"It'll be twenty-one years." She found herself getting choked
up. "Twenty one years ago, my mother, Laura Bristow died."
"Irinia's alias."
"No, Vaughn. It was my mother. I don't care who she was but Laura Bristow was my mother for the first six years. When I was little.up until I was sixteen, I would sit by the road where the car went off the bridge, throw a flower in the water and light a candle."
He felt as though he couldn't even comfort her but he stepped towards her and wrapped his arms around her. It was only the third or fourth time that he felt her body pressed against his. She collapsed into his arms and let go of her emotions. Her body felt so consoling to and his felt the same to her. Things seemed a little better as she rested her head on his shoulder. She had done the same not a month ago when she had found out about Project Christmas.
"I know I shouldn't be telling you this. Especially about your."
"Yes, thank you. My father's dead because of your mother and I don't want you to go there today or tomorrow." He was very uptight suddenly. He stepped back and let go of his comfort zone.
"How can you deal with me? Knowing that a part of me killed a part of you?"
"But Irinia isn't a part of you. She wasn't there to raise you. She's not a part of you." How could someone so evil give life to someone caring? He looked at Sydney but heard Irinia's voice blaring in his ears.
"How do you thank a woman who killed your father?" She asked him coldly on one occasion.
"You don't." Vaughn had replied.
He snapped back into the present and Sydney was still standing there, so close to him. She was still crying."But I feel like she is. Every time I saw her, I saw myself. She does the hair thing that I do.she works out.she's trained to fight-to kill-" She let her emotions go and began to sob and wanted to collapse into the floor but Vaughn stepped forward and held her tightly first.
"You're not her. You're not." He tried to quiet her but had to admit to himself he loved having her in his arms. He held onto her tightly as her legs wanted to buckle beneath her. "You're not her."
She stepped back for a minute, her tears stopping, and starred into his piercing green eyes. "And my father? How could he do this to me? If it wasn't for him-"
"Shh. It's okay. You can't control this. You could never control this." The silence covered them once more. "You're just upset right now. Do want to cancel the op?" He eased her down to the bed. She sat on the edge and Vaughn kneeled in front of her. He held her hands tightly in his.
"Right now I want to cancel my life."
"You don't mean that."
She sighed and looked away from him. "My father taught me how to load a gun when I was six years old. Six! I was trained to be a spy and then he had the nerve to tell me that he never wanted me to join SD-6. He really wanted me to join the CIA! If he hadn't be training me..my mother never would have come here and-and-she would have never killed your father!"
"Listen, you need to get a hold of yourself now!" He straightened up and starred at her. "You're getting hysterical."
"You're right." She wiped her eyes of the falling tears and looked off to either side of her. "I just need to sleep. I just need to sleep."
"Let's get you into bed." He took her arm and coaxed her into bed. She climbed in under the four heavy blankets. No fire or heat could be used in the house. "Just relax." And turned to go to his couch but Sydney grabbed his arm.
"Stay. I don't want to be alone." She pulled him onto the bed, where he sat with his back to the door, facing Sydney.
"I wish I knew what to say to you."
"I know." Her tears stopped but her faced still glowed a bright red. All she wanted in the world was for tomorrow to come and be over and for her life to get back to as normal as it could be. "Do you have a picture?"
"Of what?"
"Your father."
"Oh." He grew silent and drew a breath from deep inside him. "Yeah." He got up and walked over to his bag. He bent over and she couldn't see what he was doing. Turning back, he sat back down on the bed revealing a tattered photo in his hand.
"He looks just like you." She sighed, glancing back and forth between the photo and Vaughn. "You look just like him."
He couldn't help but cringe. Irinia had said something so similar to him upon their first meeting.
"What?" She noticed his change in body language.
"She said the same thing."
"Irinia?"
"Yeah. Listen, Syd, you need to realize that you're not her and never will be her. You are you and never will be so-"
"And you won't die like your father." Was her sharp reply. "I'll make sure of that. There's no way that Irinia or anyone that works for her will ever get close to you, I won't let her."
He didn't know what do say. She was so bold all of a sudden and he wasn't used to this. "I don't know what to say." He admitted honestly.
"Then swear to me you won't let me turn into my mother."
"I swear." He replied without hesitation.
