Some replies to reviewers!
Shella: Haha!! Another Legolas lover!! Sugoi! We can share, can't we? *Chibi eyes* Onegai? And I LOVE that website!!! OMG! I went to it after reading your review and laughed my ass off. That site kicks! *dubs Shella the coolest reviewer-person ever*
Hellcat: Gomen nasai if you find my 'Sleepless Musings' disappointing, but I do specifically say in the beginning that they're for pure entertainment value whilst I'm writing the next chapter, which usually means you'll be seeing the next 'real' chapter within the next 24-hour time span. Like now. I'm glad you're liking the story so far though!
Dark Peppermint: Arigatou! And here is the next part just for your kawaii pout! And they say pouting doesn't affect anything...^^
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Gundam Wing. Damn. Wish I did though.
Warnings:...The same as always!! Oh and I give Heero a little sense of humor. ^^ And anyone who can guess the scene where you can tell where I've been watching too many Sailor Stars' episodes, then you get...er...something!! I'll think of it...
On with the show!!!
***
The two boys leaned in each other's comforting embrace for a while, not caring if anyone else were to see them, and Heero finally calmed and recomposed himself, wiping his tear-stained face with the back of his hands. He looked awkwardly into Duo's kind amethyst eyes, feeling embarrassed and going slightly pink.
"I- I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about it. Looks like you've been needing to do that for a long time," Duo smiled warmly. "My offer still stands, if you want."
Heero's expression went doubtful. "I don't know..."
"Listen, we all have our bad moments, Heero. We've all had times were we didn't know what laid ahead for us or we wanted to go out and fight an enemy that wasn't even there after the wars," he said seriously, holding his gaze steady to keep him from breaking away and making excuses. "But -that's- what we're here for. For each other. Whenever one of us has a moment, all we do is pick of the phone or open a vid-com link and chat, to ease the pain. We're each other's props that give us the will to go on with life. To see familiar faces and talking to friends helps, Heero. Shutting yourself off from the world doesn't. So don't try the 'I don't think I can do it' bullshit with me. If we can make it, you can. I'm here for you, buddy. All the guys are."
Heero was silent, though he seemed to be mulling over the earnest speech.
"C'mon, I've gotta bunch of leave days, we can go crash at Quatre's for a bit and see everyone!" Duo continued persuasively. "Get caught up and all. I can even get you a job with Howard and me in the Sweepers or talk to Wufei and Sally about joining the Preventers, if you want. Please, Heero?"
Heero was moved by the pleading look on his face; the faltering hope that was like the only lifeline he had left to grasp onto mingled with the fear of being rejected and left alone again.
"Do I have a choice? You found me."
"Of course..." Duo nodded slowly. "I mean, if you -really- still don't feel comfortable, I won't stop you if you decide to vanish again, I swear." The hollowness in his affirmation gave away how he truly felt though and it hurt to see the false brightness he was trying to maintain to cover the anguish.
"I guess it wouldn't kill me to try..." Heero relented uncertainly and Duo broke into the first genuinely happy grin he had seen since they had encountered each other, throwing his arms around him once more.
"You won't regret it, I promise!" he avowed resolutely as he pulled away, positively beaming.
Heero's qualms dissolved.
The door the bar swung open wildly and the gang of overall-clad guys Duo had initially arrived with came staggering out, roaring loudly and ruining the close moment between the two boys.
"YO! There you are Maxwell! C'mon, we've got the noon shift, so we've gotta get back and sleep tonight off!" someone called.
"Go on ahead! I'll catch up in a sec!" Duo yelled in response and they went off. "Not gonna go at noon anyways," he added and turned to Heero. "You're not going back to that -hellhole- they try to pass as an apartment. Unless there's something you want, you're coming with me and you can bunk up in my room, I can never keep a roommate." He sighed heavily. "No matter how many times I've said it, and proven it, and how many Howard has, they're still intimidated of 'Shinigami' the Gundam pilot."
"They didn't seem to mind in the bar, from what I saw," Heero observed.
"Yeah, but that's because we're in public and I wouldn't -dare- do anything in public," Duo replied sarcastically. "When it's just us, they never turn their backs to me or let me out of their sight. I wasn't kidding when I told you I knew how it felt."
"No."
"What?"
"No," Heero repeated. "There isn't anything in the apartment I want to return to get."
Duo smiled again and they started for the barracks together.
***
Howard was still in Duo's room when the two boys entered. He had had a hunch and had waited until Duo came back, the hunch fully confirmed.
"What are you doing in here, Howard?" Duo asked, blinking.
