A/N: Ok, everyone, this is it! The CLIMAX chapter! The one I've been waiting to write since I first STARTED this fiction! I'm ECSTATIC about it and I think it turned out even BETTER then I first imagined! Anyway, you guys will have to let me know what YOU think! Sorry I didn't get to post this EARLIER today...and I probably wont be able to post the next one until tomorrow mid-morning. But review anyway because it WILL come ASAP...
Warning #1: THIS is the SAP chapter! Everyone that LOVES sap, this is YOUR chapter! Everyone that doesn't... well... you'd better call your dentist and have them on standby, as well as perhaps keeping a pan by your computer in case you throw up. AND, since there's so much sap, that means that Vegeta (and Trunks too) will probably be semi-OCC in the eyes of some. (I think they're in character though because I've been building for this for the last 14 chapters...)
Warning #2: This chapter contains some statements that may not be entirely accurate if going by the show, namely something about Vegeta and Goku BOTH being destined to die of a heart disease. I haven't seen that saga, to be honest, so I don't know for sure, but I THINK I recall hearing it was just GOKU that had the heart disease? Anyway, consider yourselves warned. (and remember...I moved the Buu saga back to right before Trunks turned 7...)
Warning #3: This chapter has statements that COULD be offensive to B/V fans--avid ones that think the two have eyes only for each other. Ok, I'll be frank. There are CLEAR remarks of deeper love for Trunks that for Bulma by Vegeta (nothing perverted though, I'm not that kind of writer). So, beware.
Vegeta wasn't fooled that night when Trunks had finally fallen asleep. He stayed awake, meditating and concentrating on his son's ki. The boy had refused to tell him ANYTHING when he'd tried inquiring again before putting him to bed, which meant he would have to figure it out on his own. And the sooner the better. One nice thing about it was that it kept his mind off Bulma.
Half an hour came and went and then it happened, just as Vegeta suspected it would. Trunks' ki began to rise. Immediately he went in his son's room and placed a hand on his head to eavesdrop into his thoughts.
~
Trunks was lying on the ground, battered and beaten by Majin Buu, but still alive. He was striving to sit up and taking all of his energy to do so. Vegeta was hovering over the top of him, a deep scowl entrenched on his face. Then he shook his head with disgust.
"I am shamed to be of any relation to you!"
Trunks eyes widened as he looked at his father.
"What is the matter with you?! Get up and continue fighting him!"
Trunks looked off to the side where Majin Buu stood with a widening smirk on his face, similar to the one Vegeta wore half the time. "But Dad...I can't beat him...I'll get killed..."
"That's no concern of mine!"
"But...I'm afraid..."
"Fear is something felt by the weak!" Vegeta spat. "Which is precisely why I can't stand the sight of you! You're weak and you're worthless! The worst day of my life was the day you were born and I was humiliated to all civilization throughout the universe because I had a hand in your creation!"
"...Dad...," tears spilled from the young child's eyes as he gave all his efforts to stand.
"Don't even SPEAK those words to me! I could more easily love a parasite than YOU!"
~
"That's ENOUGH!" Vegeta felt his sleeping child twitch and begin squirming, letting out a soft whimper as his breath sped up. Opening his eyes, Vegeta grabbed Trunks by the shoulder, giving him a firm jolt. "WAKE UP!"
Trunks gasped, his heart racing as his eyes shot open so fast he felt dizzy. Tears immediately flooded his eyes. Vegeta quickly sat on the edge of the bed and pulled him into his chest.
"It was a dream...it was only a dream...," Vegeta's voice was just barely above a whisper as Trunks began sobbing, his body shaking. Vegeta's heart was pounding hard against his chest and his eyes had a fearful pain lingering heavily within them. HE was the subject of his son's nightmare! And the mere thought of saying what he had to him... How could Trunks even DREAM such things? That hurt deeper than anything else and he HAD to do something about it. "Trunks...I need to show you some things..."
Vegeta eased his hold on the child, but didn't force him to move until he was ready to do so on his own. Slowly Trunks sat back a little, to look at his father's face, tears still in the corners of his eyes and wetness streaking his cheeks.
"Come with me?" Vegeta asked, with gentleness Trunks couldn't ever remembering hearing in his voice.
Slowly he nodded, just barely, and was surprised when his father never let him go as he stood up. He was carried into his father's room and set on the bed, while Vegeta retrieved the box he'd been strictly forbidden to look at. Vegeta began pulling some things out.
"These you've already seen," he placed them on the table beside his bed. "The rest of this stuff you haven't." First he pulled out a cassette tape and, after retrieving Trunks' radio/tape player, he put it in. "I recorded this when you were seven months old. Your mother knows nothing about it, and before I allow you to hear it, I want you to promise it will stay that way. I don't want ANYBODY but you knowing about this. Do you understand?"
Trunks nodded.
"NOTHING I show you tonight is to become public knowledge, ok?"
"I promise," Trunks was a little confused. He had no idea what was going on.
"All right," Vegeta pressed the play button.
~
Some gurgles and squeals could be heard in the background as Vegeta's voice began talking. "This is June 18th and this is MY tape. MY tape that NOBODY will ever, EVER hear. Why I'm making it? Heck if I know! Call it a momentary laps of sentimental insanity that I intend on never repeating. Besides. Perhaps if I do this now, I'll get it out of my system and all this stupid crap invading my mind and body will dissipate," he paused.
~
Trunks stared at the radio, raising one eyebrow and placing his small finger in his mouth. He really had no idea what was going on.
~
"As a mater of fact, I think I shall record over this tape right now..."
"Dad," a small word in the background caused the voice to stop talking.
"...What was that?" Vegeta spoke again.
The baby in the background squealed and repeated the word with more vigor "Dadee."
