Eidolon Am I Chapter 2: Esau Have I Hated, a digimon fanfic

Eidolon Am I

The Revelations Arch: Book 2

~ The future is only a reaction to the past. ~

By: Vain 12/19/2001

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This story is the sequel to "For They Shall Be Filled" and is Book Two of The Revelations Arch.

And, before you panic: NO, this story will not be as long as its predecessor. I think. I hope. Probably . . . Er . . . Maybe . . . Okay, I don't really have the slightest clue how long this will be—I just write what the voices tell me to. *The muses all cheer* They're eeeeeeeevil . . .

If you have not read "For They Shall Be Filled," GO READ IT NOW!!

If you have read "For They Shall Be Filled," good for you!!! My muses and I salute you. You should also have figured out by now that I don't own Digimon, or any of the characters pertaining to it.

I do however—as far as I know—own most of the plot bunnies here, the Four Original Guardians of the Digidestined (Kazunori Saito, Sanghee Kiangtzu, ect.), the concept of the Sacred Triangle, and the Original Nine. Genka Millenniumon is on loan from the gracious Ajora. Special thanks go to Herongale, Dante, Meimi, the Guardian, and Ajora. This wouldn't be possible without all your help. Thank you. ^_~

Enjoy the fic and READ AND REVIEW please!

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This story takes place after episodes 26. "Jogress Evolution, Two Hearts as One" and

27. "Invincible Fusion! Paildramon," and before episode 28. "The Bug Master's Trap"—in the American version, that's after Stingmon and X-Vmon first Jogress digivolve and before Giga House.

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Chapter One Esau Have I Hated

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" 'Behold, away from the fatness of the earth shall thy dwelling be,

and away from the dew of heaven on high.

And by thy sword shalt thou live, and shalt serve thy brother;

and it shall come to pass when thou shalt have dominion,

that thou shalt break his yoke from off they neck.' "

Genesis 27: 39 & 40

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This is all, first and foremost, a story. It is not a tale, or an epic, or a legend; it is just a story. Plain and simple. It is my story. It is the story of why what is is and why what has passed has passed away.

My brother once asked me what dead people dream as they sleep. I do not sleep, but when I dream, I dream of memories.

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I remember . . . I remember . . .

He was so little the first time I saw him. I remember I had to stand on my tiptoes to peer through the glass he was behind. They wouldn't let anyone hold him. His tiny body was covered with all sorts of wires and two tubes ran up his nose that looked too big for him and they had him in a strange plastic box with holes in the sides. There were lots of machines, some had moving lines and some had flashing lights, but they all emitted this same quiet humming noise. It was simply amazing to see so many big machines all for the sole purpose of keeping one tiny little body alive.

There were a lot of doctors and nurses running around too. At only six years of age, I didn't understand what the words premature, placenta previa, and intracranial hemorrhaging were, but I could read the adults' faces easily enough.

"What do you think doctor?"

"I won't lie to you, Ichijouji-san . . . He's 11 weeks early and there have been . . . complications . . . He has a 50 to 60% chance. We've done all we can now. The rest is up to him."

Up to him? I remember staring at this little thing swathed in all that white, white cloth and thinking, Up to him? Papa says his lungs aren't ready yet. Papa says he can't even breathe by himself. How could they leave something so important up to him when he won't even breathe?

Everyone was so sad. I didn't understand it at all.

"Now Osamu," Papa had said to me in the car, "if you want to see Mama and your brother, you have to promise me you'll be a good boy. Okay?"

"Is it really true that ototochan won't live?"

"Who told you that?"

"Auntie. They say he's sick. They say he came too early. Is it true, Papa?"

"Osamu . . . Your ototochan is still weak because Mama had some problems and he had to be born too soon. But he's still alive and fighting and we have to believe in him if he's going to make it, okay sport? So since he's not strong, you'll have to be strong for him and since he can't fight, you have to fight for him. He's part of you, and you're responsible to him. This is your duty as his oniisan. Do you understand?"

"I understand, Papa."

"You're a good boy, Osamu."

So there I was, staring at this strange little creature that looked more like a lump of red dough than a human and being so terribly angry with him for not living and for being born so weak. I hated him for not fighting hard enough and for making me be his oniisan and forcing me to fight and be strong for him when I didn't know how.

Live, I willed him mentally. Live. Right now.

"Papa, will he live?" I had asked.

The adults all exchanged a Look. One of those looks that children aren't supposed to see, but they always do and they always understand them. They didn't answer me.

"Why doesn't ototochan have a name, Papa?"

"Well, sport . . . Mama wanted to choose it and she hasn't decided yet."

"Well, don't names make things real?"

Papa had looked confused, but nodded anyway.

"Then if he's going to live he needs a name. Can I name him?"

It was only later that I would understand why Papa and the doctor had looked so relieved when I asked Papa that. "If you want to, sport."

"I think that's a great idea," the doctor had agreed.

I don't know why I choose what I did . . . foreshadowing maybe? Or perhaps it was wishful thinking. " Ken. Can we call him Ichijouji Ken?"

That had been on my first visit to the hospital, six days after Ken-chan was born. I gave him a name. I made him real.

After that he improved greatly and I went to see him often. I saw Mama a lot too, but she always seemed to be a bit pale and quiet. I didn't take note of this until I was coming to see Mama from the place where they kept Ken and all the rest of the small babies. They kept Ken and Mama in different rooms, so I always had to go from Ken to Mama. Papa usually went to see Mama when I was with ototochan. I don't remember Mama ever being with him until we went home.

They were fighting when I walked up to the door to Mama's room—almost yelling. My parents had never yelled at each other before. After Mama started getting big with Ken, she stared to act funny and snapped at me and Poppa a lot, but they had never actually fought. I hid around the corner and held my breath, straining to hear them. What were they saying? Did it involve me? Was it about ototochan? What were they saying?

"Rika, please—"

"No, Tsu. I won't. I don't even want to see him."

"Rika, he is your son!"

". . . He should have died in the womb."

It took me years to understand that and I still don't think I know everything that happened during those few weeks. I would tell Ken about it one day, though. Someway or another I would always tell Ken about everything.

"Am I real, Oniichan? Really real?"

"Yes, Ken-chan. You're real."

They brought him home almost two months later, strong and healthy as though he had always been that way. I still can't remember Mama touching him though.

And that is how Ichijouji Ken came into the world.

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