"Making sure you hadn't lost your mind." He answered simply, his sunglasses covered gaze looking at Heero. "Which you didn't. It's been a while Heero."
"I know."
Howard got up from the spare bed and prepared to leave. "Don't go running off a second time, got it? I don't want to be the one who has to pick up all the pieces again afterwards."
Duo flushed darkly as Heero looked at him when the last of Howard's obnoxious Hawaiian shirt had gone out the door.
"Need I ask about what he was referring to?"
"Er...Well, just think of tonight," Duo replied sheepishly, abruptly taking a keen interest of the ceiling. "And make it a bit more emotional."
"..."
"Yeah..." he trailed off waveringly. "It was a little more than a year ago though, so it's nothing to worry about." Duo added hastily, still staring up at the ceiling.
Heero couldn't picture the happy-go-lucky American losing all control like he had earlier, even with everything he'd seen and done that night, he just couldn't.
"Why didn't you kill me then?" he asked quietly. "If I caused so much pain for you, why? All I am is a reminder of all the suffering you went through, so why didn't you end it tonight?"
Duo was so thunderstruck that his gaze came back to Heero. "Haven't you figured that out by now? I can't say I didn't want to...when I saw you...it had been so long- but I knew I wouldn't have been able to go through with it. It wouldn't have alleviated the pain, it could only made it worse than before to know that I had found you alive, but I had been your death in the end. It would've been the death of -me-. I've lost enough important people in my life as it is, and I don't want to lose another."
"Duo..." Heero began but he shook his head forcibly.
"Why am I babbling, eh? It's gotta be four in the morning and here I am getting all sentimental and teary eyed," Duo said hurriedly, turning away.
Heero grabbed his wrist and stopped him, making him turn reluctantly back. "Duo, don't you go starting that 'bullshit' with me, you listened to me, so now I'm here for you. I can tell you're keeping -something- from me. So just let it out."
Duo's expression was still unsure. "Really?"
"Hai, anything. If you can top my breakdown, then -I- will be the one who calls Quatre to inform him of our arrival." Heero said encouragingly, thinking there was no way the braided boy could best it.
Duo suddenly pulled him forward and kissed him.
He -definitely- had thought wrong.
That certainly took the cake, but by no means was Heero making an effort to detach himself in the slightest.
***
Shella: Haha!! Another Legolas lover!! Sugoi! We can share, can't we? *Chibi eyes* Onegai? And I LOVE that website!!! OMG! I went to it after reading your review and laughed my ass off. That site kicks! *dubs Shella the coolest reviewer-person ever*
Hellcat: Gomen nasai if you find my 'Sleepless Musings' disappointing, but I do specifically say in the beginning that they're for pure entertainment value whilst I'm writing the next chapter, which usually means you'll be seeing the next 'real' chapter within the next 24-hour time span. Like now. I'm glad you're liking the story so far though!
Dark Peppermint: Arigatou! And here is the next part just for your kawaii pout! And they say pouting doesn't affect anything...^^
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Gundam Wing. Damn. Wish I did though.
Warnings:...The same as always!! Oh and I give Heero a little sense of humor. ^^ And anyone who can guess the scene where you can tell where I've been watching too many Sailor Stars' episodes, then you get...er...something!! I'll think of it...
On with the show!!!
***
The two boys leaned in each other's comforting embrace for a while, not caring if anyone else were to see them, and Heero finally calmed and recomposed himself, wiping his tear-stained face with the back of his hands. He looked awkwardly into Duo's kind amethyst eyes, feeling embarrassed and going slightly pink.
"I- I'm sorry."
"Don't worry about it. Looks like you've been needing to do that for a long time," Duo smiled warmly. "My offer still stands, if you want."
Heero's expression went doubtful. "I don't know..."
"Listen, we all have our bad moments, Heero. We've all had times were we didn't know what laid ahead for us or we wanted to go out and fight an enemy that wasn't even there after the wars," he said seriously, holding his gaze steady to keep him from breaking away and making excuses. "But -that's- what we're here for. For each other. Whenever one of us has a moment, all we do is pick of the phone or open a vid-com link and chat, to ease the pain. We're each other's props that give us the will to go on with life. To see familiar faces and talking to friends helps, Heero. Shutting yourself off from the world doesn't. So don't try the 'I don't think I can do it' bullshit with me. If we can make it, you can. I'm here for you, buddy. All the guys are."
Heero was silent, though he seemed to be mulling over the earnest speech.