"Oh my gosh! ...That's your first word... Trunks, that's your first word, isn't it!" Vegeta snickered. "Bulma would flip her top if she knew she'd missed this!"
"Daaaaa dee," the baby repeated. "uuuu..."
~
There was silence for a few seconds. Trunks glanced up at his father, who had planted himself next to him on the bed. He had a proud smile on his face as he listened to the tape. Trunks was utterly confused.
~
"Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, NO! Absolutely NOT! I am NOT picking you up."
"uuuuu!" the baby was more forceful and beginning to sound pouty.
"Don't look at me like that! ...no," there was a measure of defeat Trunks' could hear in his father's voice.
"Stop looking at me like that...Oh FINE!" there was a pause and then the baby squealed with delight. "Now you are NOT going to become accustomed to this. This is a ONE time event, do you hear me? ONE time."
"Dadadadadadada," the baby repeated, experimenting with his voice.
"Now you had BETTER not let your mother hear you saying that. She'll never forgive you if you let her know your first word wasn't mom, so you start practicing saying MOM, got it?" Vegeta lectured the small child. "Oh crap," he muttered. A few footsteps were heard and then the tape went blank.
~
Vegeta reached over and took the tape from the machine, placing it back in the box.
"That was me?" Trunks was a little surprised.
"Yes."
"But I thought my first word WAS mom..."
"Nope. I never told your mother and I never will. If you look in the baby record book she keeps, it'll say your first word was June 20th and was mom," Vegeta snickered. "But...you heard it right there. June 18th, DAD."
His eyes widened a little as he tried to sort this out. In the meantime Vegeta took a tape out of the box and put it in the VCR. "There's more."
Trunks turned his attention to the television as Vegeta allowed the tape to play.
~
Trunks' hair was sticking straight up, except for a few stray strands and he was sitting in the middle of his bedroom floor.
"When Mom's away, the boys must play," Vegeta snickered, walking over to the baby putting more gel in his hair, pulling the stray strands upward. "There, now THAT is how you were meant to look," he smirked.
Trunks blew a rasberry and Vegeta widened his eyes.
~
Trunks giggled, sticking his finger in his mouth. Vegeta watched him for a second, smirking as he looked back to the video.
~
"And just what was that for? You had better not be making fun of the royal hair. Just because you were cursed with your mother's limp hair, doesn't mean something can't be done about it."
"Up," the baby stated.
Vegeta glared at him. "No!"
"Up!" the baby insisted.
"Forget it!"
Trunks' eyes narrowed and he made a growling sort of sound, then inched his way onto his feet, using the playpen behind him as support. He then reached a hand toward Vegeta and repeated himself again. "Up!"
Vegeta stared at him, not speaking for a few seconds. "I'm not going to hold you."
"aaaaa...ahhhh," Trunks whined. "up!"
"Come over here," Vegeta stated simply.
Trunks stared at him, still holding onto the play pen with one hand.
"Here's the deal, kid. If you walk over here, then I'll pick you up," Vegeta bartered. It was obvious by the look on his face he wasn't really expecting it to happen.
The baby stared at him for a few seconds. "up." When Vegeta didn't respond, he removed his hand from the play pen and teetered a little, taking one wobbly step before falling over. He let out a low gurgle, eyes narrowed and then crawled a few paces before pushing himself back up again. All the while Vegeta stood on the other side of the room doing nothing more than observing with a small amount of surprise on his face. He was completely silent.
Trunks took two steps before falling over again. This time he let out a whine of frustration and looked at Vegeta from his sitting position. "up."
"WALK over here, Trunks."
~
Trunks let out a frustrated breath and sat up on his knees, staring at the screen with indignance.
~
Whining, the baby again stood, taking two more steps and then plummeting on his third attempt. This time he began crying angrily. He was a little over half way to where Vegeta stood, staring at him in what would have held the appearance of heartlessness.
"Stop crying, and try it again. You're getting better. Crying never accomplished anything. Channel your frustration into determination."
~
"That's not fair! You can't FORCE determination. Either someone has it or they don't," Trunks spat at the screen.
"And you DO. You ALWAYS did," Vegeta interrupted. "Keep watching."
~
After a few minutes the baby cried some sort of gibberish and pushed himself back onto his feet, propelling himself forward and making it four quick steps before falling again. At that he began screaming even louder and Vegeta scooped him off the ground with a smirk.
"All right, now, stop your pouting. It was a good first try, and yet another moment your mother would die to have missed."
The baby continued crying as Vegeta carried him back to the playpen, putting him down inside it. He watched him, a large smirk growing on his face.
"A few more months and you'll be proficient enough to start training," he snickered. "And to think...you're not yet a year old. Kakarot, eat your heart out! I'll bet GOHAN wasn't training at a year old. Granted it would do more good if you could understand better what I'm saying. But that'll come," he looked back to the baby. "Now don't you go letting your mother know she missed your first steps. Just pretend next time you see her you're walking for the FIRST time, and I'LL go hide this video..."
~
That was the end of it.
Trunks looked up, unsure of what to think about it. He was irritated with his father for being so hard on him even as a little baby. All he wanted was to be held, even then. But he was also bewildered that his father had these things. His first word? His first step? Those were things his MOTHER always got all sentimental and teary eyed over, not his father. And not only that, but these were the REAL thing. What his mother had were seconds and neither of them had ever even known that.
Vegeta stared down at him. Neither of them had anything to say at the moment. Finally he reached to the side and put a small pile of papers in front of Trunks. Trunks looked down, immediately noticing that on the top of the pile was one of the pictures he had drawn of him and his father the day he was bored in the control room.
"You put THIS in here? But...I never even showed them to you..."
"I found it."
"Why'd you keep it?" Trunks was completely confused.
"I liked it."
