Disclaimer: I own nothing. But I've seen The Two Towers, so ha!
Smeagol: Yeah, right, you try telling Fennell that the hobbits ate your vocab. That will go over well! I'll add Gollum in later.
LBFreak: I tried to put a bit of Sam and Frodo in this, but it was really just randomness.
Bible Hermione: Uh-oh, I killed someone. Well, it's your fault. Read at your own risk!
Dream Catcher: Um, I highly doubt any teacher would accept that explanation except, of course, Graham. Did you hear my analogy for the bet? "So let's say there's this bet that Boromir can't befriend Aragorn. . ." And even if I had a llama, I wouldn't let it eat your poisonous homework!
Emmithar: I really did tell my teacher that. And he gave me an extension on the assignment, which was pretty cool. I do like Estel, but in this story? Everyone gets bashed.
*****
Okay, so let's pretend for just one moment that the Unit Notebook was not more than half of my history grade. I would still stress over it, because that's who I am. And even if I did not habitually fall into Middle Earth when I had work to turn in, I would still be over-protective of my notebook. And seeing as it IS more than half of my history grade and I do habitually fall into Middle Earth, I was practically crazy with worry.
I made it through English. I was walking to homeroom, and I knew once I got there I would be safe because my homeroom and my history classroom are the same. Anyway, I was almost home-free when some smart-aleck B-track jokester stuck out their foot. I knew this would be no normal fall. . .
"Owww. . ." I moaned. My head hurt. I must have fallen. I didn't want to open my eyes and find out where I was. That would be just awful. For once, couldn't I be, oh, I don't know, in History? No, of course not.
"Who are you?" Someone asked me.
"I'll have you know that that is none of your business," I replied on impulse. Opening one eye slightly, I saw that a dwarf, whom I knew to be Gimli, was being restrained by Boromir as he attempted to decapitate me. I stood up, holding my head. "It wasn't a dis, man, chill out."
"What did that thing just say to me?" Demanded a disgruntled dwarf, trying even harder to kill me. He started saying things in dwarvish, and I really doubt he said anything nice.
"Heh, the little dude's going to pull a King Henry the Eighth," I said, laughing. He was going to cut my head off, in other words. "Actually, that's a dumb expression. Anyone who knew anything about English history would know that he didn't decapitate all six of them, he only--"
"No offense, but what are you talking about?"
I turned. "Oh, hello Legolas!" I said in my best game-show-hostess voice. "I am talking about one of the more famous kings of England!"
"How did you know my name?"
"Well, he-llo! How many prancy, gay, narcississtic blonde elves are there in this world?" I asked, unsure of the answer. Usually, when I say something as a joke-insult to a friend, I duck. On impulsive or out of habit, I ducked. An arrow flew over my head.
"That was un-called-for, Legolas, son of Thranduil," someone said. Judging by the airy quality of the voice and the femininity, I decided it was Galadriel. "Welcome to Lothlorien, Deborah of Los Angeles. You bring great evil here."
"Look, Galadriel," I said, "I know the notebook isn't exactly a friendly thing, but I didn't mean for it to end up here. In fact, this is just a great big misunderstanding! Presumably you know where this notebook is, so what do you say to this proposal: you give it back to me and I'll get it out of here?"
"Well, that seems--" Galadriel began.
"That is not fair!" Galadriel and I turned to see Frodo Baggins standing there, looking irritated to say the least. "I have to go to Mount Doom, and she gets the evil speech, fine. But what does she have to do with this evil assignment? Nothing! It won't take over the world, there aren't nine ring- wraiths chasing her. Why? I want to know why."
"I don't think you ought to have said that, Mr. Frodo," chirped Sam.
"And why not?"
"Well, it's nothing but. . .those two don't look none too pleased about it." And at that moment I snatched a rock off the ground and hurled it at the dear little ring-bearer.
"Damn you!" Screamed Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas, Sam, and Gimli all at once.
"What did I do?" I asked innocently. "I mean, how many of you honestly care about the ring?" Aragorn raised his hand timidly. "Well, that's why you are a king and none of them are. Well? What are your reasons, then?"
"He'll be easy to get the ring from," Boromir admitted.
"I like to have someone around who is shorter than I am, and yet not incredibly younger!" Gimli explained.
"Well, that's your own little ego-problem," I said, then realized the pervertedness of what I had just said. I ducked behind Galadriel as Gimli tried again to cut my head off. "So, Legolas, why do you like having Frodo around?" I ventured.
