
Zazu: All right! *bows in front of Umi* YOU ARE MY GOD! I WILL OBEY YOUR COMMANDS!
Umi: Stop looking up my skirt.
Zazu: *stands up* Done and done! *salutes*
Umi: And stop that.
Zazu: *stops saluting* Done and done!
Theresa: All right, I am going to try to make this play saner, so let's get moving!
Everyone: SANITY!?!?!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Zazu: *pops up next to Theresa* Hey, Teresa!
Theresa: It's Theresa.
Zazu: No one can tell the difference!
Theresa: They can if they read it!
Zazu: But nobody cares!
Theresa: I care!
Zazu: Whatever, anyway, have you tried the punch?
Theresa: No, I believe I haven't.
Zazu: Why not? It's deeee-licous! *holds up the bowl* We have NO idea what's in it, but it's a great drink! I'll show you! *gulps the whole bowl down* See? *falls over*
Theresa: ... Umm, yeah, 3... 2... 1 and action!
Scene 6 - At the battlefield ~~ Until I regain consciousness, Theresa will take over, why? Because I hate doing this: ............. ~~
Captain Eagle: All right, garcons. Trois, deux, un!
Geo: What?
Captain Eagle: No, un, French for one.
Geo: Why do you expect us to know French?
Captain Eagle: Just fire the stupid thing.
Geo: *presses a button*
Clef is launched out of the catapult
Clef: HOLY FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU U UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Clef hits the English castle, then just slides down
Clef: *walks back, bleeding* That was my fault, I didn't tuck in my legs.
Fuu of Arc: *comes up on Horsey Ferio* Halt! I was sent to lead the French army to victory!
Horsey Ferio: Why am I the horse?
Fuu of Arc: Be quiet, bitch.
Lantis: Did Fuu just call Ferio "bitch?"
Primera: Eh.
Captain Eagle: Victory? But you're just a little girl!
Fuu of Arc: But I have radical new ideas, like putting bigger, harder people in the catapult, or... maybe rocks?
Clef: I, don't know how to feel just now.
Ascot: *punches Clef in the face*
Clef: OWWW!!! HEY!!! That wasn't in the script!
Ascot: Screw the script, I'm gonna go watch TV.
Clef: GRRRR!!! *tackles Ascot*
A fight ensues
Fuu of Arc: And now! Attack! *charges* RAAAAAAAAH!
Swords clashing
Geo: Uhh, shouldn't we help her?
Captain Eagle: Yeah, I'm right behind you, Geo.
Geo: RAAAAAAAH! *charges*
Everyone else: *doesn't move and inch*
Captain Eagle: *laughs* Oh, there's my supervisor. RAAAAAAAAH!!! *charges*
Scene 7 - At Chinon
Clef: *sitting on the throne* Fuu of Arc, yadda, yadda, yadda, French, yadda, yadda, yadda, victory, yadda, yadda, yadda, English.
Theresa: Clef, would you PLEASE say all of your lines?
Clef: After you sent me flying into a wall, no!
Theresa: Ahem?
Clef: Oh, right, you're the evil one. ~~ I SWEAR!!! SHE'S EVIL!!! SHE HAS POWERS BEYOND BELIEF AND SHE'S PYSCHIC!!! ~~ *looks at Fuu of Arc* It is customary to kneel before the king.
Fuu of Arc: I would gladly kneel, if it were that you were the real king!
Everyone gasps
Fuu of Arc: *kneels in front of King Ascot* You are the true Dauphin, you had this man trick me to see if I was truly sent by god.
King Ascot: *claps* Marvelous, Fuu of Arc! *giggles* *sits on the throne* You may return to your regular duties, Clef.
Clef: Yes, sir. *kneels down*
King Ascot: *puts his feet up* Vibrate for me, footstool!
Clef: *whirring*
Scene 8 - The Feast
King Ascot: We shall capture the English, just as Fuu of Arc has already captured my heart! *makes his eyebrows go up and down* ~~ It scares the hell out of me when someone does that*
Fuu of Arc: Uhh, god says we should just be friends.
Innouva the Clown: I wouldn't say King Ascot is a loser, but that's the tenth girl he's struck out this week! *mocking laugh*
Theresa: How'd you get Innouva to do that?
