Bloopers of parts 1-10.

Part 1.

~*~*~*~

"If Snape finds out he's gonna kill us for sure!"

"If Snape finds ooooout he's gonna kill us for suuuure or worse - we'll get expelled. Nobody forced you to help us, Hermiaaaaone!"

"That's it! Enough!" - she dropped a pile of papers she's been holding all that time, - "I thought it... Or, sorry Ron, I didn't mean to drop it on your foot! Sorry, sorry, can we re-write that part?"

~*~*~*~

"That's it! Enough! I thought it was an awful idea to cheat with exam's results from the beginning. And nobody listened to me! I quit! You aren't worth it, Ron!"

"Herm, wait!" , but all Harry managed to gasp was Hermione's hair.

"My hair, my hair! Harry, let me go!"
"Oh, sorry Herm! I just thought you will be far enough."

~*~*~*~

Hermione's plan was a stroke of a genius, except she forgot about simple physics laws - like if objects move towards each other with different speed or if they have different weight...

Hence a fragile girl by Malfoy feet, moaning and scolding through clenched teeth. Draco, absolutely terrified, bent over her body, trying to examine if he caused inmeasurable harm:

"Oh my! Are you all right?"
"Yeah, but could you just play your part instead of knocking me off?"

"I was going to fall but you felt first! It's not my fault that in reality I'm not that weak and fragile stern look at the author"

~*~*~*~

When Malfoy was going to answer her with the most terrible and dreadful insult he could think of, Harry and Ron peeked out of Snape's cabinet.

"Hermione, is Snape that ugly because of greasy hair or yellow teeth?"

She turned to disloyal friends only to see them suddenly staring past her with goofy smiles on their faces.

"Yes, Miss Granger, would you be so kind to answer that question? What? Why everyone's laughing? What's so funny?" - Snape sighed, - "Why did I agree to appear in that fic at all?", - with tired expression he came back to his previous position.

Chapter2

~*~*~*~

He studied her face for several seconds, sucking in the mixed expression of fear, shock, doubt and amazement in her eyes, before whispering very gentle in Hermione's ear - "You tell it anyone...", - if he moved a bit closer his lips would be touching her lobe, - "anyone - and I'll kill you... Hey, you're not supposed to be giggling now!"
"It... it... laughing tickles... laughing continues your mouth tickles... still laughing Sorry, I'll try not to ruin next take"

Chapter 3

~*~*~*~

"Right, Harry and Ron accepted that he", - she still couldn't call him by first name, even in such situation, "loves me and I love him."

Along with feeling a relief of telling what she was supposed to, she also felt his lips on hers. It took her enormous amount of self-control not to shudder or just push Malfoy away. To her surprise he deepened the kiss, not letting her go. But what surprised her more was that she found it quite enjoyable and answered his kiss with a passion. After several minutes of snogging they both finally released each other, panting, hair and clothes in a terrible mess.

And then Hermione turned around to go to her place to calm down a bit before classes, emotionally exhausted, there were about 30 people applauding and cheering loudly.

Only Snape wasn't that excited. He was annoyed - "Kids, impossible kids".

Chapter 4

~*~*~*~

Feeling intolerable tension she almost jumped as someone laid warm hand on her shoulder. It wasn't like tapping to make her come into senses but it was a hand of support - light squeeze and then smooth stroking motion. That someone, who was right behind her, learned forwad a bit so its chest was almost touching her shoulder.

*There is noone so tall in our class* - then realization came to her as a shock, -*Snape!*

"There is nothing," - those words were wafted in her hair in such low voice she could think it wasn't for real, - "absolutely nothing" cough, cough "Could please someone give me a glass of water? With honey? My voice is too tired. I can't alway speak in such low voice. Why author always make me speak in such inaudible voice?! Do they realize how hard it to play? And considering in how many fics I appear in I'm afraid I might just loose my voice at all? And what would you do when? Oh, the water, thanks."

Chapter 5

~*~*~*~

"Malfoy!!! We'll talk or I... I..."

"Or you'd stammer and won't be able to tell me how much you love me?"

"Ok, Malfoy, you asked for that", - and with those words she suddenly became shouting really loud, so everyone around turned to see what's going on, - "What do you mean? You didn't tell anyone that you dye your hair?"

