The Theory
Chapter XIV
I tried so hard my dear to show that you're my every dream.
Yet you're afraid each thing I do is just some evil scheme
A memory from your lonesome past keeps us so far apart
Why can't I free your doubtful mind and melt your cold cold heart
("Cold Cold Heart", by Hank Williams)
Monica closed her eyes, as Chandler began to tell her, once again that she was to blame for his issues.
She was tired of working so hard to get Chandler to come around. And she told him as much. He'd said that Vegas was a mistake. Did that mean that he didn't want her anymore? Was he trying to let her down easy? She felt her heart constrict in her chest, and she stifled a sob. She couldn't believe this was happening; she couldn't believe he was reverting, and telling her he needed more time.
Her patience was wearing thin.
Suddenly, she was yelling at him, her emotions ragged and out of control. She just could not take it anymore. He was holding on to something; and he either needed to let it go, or let them go, and acknowledge that he would never forgive them.
She waited for him to argue back, to yell, and to work to save what they had. To save 'them'.
But he didn't yell—he didn't fight. He relented, and walked away.
Monica wasn't sure whether she was mad, or just really, really sad. She stormed out of the apartment, sobbing hysterically as she made her way down to the street.
She walked into her apartment forty minutes later, her tears still fresh in her eyes. She wiped her eyes, as Joey walked into the apartment.
"Mon, what's wrong?" Joey asked softly.
"It's Ch-Chandler. He's…I don't understand why he can't just let this go!"
"What did he say?"
"Nothing! And I think that was what was the most frustrating of all! He just…it's like he doesn't even want to try. I'm sick of making all the effort. I'm through with him."
"Monica, you don't mean that! Chandler needs you—"
"No, he doesn't! I'm tired of nursing his broken, empty heart. I never want to see him again," Monica grumbled. In her heart, she knew that she was lying.
Joey, however, did not.
"How can you be so selfish?" Joey yelled, "Yes, he has issues, but he is working on them—"
"No, I really don't think he is. I think he enjoys making us feel uncomfortable—making us feel guilty," Monica spat.
Joey straightened his shoulders, taken aback by Monica's statements.
"If that's what you think," Joey said icily, "then you don't deserve him," Joey spun around and walked out of the apartment, slamming the door as he went.
Monica sunk onto the sofa, and put her head in her hands. What was she doing? She didn't believe any of what she'd told Joey! So why did she do it? She felt another onslaught of tears, as she wondered if she'd just lost both Chandler and Joey for good.
~*~
Joey stormed into his apartment, cursing under his breath. The persistent ringing of the telephone did not lighten his mood.
"Hello?" Joey said shortly, "What? When? Okay, what hospital? Yeah, I'm on my way," Joey said, as he grabbed his jacket. He hung up, tossed the phone on the counter, and rushed out of the apartment.
~**~
"Hey Monica, have you seen Joey?" Phoebe asked, as she walked into Monica's apartment.
"Not since this morning. But we had a huge fight, so I doubt he'll be back here," Monica said miserably.
"What happened?" Phoebe asked.
"Nothing," Monica shook her head. She was in no mood to start another fight. She'd spent the entire day mentally going over her arguments with both Chandler and Joey. She finally decided that she needed to talk to Chandler first, so much of the afternoon had been spent trying to get a hold of him. But he wasn't answering his home phone or his cell phone. Monica decided that he would come to her when he was ready; she spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning.
"What are you up to, Pheebs?"
"Well, I was supposed to be meeting Joey for dinner at six—it's now seven-thirty, and I haven't heard from him. It's not like Joey to miss a free meal," Phoebe reasoned aloud.
"He may have gone to see Chandler," Monica said.
"Yeah, maybe," Phoebe said distractedly.
"Look, Pheebs, I know that you and Joey are close…but he is really mad at me, and I don't want—"
"Mon, what the heck did you two fight about?" Phoebe asked, her eyes revealing her concern.
"I just…I think that I said some things about Chandler that he didn't like," Monica sighed.
"Is this about what happened last night?"
"Kind of. I got into a fight with Chandler about it, and…I just—I said things I didn't mean…to both of them."
"And Joey took Chandler's side?"
"Yeah…though I'm not surprised. Joey made his feelings quite clear in Vegas."
"What did he say in Vegas?"
"Basically, he just made it very clear that he was going to protect Chandler, no matter what."
"What did you say that made him so mad?"
"I…I told him I was finished with Chandler…that I didn't want to deal with him anymore."
"You're breaking up with him?" Phoebe asked, surprised.
"We were never together, really. I mean, we tried, but…I didn't really mean it. I was frustrated, because I felt like I was the only one putting in any effort."
"You don't think Chandler is making an effort?" Phoebe asked.
"He is…I guess. But I feel like I am trying a lot harder, sometimes," Monica sighed.
"Well, from what Joey's told me, Chandler's pretty messed up. It has more to do with his childhood then with anything we did, I guess."
"What makes you say that?" Monica asked, confused.
"Joey said that's what Chandler told him."
"Chandler's never said anything like that to me," Monica said.
"Oh, well don't say anything then, because Joey wasn't supposed to tell me."
"So Chandler and Joey have been able to work things out…why is it so hard for us to do it?" Monica sighed, and sunk deeper into her seat.
"Chandler's feelings for you are a lot more complicated than they are with the rest of us, Mon. I think he is really worried that he's going to hurt you."
"Why haven't you guys told me any of this stuff?" Monica asked, exasperated.
"We figured Chandler would tell you," Phoebe shrugged.
"I need to talk to Chandler," Monica shook her head, and picked up the phone.
"Okay, but remember, I didn't tell you anything. I don't even think Chandler's supposed to tell Joey—"
"What are you talking about, Pheebs?"
"You know—patient-doctor privilege or whatever."
"What? What doctor?"
Phoebe's eyes widened, and her hand flew up to her mouth.
"Phoebe!"
"I—I thought Chandler told you he was seeing a therapist," Phoebe finally uttered meekly.
Monica's jaw dropped, and her eyes closed in disbelief. She felt awful, for accusing Chandler of not trying hard enough. And if Joey and Chandler were in fact sharing secrets, Joey had undoubtedly told Chandler what she'd said. Monica suddenly felt nauseous.
"Mon? You okay?" Phoebe said suddenly.
"Hmm? Oh, yeah, I—I'm fine."
"Okay. I'm gonna go see if Joey's home yet," Phoebe said, as she moved to leave.
"Yeah, okay…I'm gonna…try Chandler again," Monica said quietly.
Monica waited until Phoebe left, then dialed Chandler's number. After several rings, Chandler's machine picked up. Monica waited impatiently for the message to finish, then spoke.
"Chandler, it's Monica…please, please call me when you get this. We need to talk…to work this out. Please, Chandler, call me back."
She hung up the phone, and wiped a small tear from her eye.
Where was he?