Trunks picked the drawing up to look at it, but his eyes quickly diverted to another drawing underneath it that had the words, 'for daddy, by Trunks Vegeta Briefs' scribbled sloppily at the bottom. It was obvious he'd done it when he was much younger. The picture was of his father and him training, with Bulma standing off to the side putting food on a table. At the top he had written, 'dad will rule the world'. Trunks remembered drawing it. It had been when he was around the age of four. He remembered giving it to his father and getting little response.
"You KEPT this?"
"Of course I did."
"But when I gave it to you you just said, 'drawing is something girls do'," and then you left with it. I thought you were ashamed and threw it away."
"I put it straight in this box, Trunks. That's where I went when I left."
"...Oh...," Trunks stared at the picture with puzzlement.
Vegeta stood and went to the door. "Do you want a snack?"
"Huh?" Trunks looked up, barely realizing his father had spoken.
"Do you want a snack? A little ice cream?"
"Can I?!" Trunks was surprised and excited.
"If you like. Just this once."
"Yeah!" Trunks was quick to agree. "And can I have a sandwich too?"
"All right," Vegeta smirked, leaving the room.
Trunks looked back down to the pile of papers in front of him. He put the two drawings off to the side and picked up the photographs that lay beneath them. One was of him asleep at the age of three or so. He thought nothing of that. The next was a shot of him opening a present his father had given him. He had a gigantic smile of excitement on his face. The third was the only thing that meant anything to him though. It was of his father standing at his bedside, smiling over him when he was around five years old. Trunks couldn't even imagine such a thing. Had that REALLY happened? His mother must have been the one to take the picture.
For a minute or so he stared at it, then he placed it with the drawings and picked up a piece of writing labeled, 'birth' and began reading it.
~
I know I'm in real trouble now. It was bad enough when Bulma became pregnant, but yesterday he was born. My son, Trunks. I hate to admit it, but he's built just like me, especially in his facial features. his eyes are blue, however, like his mother's, and his hair is limp like hers. And lavender, like her father's. Otherwise, there's NO mistaking he's mine.
I thought at first perhaps I could still win this battle. before the brat was born my only attachment was Bulma and I thought I could eventually get over that and still succeed at my ultimate mission of beating Kakarot. Now I can see it's all over. I had hoped it wouldn't happen because I knew when Trunks had come from the future a few years ago I would be deeply attached to him. But that was before he was born to me.
And now he's here--MY Trunks is here, and there is no way of denying I've lost the battle. He is my weakness. Perhaps I can still hide what I feel, but I can NOT make the feeling go away. I was wrong. What I wrote about a child loving their father more than a father loves his child. I am still in shock at just HOW wrong I was. I don't see how feeling this deeply is even possible. Especially for a person like me.
~
Trunks stared, wide-eyed at the paper he'd just read. He couldn't be sure about it's meaning, but he was getting a feeling from it. Was his father saying what he THOUGHT he was saying? For a few minutes he stared, letting the shock wear down a little before picking up the next page, labeled, 'On Mirai'.
~
MY Trunks was only a baby when the one from the future came back, and I was trying hard to ignore them all. Inside it didn't work, but outwardly I've done fine. Up until Mirai was killed by cell. There are NO words, not in this language, or any other I've ever known, that can even come CLOSE to expressing the rage and pain I was consumed by that day. My blood feels cold even remembering that it happened.
And it's strange because I don't even feel that's he's really mine-not in the same way as the baby, anyway. It's hard for me to look into the face of the tiny child Bulma dotes on and imagine that Mirai is what he would become. It would have been the truth, if not for Mirai's intervention though. He has altered time and I have to be SOMEWHAT thankful for that because otherwise I wouldn't have lived to observe how my child--HIM--will turn out. He will train. As soon as he can walk I'll begin training him. I hate the pride that I feel in that fact. I hate that I care so deeply for him. Heck! He's just a BABY! He can't do ANYTHING but gurgle, spit, and poop! Why the HECK do I give a crap about him? I makes me so angry, these petty emotions!
~
Trunks blinked as he slowly dropped the note to the side. His emotions were mixed as to what his Dad meant. Was he angry at him? Or at himself? DID his Dad care, or NOT? He wasn't quite sure. The end of the note wasn't very clear to him.
"Here," Vegeta walked back into the room, setting a bowl of ice cream and a thick chicken sandwich next to his son. He placed a large glass of milk on the bed stand in case he got thirsty.
"Dad, who's Mirai?" Trunks immediately asked.
'Is that what you're up to?' Vegeta thought to himself. "He was you...the future you. He came for the first time before you were born and helped us fight the androids, as well as bringing a cure for a disease Kakarot and I would have otherwise died from. He came the second time a few years later... after you were born and helped us fight cell."
"And he was killed?"
Vegeta sighed as a small flood of the feelings he'd felt that day rushed back over him. "Yes, but he was wished back by the dragonballs and returned to his timeline again."
"...Oh...," Trunks wasn't really sure he understood.
He shoved a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth and looked at the next note in line. It looked to be the last one too. 'For Trunks'. It was labeled TO him, as if it were meant for him to read all along. But the thought of reading it with his father there in the room made him uncomfortable.
"Dad, how come you have all this stuff?"
"Because it's special to me," Vegeta answered simply. "Here," he picked up the letter labeled to his son. "This is what I REALLY brought you in here for. Everything else is side-points in comparison. This was meant for you to read when the time came and now is that time. I don't know that you'll understand everything in here, but it's something you NEED to read," he waited for Trunks to take it, then went to the door. "I'm going to take a quick shower," he hid a smirk. He knew Trunks didn't want to read it with him there and he thought it would be more comfortable for HIMSELF if he weren't there as well.
Trunks stared at the door for a few seconds, then he opened the letter.