//Bitch! Little bitch! I'll kill her for sure//

"Darling, but if you're spending all your free time taking care of your hair it doesn't mean I shouldn't! And don't pretend that you didn't try to do anything to make your hair less bushy! And that you succeded only once - before Yule ball! And everytime writer tells that with some magical spray your bushy hair suddenly become all smooth and beautiful you have to wear a wig!"

*Son of bitch! I'll kill him, I'll kill him after I'm free from my contract on that fic*

"But you borrowed some of my shampoos and hair gels!"

"And you borrowed mine!"

both turning to the author - "Kill him/her off, please!"

~*~*~*~

"I'm seeing someone and I don't want anyone to know about it. You're my alibi, my cover".

With a sigh of relief that her "so-called" boyfriend wasn't a killer or a thief Hermione cheerfully announced:


"You're straight!"

"I am not straight! pauses, thinking of what he just said Oh, you a little...!"

both laught

Chapter 6

~*~*~*~

"Harry", - Hermione was still hoping to solve this problem peacefully, - "I understand how hard it is for you to accept our relationships with Malfoy."

Suddenly Hermione was raised from her chair and... nothing happened.

Harry guilty announced:

"I just can't press her to the bookshelves! I can't! What if I hurt her? Can we just stood up and talk? Without pressing?"

~*~*~*~

"Harry", - Hermione was still hoping to solve this problem peacefully, - "I understand how hard it is for you to accept our relationships with Malfoy."

Suddenly Hermione was raised from her chair and bamped to the shelves akwardly.

"Oh, Hermy, I'm so sorry! to the author - You see, I can't do this! back to Hermione Hermy, are you ok?"
"I'm fine. If it'd be easier for you I can hit shelves myself and you would just make a moovement of pressing me to it, ok?"

~*~*~*~

"Harry", - Hermione was still hoping to solve this problem peacefully, - "I understand how hard it is for you to accept our relationships with Malfoy."

Suddenly Hermione was raised from her chair and hitted to the shelves so hard, that they felt with much noise, all books flying in different directions.

"Hermy, Hermy bending over her Are you sure you're ok. to the author angrily - How can you be so cruel! Poor Hermy! You shouldn't have acted so.. so.. heartful!"

Hermy is a bit irritated

"I'm fine, Harry, really. I think it'd be easier for all of us if you would finally press me to the shelves as you're supposed to, ok?"

~*~*~*~

Hermione was on her way out of library when she bumped into Malfoy.

"Oh, it's you, Malfoy. What are you doing here?"

As he kept silence, she repeated her question - "Draco, what are you doing here?!"

He smiled - "You never called me Draco before."

"Did you hear what I said to Harry?!"

But that's when her brain stopped working at all - coz Draco was kissing her.

"Hey, stop it! I have my lines to say!"
"Sorry. Couldn't help myself" smiles devilishly

~*~*~*~

Hermione was on her way out of library when she bumped into Malfoy.

"Oh, it's you, Malfoy. What are you doing here?"

As he kept silence, she repeated her question - "Draco, what are you doing here?!"

He smiled - "You never called me Draco before."

"Did you hear what I said to Harry?! It was a lie!"

Draco was kissing her.

"Get off me! You should kiss me after I say "I was trying to". Clear? Fine!"

~*~*~*~

Hermione was on her way out of library when she bumped into Malfoy.

"Oh, it's you, Malfoy. What are you doing here?"

As he kept silence, she repeated her question - "Draco"

Draco was kissing her.

slap

"It became annoying! I want to finish with that chapter as soon as possible! I'm so exhausted after Harry part! It took 12 takes to shoot that "book shelves" scene! My back hurts! I'm tired! And you want to have as many snog sessions as possible! If you'd do it once again you'll regret it, I promise!"

~*~*~*~

"Oh, it's..."

kissing

"Well, Draco you asked for that"

snogs him till he's out of breath, continues for a very long time. All fic crew stares at them with astonishment, mouth-open for several minutes. Then, they became tired and bored. Go away for a small break. Come back with cups of coffe. Wait several more minutes. Too bored.

"C'mon guys! We have a wark to be done. Stop it." no reaction

"Stop it!"

"STOP"

trying to pull Hermione and Draco from each other Finally somone yells

"Hermione, you mom came!"

