X.X;;;; Please dun throttle the author! I can't finish my story
if I'm dead! But I'm glad for so much- er...enthusiasm...from
the readers...*sweatdrop* Please dun kill meh.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to GW, so please don't sue, I have no money to give.
Warning: Angst...lots of this...violence, language, insinuations of suicide...angst, wait I said that already...Oh! And OOCness, well no duh, ne? Kinda been OOC since the beginning...
***
There was a splintered hole in the wall precisely where Duo's head used to be. At the sound of the trigger release, he had tensed. Then at the actual gunshot, he automatically dropped to the carpet and just barely missed meeting his maker by a hair's breadth. Thank God he still had his great reflexes.
But Duo was utterly thunderstruck at the fact that Heero had -really- tried to go through with his threat. That was the lowest he could have possibly gone, and he went there.
Heero's gun clattered to the floor and he sank to his knees, his head bowed down in silent shame. He didn't mean to pull the trigger, he just did. He had been only attempting to scare Duo into leaving.
But he went too far.
Duo got up with a ragged breath; his throat was constricted too tightly for him to speak. His eyes said everything. There couldn't have been a crueler punishment than for Heero to see the torment and the anguish in his tear-brimmed violet eyes.
The look of someone betrayed by his best friend.
Duo stood there in hopes of Heero maybe saying -something-, even if it wasn't an apology. Just something. Like nothing had happened. But there was only an intensely overwhelmed silence. He numbly fled from the apartment, his mind full of buzzing disbelief as he stumbled along on the pavement back to the place where he and the other Sweepers were staying, not bothering to check to see if they were still in the bar.
Heero had gotten his wish. Duo left.
And he regretted everything, from the second Duo had laid sight on him. He knew she should have stayed hidden, and this was the reason why.
***
Heero didn't know how he had gotten there, or how long he had been there, but the next time he came to his senses, he was sitting under a frigid jet of shower water, still fully clothed and his head reeling. All he knew was that he felt disgusted with himself for the way he had treated Duo, who was only trying to help.
Heero pulled his knees up tighter beneath his chin, the smallest tremor was allowed to run down his spine, that was all, but everything really did feel nice and cold. If he sat there long enough, the freezing water could seize up all his muscles and hypothermia would kick in. Then-
A clean, bloodless death.
Always so damn calculating, right to the very last little detail.
Though...when was tap water salty? Heero's eyes burned, warmth flowing down his cheeks, mingling with the water that soaked through his clothes, chilling him to the bone.
What was this pain in his chest? He swallowed hard, but the large knot in his throat wouldn't loosen. There was no knife thrust between his ribs into his heart, so why did it hurt so much?
Heero shut his eyes, sending a fresh wave of warmth down the sides of his face. He couldn't recall anything in his training that dealt with this. No matter how hard he ranked his brain, there was nothing.
There was only one other plausible explanation for this -thing-; it just couldn't be though. It went against everything he had been taught.
True soldiers didn't cry, but with the image of Duo's devastated expression permanently fixed in his retina in consuming guilt, it was all he could do despite the fact that his instincts were telling him otherwise.
Heero struggled to his feet, stiff muscles screaming in protest, shaking hands fumbling around along the wall for the towel rack.
He knew what he had to do for some closure, even if it meant bringing himself down in the process.
***
Duo sat cross-legged on his bed, deep in thought as his fingers absently tangled and untangled the end of his braid, repeating the last few minutes in the apartment over and over again in his mind.
'Omae wo kuruso! I swear-'
'You wouldn't...W-we're friends-'
Bang.
He contemplated about sending Quatre and the other ex Gundam pilots a message about finally finding Heero, but that would mean having them wanting details and he was terrible at 'bending the truth' to suit the circumstances. It also meant having Relena come barreling onto L1 and Duo was sure she would be appalled at what had become of her 'missing' bodyguard.
So he didn't.