~
For my son, Trunks,
One day I will have the courage and the heart to show this letter to you, but as of yet, I am not able to do so. To understand the way I am, you must understand the Sayain culture, your Sayain heritage. And you must understand the background I come of. But now you are too young for that. You wont even be seven for another week.
Sayains were not open about their feelings. I loved my father, and I know he loved me, but we never discussed such things. We were a race of warriors. We were strong, and we believed that to be strong, emotions needed to be hidden and ignored. It didn't mean they didn't exist, for they did and all of us silently knew that.
I was already accustomed to showing only a rough exterior when I came under the control of Frieza, the slime that destroyed my home, my people, and the person I would have become. He made me believe the mere existence of any type of love was only a weakness. Though I did what he asked of me, he still killed my father. Just the EXISTENCE of my love for him made me weak.
I have spent so many years striving for one thing and on thing only--power. The only thing I had was the pride my father had taught me was so important to the Sayain people. And my pride was in becoming the most powerful being in the universe. Emotions were weakness, and so I forced them all away. Every attachment I had ever had, Frieza destroyed and for me that left only my own strength as having any importance.
It is important that you know, Trunks, that I DO love your mother. A child should know that his father cares for his mother. I pushed the feelings away, very far off from me, when I met her. I fought it very hard as we grew closer, but it was always there.
And it is BECAUSE I love your mother that you must never share with her the words I am about to say to you, for I fear they may hurt her. The day you were born and I saw your face for the very first time, was the day I gained back, undeniably, what I thought was weakness. In your veins, while mixed with the blood of an earthling, was the blood of a Sayain. And not just any Sayain, but a Sayain Prince. MY blood. I don't expect you could understand just what this means until you see for the first time your OWN child.
Although you would never have seen it in my face or actions, the feelings inside my heart were breaking apart everything I'd stood for in the past. It took me until the threat of Majin Buu to even show you an INKLING of just how much you meant to me. If only you knew the pain I was in when I discovered my only chance of destroying Buu was to destroy myself. The moment I knew if I didn't do this, then I would loose you. But the biggest mental anguish of all lay in the moment I realized that in all the years you had been with me, I hadn't even held you, but as a baby. I've never told you how I felt. Even at that moment all I could manage to admit to was my pride in you.
But here are the words I could never bring myself to say to you then. The words I may NEVER be able to say, and so I am writing them so that one day you may know, even if you never hear. I'm not just proud of you, my son. You ARE my pride. My life has been ruined by all I have done and by what I have become, but to think that I had a part in creating a being like you... In you I see glimpses of what I could have been if not for Frieza, and it is THIS that fills my heart with pride.
In all of this, I have also learned one more thing. While love bears one weakness, it bears tenfold in strength. Love is, therefore, a strength. And it is YOU that has inadvertently taught me this, for the truth is this: Trunks, my first born son, and only child as of yet, I have no more love for ANYONE than the love I have for you. If ever I speak these three simple words to you, the full weight of them is only recorded here, and even more so within my heart. I love you. Forever.
your father,
Vegeta
~
Trunks was so completely shocked he didn't even realize he was holding his breath. Suddenly he felt extremely tired and rather dizzy. He was overwhelmed. Doubts were flooding his head. His father had written this before he'd turned seven. NOW he was eight. Did he still mean it? What about his mother? Did he STILL love her? The words themselves held no room for mistaking, but after so many years of his life longing for them, he was having trouble believing the day he would hear them--even though he'd only read them--had actually COME!
After a few more seconds, he sucked in a breath, suddenly aware that there were tears in his eyes. His attention turned to the door as Vegeta walked back in, and quickly he turned away, not wanting to let on the condition he was in.
"Dad...do you...still love mom?"
Vegeta paused for a minute. He really didn't want to think about it, but he couldn't lie to his child. "Yes, Trunks, I do."
Trunks was a little surprised by his answer. "You...do?"
"Yes."
There was silence and tension for a few minutes as Vegeta pulled on some long tight pants, watching the back of his son and waiting for more.
"...You wrote this right after Buu."
"Yes."
"That was more than a year ago."
"What does the last word say?"
"...forever...," Trunks didn't understand what his Dad was saying.
"What do the last FOUR words say?"
Trunks was about to read them when he realized what they were. He couldn't bring himself to say it out loud and instead he faltered for a moment, then read the close instead. "...forever, your father, Vegeta?" He knew that wasn't what he meant.
"Pretend like those last three don't count and THEN read the last four words, Trunks. WHO did I write those for? Who was this LETTER for? That doesn't change. Forever IS forever. And when I wrote forever, I MEANT forever."
Trunks wiped his eyes, but wasn't able to catch the quiet sob that escaped his lips.
"Come here," Vegeta went to him and gently pulled him off the bed and into his arms.
Trunks let his head rest on his father's shoulder, but turned his head so that he wouldn't be facing him and wrapped on arm around his neck. The little finger on his opposite hand seemed to drift into his mouth, almost as if being magnetically pulled to it. Vegeta held him there for quite some time, until his body felt relaxed in his arms. Then he sat down on the bed with him.
"Are you finished eating?" Vegeta eyed the sandwich he'd only taken one bite of, and the ice cream that he'd only eaten half of.
Trunks nodded, rather sleepily.
"Then it's time to get some sleep."
For a split second Trunks felt tense, but then he realized his father wasn't going to make him go back to his own bed. He snuggled close against his father's chest, wrapping an arm around him. His father's hold felt different from his mother's. His mother's was soft, and gentle. Vegeta's was strong and protective. And yet they both held an immeasurable amount of love. He still missed his mother, but right now, after all the things he'd seen tonight, he felt almost as if everything he'd ever longed for in his entire life was right here beside him--encompassing him--and now that it was here, he couldn't imagine for one second ever letting go of it..
