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Obvious and Indescribable* * *
What it all boiled down to was difficult to define or even attempt to describe. Sitting on the couch in his loft in a familiar haze of liquor and drugs, Brian Kinney reflected on life, his own in particular. Despite everything he had a somewhat steady life with friends, family, work, and – though it still puzzled and astonished him – love.
However much Melanie griped about him, swore in his face, threw her hands up and said fuck it all and him with it, he knew he still had her grudging affection, respect, and support. They hadn't begun as friends and he wasn't sure they'd ever make it that far, but she still had a place in his heart like all the other oddballs in his life.
For whatever reason, Mikey and Lindsay and Justin had stubbornly and doggedly kept at him until they had wormed their ways into his thoughts, concerns, and care. Gus had been born there, his position only assured the first time Brian had laid eyes on the child. Debbie, in her persistence to mother him like she did everyone else was there as well. She refused to be deterred from loving, scolding, worrying, badgering, teasing, and looking out for the hurt little boy he barely remembered being and still hadn't wholly reconciled with.
In their own ways they all expressed themselves to each other, all came together as a dysfunctional family ready to provide legal assistance, moral support, and the occasional trip away from reality. It was one of the reasons he hated bullshit and lies, and had trouble vocally expressing himself. They all worried for one another, got mad at each other, poked fun at and were disgusted by each other, supported and helped and loved one another in ways made obvious in physical manners like expression, stance, and perhaps most especially in touch.
He was just about every uncouth and unpleasant word that the others spoke of him and he didn't deny that. He wasn't about to change his entire lifestyle to suit others, though he occasionally made allowances, and yet he was still surrounded by people who cared about him. Even if they didn't approve of everything he said or did or was. He figured that's what friendship and family really came down to: knowing and accepting the flaws in others along with the – however marginal – good without running away. They had never given up on each other and in a thousand countless ways they told each other every day how much they cared and just how much they meant to one another.
It was something he had hardly expected to ever have, something he wouldn't sacrifice for the world, and something he was still working at trying to figure out. But, he thought as Justin shifter closer to him in sleep, face serene in the strange wash of colors from the television, sometimes things just didn't need a reason or explanation. Some things just were. And he was eternally glad and grateful for it.
He snorted at himself. "Fuck. Forget the romantic, I'm just plain ridiculous." And as he let the smile tugging at his lips fall into place, he realized that he kind of liked being so silly and pressed a kiss to Sunshine's forehead before settling comfortably in to sleep himself.
* This is a short one-part piece featuring the – for once – contented thoughts of Brian Kinney as he tries to put into words the random and often irrationalness of the human heart. Please read and review.