DISCLAIMER: I own no one except for squirrel-Dawn. Please do not plagiarize me by writing about the adventures of squirrel-Dawn (hehehe, just kidding. I own no one and nothing)
2nd DISCLAIMER: I am a fruitcake, member of the fruitcake alliance. To join and receive some really funny stories in their online newsletter, email headquarters at fruitcakehq@yahoo.com.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry it took so long on the update. I was banned. I have no idea why, unless there's a rule against fruitcakiness. Please review if you're interested in seeing the story continue.
DISTINCTLY SQUIRRELY: Chapter Three
Squirrel Dawn was gallivanting around the front yard, losing herself in the squirrely goodness of being a small woodland creature.
"Dawn!" Buffy yelled. "Get back in here." Squirrel Dawn, of course, ignored her and continued burying her nuts.
Anya gave Buffy a questioning look. "Dawn is a squirrel? How could I not have noticed that Dawn was a squirrel? Granted, she does have some remotely squirrel-like tendencies, but I…"
"I accidentally turned her into a squirrel today," Willow clarified. Anya accepted this information with a simple nod of her head.
"So what's up?" she asked the group with a huge smile on her face.
"Uh, Dawn's a squirrel," Xander replied.
"This I know Xander," Anya said, patting his arm as if he was simple.
"She bit me," Xander commented. Anya pouted.
"That's my job," she said.
"I so did not just hear that," Buffy said.
"Any big brewing evil here abouts?" Anya asked. "Any need for some Scooby action?"
"Um," Willow replied, "Dawn got turned into a squirrel."
Squirrel Dawn crept back toward the house to eavesdrop on the conversation like the snoopy little sister that she was.
"There are worse things than squirrels," Anya said. Willow looked at Dawn and shuddered.
"No there aren't," Willow said, thinking of the freaky laughing squirrels. "There is nothing worse than a squirrel." Dawn covered her mouth with her paw to keep from squeaking indignantly.
"Bunnies," Anya said primly, "are infinitely worse than squirrels." An image of a bunny bending his little bunny non-fingers calculatingly made Anya close her eyes. "There are no bunnies. There are no bunnies. There are no bunnies," she chanted to herself. She opened her eyes.
"You see," she said. "Bunnies are evil."
"Now An," Xander said. "Is it the soft that gets you, or the fuzzy?"
Anya shuddered. "Both," she replied.
Dawn saw a shiny bracelet Anya was wearing slip off her hand. It was sooo shiny and pretty. No one was paying attention to poor squirrel Dawn. She wasn't even a real fake person anymore. She was a pseudosquirrel, and she felt so sorry for herself. She had been turned into a squirrel, and no one even cared.
"We have to find a way to help Dawn," Buffy said.
Nope, no one cared about poor squirrel Dawn.
"I agree," Willow said. "I really care about Dawnie."
No one at all. Squirrel Dawn shuffled her little squirrel feet and picked the bracelet up off of the floor. It was all right to steal things if nobody noticed you were even around. It made her real in an illogical whiny sort of way.
"Hey!" Anya cried. "That squirrel is taking my bracelet."
Dawn the klepto squirrel eluded capture and went to bury the shiny bracelet. Her tail twitched as she buried it. Buffy approached, but she couldn't bring herself to pick Dawn up. Seeing a blue eyed squirrel with a pouty expression on her face was just a bit too freaky.
TBC… what inevitable danger awaits squirrel Dawn. Wait and see… Review if you'd like me to continue please.