AN: Okay, whoa, thank you SO much for the reviews! I can't believe I've topped 100 reviews on this one (If I post 9 more chapters, maybe I'll get to 200, LOL…OMG, I'm so kidding, this is not going to be 18 chapters!!)! Anyway, I appreciate all of your reviews and your, uh, persistent urging that I continue as soon as possible. (What, are these chapters lined with crack or something? LOL.)
Well, it's been a looong time, so I may as well say it: Ahem; I do not own these characters (But I do own, and bottle Chandler's angst, and I'm gonna start selling it on eBay). The characters belong to Bright, Kaufman, Crane and Warner Brothers. I belong to no one.
The Theory
Chapter X
Night turns to day
And I still have these questions
Bridges will break
Should I go forwards or backwards?
Night turns to day
And I still get no answers
('A Whisper'~Coldplay)
"Monica, what's wrong?" Ross grabbed Monica's arm, as she attempted to make her way through the now-thinning post funeral crowd.
"I—uh, I think we should go," Monica stuttered.
"What? Why?" Ross' eyes were lined with worry.
"I—I told him…everything. He's mad, Ross, I think it's best if we just go."
Before Ross could reply, Rachel and Phoebe appeared.
"What's going on?" Phoebe asked lightly.
"Monica told Chandler why we came, and he flipped. We're leaving," Ross said numbly.
"Mon, why did you tell him?" Rachel asked.
"I had to…he had a right to know," Monica defended.
"Where's Joey?" Ross asked, looking around the room.
"Did you check by the food table?" Rachel asked instinctively.
The group turned toward the kitchen, as Joey appeared behind them.
"Monica," Joey said softly, though his sudden appearance caused everyone to jump.
"Joey, we were just looking for you," Ross said hurriedly, "Monica told Chan—"
"Chandler wants to talk to you, Monica. He's upstairs in the guest room," Joey said flatly.
Monica nodded, and began heading toward the staircase. Joey grabbed her arm, and pulled her toward him.
"He told me what you said. Please tell me you aren't messing with him."
"I didn't mean to tell him, Joey, but I did mean what I said."
"Fine. But this is our last chance. Hurt him, and we will all suffer," Joey let Monica's arm go, and watched as she nodded, and ascended the staircase.
Monica felt her heart lurch, with each step she took toward Chandler's bedroom. She suddenly felt nauseous, and a little dizzy. She wondered what he was thinking; she wondered if he was angry, or embarrassed, or sad. She didn't have to wonder long—as she reached to top of the stairs, she turned to see the bedroom door, slightly ajar, and Chandler sat on the edge of the bed, his elbows on his knees, and his head hung low. She walked toward the door tentatively, and pushed the door open completely.
Chandler looked up when the door swung open, and Monica was relieved to see that he seemed to have calmed down significantly.
"Hi," Monica said meekly, as she closed the door behind her.
"Hi," Chandler whispered, "Have a seat."
Monica nodded, and sat down on the bed next to Chandler. There was a long, uncomfortable silence, and finally, Chandler looked at Monica and spoke.
"I was thinking," Chandler said quietly, "That if you want to take back what you said earlier…about loving me…that's okay. I know you were upset."
Monica was thrown by Chandler's offer. She felt a lump forming in her throat, but quickly swallowed it down, and looked at him intently.
"Chandler, do you want to know when I knew I was falling for you? Because I can pin it down to the moment."
"You…you can?" Chandler asked, surprised.
"Yes. It was…it was about two months after you started dating Kathy. I walked into Central Perk, and I saw you there, on the sofa, talking to her. Actually, she was talking to you, but you were leaned in close, and you were smiling so sweetly. You reached up, and touched her cheek, and kissed her on the nose when she laughed. I'd never really seen that side of you, and it made my heart happy. I guess, um, I guess that's when I developed the crush."
"But that—that was months before that…bet of yours," Chandler said warily.
Monica sighed. "That stupid game. When we were talking about it that night, I never really thought we'd do it. Then Rachel started flirting, and I remember feeling so…jealous. And I began wondering what would happen, if you had some, you know, secret feelings for Rachel…or Phoebe. Then Rachel quit, and Phoebe scared you off, and I thought…this is my chance. I didn't think about the consequences, and I didn't think about your feelings for Kathy: I was being completely selfish, and I wanted…I wanted nothing more than to…win." Monica was vaguely aware that she had started to cry—she was more than aware of the fact that Chandler had taken her hand.
"That night…when you kissed me…I didn't see it coming…not at all. I was so shocked; I couldn't react to what the others were saying. I looked at them, and laughed at my own stupidity—in all of my efforts to get you to see, I had almost forgotten the point in the first place. And then I saw how you reacted, and I knew…I knew I'd lost you forever."
"Monica, why…why didn't you tell me any of this before?" Chandler asked softly.
"I…I was scared. And I knew that you wanted time…what I wanted, more than anything, was your friendship back. I knew that if I could at least have you in my life, it would be okay.
Chandler nodded, and stared at the floor blankly for a long minute. He looked over at Monica, and sighed softly.
"I don't know, Monica. I—I want to believe that all of this can be resolved but…you have to understand, I don't want to hurt you, but I really can't…I can't just jump into a relationship with you…I—" Chandler stood up, and ran his hands through his hair nervously.
"It's okay, Chandler, I understand. I really shouldn't have said anything…I know that you are going through a lot right now, and I really don't want to hurt you…"
"I know," Chandler said quietly, as tears began sliding down his cheeks.
Monica stood up, and wrapped her arms around him. He pulled her close, and they cried on each other's shoulders for several minutes. When Monica finally pulled away, she felt like an enormous weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She looked up at Chandler, and wiped the remaining tears from his eyes. They stared at each other for a minute, both wondering what the other was thinking, both devastated that they could no longer easily read each other's thoughts.
Searching Monica's eyes, Chandler saw in them calmness, and a desperation all at once. It was unsettling, but at the same time, it was exhilarating. Allowing the moment to take hold, he leaned forward, and kissed her timidly.
Monica melted into the kiss: she had to fight to keep from jumping for joy. He was kissing her: she couldn't believe it! Not wanting the moment to end, she tightened her grip on him, and put up no resistance when they sunk onto the bed.
She reveled in his soft touch; she absorbed his intoxicating scent, and stifled the dark thoughts that tomorrow, he may not want her—that they only had this moment, before he hid his heart away once again. She cried as they made love: her heart filled with happiness—and a fear of what was to come.
Chandler watched Monica as she slept; he still loved her, and it still scared him, completely. He felt like he was coming out of some kind of trance; why had he slept with her? She would hurt him, and it would be his fault for letting her in again.
But as he watched her sleep, he began to question that theory. Maybe she wouldn't darken his life: maybe this time, she would bring him into the light.