She sat up a little and let her bare stomach show. "When I was a little girl...right after my mother's death.I used to think that if I willed it hard enough, I would become my mother. That's why I enrolled in grad school. I thought if I became a teacher, like my mother, then I would somehow let her memory live on." She scoffed and continued, "Now, I'm finding all I want to do is be the opposite of my mother and now even my father. My parents both lied to me. How horrible is that? I learn the truth and now I'm turning by back on my dreams."
"What do you want to do now?"
"Bring down SD-6." No hesitation.
"Then you're not turning your back on your dreams. You're putting them on hold, Syd." All he wanted was to touch her hand and comfort her.
There was silence as Sydney scanned his face again with her eyes. She couldn't be falling for him. There wasn't any room in her life for romance. It just couldn't happen. But, no one said she couldn't flirt a little right but what about Danny? What about Noah? All those she loved had managed to die because of her career. Hell, she killed Danny by telling him about her job.she killed Noah when he tried to kill her. What if she loved Vaughn and he died, like he almost did in Taipei. It wasn't a chance she was willing to take. "You know, you never call me Agent Bristow or Sydney.I'm always Syd to you." Her pale cheeks blushed a bit.
"Would you prefer me to call you Agent Bristow?" He straightened up and his eyes grew as wide as saucers. It was like he was a toddler who had gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
"No..no!" She got defensive. "I'm not saying it's bad or anything but I was just stating a fact but I-you're the only one that calls me Syd."
He avoided her gaze. "I-" He stopped. There was no way that he could say this without getting into trouble. He couldn't confess his feelings but these bottled emotions were getting in the way..of everything.
"Hmmm?"
"I want to remind you what a great agent you are. You saved my life-twice. First in Taipei and then with the antidote. I should be dead but you saved my life. Just keep that in mind." He brought his eyes back to hers. It wasn't what he wanted to say. It was what he had to say.
"You would have done the same for me."
"In a heartbeat." He ran his hand over his chest where Sydney had injected him with adrenaline.
She smiled and watched his hand, wanting to put her hand over his chest. "You scar from that?"
He shook his head no and brought his hand back down to his side. He smiled a strange smile as his eyes met Sydney's. He wanted to feel her touch so badly in ached inside of him.
All she wanted was to feel his hand on the side of her face or to feel his body close to hers. It would never work. This..this thing that was in front of her, her feelings for Vaughn, were only things that she could fantasize about. And she did.
The moment was broken with his deep breath and sigh. He glanced at his watch. It was nearly eleven o'clock. "You need to sleep or else you're gonna stress out on me tomorrow." He got to his feet to go to his bed but Sydney grabbed his arm once more.
"Please." She pleaded. "Stay." She pulled him towards her and turned over onto her left side. She grabbed his wrist and as she turned, she his hand onto her flat abdomen. With her free hand, she pulled the covers aside. He laid straight on his left side next her, feeling the heat radiating off of her body. She put her hand over his on her stomach. Her strong body still shook slightly. She was being so forward. How could she do this? She invited him into her bed and now he had his hand over her stomach. The CIA would kill her if they saw them together. Her father would kill Vaughn then her and then both again if he saw them together.
"I know how you feel." He sat up a little and looked over her and whispered into her ear. "In one hour and some-odd minutes, it will be the twenty second anniversary of my father's death." He began to run his fingers over the ridges of her toned stomach.
Sydney tried very hard not to cry but turned over slightly. She spoke over her shoulder, "Oh God, Vaughn! Why didn't you tell me? We should have canceled this op!" Their faces were so close to each other..the electricity between the two of them lit up the room.
"That's just it. We can't let this interfere with anything. You and I, we both went for training for this and now it's time to let that training go to some good use. You can't let this affect you." He spoke hoarsely.
She pressed his hand against her bare stomach and turned her body back towards the wall. "Just stay here for right now. You can go and sleep over there but just wait until I fall asleep. Please, I can't be alone right now."
He smiled and chuckled lightly. "As long as I'm your handler, you will never have to worry about me leaving you." He had to remind her that their relationship was business. She inhaled deeply but had to push it aside.she had to push CIA out of her mind.
"Good to know." She yawned and began to fell asleep, leaving Vaughn wide away and starring at her sleeping again. She fell asleep but was still aware of Vaughn's body next to her. He finally relaxed and fell asleep, his breathing becoming slow and steady.