Hermione break kiss. Malfoy hardly can stand on his feet

Chapter 7

~*~*~*~

She didn't hated him that much as it may seem. She was too kind and reasonable for that. Of course she would slap him as many times as it'll be needed. Or hit. Or loathe.

Or kiss.

This time pillow flew out of the window.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Maybe we should just close the window?"

~*~*~*~

Hermione didn't get what it was at first- it was hard to tell, because the only source of light was Draco's wand. But at one moment, when he accidentally, in a rage, waved his hand with a wand in front of Vicky's face, and hit her nose. She started crying.

~*~*~*~

Hermione didn't get what it was at first- it was hard to tell, because the only source of light was Draco's wand. But at one moment, when he accidentally, in a rage, waved his hand with a wand in front of Vicky's face, and hit her shoulder. She pushed him into chest. He pushed her lightly in return. With "how do you dare!" she hit him in the most sencitive spot. Several seconds later very angry Draco hissed "I won't play with her! Maybe we can kill her in the next chapter? Besides most of the readers hate her already". After saying that he felt on the floor as Vicky pushed him with all her force.

"And maybe we should kill you? So Hermy would be able to drool over gone lover, ah?"
"You, ****!"

"Agrhhh! You're ***** ******! I hate you, **********!"


"****** ****** ***** ******** *****"

"No, it's you are ********"

"******* *******"
continues till author tell them she'll kill them both if they won't shut up immediately

Chapter 8

~*~*~*~

"Well, well, well, Miss Granger"

"I'm sorry, Professor", -Hermione, who's beg was now very uncomfortably poking her into back, was trying to get as far from Snape's body as possible. In several second she got free and stood in the corridor with puzzeled expression on her face.

"Bravo, Miss Granger you succeeded in ruining another take."

~*~*~*~

"I'm not", - after I-don't-belive-you stare from Draco she continued with a sniff, - "Well, actually you reminded me of Harry with such mess on your head. And don't make that face! I didn't tell you remind me of Neville, did I?", - she lovingly touched a strand of his hair and smoothed it a bit, - "We have to find Hermione before she does something stupid".

After command "cut" Draco pushed Vicky's hand with disgust. She sniffed and came to her make-up room - to wash hands.

~*~*~*~

When they stood this way (Hemione' back was opposite to the exit) they really had much more space, but still not enough space between their robe, so they couldn't crouch anyway. Snape looked depressed as he missed such important and evident fact.

Then they said in sync:"Who?"

Snape coughed and said: "You can decide it. Which way do you prefer?"

pause, Hemrione starts laughing

"Miss Granger, you shouldn't be laughing. There is nothing funny about it. Stop it!"

Hermione's laughter became more hysterical

"Miss Granger! Take yourself in hands. You're an actress, pretty lame but still an actress!"

"C'mon, Snapy, just yesterday we were in that fic where you... and I... and if you still remember you also said "Which way do you prefer" though in a different situation!"
Snape blushes.

if not one shared robe, Hermione would fall on the floor from the laughter, that's for sure

~*~*~*~

When Hermione opened her eyes she saw Snape, learning over her, watching curiously at her. "Fianlly you're back. We gonna be late to Potion class. Thanks to your sudden flake out."

Hermione looked at him with horror.

"Why am I naked? And where're my clothes, professor Snape?!"

Now Snape looks terrified and dumbfounded

"W-w-what?"

"Just joking, but your face was priceless!"

~*~*~*~

Then they were out of sight, Vicky turned to Professor Snape, with small tears forming in her beautiful eyes, and said:

"These fake tears make my skin ache. Do you have some other drops?"

Chapter 9
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Hermione focused on the box, waving mist away. Glittering letters appeared from nowhere on the inner side of the box.

"I would like to recieve payment for this fic in euro, if it's possible. But dollars will be fine too"

Hermione looked questionably at Malfoy

"What the hell is this?!"

"I don't know, it's Snape who's making all special effects here. Maybe he bogged up texts or something".

They both shouted in unison:

"SNAPE!!!!"

~*~*~*~

"Bastard!", she hissed as she slapped him with all strength she had.

Draco didn't tell anything, not winced, not blinked, not answered. Because she missed.

Hermione slowly turned away and came to her previous place to make another take, very ashamed, when Draco whispered emotionlessly:

"She shouldn't have come to yesterday party. To be so drunk... Oh my. They won't fire her only because she's a main character".

