Sydney walked slowly towards the desolate place in the Joint Task
Force. She heard the mechanical raising of the bars and gently clicking of
her black heels. This was the more uncomfortable place in LA. There were
too many times that she hesitated coming her. Vaughn was never thrilled
about coming here. There was too much history here. She had been home
from Paris for three weeks now and she had a slight limp but she would be
okay. There was no mission, no missing piece of information, there was
nothing but a few missing answers. So, she braved her way towards Irinia's
cell and there she was.
Irinia was stretching with her back to the glass. "I was wondering when you were going to come back."
"I have questions for you."
"You have no op." She rose and turned to face Sydney. Her body was sculpted and she was so skinny.
"I have questions."
"Are these CIA related or personal?" Irinia approached the glass barrier separating her and her daughter.
"Personal." Sydney replied, not wanting to sound too vulnerable.
"Please, Sydney, go ahead. I have questions for you as well."
"You left when I was six years old and I need to know for my own piece of mind..did you ever love me?"
Irinia began to tear up. "I fell in love with you when I first heard that I was pregnant. Some days, even now, I find myself wishing that you were born under different circumstances."
Sydney was shocked. She never expected to hear that answer. It was already common knowledge why Irinia had shot her but the wounds of the betrayal were still fresh. Sydney swallowed hard and managed to speak, "What's your question for me?"
"How do feel about Agent Vaughn?"
"That is not up for discussion." Sydney snapped quickly.
"I told you I had questions."
"I refuse to answer."
"You are not hiding your emotions as well as you think you do and he doesn't either."
"What are you talking about?"
"What are you feelings for Agent Vaughn?"
"I told you, I am not answering."
She wanted to laugh at her daughter's naïve sense of the world and love. "But you don't have to. I see the way you look at him when you think no one's watching and the way he does you. The way he hangs onto everything you say, and you do the same thing. Trust me, Sydney. that is what love is."
"And how would you know about love?'
Irinia drew quiet for a moment. "There was a time, that I loved your father." She paused and starred at her daughter innocently "Actually, I think I still love him."
If Sydney thought getting through the anniversary of Laura Bristow's death, it was absolutely nothing compared to how she felt she found out that her mother-or Irinia Derveko was still in love with the man she was set up with to steal data about the CIA. It was so much to bear.
Her voice started to stammer as she tried to get back on track. "Do- Do you remember what date you disappeared?"
"Should I?"
"Yes. December 17th."
"Three weeks ago." Irinia understood what she getting at.
"And that's when you-"
"Killed William Vaughn, Agent Vaughn's father." Irinia finished, the tears were almost escaping her eyes. "Trust me, that is one of my many regrets." She broke eye contact with her daughter for a moment and all Sydney wanted to do was catch it again. Her mother killed her handler's father.there was no way that she was going to be a turncoat on her now.
"Then why did you do it?" Sydney replied coldly and looked away in disgust.
"Your Agent Vaughn looks so much like him.that's when I left KGB, did you know that? After his death, I left. I was ordered to. Kill him or be killed myself."
Sydney looked at her mother with wide eyes and wanted to speak but she couldn't find her voice.
Irinia found hers first. "He looked just like him..acted like him to.same voice patterns.stubborn streaks-eye.he had the same green eyes." Each word spoken was like a knife being driven deeper and deeper into Sydney's heart. "Do you have any more questions for me, Sydney?"
She grew to love and hate the way her name sounded on her mother's lips. She had saved her and her father in Pakistan. A quick sigh escaped the agent's orifice. It was now or never. "If you had the chance to leave or not twenty-one years ago December 17th, would you?"
Irinia tilted her head back and looked down her nose at Sydney. They looked so much alike. It was so wonderful to be out on that op with her.see how powerful she was in person. She had surpassed her parents. "You have always hated me for that, haven't you?"
"I hated you so much for dying but then when I found out that you were alive, I hated you even more. I built this idea of a real mother and then when I found out everything..now, would you do it again?" Sydney wanted to run before she heard the answer but that wasn't an option. She needed to hear this and planted her heeled shoes tightly in the ground.
"I ask myself every time I look at you."
It was a frustrating answer. It was neither here nor there. Sydney wanted to scream and ask even more questions but her instincts kicked in. "Thank you.." There was normally she would say 'mom' but she was too hurt.