Her eyes opened lazily and her mind was craving more sleep. Vaughn was still asleep next to her but his hand had returned from its position on her stomach. She shifted a little and glanced at her watch with the illuminated face. It was a little after 2. It was officially twenty-one years. Feeling helpless again, she turned over onto her other side and collapsed into his body. He felt her body and shifted to lie back onto his back. She rested her head on his chest and desperately wanted to go back to sleep. As she moved, trying to keep her head clear, Vaughn woke up in the process. He waited until Sydney was settled until he opened his eyes. He couldn't let himself fall for her. Things were complicated enough and - his eyes glanced over to her watch, resting on his chest, and saw the time. It was twenty-two years since William Vaughn, his father, was brutally tortured and killed..he was so mutilated that he had to be identified by his dental records. The memories were too horrible for Vaughn lying in bed. They would probably be that way for years to come. He pulled her closer and as she buried her head deeper into his chest, his arm wrapped tightly around her back, he saw pictures of Irinia and all of their conversations. She was the devil and Sydney, her daughter, the angel.
"Sydney? Sydney." Vaughn sat up slightly and attempted to wake her, still lying on her stomach. The sun had risen and light flooded the room. The French sunlight seemed so much purer than the LA. It just added to all of the emotions that were being thrown into the void.
She groaned slightly, still in a deep sleep. "Mmm.just a few more minutes, baby."
"Sydney." He shook her slightly. "It's time to wake up. We have to get moving." He shook her again with no response. He found himself wishing that he could wake up every morning with her on his chest. He leaned over her a little and whispered close to her face, wanting to kiss her rose colored lips so badly. All he wanted to do was to hold her and erase the pain and not have to say the words he dreaded to say so much. He somehow found the courage to whisper two very painful words to her, "Agent Bristow?"
She jumped. Rising from her comfortable position and onto her knees, she tensed up, ready to fight. "What? What?" She sprang up and threw her back towards the door, facing Vaughn.
"Whoa, calm down. It's just time to get going."
Her body relaxed as she saw Vaughn, his hands in front of him, defensively. "God, I just wanted a few more minutes." She sighed and sat down next to Vaughn. She looked at him and then forward, towards the door. Time to get back to work. "Let's get going."
"Irinia's alias."
"No, Vaughn. It was my mother. I don't care who she was but Laura Bristow was my mother for the first six years. When I was little.up until I was sixteen, I would sit by the road where the car went off the bridge, throw a flower in the water and light a candle."
He felt as though he couldn't even comfort her but he stepped towards her and wrapped his arms around her. It was only the third or fourth time that he felt her body pressed against his. She collapsed into his arms and let go of her emotions. Her body felt so consoling to and his felt the same to her. Things seemed a little better as she rested her head on his shoulder. She had done the same not a month ago when she had found out about Project Christmas.
"I know I shouldn't be telling you this. Especially about your."
"Yes, thank you. My father's dead because of your mother and I don't want you to go there today or tomorrow." He was very uptight suddenly. He stepped back and let go of his comfort zone.
"How can you deal with me? Knowing that a part of me killed a part of you?"
"But Irinia isn't a part of you. She wasn't there to raise you. She's not a part of you." How could someone so evil give life to someone caring? He looked at Sydney but heard Irinia's voice blaring in his ears.
"How do you thank a woman who killed your father?" She asked him coldly on one occasion.
"You don't." Vaughn had replied.
He snapped back into the present and Sydney was still standing there, so close to him. She was still crying."But I feel like she is. Every time I saw her, I saw myself. She does the hair thing that I do.she works out.she's trained to fight-to kill-" She let her emotions go and began to sob and wanted to collapse into the floor but Vaughn stepped forward and held her tightly first.
"You're not her. You're not." He tried to quiet her but had to admit to himself he loved having her in his arms. He held onto her tightly as her legs wanted to buckle beneath her. "You're not her."
She stepped back for a minute, her tears stopping, and starred into his piercing green eyes. "And my father? How could he do this to me? If it wasn't for him-"
"Shh. It's okay. You can't control this. You could never control this." The silence covered them once more. "You're just upset right now. Do want to cancel the op?" He eased her down to the bed. She sat on the edge and Vaughn kneeled in front of her. He held her hands tightly in his.
"Right now I want to cancel my life."
"You don't mean that."