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Now, everybody, you HAVE to review THIS chapter, if NONE others! If I were only going to post one chapter of this whole fic., THIS would have been the one, so...please review it! (and then I'll give you the next chapter) I know it's long, but it needed to be, don't you think??
Warning #1: THIS is the SAP chapter! Everyone that LOVES sap, this is YOUR chapter! Everyone that doesn't... well... you'd better call your dentist and have them on standby, as well as perhaps keeping a pan by your computer in case you throw up. AND, since there's so much sap, that means that Vegeta (and Trunks too) will probably be semi-OCC in the eyes of some. (I think they're in character though because I've been building for this for the last 14 chapters...)
Warning #2: This chapter contains some statements that may not be entirely accurate if going by the show, namely something about Vegeta and Goku BOTH being destined to die of a heart disease. I haven't seen that saga, to be honest, so I don't know for sure, but I THINK I recall hearing it was just GOKU that had the heart disease? Anyway, consider yourselves warned. (and remember...I moved the Buu saga back to right before Trunks turned 7...)
Warning #3: This chapter has statements that COULD be offensive to B/V fans--avid ones that think the two have eyes only for each other. Ok, I'll be frank. There are CLEAR remarks of deeper love for Trunks that for Bulma by Vegeta (nothing perverted though, I'm not that kind of writer). So, beware.
Vegeta wasn't fooled that night when Trunks had finally fallen asleep. He stayed awake, meditating and concentrating on his son's ki. The boy had refused to tell him ANYTHING when he'd tried inquiring again before putting him to bed, which meant he would have to figure it out on his own. And the sooner the better. One nice thing about it was that it kept his mind off Bulma.
Half an hour came and went and then it happened, just as Vegeta suspected it would. Trunks' ki began to rise. Immediately he went in his son's room and placed a hand on his head to eavesdrop into his thoughts.
~
Trunks was lying on the ground, battered and beaten by Majin Buu, but still alive. He was striving to sit up and taking all of his energy to do so. Vegeta was hovering over the top of him, a deep scowl entrenched on his face. Then he shook his head with disgust.
"I am shamed to be of any relation to you!"
Trunks eyes widened as he looked at his father.
"What is the matter with you?! Get up and continue fighting him!"
Trunks looked off to the side where Majin Buu stood with a widening smirk on his face, similar to the one Vegeta wore half the time. "But Dad...I can't beat him...I'll get killed..."
"That's no concern of mine!"
"But...I'm afraid..."
"Fear is something felt by the weak!" Vegeta spat. "Which is precisely why I can't stand the sight of you! You're weak and you're worthless! The worst day of my life was the day you were born and I was humiliated to all civilization throughout the universe because I had a hand in your creation!"
"...Dad...," tears spilled from the young child's eyes as he gave all his efforts to stand.
"Don't even SPEAK those words to me! I could more easily love a parasite than YOU!"
~
"That's ENOUGH!" Vegeta felt his sleeping child twitch and begin squirming, letting out a soft whimper as his breath sped up. Opening his eyes, Vegeta grabbed Trunks by the shoulder, giving him a firm jolt. "WAKE UP!"
Trunks gasped, his heart racing as his eyes shot open so fast he felt dizzy. Tears immediately flooded his eyes. Vegeta quickly sat on the edge of the bed and pulled him into his chest.
"It was a dream...it was only a dream...," Vegeta's voice was just barely above a whisper as Trunks began sobbing, his body shaking. Vegeta's heart was pounding hard against his chest and his eyes had a fearful pain lingering heavily within them. HE was the subject of his son's nightmare! And the mere thought of saying what he had to him... How could Trunks even DREAM such things? That hurt deeper than anything else and he HAD to do something about it. "Trunks...I need to show you some things..."
Vegeta eased his hold on the child, but didn't force him to move until he was ready to do so on his own. Slowly Trunks sat back a little, to look at his father's face, tears still in the corners of his eyes and wetness streaking his cheeks.
"Come with me?" Vegeta asked, with gentleness Trunks couldn't ever remembering hearing in his voice.
Slowly he nodded, just barely, and was surprised when his father never let him go as he stood up. He was carried into his father's room and set on the bed, while Vegeta retrieved the box he'd been strictly forbidden to look at. Vegeta began pulling some things out.
"These you've already seen," he placed them on the table beside his bed. "The rest of this stuff you haven't." First he pulled out a cassette tape and, after retrieving Trunks' radio/tape player, he put it in. "I recorded this when you were seven months old. Your mother knows nothing about it, and before I allow you to hear it, I want you to promise it will stay that way. I don't want ANYBODY but you knowing about this. Do you understand?"
Trunks nodded.
"NOTHING I show you tonight is to become public knowledge, ok?"
"I promise," Trunks was a little confused. He had no idea what was going on.
"All right," Vegeta pressed the play button.
~
Some gurgles and squeals could be heard in the background as Vegeta's voice began talking. "This is June 18th and this is MY tape. MY tape that NOBODY will ever, EVER hear. Why I'm making it? Heck if I know! Call it a momentary laps of sentimental insanity that I intend on never repeating. Besides. Perhaps if I do this now, I'll get it out of my system and all this stupid crap invading my mind and body will dissipate," he paused.
~
Trunks stared at the radio, raising one eyebrow and placing his small finger in his mouth. He really had no idea what was going on.
~
"As a mater of fact, I think I shall record over this tape right now..."
"Dad," a small word in the background caused the voice to stop talking.
"...What was that?" Vegeta spoke again.
The baby in the background squealed and repeated the word with more vigor "Dadee."
"Oh my gosh! ...That's your first word... Trunks, that's your first word, isn't it!" Vegeta snickered. "Bulma would flip her top if she knew she'd missed this!"
"Daaaaa dee," the baby repeated. "uuuu..."