"Sydney, how is your ankle?" Irinia raised her voice to stop Sydney from leaving.
Sydney turned back towards the heavy glass separating them. "I'll be fine." And left, leaving a small smile behind.
"Sydney, I don't know." Irinia called after her, the most uncharacteristic thing she had done since she had been barred in her cell. "Where are you going?"
"I have to do something.see someone." Sydney replied without looking back at her and started to leave the area, leaving Irinia full of tears threatening to fall over her face, already missing her beautiful daughter.
".Maman's good..so is Clare and Sophie.they're all doing good.they're happy. Soph's going out with this guy named Bill, short for William. You would hate him. G-d knows I do. I guess I should get to the point of why I came. There's this girl. I sound like a teenager! But there's this girl. I really like her.and I know I shouldn't, I'm her handler. She's my agent but I've fallen in love with her. We were talking at the safe house and we have too much in common and we danced at the clubs..but the protocol. You know, you drove it into my head about rules and everything and I've always followed them. But then..she walked in with that hair, that wild red hair and she argued with me and insisted that I was arrogant but..you can set your heart by that watch, ya know, and it stopped. It stopped on that day." Vaughn shifted his weight on his haunches. "Dad, the watch stopped." He rested the flowers against the tombstone. It seemed so final and cold. It was hard for Vaughn to believe that his beloved father was in a casket, below the warm LA earth. "It's been a long time. Over twenty years. I know I haven't told you this. Sydney, my agent, her mother is the one who killed you. It's been kinda hard to deal with but it's like she turned around. I'm so confused. I wish you could help me and you know I hate asking for help but that's how confused I am. I'm in love with the daughter of your killer." Vaughn sighed heavily and looked at the tombstone with sheer frustration. "How do I escape? I hated you for so long for joining the CIA and going out on that op and being killed.but I don't anymore. I understand. I've almost been killed too many times- Maman hates it. I get that nagging speech you used to get. You know the one, 'how many times do I have to say that I don't want a son' in your case I guess it would be husband but mine it's, 'I don't want a son who saves the world. I want a daughter-in-law!' It's kinda funny. But Dad, what do I do?" He drew silent and starred down at the ground. It was so cold and final. He had barely cried for his father's death..he just remembered his mother crying hysterically. Things were so crazy.he had so much time to reflect about the op and the anniversary. "Dad," he began again with his voice steadier, "it was the anniversary of.this is confusing..of Sydney's mother's alias's death and I didn't know what to do. It was the same date that you were killed by her. It's a whirlwind. And then we went on this op in Paris and Sydney and I danced and I wanted to hold her so badly but then.we met with this guy who works for Irinia Derveko..and he shot Sydney and then me. And I got hurt pretty badly but I think Syd got it worse." He fell silent again and rose to his feet as he heard the pager vibrating on his hip. "I gotta run.Kendal wants to talk to me. I swear, he just doesn't like me. Then again, he didn't like you, right?" Vaughn managed to smile a little as he backed away. "I love you and I miss you, Dad." He quickly kissed his fingertips and touched the gravestone. He slowly began to walk away. Things were still so painful for him. He had never mourned or gotten frustrated or felt almost any emotion towards Sydney about her mother. He felt his animosity towards Irinia and as he stood by his father's grave, he almost didn't blame her. As he retreated back towards his silver car shining in the midday sun, he came to the realization that maybe there was something that happened that he didn't know about..that he shouldn't have known about. He sighed once and continued to press on, his car seeming further and further away with ever aching step. His body was still sore from his attack but it almost didn't matter. Nothing really mattered anymore. If he didn't have his job, he probably would have committed suicide years ago.
He continued his quest towards the car when he saw a figure exiting his/her car, parked nearby and hurry out. It was clearly a woman carrying flowers and walking quickly towards a nearby grave. Vaughn stopped and watched her for a moment, getting lost in her world. She seemed so perfect and elegant from afar. He watched her for a moment and found himself wishing that he could have a normal life that this woman probably had. She knelt down by a grave and set the bouquet of brightly colored flowers near a gray headstone. She sat on her heels in a black pant suit and her hair pulled back and started to murmur towards the stone. He was too far away to hear what she was saying to the grave but she seemed so at peace with everything. Her head lifted and she glanced around the cemetery until her eyes rested on Vaughn. He had been caught and he knew it. Feeling the blush rising in his cheeks, he shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other. His green eyes flickered in the sun as she stood up and faced him. She stepped back a little and then started to walk towards him. The woman came closer and closer but her figure was still shadowy.