She sighed and looked away from him. "My father taught me how to load a gun when I was six years old. Six! I was trained to be a spy and then he had the nerve to tell me that he never wanted me to join SD-6. He really wanted me to join the CIA! If he hadn't be training me..my mother never would have come here and-and-she would have never killed your father!"
"Listen, you need to get a hold of yourself now!" He straightened up and starred at her. "You're getting hysterical."
"You're right." She wiped her eyes of the falling tears and looked off to either side of her. "I just need to sleep. I just need to sleep."
"Let's get you into bed." He took her arm and coaxed her into bed. She climbed in under the four heavy blankets. No fire or heat could be used in the house. "Just relax." And turned to go to his couch but Sydney grabbed his arm.
"Stay. I don't want to be alone." She pulled him onto the bed, where he sat with his back to the door, facing Sydney.
"I wish I knew what to say to you."
"I know." Her tears stopped but her faced still glowed a bright red. All she wanted in the world was for tomorrow to come and be over and for her life to get back to as normal as it could be. "Do you have a picture?"
"Of what?"
"Your father."
"Oh." He grew silent and drew a breath from deep inside him. "Yeah." He got up and walked over to his bag. He bent over and she couldn't see what he was doing. Turning back, he sat back down on the bed revealing a tattered photo in his hand.
"He looks just like you." She sighed, glancing back and forth between the photo and Vaughn. "You look just like him."
He couldn't help but cringe. Irinia had said something so similar to him upon their first meeting.
"What?" She noticed his change in body language.
"She said the same thing."
"Irinia?"
"Yeah. Listen, Syd, you need to realize that you're not her and never will be her. You are you and never will be so-"
"And you won't die like your father." Was her sharp reply. "I'll make sure of that. There's no way that Irinia or anyone that works for her will ever get close to you, I won't let her."
He didn't know what do say. She was so bold all of a sudden and he wasn't used to this. "I don't know what to say." He admitted honestly.
"Then swear to me you won't let me turn into my mother."
"I swear." He replied without hesitation.
She sat up a little and let her bare stomach show. "When I was a little girl...right after my mother's death.I used to think that if I willed it hard enough, I would become my mother. That's why I enrolled in grad school. I thought if I became a teacher, like my mother, then I would somehow let her memory live on." She scoffed and continued, "Now, I'm finding all I want to do is be the opposite of my mother and now even my father. My parents both lied to me. How horrible is that? I learn the truth and now I'm turning by back on my dreams."
"What do you want to do now?"
"Bring down SD-6." No hesitation.
"Then you're not turning your back on your dreams. You're putting them on hold, Syd." All he wanted was to touch her hand and comfort her.
There was silence as Sydney scanned his face again with her eyes. She couldn't be falling for him. There wasn't any room in her life for romance. It just couldn't happen. But, no one said she couldn't flirt a little right but what about Danny? What about Noah? All those she loved had managed to die because of her career. Hell, she killed Danny by telling him about her job.she killed Noah when he tried to kill her. What if she loved Vaughn and he died, like he almost did in Taipei. It wasn't a chance she was willing to take. "You know, you never call me Agent Bristow or Sydney.I'm always Syd to you." Her pale cheeks blushed a bit.
"Would you prefer me to call you Agent Bristow?" He straightened up and his eyes grew as wide as saucers. It was like he was a toddler who had gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
"No..no!" She got defensive. "I'm not saying it's bad or anything but I was just stating a fact but I-you're the only one that calls me Syd."
He avoided her gaze. "I-" He stopped. There was no way that he could say this without getting into trouble. He couldn't confess his feelings but these bottled emotions were getting in the way..of everything.
"Hmmm?"
"I want to remind you what a great agent you are. You saved my life-twice. First in Taipei and then with the antidote. I should be dead but you saved my life. Just keep that in mind." He brought his eyes back to hers. It wasn't what he wanted to say. It was what he had to say.
"You would have done the same for me."
"In a heartbeat." He ran his hand over his chest where Sydney had injected him with adrenaline.
She smiled and watched his hand, wanting to put her hand over his chest. "You scar from that?"
He shook his head no and brought his hand back down to his side. He smiled a strange smile as his eyes met Sydney's. He wanted to feel her touch so badly in ached inside of him.