~
There was silence for a few seconds. Trunks glanced up at his father, who had planted himself next to him on the bed. He had a proud smile on his face as he listened to the tape. Trunks was utterly confused.
~
"Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, NO! Absolutely NOT! I am NOT picking you up."
"uuuuu!" the baby was more forceful and beginning to sound pouty.
"Don't look at me like that! ...no," there was a measure of defeat Trunks' could hear in his father's voice.
"Stop looking at me like that...Oh FINE!" there was a pause and then the baby squealed with delight. "Now you are NOT going to become accustomed to this. This is a ONE time event, do you hear me? ONE time."
"Dadadadadadada," the baby repeated, experimenting with his voice.
"Now you had BETTER not let your mother hear you saying that. She'll never forgive you if you let her know your first word wasn't mom, so you start practicing saying MOM, got it?" Vegeta lectured the small child. "Oh crap," he muttered. A few footsteps were heard and then the tape went blank.
~
Vegeta reached over and took the tape from the machine, placing it back in the box.
"That was me?" Trunks was a little surprised.
"Yes."
"But I thought my first word WAS mom..."
"Nope. I never told your mother and I never will. If you look in the baby record book she keeps, it'll say your first word was June 20th and was mom," Vegeta snickered. "But...you heard it right there. June 18th, DAD."
His eyes widened a little as he tried to sort this out. In the meantime Vegeta took a tape out of the box and put it in the VCR. "There's more."
Trunks turned his attention to the television as Vegeta allowed the tape to play.
~
Trunks' hair was sticking straight up, except for a few stray strands and he was sitting in the middle of his bedroom floor.
"When Mom's away, the boys must play," Vegeta snickered, walking over to the baby putting more gel in his hair, pulling the stray strands upward. "There, now THAT is how you were meant to look," he smirked.
Trunks blew a rasberry and Vegeta widened his eyes.
~
Trunks giggled, sticking his finger in his mouth. Vegeta watched him for a second, smirking as he looked back to the video.
~
"And just what was that for? You had better not be making fun of the royal hair. Just because you were cursed with your mother's limp hair, doesn't mean something can't be done about it."
"Up," the baby stated.
Vegeta glared at him. "No!"
"Up!" the baby insisted.
"Forget it!"
Trunks' eyes narrowed and he made a growling sort of sound, then inched his way onto his feet, using the playpen behind him as support. He then reached a hand toward Vegeta and repeated himself again. "Up!"
Vegeta stared at him, not speaking for a few seconds. "I'm not going to hold you."
"aaaaa...ahhhh," Trunks whined. "up!"
"Come over here," Vegeta stated simply.
Trunks stared at him, still holding onto the play pen with one hand.
"Here's the deal, kid. If you walk over here, then I'll pick you up," Vegeta bartered. It was obvious by the look on his face he wasn't really expecting it to happen.
The baby stared at him for a few seconds. "up." When Vegeta didn't respond, he removed his hand from the play pen and teetered a little, taking one wobbly step before falling over. He let out a low gurgle, eyes narrowed and then crawled a few paces before pushing himself back up again. All the while Vegeta stood on the other side of the room doing nothing more than observing with a small amount of surprise on his face. He was completely silent.
Trunks took two steps before falling over again. This time he let out a whine of frustration and looked at Vegeta from his sitting position. "up."
"WALK over here, Trunks."
~
Trunks let out a frustrated breath and sat up on his knees, staring at the screen with indignance.
~
Whining, the baby again stood, taking two more steps and then plummeting on his third attempt. This time he began crying angrily. He was a little over half way to where Vegeta stood, staring at him in what would have held the appearance of heartlessness.
"Stop crying, and try it again. You're getting better. Crying never accomplished anything. Channel your frustration into determination."
~
"That's not fair! You can't FORCE determination. Either someone has it or they don't," Trunks spat at the screen.
"And you DO. You ALWAYS did," Vegeta interrupted. "Keep watching."
~
After a few minutes the baby cried some sort of gibberish and pushed himself back onto his feet, propelling himself forward and making it four quick steps before falling again. At that he began screaming even louder and Vegeta scooped him off the ground with a smirk.
"All right, now, stop your pouting. It was a good first try, and yet another moment your mother would die to have missed."
The baby continued crying as Vegeta carried him back to the playpen, putting him down inside it. He watched him, a large smirk growing on his face.
"A few more months and you'll be proficient enough to start training," he snickered. "And to think...you're not yet a year old. Kakarot, eat your heart out! I'll bet GOHAN wasn't training at a year old. Granted it would do more good if you could understand better what I'm saying. But that'll come," he looked back to the baby. "Now don't you go letting your mother know she missed your first steps. Just pretend next time you see her you're walking for the FIRST time, and I'LL go hide this video..."
~
That was the end of it.
Trunks looked up, unsure of what to think about it. He was irritated with his father for being so hard on him even as a little baby. All he wanted was to be held, even then. But he was also bewildered that his father had these things. His first word? His first step? Those were things his MOTHER always got all sentimental and teary eyed over, not his father. And not only that, but these were the REAL thing. What his mother had were seconds and neither of them had ever even known that.
Vegeta stared down at him. Neither of them had anything to say at the moment. Finally he reached to the side and put a small pile of papers in front of Trunks. Trunks looked down, immediately noticing that on the top of the pile was one of the pictures he had drawn of him and his father the day he was bored in the control room.
"You put THIS in here? But...I never even showed them to you..."
"I found it."
"Why'd you keep it?" Trunks was completely confused.
"I liked it."
Trunks picked the drawing up to look at it, but his eyes quickly diverted to another drawing underneath it that had the words, 'for daddy, by Trunks Vegeta Briefs' scribbled sloppily at the bottom. It was obvious he'd done it when he was much younger. The picture was of his father and him training, with Bulma standing off to the side putting food on a table. At the top he had written, 'dad will rule the world'. Trunks remembered drawing it. It had been when he was around the age of four. He remembered giving it to his father and getting little response.