"Vaughn." The figure spoke.
"Sydney." He rushed towards her and wanted to hold her tightly in his arms. "What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to see Irinia's or Laura's grave..and then I thought I should see Danny.I haven't for like a year." she started to hush her voice, "And now I feel like I'm falling apart and you probably didn't want to hear that. What are you doing here?" Sydney quickly babbled. Her brown eyes were damp with fallen tears and dried mascara. She had hurried from Irinia's cell to this desolate place.
She was being so incredibly open with him that he felt like he should reciprocate. "I was visiting my father." He looked away from her with the fresh worry lines forming on his face. He wore his suit from the office, complete with the gun resting on his thigh. It seemed appropriate that they were brought together at this cemetery, on their lunch breaks.
"He must be so proud of you." Sydney replied, finding tears wanting to spring from her eyes.
Vaughn turned back towards the grave and starred at the flowers and American flag standing warm against the cold granite. "I wish I knew."
"I'm sure he is. You saved your agent's life.isn't that one of the primary goals of the handler? Make sure his agent is safe.and.handled properly?" Sydney tried to choose the right words and obviously chose wrong.
Vaughn turned back, fully aware that he was being a little overly dramatic. "I would hope that he's proud."
Sydney smiled and looked around at all of the headstones. "I know I'm supposed to feel depressed when you come here but I never do."
"Yeah..I know exactly what I mean. I feel a sense of comfort? No, that's not the right word."
"No, it is." Sydney jumped in. "It's the right word. It's comforting, almost."
Vaughn looked down at his waist as he heard the pager beep again. "I have to go. It's Kendal."
"Go. I'm just gonna stay and talk to Danny for a little bit." Sydney patted him gently on the arm. His arm muscles bulged from his jacket sleeves. "Maybe even Laura." That was odd of her to say. There was just a tombstone for Laura.never a casket or anything. And now that she knew that there was no one really buried there, it was impossible to ever talk to Laura.she was really sitting in a cell at the Joint Task Force in her true form.
He started to walk past her but promptly decided against it. He turned back and looked lovingly at Sydney, who immediately returned the look. "No, you know what? Kendal can wait. I have someone that you should meet." Vaughn started to walk over towards the familiar spot and knelt down.
"What about protocol?" Sydney called after him, standing in the same spot, frozen.
"Screw it!" He turned around and looked at her, "Screw protocol. They owe us for right now. Please, I want you to meet someone."
Sydney nodded and followed, unsure of each step that she took. It was like she was losing her self confidence with every step towards the ominous grave. She reached the grave and stood behind Vaughn, standing so close to his shoulder. "Dad, this is Agent Sydney Bristow, Sydney, this is my father, William C. Vaughn." She stood there with Vaughn, wanting so much to comfort him and hold him but she just let her eyes cast down onto his shoulders.
"Mr. Vaughn," Sydney started and knelt next to Vaughn, "like Vaughn said, I'm Agent Sydney Bristow and your son is my handler. You should be very proud. He's saved my life and for that I owe him so much more than that. He's done everything up to protocol.even faced my mother, Irinia Derveko and I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that my mother is responsible for your death, for your murder. Mr. Vaughn, I am so sorry." She looked at Vaughn and then the tombstone. "I am so regretful for all the hurt my mother may have caused to you and your son. I wish I could take back December 17th, for both of our families.you see, that's the day that my mother faked her death and that was the day, I'm sure you know what it is." Sydney started to shake a little, knowing in full right that she babbling, "I wish I could take back her actions but I can't but still." Sydney almost started to cry, "I am so sorry and I apologize for the rest of my life." Vaughn put his hand on her arm and she let go of her emotion, sobbing "I'm so sorry." "Shh..it's okay." He held her hand tightly, full aware that they weren't suppose to be seen in public together, let alone have their hands clasped in one another's. But screw protocol. They sat there, knelt down, hands clasped tightly over his father's grave. The devil's daughter and hero's son yearned for the world to stop and for them to be together. It was impossible but for that moment, for that brief shining moment, they were allowed to be together. Fate worked against them. The most tragic event of their life brought them closer than they ever could imagine on that fateful date; December 17th oh so long ago.
