Jon: We're back! Yes, after over a year's hiatus, we're back for more Diablo II interviews!
Magus: In order to ensure a reasonable amount of hilarity, I've taken the liberty of spiking Jon's tea with some Everclear
Jon: ...which I've given to Brad.
Magus: ...crap
Brad: Ohhhhhhh my frickin' heeeeeead I'm so WAASTEEED!!!
Jon: In any case, today we are interviewing the Archangel Tyrael.
Magus: Tyreal, glad you could make it, how was the trip?
Tyrael: Greetings, Interviewers. I am the Archangel Tyrael. I am glad to see you, but I was hoping to see you sooner...
Magus: Sooner?
Tyrael: Well, it DID take you over a YEAR to get to my interview.
Magus: Well we were kind of busy--
Brad: AAAHHH MY DICK'S ON FIIIREEEE!!!
Magus: *WHAM*
Brad: *flying out the window* mmmmmmyyyyyyyYYYYYY DIIIIIIICCCCCCK!!!! *CRASH*
Magus: *hurls Brad out a window*
Jon: I could have put that fire out...
Magus: JON! We're recording here!
Jon: So?
Magus: So we can only be rated PG! Now, ahem, Tyreal... what's it like dooming the world to be destroyed at the end of Lord of Destruction?
Tyrael: Eh. Roper and the crew needed a quick million to sate their crack addiction, so they churned out that Expansion.
Magus: I see...
Tyrael: Yeah, it was pretty pathetic. If you listened closely, the "magic" I mutter in the ending sequence is me going, "Why did I ever agree to this..."
Magus: Um, we hear reference in the games that you're something of a rebel in Heaven. Tell us about that
Tyrael: See, God really doesn't care about any of ya.
Tyrael: He's kind of like Lord Ao... from the Forgotten Realm(tm) Expansion to the regular Dungeons and Dragons(tm) campaign setting. Available from any local booksellers.
Magus: Hey now, no plugs!
Tyrael: Anyway, there's a bunch of Angels, much like the Gods from the Forgotten Realms(tm) and they more or less don't care about humanity either.
Tyrael: Personally, I don't see the point letting an entire world go straight to Hell-no pun intended-so I decided to help humanity.
Magus: Very kind of you... tell us, what's up with the wings?
Tyrael: Sadly, Blizzard's video person snorted some bad heorin the day he managed to make the ending sequence, so my wings looked... odd.
Jon: I loved you in the Act III FMV...
Magus: *firmly points to the PG rating sticker in the corner*
Jon: I meant his ACTING, you pervert!
Magus: Suuuure ya did ya bleedin' whore!
Magus: I bet you... what's that noise..?
Jon: Look who's calling who a whore-what?
Brad: *busts in the door and hurls acid on everyone*
Jon: Thank God for my +5 Cloak of Acid Resistance(tm)!
Magus: *melting* GLEEEEEEEYYYAAAAAAHHHHHHHHheaaa...heey, I just lost sixty pounds!
*Magus wanders off to admire his new skeletal look*
Jon: So, Tyrael, how's Raziel?
Rociel: *pokes in* Someone call me?
Jon: No... NO...
Tyrael: Rociel... my ancient nemesis...
Rociel: Sorry I'm off to a beauty parlor... they tell me they can actually make me look like a man *he wanders off*
Tyrael: I BOINKED YER TWIN SISTER!!!
Jon: ...
Andariel: Actually that was me in a disguise
Jon: Okay, that's just sick.
Andariel: I was faking too...
Tyrael: But... my piece is-
Jon: SHADDAP!
Magus: *comes back* Great news, I just made ten million dollars off my new acid weight loss program!
Jon: Really?
Brad: It was MY idea!
Magus: You're drunk! *smacks Brad into NonExistence*
Tyrael: I was great in bed! I'm a fuggin' Archangel, I-STOP! The alcohol herein will not be consumed... even by YOU. *graples Magus with his wings*
Magus: FOOL! *sets off a bomb, sending Tyreal flying downwards*
*in Hell*
Mephisto: Hmmm hm hm... *polishing the Gates* I just love keeping these things all sparkly and cl--
Tyrael: aaaaaaaAAAAAHHHHH--*WHAMWHAMWHAM*
Mephisto: --ean... *watches Tyreal sail through the Gates* Goddammit!