Though, the American was still in a considerable amount of shock about the situation in the whole. Heero was the last person he thought would have gone over the edge. They all had had a rough time adjusting to a world of peace, but Quatre had a business empire to run as the Winner heir so he already had a good footing into leading a peaceful life. Trowa just went to help him, he never really spoke to anyone but Quatre, so it wasn't al too surprising, and together they made frequent trips to visit Catherine and the circus. All of Wufei's demons had gone with Altron when he self-detonated it with the other Gundams and he was content in working with Sally and the Preventers. They had moments, though, where they felt the impulse to go hop into their Gundam and fight before remembering that the wars were over, but all they had to do was get in touch with one another and there was always support.
But Heero in bars, drowning his bottled up insecurities in alcohol...That was a wee bit astounding.
And Duo just didn't want to acknowledge the reality of his best friend actually trying to kill him.
There was just no word ever created by mankind that could describe the level of incredulity he felt in what happened. He wasn't angry anymore, no the anger had dissolved the second Heero had blown up at him after he had ranted about the wars being over. Depressed, yes. Extremely. He wished he could strangle Doctor J for whatever idea he had implanted in Heero's mind that made him think he always had to be the Perfect Soldier. Whatever makes him think that he can't open up to anyone and let them help him. Something to make that off switch to his emotions turn on.
-Anything-.
The door to the room opened and Howard in all his glory, sunglasses, obnoxious Hawaiian shirt and all, came in, breaking Duo's train of thought.
"What's up kid? You're lookin' like you're best friend died or something." He asked amusedly.
"In a way, I think he did..."
Sensing the braided boy's seriousness, Howard was somber. "If I've told you once, I must've told you a hundred times, we'll come across Heero eventually. He can't-"
"But I did, Howard." Duo said quietly, dropping the end of the frayed tipped plait. "He's here."
"What?" he asked, startled.
"He's here," he repeated. "I saw him earlier tonight. But...he wasn't the Heero I had known before." Duo finished lamely, clearing not wanting to pursue the topic further.
Howard raised his eyebrows. "Are you gonna tell the guys?"
"I- I dunno." Duo couldn't bring himself to meet Howard's quizzical gaze.
"Huh. Well at least you know he hasn't gone and killed himself or anything and really became Suicide Boy."
Duo suddenly got a very alarmed look on his face and hastily scrambled past Howard out of the room and into the cold night.
***
*hides* Don't kill me! ^^;;; It gets...erm...better...in a way...*sweatdrop*
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to GW, so please don't sue, I have no money to give.
Warning: Angst...lots of this...violence, language, insinuations of suicide...angst, wait I said that already...Oh! And OOCness, well no duh, ne? Kinda been OOC since the beginning...
***
There was a splintered hole in the wall precisely where Duo's head used to be. At the sound of the trigger release, he had tensed. Then at the actual gunshot, he automatically dropped to the carpet and just barely missed meeting his maker by a hair's breadth. Thank God he still had his great reflexes.
But Duo was utterly thunderstruck at the fact that Heero had -really- tried to go through with his threat. That was the lowest he could have possibly gone, and he went there.
Heero's gun clattered to the floor and he sank to his knees, his head bowed down in silent shame. He didn't mean to pull the trigger, he just did. He had been only attempting to scare Duo into leaving.
But he went too far.
Duo got up with a ragged breath; his throat was constricted too tightly for him to speak. His eyes said everything. There couldn't have been a crueler punishment than for Heero to see the torment and the anguish in his tear-brimmed violet eyes.
The look of someone betrayed by his best friend.
Duo stood there in hopes of Heero maybe saying -something-, even if it wasn't an apology. Just something. Like nothing had happened. But there was only an intensely overwhelmed silence. He numbly fled from the apartment, his mind full of buzzing disbelief as he stumbled along on the pavement back to the place where he and the other Sweepers were staying, not bothering to check to see if they were still in the bar.
Heero had gotten his wish. Duo left.
And he regretted everything, from the second Duo had laid sight on him. He knew she should have stayed hidden, and this was the reason why.
***
Heero didn't know how he had gotten there, or how long he had been there, but the next time he came to his senses, he was sitting under a frigid jet of shower water, still fully clothed and his head reeling. All he knew was that he felt disgusted with himself for the way he had treated Duo, who was only trying to help.
Heero pulled his knees up tighter beneath his chin, the smallest tremor was allowed to run down his spine, that was all, but everything really did feel nice and cold. If he sat there long enough, the freezing water could seize up all his muscles and hypothermia would kick in. Then-
A clean, bloodless death.