Irinia was stretching with her back to the glass. "I was wondering when you were going to come back."
"I have questions for you."
"You have no op." She rose and turned to face Sydney. Her body was sculpted and she was so skinny.
"I have questions."
"Are these CIA related or personal?" Irinia approached the glass barrier separating her and her daughter.
"Personal." Sydney replied, not wanting to sound too vulnerable.
"Please, Sydney, go ahead. I have questions for you as well."
"You left when I was six years old and I need to know for my own piece of mind..did you ever love me?"
Irinia began to tear up. "I fell in love with you when I first heard that I was pregnant. Some days, even now, I find myself wishing that you were born under different circumstances."
Sydney was shocked. She never expected to hear that answer. It was already common knowledge why Irinia had shot her but the wounds of the betrayal were still fresh. Sydney swallowed hard and managed to speak, "What's your question for me?"
"How do feel about Agent Vaughn?"
"That is not up for discussion." Sydney snapped quickly.
"I told you I had questions."
"I refuse to answer."
"You are not hiding your emotions as well as you think you do and he doesn't either."
"What are you talking about?"
"What are you feelings for Agent Vaughn?"
"I told you, I am not answering."
She wanted to laugh at her daughter's naïve sense of the world and love. "But you don't have to. I see the way you look at him when you think no one's watching and the way he does you. The way he hangs onto everything you say, and you do the same thing. Trust me, Sydney. that is what love is."
"And how would you know about love?'
Irinia drew quiet for a moment. "There was a time, that I loved your father." She paused and starred at her daughter innocently "Actually, I think I still love him."
If Sydney thought getting through the anniversary of Laura Bristow's death, it was absolutely nothing compared to how she felt she found out that her mother-or Irinia Derveko was still in love with the man she was set up with to steal data about the CIA. It was so much to bear.
Her voice started to stammer as she tried to get back on track. "Do- Do you remember what date you disappeared?"
"Should I?"
"Yes. December 17th."
"Three weeks ago." Irinia understood what she getting at.
"And that's when you-"
"Killed William Vaughn, Agent Vaughn's father." Irinia finished, the tears were almost escaping her eyes. "Trust me, that is one of my many regrets." She broke eye contact with her daughter for a moment and all Sydney wanted to do was catch it again. Her mother killed her handler's father.there was no way that she was going to be a turncoat on her now.
"Then why did you do it?" Sydney replied coldly and looked away in disgust.
"Your Agent Vaughn looks so much like him.that's when I left KGB, did you know that? After his death, I left. I was ordered to. Kill him or be killed myself."
Sydney looked at her mother with wide eyes and wanted to speak but she couldn't find her voice.
Irinia found hers first. "He looked just like him..acted like him to.same voice patterns.stubborn streaks-eye.he had the same green eyes." Each word spoken was like a knife being driven deeper and deeper into Sydney's heart. "Do you have any more questions for me, Sydney?"
She grew to love and hate the way her name sounded on her mother's lips. She had saved her and her father in Pakistan. A quick sigh escaped the agent's orifice. It was now or never. "If you had the chance to leave or not twenty-one years ago December 17th, would you?"
Irinia tilted her head back and looked down her nose at Sydney. They looked so much alike. It was so wonderful to be out on that op with her.see how powerful she was in person. She had surpassed her parents. "You have always hated me for that, haven't you?"
"I hated you so much for dying but then when I found out that you were alive, I hated you even more. I built this idea of a real mother and then when I found out everything..now, would you do it again?" Sydney wanted to run before she heard the answer but that wasn't an option. She needed to hear this and planted her heeled shoes tightly in the ground.
"I ask myself every time I look at you."
It was a frustrating answer. It was neither here nor there. Sydney wanted to scream and ask even more questions but her instincts kicked in. "Thank you.." There was normally she would say 'mom' but she was too hurt.
"Sydney, how is your ankle?" Irinia raised her voice to stop Sydney from leaving.
Sydney turned back towards the heavy glass separating them. "I'll be fine." And left, leaving a small smile behind.