All she wanted was to feel his hand on the side of her face or to feel his body close to hers. It would never work. This..this thing that was in front of her, her feelings for Vaughn, were only things that she could fantasize about. And she did.
The moment was broken with his deep breath and sigh. He glanced at his watch. It was nearly eleven o'clock. "You need to sleep or else you're gonna stress out on me tomorrow." He got to his feet to go to his bed but Sydney grabbed his arm once more.
"Please." She pleaded. "Stay." She pulled him towards her and turned over onto her left side. She grabbed his wrist and as she turned, she his hand onto her flat abdomen. With her free hand, she pulled the covers aside. He laid straight on his left side next her, feeling the heat radiating off of her body. She put her hand over his on her stomach. Her strong body still shook slightly. She was being so forward. How could she do this? She invited him into her bed and now he had his hand over her stomach. The CIA would kill her if they saw them together. Her father would kill Vaughn then her and then both again if he saw them together.
"I know how you feel." He sat up a little and looked over her and whispered into her ear. "In one hour and some-odd minutes, it will be the twenty second anniversary of my father's death." He began to run his fingers over the ridges of her toned stomach.
Sydney tried very hard not to cry but turned over slightly. She spoke over her shoulder, "Oh God, Vaughn! Why didn't you tell me? We should have canceled this op!" Their faces were so close to each other..the electricity between the two of them lit up the room.
"That's just it. We can't let this interfere with anything. You and I, we both went for training for this and now it's time to let that training go to some good use. You can't let this affect you." He spoke hoarsely.
She pressed his hand against her bare stomach and turned her body back towards the wall. "Just stay here for right now. You can go and sleep over there but just wait until I fall asleep. Please, I can't be alone right now."
He smiled and chuckled lightly. "As long as I'm your handler, you will never have to worry about me leaving you." He had to remind her that their relationship was business. She inhaled deeply but had to push it aside.she had to push CIA out of her mind.
"Good to know." She yawned and began to fell asleep, leaving Vaughn wide away and starring at her sleeping again. She fell asleep but was still aware of Vaughn's body next to her. He finally relaxed and fell asleep, his breathing becoming slow and steady.
Her eyes opened lazily and her mind was craving more sleep. Vaughn was still asleep next to her but his hand had returned from its position on her stomach. She shifted a little and glanced at her watch with the illuminated face. It was a little after 2. It was officially twenty-one years. Feeling helpless again, she turned over onto her other side and collapsed into his body. He felt her body and shifted to lie back onto his back. She rested her head on his chest and desperately wanted to go back to sleep. As she moved, trying to keep her head clear, Vaughn woke up in the process. He waited until Sydney was settled until he opened his eyes. He couldn't let himself fall for her. Things were complicated enough and - his eyes glanced over to her watch, resting on his chest, and saw the time. It was twenty-two years since William Vaughn, his father, was brutally tortured and killed..he was so mutilated that he had to be identified by his dental records. The memories were too horrible for Vaughn lying in bed. They would probably be that way for years to come. He pulled her closer and as she buried her head deeper into his chest, his arm wrapped tightly around her back, he saw pictures of Irinia and all of their conversations. She was the devil and Sydney, her daughter, the angel.
"Sydney? Sydney." Vaughn sat up slightly and attempted to wake her, still lying on her stomach. The sun had risen and light flooded the room. The French sunlight seemed so much purer than the LA. It just added to all of the emotions that were being thrown into the void.
She groaned slightly, still in a deep sleep. "Mmm.just a few more minutes, baby."
"Sydney." He shook her slightly. "It's time to wake up. We have to get moving." He shook her again with no response. He found himself wishing that he could wake up every morning with her on his chest. He leaned over her a little and whispered close to her face, wanting to kiss her rose colored lips so badly. All he wanted to do was to hold her and erase the pain and not have to say the words he dreaded to say so much. He somehow found the courage to whisper two very painful words to her, "Agent Bristow?"
She jumped. Rising from her comfortable position and onto her knees, she tensed up, ready to fight. "What? What?" She sprang up and threw her back towards the door, facing Vaughn.
"Whoa, calm down. It's just time to get going."
Her body relaxed as she saw Vaughn, his hands in front of him, defensively. "God, I just wanted a few more minutes." She sighed and sat down next to Vaughn. She looked at him and then forward, towards the door. Time to get back to work. "Let's get going."