Always so damn calculating, right to the very last little detail.
Though...when was tap water salty? Heero's eyes burned, warmth flowing down his cheeks, mingling with the water that soaked through his clothes, chilling him to the bone.
What was this pain in his chest? He swallowed hard, but the large knot in his throat wouldn't loosen. There was no knife thrust between his ribs into his heart, so why did it hurt so much?
Heero shut his eyes, sending a fresh wave of warmth down the sides of his face. He couldn't recall anything in his training that dealt with this. No matter how hard he ranked his brain, there was nothing.
There was only one other plausible explanation for this -thing-; it just couldn't be though. It went against everything he had been taught.
True soldiers didn't cry, but with the image of Duo's devastated expression permanently fixed in his retina in consuming guilt, it was all he could do despite the fact that his instincts were telling him otherwise.
Heero struggled to his feet, stiff muscles screaming in protest, shaking hands fumbling around along the wall for the towel rack.
He knew what he had to do for some closure, even if it meant bringing himself down in the process.
***
Duo sat cross-legged on his bed, deep in thought as his fingers absently tangled and untangled the end of his braid, repeating the last few minutes in the apartment over and over again in his mind.
'Omae wo kuruso! I swear-'
'You wouldn't...W-we're friends-'
Bang.
He contemplated about sending Quatre and the other ex Gundam pilots a message about finally finding Heero, but that would mean having them wanting details and he was terrible at 'bending the truth' to suit the circumstances. It also meant having Relena come barreling onto L1 and Duo was sure she would be appalled at what had become of her 'missing' bodyguard.
So he didn't.
Though, the American was still in a considerable amount of shock about the situation in the whole. Heero was the last person he thought would have gone over the edge. They all had had a rough time adjusting to a world of peace, but Quatre had a business empire to run as the Winner heir so he already had a good footing into leading a peaceful life. Trowa just went to help him, he never really spoke to anyone but Quatre, so it wasn't al too surprising, and together they made frequent trips to visit Catherine and the circus. All of Wufei's demons had gone with Altron when he self-detonated it with the other Gundams and he was content in working with Sally and the Preventers. They had moments, though, where they felt the impulse to go hop into their Gundam and fight before remembering that the wars were over, but all they had to do was get in touch with one another and there was always support.
But Heero in bars, drowning his bottled up insecurities in alcohol...That was a wee bit astounding.
And Duo just didn't want to acknowledge the reality of his best friend actually trying to kill him.
There was just no word ever created by mankind that could describe the level of incredulity he felt in what happened. He wasn't angry anymore, no the anger had dissolved the second Heero had blown up at him after he had ranted about the wars being over. Depressed, yes. Extremely. He wished he could strangle Doctor J for whatever idea he had implanted in Heero's mind that made him think he always had to be the Perfect Soldier. Whatever makes him think that he can't open up to anyone and let them help him. Something to make that off switch to his emotions turn on.
-Anything-.
The door to the room opened and Howard in all his glory, sunglasses, obnoxious Hawaiian shirt and all, came in, breaking Duo's train of thought.
"What's up kid? You're lookin' like you're best friend died or something." He asked amusedly.
"In a way, I think he did..."
Sensing the braided boy's seriousness, Howard was somber. "If I've told you once, I must've told you a hundred times, we'll come across Heero eventually. He can't-"
"But I did, Howard." Duo said quietly, dropping the end of the frayed tipped plait. "He's here."
"What?" he asked, startled.
"He's here," he repeated. "I saw him earlier tonight. But...he wasn't the Heero I had known before." Duo finished lamely, clearing not wanting to pursue the topic further.
Howard raised his eyebrows. "Are you gonna tell the guys?"
"I- I dunno." Duo couldn't bring himself to meet Howard's quizzical gaze.
"Huh. Well at least you know he hasn't gone and killed himself or anything and really became Suicide Boy."
Duo suddenly got a very alarmed look on his face and hastily scrambled past Howard out of the room and into the cold night.
***
*hides* Don't kill me! ^^;;; It gets...erm...better...in a way...*sweatdrop*