"He always carries a spare hair brush. I'm so afraid I'll loose mine!" Legolas broke down into a fit of sobs. The others backed away slowly. I dared not ask Sam why he liked having Frodo around.
"Steady on, you've killed our cousin," Pippin said.
"I don't think he's dead Pippin," Merry pointed out.
"It's a matter of pride, Merry," Pippin said.
"Oh, I see. For the Shire!" They both jumped at me, swords drawn. I looked left, looked right, and kicked out. My leg caught them both unawares, and they flipped over. Aragorn and Boromir glanced at each other.
"Someone ought to defend the hobbits' honour," Boromir said.
"You are right," Aragorn said. "But violence is not the answer."
"Yeah! Drop acid, not bombs!" I shouted. Everyone stared at me. Even Legolas looked up from his crying fit to stare at me. "They used to say it in the sixties. I bet I could describe all of you with Beatles songs," I said, totally random thought. :For example, who can guess who this one is: 'Nowhere Man.'"
"Oh, me me me me me!!" Pippin shouted, jumping up and down. "Strider! It is Strider, isn't it?"
"Why yes, Pippin, you're so genius," I said. "Anyone want to try on their own?"
"I have an idea! 'I am the Walrus', for Eowyn of Rohan!" Boromir exclaimed.
"Why?" asked Legolas.
"Oh, you know, the lines about. . ." and soon they were all merrily discussing the Beatles.
"So, you have my Unit notebook?" I asked Galadriel.
"Not exactly," she answered, "but Haldir does."
"Haldir? No! He scares me," I said. "And anyway, he died at Helm's Deep in the movie The Two Towers."
"Really?"
"Yeah. It was so AU. And they cut out so much of it! And they added in a part where Aragorn falls off a cliff, and he has flashbacks of Arwen. And Elrond is so mean to Arwen! She doesn't want to go to Valinor, but then Elrond makes it seem like if Aragorn asks her to stay it would be selfish and cruel, so he tells her to leave, and even then she doesn't want to go, but then Elrond makes her cry and all this other stuff."
"Elrond and I need to have a few words about the way he speaks to Arwen," Galadriel said.
"Good. Because I thought it was really nasty of him."
"Oh, and I'll get your notebook from Haldir."
"Thank you! Have a nice eternity, ma'am!"
So, I was thinking maybe something in Gondor post-RotK next time. What do you think? Any other ideas?
Smeagol: Yeah, right, you try telling Fennell that the hobbits ate your vocab. That will go over well! I'll add Gollum in later.
LBFreak: I tried to put a bit of Sam and Frodo in this, but it was really just randomness.
Bible Hermione: Uh-oh, I killed someone. Well, it's your fault. Read at your own risk!
Dream Catcher: Um, I highly doubt any teacher would accept that explanation except, of course, Graham. Did you hear my analogy for the bet? "So let's say there's this bet that Boromir can't befriend Aragorn. . ." And even if I had a llama, I wouldn't let it eat your poisonous homework!
Emmithar: I really did tell my teacher that. And he gave me an extension on the assignment, which was pretty cool. I do like Estel, but in this story? Everyone gets bashed.
*****
Okay, so let's pretend for just one moment that the Unit Notebook was not more than half of my history grade. I would still stress over it, because that's who I am. And even if I did not habitually fall into Middle Earth when I had work to turn in, I would still be over-protective of my notebook. And seeing as it IS more than half of my history grade and I do habitually fall into Middle Earth, I was practically crazy with worry.
I made it through English. I was walking to homeroom, and I knew once I got there I would be safe because my homeroom and my history classroom are the same. Anyway, I was almost home-free when some smart-aleck B-track jokester stuck out their foot. I knew this would be no normal fall. . .
"Owww. . ." I moaned. My head hurt. I must have fallen. I didn't want to open my eyes and find out where I was. That would be just awful. For once, couldn't I be, oh, I don't know, in History? No, of course not.
"Who are you?" Someone asked me.
"I'll have you know that that is none of your business," I replied on impulse. Opening one eye slightly, I saw that a dwarf, whom I knew to be Gimli, was being restrained by Boromir as he attempted to decapitate me. I stood up, holding my head. "It wasn't a dis, man, chill out."
"What did that thing just say to me?" Demanded a disgruntled dwarf, trying even harder to kill me. He started saying things in dwarvish, and I really doubt he said anything nice.
"Heh, the little dude's going to pull a King Henry the Eighth," I said, laughing. He was going to cut my head off, in other words. "Actually, that's a dumb expression. Anyone who knew anything about English history would know that he didn't decapitate all six of them, he only--"
"No offense, but what are you talking about?"