"Sydney, I don't know." Irinia called after her, the most uncharacteristic thing she had done since she had been barred in her cell. "Where are you going?"
"I have to do something.see someone." Sydney replied without looking back at her and started to leave the area, leaving Irinia full of tears threatening to fall over her face, already missing her beautiful daughter.
".Maman's good..so is Clare and Sophie.they're all doing good.they're happy. Soph's going out with this guy named Bill, short for William. You would hate him. G-d knows I do. I guess I should get to the point of why I came. There's this girl. I sound like a teenager! But there's this girl. I really like her.and I know I shouldn't, I'm her handler. She's my agent but I've fallen in love with her. We were talking at the safe house and we have too much in common and we danced at the clubs..but the protocol. You know, you drove it into my head about rules and everything and I've always followed them. But then..she walked in with that hair, that wild red hair and she argued with me and insisted that I was arrogant but..you can set your heart by that watch, ya know, and it stopped. It stopped on that day." Vaughn shifted his weight on his haunches. "Dad, the watch stopped." He rested the flowers against the tombstone. It seemed so final and cold. It was hard for Vaughn to believe that his beloved father was in a casket, below the warm LA earth. "It's been a long time. Over twenty years. I know I haven't told you this. Sydney, my agent, her mother is the one who killed you. It's been kinda hard to deal with but it's like she turned around. I'm so confused. I wish you could help me and you know I hate asking for help but that's how confused I am. I'm in love with the daughter of your killer." Vaughn sighed heavily and looked at the tombstone with sheer frustration. "How do I escape? I hated you for so long for joining the CIA and going out on that op and being killed.but I don't anymore. I understand. I've almost been killed too many times- Maman hates it. I get that nagging speech you used to get. You know the one, 'how many times do I have to say that I don't want a son' in your case I guess it would be husband but mine it's, 'I don't want a son who saves the world. I want a daughter-in-law!' It's kinda funny. But Dad, what do I do?" He drew silent and starred down at the ground. It was so cold and final. He had barely cried for his father's death..he just remembered his mother crying hysterically. Things were so crazy.he had so much time to reflect about the op and the anniversary. "Dad," he began again with his voice steadier, "it was the anniversary of.this is confusing..of Sydney's mother's alias's death and I didn't know what to do. It was the same date that you were killed by her. It's a whirlwind. And then we went on this op in Paris and Sydney and I danced and I wanted to hold her so badly but then.we met with this guy who works for Irinia Derveko..and he shot Sydney and then me. And I got hurt pretty badly but I think Syd got it worse." He fell silent again and rose to his feet as he heard the pager vibrating on his hip. "I gotta run.Kendal wants to talk to me. I swear, he just doesn't like me. Then again, he didn't like you, right?" Vaughn managed to smile a little as he backed away. "I love you and I miss you, Dad." He quickly kissed his fingertips and touched the gravestone. He slowly began to walk away. Things were still so painful for him. He had never mourned or gotten frustrated or felt almost any emotion towards Sydney about her mother. He felt his animosity towards Irinia and as he stood by his father's grave, he almost didn't blame her. As he retreated back towards his silver car shining in the midday sun, he came to the realization that maybe there was something that happened that he didn't know about..that he shouldn't have known about. He sighed once and continued to press on, his car seeming further and further away with ever aching step. His body was still sore from his attack but it almost didn't matter. Nothing really mattered anymore. If he didn't have his job, he probably would have committed suicide years ago.
He continued his quest towards the car when he saw a figure exiting his/her car, parked nearby and hurry out. It was clearly a woman carrying flowers and walking quickly towards a nearby grave. Vaughn stopped and watched her for a moment, getting lost in her world. She seemed so perfect and elegant from afar. He watched her for a moment and found himself wishing that he could have a normal life that this woman probably had. She knelt down by a grave and set the bouquet of brightly colored flowers near a gray headstone. She sat on her heels in a black pant suit and her hair pulled back and started to murmur towards the stone. He was too far away to hear what she was saying to the grave but she seemed so at peace with everything. Her head lifted and she glanced around the cemetery until her eyes rested on Vaughn. He had been caught and he knew it. Feeling the blush rising in his cheeks, he shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other. His green eyes flickered in the sun as she stood up and faced him. She stepped back a little and then started to walk towards him. The woman came closer and closer but her figure was still shadowy.