Erica: *bored, smiles evilly* ... Drugs...
Theresa: I thought you said they were illegal.
Erica: (bored) ... Screw that!
Theresa: Okay, okay, calm down, back to the scene!
King Ascot: Boil him in oil!
Two guards drag Innouva away
Innouva: So no 10:30 show?
Scene 9 - The Battlefield
The English are drinking tea
Fuu of Arc: *on Horsey Ferio again* Let us kill the English!
Captain Eagle: Yeah, and fast, Sailor Moon is on.
Everyone stares at Eagle
Eagle: ... What?
Tatra: *English accent* They're attacking again.
Tarta: *English accent* I thought we had truce.
Tatra: *giggles* Tarta, please watch your accent.
Tarta: Watch MY accent!? WHY DON'T YOU WATCH YOUR DAMN ACCENT FOR ONCE!?!?!?!?! Tatra: ...
Tarta: *laughs weakly* Come on, let's go fight them.
Fighting begins
Fuu of Arc: You can't stop me, I was sent by God!
Lafarga: *puts Fuu of Arc in a bag*
Fuu of Arc: *muffled* I want my mommy.
Lafarga: *bad English accent* I captured a wee girl!
Theresa: *covering her ears* Oh my god, what crawled down his throat and died?
Lafarga: I HEARD THAT!!!
Theresa: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! WHAT A TERRIFYING VOICE!!! *runs out*
Erica: (bored) ... sigh, here we go again...
Scene 10 - The trial
Judge Zagato: Fuu of Arc, you have been accused of witchcraft, herecy, and that man told me you called him a bitch.
Ferio: *shows a fist to Fuu of Arc*
Fuu of Arc: I would like to call my only witness, almighty god.
A ray of light shows through the window
Mokona: Puu! Puu, puu, puu!
Translator: I am god!
Everyone: *gasps*
Mokona: Puuu! Puu! Puu-puu, puu!
Translator: I told this girl to lead the French army to victory!
Lafarga: *about to say something*
Theresa: *shrieks and hides behind a bucket*
Lafarga: Wait a minute you two-timing spot of light! You to ME to lead the ENGLISH to victory!
Fuu of Arc: *gasp* Is that true, lord?
Mokona: Puu... puu-puu! Puu, puu, puu...
Translator: Well, uhh, actually... I never thought you two would be in the same room together...
Mokona: Puu!
Translator: Bye!
The light dissappears
Tarta: Huh, that was weird. *pauses for a second* Let's burn her!
Scene 11 - The city hall
Fuu of Arc is tied up to a cross
Hikaru: Don't burn her! She's just an innocent child!
Lantis: *holds up Zazutrand, who's drinking booze, as usual* Burn this guy! He lost a good bucket!
Zazu: *drunk* Shut up! All of you, shut up!
Hikaru: Fuu, renounce your faith, save yourself!
The wood around Fuu of Arc sets aflame
Fuu of Arc: Don't worry, dear parents, God won't let anything happen to me. Uhh... it's getting kind of hot here...
Scene 12 - Back at the Simpsons' House
Lantis: Whoa...
Fuu: They didn't really kill her, did they?
Hikaru: Of course not, honey. *takes the book* Just then, Sir Lancelot rode up on a white horse and saved Joan of Arc, they got married and lived in a spaceship. *rips out the page and eats it* Well, it's easier to chew than tape 12.
~ Fin, for now
If you really want the next chapter, give me 2 reviews! Hell, give me MORE than 2 reviews. Ah, I'm being greedy, I'll post it anyway. Just PLEASE gimme a review, thankies! Anyway, go read "Poetry by Katrina Bain (me)" storyid: 971305. And leave a review. Thanks. Anyway, this chapter is dedicated to Erica, who is moving to Toronto (and I live in Vancouver, by the way) so I'm gonna do something I haven't done in awhile:
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Sigh, Erica, Theresa and I are gonna have probably our last sleep-over as the three of us, because Theresa's moving too, but not that far away. Oh, well, Erica's really pissed off, and so am I. Well, I gotta get off. Buh- bye!
MZF