"C'mon, I've gotta bunch of leave days, we can go crash at Quatre's for a bit and see everyone!" Duo continued persuasively. "Get caught up and all. I can even get you a job with Howard and me in the Sweepers or talk to Wufei and Sally about joining the Preventers, if you want. Please, Heero?"
Heero was moved by the pleading look on his face; the faltering hope that was like the only lifeline he had left to grasp onto mingled with the fear of being rejected and left alone again.
"Do I have a choice? You found me."
"Of course..." Duo nodded slowly. "I mean, if you -really- still don't feel comfortable, I won't stop you if you decide to vanish again, I swear." The hollowness in his affirmation gave away how he truly felt though and it hurt to see the false brightness he was trying to maintain to cover the anguish.
"I guess it wouldn't kill me to try..." Heero relented uncertainly and Duo broke into the first genuinely happy grin he had seen since they had encountered each other, throwing his arms around him once more.
"You won't regret it, I promise!" he avowed resolutely as he pulled away, positively beaming.
Heero's qualms dissolved.
The door the bar swung open wildly and the gang of overall-clad guys Duo had initially arrived with came staggering out, roaring loudly and ruining the close moment between the two boys.
"YO! There you are Maxwell! C'mon, we've got the noon shift, so we've gotta get back and sleep tonight off!" someone called.
"Go on ahead! I'll catch up in a sec!" Duo yelled in response and they went off. "Not gonna go at noon anyways," he added and turned to Heero. "You're not going back to that -hellhole- they try to pass as an apartment. Unless there's something you want, you're coming with me and you can bunk up in my room, I can never keep a roommate." He sighed heavily. "No matter how many times I've said it, and proven it, and how many Howard has, they're still intimidated of 'Shinigami' the Gundam pilot."
"They didn't seem to mind in the bar, from what I saw," Heero observed.
"Yeah, but that's because we're in public and I wouldn't -dare- do anything in public," Duo replied sarcastically. "When it's just us, they never turn their backs to me or let me out of their sight. I wasn't kidding when I told you I knew how it felt."
"No."
"What?"
"No," Heero repeated. "There isn't anything in the apartment I want to return to get."
Duo smiled again and they started for the barracks together.
***
Howard was still in Duo's room when the two boys entered. He had had a hunch and had waited until Duo came back, the hunch fully confirmed.
"What are you doing in here, Howard?" Duo asked, blinking.
"Making sure you hadn't lost your mind." He answered simply, his sunglasses covered gaze looking at Heero. "Which you didn't. It's been a while Heero."
"I know."
Howard got up from the spare bed and prepared to leave. "Don't go running off a second time, got it? I don't want to be the one who has to pick up all the pieces again afterwards."
Duo flushed darkly as Heero looked at him when the last of Howard's obnoxious Hawaiian shirt had gone out the door.
"Need I ask about what he was referring to?"
"Er...Well, just think of tonight," Duo replied sheepishly, abruptly taking a keen interest of the ceiling. "And make it a bit more emotional."
"..."
"Yeah..." he trailed off waveringly. "It was a little more than a year ago though, so it's nothing to worry about." Duo added hastily, still staring up at the ceiling.
Heero couldn't picture the happy-go-lucky American losing all control like he had earlier, even with everything he'd seen and done that night, he just couldn't.
"Why didn't you kill me then?" he asked quietly. "If I caused so much pain for you, why? All I am is a reminder of all the suffering you went through, so why didn't you end it tonight?"
Duo was so thunderstruck that his gaze came back to Heero. "Haven't you figured that out by now? I can't say I didn't want to...when I saw you...it had been so long- but I knew I wouldn't have been able to go through with it. It wouldn't have alleviated the pain, it could only made it worse than before to know that I had found you alive, but I had been your death in the end. It would've been the death of -me-. I've lost enough important people in my life as it is, and I don't want to lose another."
"Duo..." Heero began but he shook his head forcibly.
"Why am I babbling, eh? It's gotta be four in the morning and here I am getting all sentimental and teary eyed," Duo said hurriedly, turning away.
Heero grabbed his wrist and stopped him, making him turn reluctantly back. "Duo, don't you go starting that 'bullshit' with me, you listened to me, so now I'm here for you. I can tell you're keeping -something- from me. So just let it out."
Duo's expression was still unsure. "Really?"
"Hai, anything. If you can top my breakdown, then -I- will be the one who calls Quatre to inform him of our arrival." Heero said encouragingly, thinking there was no way the braided boy could best it.
Duo suddenly pulled him forward and kissed him.
He -definitely- had thought wrong.
That certainly took the cake, but by no means was Heero making an effort to detach himself in the slightest.
***