~*~*~*~

"That's the time. Now of never" - thought Hermione when Snape wasn't looking. She wouldn't have another chance to ruin her potion. She took a bottle and poured it's content into... cauldron.

"Miss Granger! Why is it so hard to remember - count till 7 and only when pour that mixure into the cauldron, so my hand would be there just in time! I really shouldn't have agreed to be in that fic!"

~*~*~*~

When most of them stars there floating near Draco almost whole class applauded. Snape looked pleased with himself. Hermione didn't know what to think.

Then all stars began shake heavily, then they turned into small floating blue rabbits who sang "Truly, madly, deeply".

Snape was furious.

"Who's that idiot who ruined my potion? Do you know how hard it was to create? I have to concentrate so hard to make then fly to the right place. And now what? It takes several hours to create! Now we all have to wait till next potion will be ready. I really wanna leave this fic. Insufferable fic!"

~*~*~*~

And then happened something, that make Hermione turn white, Harry drop his glasses, Ron - broke his pen, Malfoy - say something like "Oh myyy", the whole school - chatter about it for several month, and Snape - hit cauldron badly, to fell on his back: someone screwed cauldron to the floor.

"Oh! Who did it? WHO?! Do you think that's funny? Ah? How more atrocious can you be?! I thought this would be normal fic! At least, as far as I know, I would survive by the end, but this! This!"

Chapter 10

~*~*~*~

"I didn't hear what you say. Would you please repeat it, or you're not even capable of such simple thing anymore?.." (several giggles interrupted him)

"...or your love for me is so strong you've lost your voice feeling me so close?" now all class was laughing. But everything went silent as Hermione stared back at Professor:

"Yes, I can't cotrol myself any longer! You raven silky hair make me wanna touch them ternderly, your stong muscular body make me feel so fragile and so hot" she was whispering seductively now and Snape was stepping back till he was pressed against his desk "And your mind is so sexy, and your eyes are so deep that you can drown in them, and your..."
Finally Harry didn't endured:
"Hermy, c'mon, stop torturing poor fellow! He'd faint and we still have very difficult scene ahead to shoot!"

"Ok, sorry, just though it'd be funny. Sorry. But it funny, wasn't it?"



~*~*~*~

She Vicky whispered:

"Read it when I tell you."

Hermione didn't say anything - the whole situation was too strange to be surprised by another weird thing.

Just when Snape started dictating homework to be done by next lesson, Vicky carefully pushed Hermione - "now".

Hermione started reading it:
"If you, dirty bitch, would get Draco by the end, or worse, got me killed, I promise that I'd choke you with my bare hands. Now smile, so noone would notice".

Hermione rose form her place:
"Whom did you called bitch, you, dumb whore!"

And the fight began. Snape tried to stop it. Malfoy was laughing and encouraging girls, really proud that they were fighting because of him. Harry sceptically observed the whole scene, Ron wasn't there as he was snogging Veela at the corner - luckily her set was just near set of Potions class.

It was hard to tell who won, because finally author arrived and with a wave of her magical fingers over keyboard made it stop

~*~*~*~

Shutting the door behind her, she tried to think about previous events, but she was too weak. So she made several steps towards nearest corner, bumped her head with "Ouch! The corner was supposed to be in 8 steps, not 6!"

Future chapters ;)

~*~*~*~

"Malfoy, what's up? Why do you look so sour?"
"Granger. You won't understand"

"Try me."
"Still you won't understand!"
"Me-know-it-all won't understand?! nonsence. So, what's up?"
"I got my schedule for next month's fics."

"So..?"
"Well, in 64 of them I'm just mentioned as a git or brat, but I get used to it. 32 new fics are about you and me."
"Is that so bad?!"
"... and 37 fics are about me and Harry. And 12 of them are N-17!"
"Oh... I see. Poor thing. But I have good news to cheer you up - we can go to Russia or China if we want in that fic"

"I don't want to. It's cold in Russia. And China. And why there coutries? I like being in USA - they always make me look like a hunk after that - you know, in tight t-shirt, jeans and all that stuff."
"Well, it's author's choice. And I think it's funny to travel a bit while we have such oppotunity."
"Well, I can't choose, really. Don't you know if readers would be able to write in review if they want us to go to Russia or China?"
"I think they are."
"So, let them choose"
hint, hint