"You KEPT this?"
"Of course I did."
"But when I gave it to you you just said, 'drawing is something girls do'," and then you left with it. I thought you were ashamed and threw it away."
"I put it straight in this box, Trunks. That's where I went when I left."
"...Oh...," Trunks stared at the picture with puzzlement.
Vegeta stood and went to the door. "Do you want a snack?"
"Huh?" Trunks looked up, barely realizing his father had spoken.
"Do you want a snack? A little ice cream?"
"Can I?!" Trunks was surprised and excited.
"If you like. Just this once."
"Yeah!" Trunks was quick to agree. "And can I have a sandwich too?"
"All right," Vegeta smirked, leaving the room.
Trunks looked back down to the pile of papers in front of him. He put the two drawings off to the side and picked up the photographs that lay beneath them. One was of him asleep at the age of three or so. He thought nothing of that. The next was a shot of him opening a present his father had given him. He had a gigantic smile of excitement on his face. The third was the only thing that meant anything to him though. It was of his father standing at his bedside, smiling over him when he was around five years old. Trunks couldn't even imagine such a thing. Had that REALLY happened? His mother must have been the one to take the picture.
For a minute or so he stared at it, then he placed it with the drawings and picked up a piece of writing labeled, 'birth' and began reading it.
~
I know I'm in real trouble now. It was bad enough when Bulma became pregnant, but yesterday he was born. My son, Trunks. I hate to admit it, but he's built just like me, especially in his facial features. his eyes are blue, however, like his mother's, and his hair is limp like hers. And lavender, like her father's. Otherwise, there's NO mistaking he's mine.
I thought at first perhaps I could still win this battle. before the brat was born my only attachment was Bulma and I thought I could eventually get over that and still succeed at my ultimate mission of beating Kakarot. Now I can see it's all over. I had hoped it wouldn't happen because I knew when Trunks had come from the future a few years ago I would be deeply attached to him. But that was before he was born to me.
And now he's here--MY Trunks is here, and there is no way of denying I've lost the battle. He is my weakness. Perhaps I can still hide what I feel, but I can NOT make the feeling go away. I was wrong. What I wrote about a child loving their father more than a father loves his child. I am still in shock at just HOW wrong I was. I don't see how feeling this deeply is even possible. Especially for a person like me.
~
Trunks stared, wide-eyed at the paper he'd just read. He couldn't be sure about it's meaning, but he was getting a feeling from it. Was his father saying what he THOUGHT he was saying? For a few minutes he stared, letting the shock wear down a little before picking up the next page, labeled, 'On Mirai'.
~
MY Trunks was only a baby when the one from the future came back, and I was trying hard to ignore them all. Inside it didn't work, but outwardly I've done fine. Up until Mirai was killed by cell. There are NO words, not in this language, or any other I've ever known, that can even come CLOSE to expressing the rage and pain I was consumed by that day. My blood feels cold even remembering that it happened.
And it's strange because I don't even feel that's he's really mine-not in the same way as the baby, anyway. It's hard for me to look into the face of the tiny child Bulma dotes on and imagine that Mirai is what he would become. It would have been the truth, if not for Mirai's intervention though. He has altered time and I have to be SOMEWHAT thankful for that because otherwise I wouldn't have lived to observe how my child--HIM--will turn out. He will train. As soon as he can walk I'll begin training him. I hate the pride that I feel in that fact. I hate that I care so deeply for him. Heck! He's just a BABY! He can't do ANYTHING but gurgle, spit, and poop! Why the HECK do I give a crap about him? I makes me so angry, these petty emotions!
~
Trunks blinked as he slowly dropped the note to the side. His emotions were mixed as to what his Dad meant. Was he angry at him? Or at himself? DID his Dad care, or NOT? He wasn't quite sure. The end of the note wasn't very clear to him.
"Here," Vegeta walked back into the room, setting a bowl of ice cream and a thick chicken sandwich next to his son. He placed a large glass of milk on the bed stand in case he got thirsty.
"Dad, who's Mirai?" Trunks immediately asked.
'Is that what you're up to?' Vegeta thought to himself. "He was you...the future you. He came for the first time before you were born and helped us fight the androids, as well as bringing a cure for a disease Kakarot and I would have otherwise died from. He came the second time a few years later... after you were born and helped us fight cell."
"And he was killed?"
Vegeta sighed as a small flood of the feelings he'd felt that day rushed back over him. "Yes, but he was wished back by the dragonballs and returned to his timeline again."
"...Oh...," Trunks wasn't really sure he understood.
He shoved a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth and looked at the next note in line. It looked to be the last one too. 'For Trunks'. It was labeled TO him, as if it were meant for him to read all along. But the thought of reading it with his father there in the room made him uncomfortable.
"Dad, how come you have all this stuff?"
"Because it's special to me," Vegeta answered simply. "Here," he picked up the letter labeled to his son. "This is what I REALLY brought you in here for. Everything else is side-points in comparison. This was meant for you to read when the time came and now is that time. I don't know that you'll understand everything in here, but it's something you NEED to read," he waited for Trunks to take it, then went to the door. "I'm going to take a quick shower," he hid a smirk. He knew Trunks didn't want to read it with him there and he thought it would be more comfortable for HIMSELF if he weren't there as well.
Trunks stared at the door for a few seconds, then he opened the letter.
~
For my son, Trunks,
One day I will have the courage and the heart to show this letter to you, but as of yet, I am not able to do so. To understand the way I am, you must understand the Sayain culture, your Sayain heritage. And you must understand the background I come of. But now you are too young for that. You wont even be seven for another week.