I turned. "Oh, hello Legolas!" I said in my best game-show-hostess voice. "I am talking about one of the more famous kings of England!"
"How did you know my name?"
"Well, he-llo! How many prancy, gay, narcississtic blonde elves are there in this world?" I asked, unsure of the answer. Usually, when I say something as a joke-insult to a friend, I duck. On impulsive or out of habit, I ducked. An arrow flew over my head.
"That was un-called-for, Legolas, son of Thranduil," someone said. Judging by the airy quality of the voice and the femininity, I decided it was Galadriel. "Welcome to Lothlorien, Deborah of Los Angeles. You bring great evil here."
"Look, Galadriel," I said, "I know the notebook isn't exactly a friendly thing, but I didn't mean for it to end up here. In fact, this is just a great big misunderstanding! Presumably you know where this notebook is, so what do you say to this proposal: you give it back to me and I'll get it out of here?"
"Well, that seems--" Galadriel began.
"That is not fair!" Galadriel and I turned to see Frodo Baggins standing there, looking irritated to say the least. "I have to go to Mount Doom, and she gets the evil speech, fine. But what does she have to do with this evil assignment? Nothing! It won't take over the world, there aren't nine ring- wraiths chasing her. Why? I want to know why."
"I don't think you ought to have said that, Mr. Frodo," chirped Sam.
"And why not?"
"Well, it's nothing but. . .those two don't look none too pleased about it." And at that moment I snatched a rock off the ground and hurled it at the dear little ring-bearer.
"Damn you!" Screamed Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas, Sam, and Gimli all at once.
"What did I do?" I asked innocently. "I mean, how many of you honestly care about the ring?" Aragorn raised his hand timidly. "Well, that's why you are a king and none of them are. Well? What are your reasons, then?"
"He'll be easy to get the ring from," Boromir admitted.
"I like to have someone around who is shorter than I am, and yet not incredibly younger!" Gimli explained.
"Well, that's your own little ego-problem," I said, then realized the pervertedness of what I had just said. I ducked behind Galadriel as Gimli tried again to cut my head off. "So, Legolas, why do you like having Frodo around?" I ventured.
"He always carries a spare hair brush. I'm so afraid I'll loose mine!" Legolas broke down into a fit of sobs. The others backed away slowly. I dared not ask Sam why he liked having Frodo around.
"Steady on, you've killed our cousin," Pippin said.
"I don't think he's dead Pippin," Merry pointed out.
"It's a matter of pride, Merry," Pippin said.
"Oh, I see. For the Shire!" They both jumped at me, swords drawn. I looked left, looked right, and kicked out. My leg caught them both unawares, and they flipped over. Aragorn and Boromir glanced at each other.
"Someone ought to defend the hobbits' honour," Boromir said.
"You are right," Aragorn said. "But violence is not the answer."
"Yeah! Drop acid, not bombs!" I shouted. Everyone stared at me. Even Legolas looked up from his crying fit to stare at me. "They used to say it in the sixties. I bet I could describe all of you with Beatles songs," I said, totally random thought. :For example, who can guess who this one is: 'Nowhere Man.'"
"Oh, me me me me me!!" Pippin shouted, jumping up and down. "Strider! It is Strider, isn't it?"
"Why yes, Pippin, you're so genius," I said. "Anyone want to try on their own?"
"I have an idea! 'I am the Walrus', for Eowyn of Rohan!" Boromir exclaimed.
"Why?" asked Legolas.
"Oh, you know, the lines about. . ." and soon they were all merrily discussing the Beatles.
"So, you have my Unit notebook?" I asked Galadriel.
"Not exactly," she answered, "but Haldir does."
"Haldir? No! He scares me," I said. "And anyway, he died at Helm's Deep in the movie The Two Towers."
"Really?"
"Yeah. It was so AU. And they cut out so much of it! And they added in a part where Aragorn falls off a cliff, and he has flashbacks of Arwen. And Elrond is so mean to Arwen! She doesn't want to go to Valinor, but then Elrond makes it seem like if Aragorn asks her to stay it would be selfish and cruel, so he tells her to leave, and even then she doesn't want to go, but then Elrond makes her cry and all this other stuff."
"Elrond and I need to have a few words about the way he speaks to Arwen," Galadriel said.
"Good. Because I thought it was really nasty of him."
"Oh, and I'll get your notebook from Haldir."
"Thank you! Have a nice eternity, ma'am!"
So, I was thinking maybe something in Gondor post-RotK next time. What do you think? Any other ideas?