God: *holding a hand-puppet* Look at me! I'm Mephisto! I polish the Gates of Hell!
*back up top*
Magus: So what's the word on Worlds of Warcraft? I hear the release date is in a couple months.
Jon: Who cares? Blizzard sucks.
Tyreal: I heard that...
Jon: Yeah, they suck more than I do.
*several uniformed men, lead by Bill Roper, are stealthily advancing on Jon*
Magus: Uh... yeah... *backs away from Jon*
Jon: Fools... do you know who you are dealing with...
*the men all attack Jon*
Jon: *they're all blasted back by Jon's magical attack*
Magus: No... NO...
Tyreal: Wasn't this supposed to be an interview? For me?
Magus: Shut up!
Jon: I am... *rips off his mask* ELMINSTER...
Magus: Sadly for you... *rips off his mask*
Asmodeus: Time to die, puny worm...
Shar: TAKE ME AHAHAHHAHHA *humps Asmodeus silly*
Asmodeus: PG! THIS IS PG DAMMIT!!!
Censor: Nah, we've moved the show to Showtime.
Asmodeus: HELL YEAH! ...er, no pun intended. *drags Selune in and does both of them*
Jon: Well, this interview HAS gone to... well, Hell.
Tyreal: *sniffle* This was going to be my ten minutes of fame... Instead this is my ten minutes of PORN! You PERVERTS!
Jon: Oh, boo hoo.
Tyreal: *grabs Jon and sends him hurtling to Hell*
*Hell*
Mephisto: *hammering the Gate back up* Phew, finally done...
Jon: aaaaAAAAAAAHHHHHH-*WHAMWHAMWHAM*
Mephisto: ....
Magus: That's all the time we have for this week! Stay tuned for our next batch of interviews... tentatively titled The Interviews III: Morrowind.
Pookie: *meep*
Magus: And I promise we'll be PG next time. Honest.
*fin*
Magus: In order to ensure a reasonable amount of hilarity, I've taken the liberty of spiking Jon's tea with some Everclear
Jon: ...which I've given to Brad.
Magus: ...crap
Brad: Ohhhhhhh my frickin' heeeeeead I'm so WAASTEEED!!!
Jon: In any case, today we are interviewing the Archangel Tyrael.
Magus: Tyreal, glad you could make it, how was the trip?
Tyrael: Greetings, Interviewers. I am the Archangel Tyrael. I am glad to see you, but I was hoping to see you sooner...
Magus: Sooner?
Tyrael: Well, it DID take you over a YEAR to get to my interview.
Magus: Well we were kind of busy--
Brad: AAAHHH MY DICK'S ON FIIIREEEE!!!
Magus: *WHAM*
Brad: *flying out the window* mmmmmmyyyyyyyYYYYYY DIIIIIIICCCCCCK!!!! *CRASH*
Magus: *hurls Brad out a window*
Jon: I could have put that fire out...
Magus: JON! We're recording here!
Jon: So?
Magus: So we can only be rated PG! Now, ahem, Tyreal... what's it like dooming the world to be destroyed at the end of Lord of Destruction?
Tyrael: Eh. Roper and the crew needed a quick million to sate their crack addiction, so they churned out that Expansion.
Magus: I see...
Tyrael: Yeah, it was pretty pathetic. If you listened closely, the "magic" I mutter in the ending sequence is me going, "Why did I ever agree to this..."
Magus: Um, we hear reference in the games that you're something of a rebel in Heaven. Tell us about that
Tyrael: See, God really doesn't care about any of ya.
Tyrael: He's kind of like Lord Ao... from the Forgotten Realm(tm) Expansion to the regular Dungeons and Dragons(tm) campaign setting. Available from any local booksellers.
Magus: Hey now, no plugs!
Tyrael: Anyway, there's a bunch of Angels, much like the Gods from the Forgotten Realms(tm) and they more or less don't care about humanity either.