Sayains were not open about their feelings. I loved my father, and I know he loved me, but we never discussed such things. We were a race of warriors. We were strong, and we believed that to be strong, emotions needed to be hidden and ignored. It didn't mean they didn't exist, for they did and all of us silently knew that.
I was already accustomed to showing only a rough exterior when I came under the control of Frieza, the slime that destroyed my home, my people, and the person I would have become. He made me believe the mere existence of any type of love was only a weakness. Though I did what he asked of me, he still killed my father. Just the EXISTENCE of my love for him made me weak.
I have spent so many years striving for one thing and on thing only--power. The only thing I had was the pride my father had taught me was so important to the Sayain people. And my pride was in becoming the most powerful being in the universe. Emotions were weakness, and so I forced them all away. Every attachment I had ever had, Frieza destroyed and for me that left only my own strength as having any importance.
It is important that you know, Trunks, that I DO love your mother. A child should know that his father cares for his mother. I pushed the feelings away, very far off from me, when I met her. I fought it very hard as we grew closer, but it was always there.
And it is BECAUSE I love your mother that you must never share with her the words I am about to say to you, for I fear they may hurt her. The day you were born and I saw your face for the very first time, was the day I gained back, undeniably, what I thought was weakness. In your veins, while mixed with the blood of an earthling, was the blood of a Sayain. And not just any Sayain, but a Sayain Prince. MY blood. I don't expect you could understand just what this means until you see for the first time your OWN child.
Although you would never have seen it in my face or actions, the feelings inside my heart were breaking apart everything I'd stood for in the past. It took me until the threat of Majin Buu to even show you an INKLING of just how much you meant to me. If only you knew the pain I was in when I discovered my only chance of destroying Buu was to destroy myself. The moment I knew if I didn't do this, then I would loose you. But the biggest mental anguish of all lay in the moment I realized that in all the years you had been with me, I hadn't even held you, but as a baby. I've never told you how I felt. Even at that moment all I could manage to admit to was my pride in you.
But here are the words I could never bring myself to say to you then. The words I may NEVER be able to say, and so I am writing them so that one day you may know, even if you never hear. I'm not just proud of you, my son. You ARE my pride. My life has been ruined by all I have done and by what I have become, but to think that I had a part in creating a being like you... In you I see glimpses of what I could have been if not for Frieza, and it is THIS that fills my heart with pride.
In all of this, I have also learned one more thing. While love bears one weakness, it bears tenfold in strength. Love is, therefore, a strength. And it is YOU that has inadvertently taught me this, for the truth is this: Trunks, my first born son, and only child as of yet, I have no more love for ANYONE than the love I have for you. If ever I speak these three simple words to you, the full weight of them is only recorded here, and even more so within my heart. I love you. Forever.
your father,
Vegeta
~
Trunks was so completely shocked he didn't even realize he was holding his breath. Suddenly he felt extremely tired and rather dizzy. He was overwhelmed. Doubts were flooding his head. His father had written this before he'd turned seven. NOW he was eight. Did he still mean it? What about his mother? Did he STILL love her? The words themselves held no room for mistaking, but after so many years of his life longing for them, he was having trouble believing the day he would hear them--even though he'd only read them--had actually COME!
After a few more seconds, he sucked in a breath, suddenly aware that there were tears in his eyes. His attention turned to the door as Vegeta walked back in, and quickly he turned away, not wanting to let on the condition he was in.
"Dad...do you...still love mom?"
Vegeta paused for a minute. He really didn't want to think about it, but he couldn't lie to his child. "Yes, Trunks, I do."
Trunks was a little surprised by his answer. "You...do?"
"Yes."
There was silence and tension for a few minutes as Vegeta pulled on some long tight pants, watching the back of his son and waiting for more.
"...You wrote this right after Buu."
"Yes."
"That was more than a year ago."
"What does the last word say?"
"...forever...," Trunks didn't understand what his Dad was saying.
"What do the last FOUR words say?"
Trunks was about to read them when he realized what they were. He couldn't bring himself to say it out loud and instead he faltered for a moment, then read the close instead. "...forever, your father, Vegeta?" He knew that wasn't what he meant.
"Pretend like those last three don't count and THEN read the last four words, Trunks. WHO did I write those for? Who was this LETTER for? That doesn't change. Forever IS forever. And when I wrote forever, I MEANT forever."
Trunks wiped his eyes, but wasn't able to catch the quiet sob that escaped his lips.
"Come here," Vegeta went to him and gently pulled him off the bed and into his arms.
Trunks let his head rest on his father's shoulder, but turned his head so that he wouldn't be facing him and wrapped on arm around his neck. The little finger on his opposite hand seemed to drift into his mouth, almost as if being magnetically pulled to it. Vegeta held him there for quite some time, until his body felt relaxed in his arms. Then he sat down on the bed with him.
"Are you finished eating?" Vegeta eyed the sandwich he'd only taken one bite of, and the ice cream that he'd only eaten half of.
Trunks nodded, rather sleepily.
"Then it's time to get some sleep."
For a split second Trunks felt tense, but then he realized his father wasn't going to make him go back to his own bed. He snuggled close against his father's chest, wrapping an arm around him. His father's hold felt different from his mother's. His mother's was soft, and gentle. Vegeta's was strong and protective. And yet they both held an immeasurable amount of love. He still missed his mother, but right now, after all the things he'd seen tonight, he felt almost as if everything he'd ever longed for in his entire life was right here beside him--encompassing him--and now that it was here, he couldn't imagine for one second ever letting go of it..
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Now, everybody, you HAVE to review THIS chapter, if NONE others! If I were only going to post one chapter of this whole fic., THIS would have been the one, so...please review it! (and then I'll give you the next chapter) I know it's long, but it needed to be, don't you think??