"Vaughn." The figure spoke.
"Sydney." He rushed towards her and wanted to hold her tightly in his arms. "What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to see Irinia's or Laura's grave..and then I thought I should see Danny.I haven't for like a year." she started to hush her voice, "And now I feel like I'm falling apart and you probably didn't want to hear that. What are you doing here?" Sydney quickly babbled. Her brown eyes were damp with fallen tears and dried mascara. She had hurried from Irinia's cell to this desolate place.
She was being so incredibly open with him that he felt like he should reciprocate. "I was visiting my father." He looked away from her with the fresh worry lines forming on his face. He wore his suit from the office, complete with the gun resting on his thigh. It seemed appropriate that they were brought together at this cemetery, on their lunch breaks.
"He must be so proud of you." Sydney replied, finding tears wanting to spring from her eyes.
Vaughn turned back towards the grave and starred at the flowers and American flag standing warm against the cold granite. "I wish I knew."
"I'm sure he is. You saved your agent's life.isn't that one of the primary goals of the handler? Make sure his agent is safe.and.handled properly?" Sydney tried to choose the right words and obviously chose wrong.
Vaughn turned back, fully aware that he was being a little overly dramatic. "I would hope that he's proud."
Sydney smiled and looked around at all of the headstones. "I know I'm supposed to feel depressed when you come here but I never do."
"Yeah..I know exactly what I mean. I feel a sense of comfort? No, that's not the right word."
"No, it is." Sydney jumped in. "It's the right word. It's comforting, almost."
Vaughn looked down at his waist as he heard the pager beep again. "I have to go. It's Kendal."
"Go. I'm just gonna stay and talk to Danny for a little bit." Sydney patted him gently on the arm. His arm muscles bulged from his jacket sleeves. "Maybe even Laura." That was odd of her to say. There was just a tombstone for Laura.never a casket or anything. And now that she knew that there was no one really buried there, it was impossible to ever talk to Laura.she was really sitting in a cell at the Joint Task Force in her true form.
He started to walk past her but promptly decided against it. He turned back and looked lovingly at Sydney, who immediately returned the look. "No, you know what? Kendal can wait. I have someone that you should meet." Vaughn started to walk over towards the familiar spot and knelt down.
"What about protocol?" Sydney called after him, standing in the same spot, frozen.
"Screw it!" He turned around and looked at her, "Screw protocol. They owe us for right now. Please, I want you to meet someone."
Sydney nodded and followed, unsure of each step that she took. It was like she was losing her self confidence with every step towards the ominous grave. She reached the grave and stood behind Vaughn, standing so close to his shoulder. "Dad, this is Agent Sydney Bristow, Sydney, this is my father, William C. Vaughn." She stood there with Vaughn, wanting so much to comfort him and hold him but she just let her eyes cast down onto his shoulders.
"Mr. Vaughn," Sydney started and knelt next to Vaughn, "like Vaughn said, I'm Agent Sydney Bristow and your son is my handler. You should be very proud. He's saved my life and for that I owe him so much more than that. He's done everything up to protocol.even faced my mother, Irinia Derveko and I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that my mother is responsible for your death, for your murder. Mr. Vaughn, I am so sorry." She looked at Vaughn and then the tombstone. "I am so regretful for all the hurt my mother may have caused to you and your son. I wish I could take back December 17th, for both of our families.you see, that's the day that my mother faked her death and that was the day, I'm sure you know what it is." Sydney started to shake a little, knowing in full right that she babbling, "I wish I could take back her actions but I can't but still." Sydney almost started to cry, "I am so sorry and I apologize for the rest of my life." Vaughn put his hand on her arm and she let go of her emotion, sobbing "I'm so sorry." "Shh..it's okay." He held her hand tightly, full aware that they weren't suppose to be seen in public together, let alone have their hands clasped in one another's. But screw protocol. They sat there, knelt down, hands clasped tightly over his father's grave. The devil's daughter and hero's son yearned for the world to stop and for them to be together. It was impossible but for that moment, for that brief shining moment, they were allowed to be together. Fate worked against them. The most tragic event of their life brought them closer than they ever could imagine on that fateful date; December 17th oh so long ago.