Tyrael: Personally, I don't see the point letting an entire world go straight to Hell-no pun intended-so I decided to help humanity.
Magus: Very kind of you... tell us, what's up with the wings?
Tyrael: Sadly, Blizzard's video person snorted some bad heorin the day he managed to make the ending sequence, so my wings looked... odd.
Jon: I loved you in the Act III FMV...
Magus: *firmly points to the PG rating sticker in the corner*
Jon: I meant his ACTING, you pervert!
Magus: Suuuure ya did ya bleedin' whore!
Magus: I bet you... what's that noise..?
Jon: Look who's calling who a whore-what?
Brad: *busts in the door and hurls acid on everyone*
Jon: Thank God for my +5 Cloak of Acid Resistance(tm)!
Magus: *melting* GLEEEEEEEYYYAAAAAAHHHHHHHHheaaa...heey, I just lost sixty pounds!
*Magus wanders off to admire his new skeletal look*
Jon: So, Tyrael, how's Raziel?
Rociel: *pokes in* Someone call me?
Jon: No... NO...
Tyrael: Rociel... my ancient nemesis...
Rociel: Sorry I'm off to a beauty parlor... they tell me they can actually make me look like a man *he wanders off*
Tyrael: I BOINKED YER TWIN SISTER!!!
Jon: ...
Andariel: Actually that was me in a disguise
Jon: Okay, that's just sick.
Andariel: I was faking too...
Tyrael: But... my piece is-
Jon: SHADDAP!
Magus: *comes back* Great news, I just made ten million dollars off my new acid weight loss program!
Jon: Really?
Brad: It was MY idea!
Magus: You're drunk! *smacks Brad into NonExistence*
Tyrael: I was great in bed! I'm a fuggin' Archangel, I-STOP! The alcohol herein will not be consumed... even by YOU. *graples Magus with his wings*
Magus: FOOL! *sets off a bomb, sending Tyreal flying downwards*
*in Hell*
Mephisto: Hmmm hm hm... *polishing the Gates* I just love keeping these things all sparkly and cl--
Tyrael: aaaaaaaAAAAAHHHHH--*WHAMWHAMWHAM*
Mephisto: --ean... *watches Tyreal sail through the Gates* Goddammit!
God: *holding a hand-puppet* Look at me! I'm Mephisto! I polish the Gates of Hell!
*back up top*
Magus: So what's the word on Worlds of Warcraft? I hear the release date is in a couple months.
Jon: Who cares? Blizzard sucks.
Tyreal: I heard that...
Jon: Yeah, they suck more than I do.
*several uniformed men, lead by Bill Roper, are stealthily advancing on Jon*
Magus: Uh... yeah... *backs away from Jon*
Jon: Fools... do you know who you are dealing with...
*the men all attack Jon*
Jon: *they're all blasted back by Jon's magical attack*
Magus: No... NO...
Tyreal: Wasn't this supposed to be an interview? For me?
Magus: Shut up!
Jon: I am... *rips off his mask* ELMINSTER...
Magus: Sadly for you... *rips off his mask*
Asmodeus: Time to die, puny worm...
Shar: TAKE ME AHAHAHHAHHA *humps Asmodeus silly*
Asmodeus: PG! THIS IS PG DAMMIT!!!
Censor: Nah, we've moved the show to Showtime.
Asmodeus: HELL YEAH! ...er, no pun intended. *drags Selune in and does both of them*
Jon: Well, this interview HAS gone to... well, Hell.
Tyreal: *sniffle* This was going to be my ten minutes of fame... Instead this is my ten minutes of PORN! You PERVERTS!
Jon: Oh, boo hoo.
Tyreal: *grabs Jon and sends him hurtling to Hell*
*Hell*
Mephisto: *hammering the Gate back up* Phew, finally done...
Jon: aaaaAAAAAAAHHHHHH-*WHAMWHAMWHAM*
Mephisto: ....
Magus: That's all the time we have for this week! Stay tuned for our next batch of interviews... tentatively titled The Interviews III: Morrowind.
Pookie: *meep*
Magus: And I promise we'll be PG next time. Honest.
*fin*